Christmas Is For Settling Scores

Takanakuy is an annual Christmas tradition where residents of Santo Tomás, Peru call out neighbors they believe have wronged them throughout the year to physical combat. With no court houses in this community tucked away high up in the Andes Mountains, this centuries old tradition is used to settle legal disputes or clean the slate on petty disagreesments in front of the whole town.

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Happy holidays welcome back to softcore history I’m your host for the week D Jester and I joined as always by Rob Fox and Jake Goldman what is up boys it’s Merry Christmas for one I’m up because it’s early in the morning today it’s early in the morning These

Guys these guys early in the morning it’s 9:00 a.m. I know it’s early work for us it is early work for you I you guys don’t normally work this early huh I’m surprised you’re up this is this is the time I’m normally you’re unemployed right why the [ __ ] are you up yeah you

Guys asked me I said I’d come in whenever I said any you were here at 8:00 in the morning as I pulled up yeah I was actually here early oh wow look at you we were here last night as well recording stuff for the patreon patreon.com softcore history yeah Jake

Had not left right so I just think he slept here yeah yeah that’s that’s probably accurate I slept here I did yeah in his car or in Joel’s trailer in the back his wife was like don’t come back till you have a job and it’s like

Well I’m a podcaster now baby this is my job dream living the dream I’m having a Cella at 9:00 in the morning well that’s not feasible because uh we don’t have enough people on the patreon for this to be our single employment so go ahead and take a look see at patreon.com softcore

Hisory two additional episodes every week that’s right that’s right buy it for yourself for the holidays for Christmas oh get it as a little Christmas gift to yourself also you know a whole back catalog as well so you’re not just paying for two episodes I would actually say yeah if you’re traveling

This Christmas like if you’re about to start driving or whatever yeah and you need some content at this point we have two years of patreon content yeah go ahead and throw down the five bucks even if it’s just for the month yeah to just have stuff to listen to maybe gift it to

Someone if they don’t have a patreon subscription you can probably do that I don’t we don’t know how that works yeah functionally I bet you can’t with patreon give someone what’s 12 Time 5 60 60 yeah give someone $60 no it’s 54 with the whole year subscription oh just yeah

Get him a year of us but anyway today we’re actually going to talk about a little known tradition in Peru okay around this time typically from December 24th to December 26th okay always on Christmas day though that’s when the main event it’s like a bowl game always

On New Year the big ones are on New Year’s Day yes okay this is Peruvian New Year 6 hell yeah sweet we’re talking high up in the andies mountain at an elevation of around 3600 M which I believe is 12,000 ft in Santo Tomas Peru the whole town of indigenous people get

Together to celebrate Christmas with a week-long bender of drinking dancing and settling scores in a community created fight pit hell yeah what’s it called Dan it is called takaaki [ __ ] nailed it dude we we’re practicing that this morning I had to listen to multiple videos to try to

Figure it out I will surely [ __ ] it up throughout this episode whatever yeah but yeah it’s Takaki long before Frank castanza created Festivus men women and children of Santo Tomas could all air out their Grievances and test Feats of Strength against anyone they were beefing with that year oh my God in hand

Toand combat is this a beef squashing holiday yeah that’s what it’s meant for that’s fantastic ftic every Christmas just you have problems with this [ __ ] all year you know how they say like you can’t go to bed angry right when you’re like with a significant other with your neighbors you can’t end

The year angry right just squash it now so we can go in fresh otherwise I typically agree with that you shouldn’t let your neighbor leave you angry all beef should be squashed immediately but before the end of the year it’s HOA if I’m you want to start the new year right

Yeah HOA should do this HOA press for sure I hey beef squashing Yeah Christmas Day I need to fight the guy who dog bit my dog with honor yeah with honor Santo Tomas is historically one of the poorest areas in Peru cut off not only geographically from the power centers

And financial interest of the Pacific coast but most resources and government services from their country as it’s about a 12-hour drive from the nearest Court oh imagine that the poor people have a holiday around violence let’s get doesn’t sound like something they do at the Country Club

Yeah no I guarantee you in the the Brownstones of Peru they are not doing this they’re not doing this in Lima yeah no not maybe they are maybe they’ maybe they’ve adopted this tradition this practice I think they we’ll get to that oh okay okay I just want to see where it

Is I’m just like looking up on the map it’s middle of nowhere Peru it’s high up in the Andes yeah uh I was watching a bit of the uh the vice guide to this and it I believe he said it was a 10hour drive there like from where Lima

Probably which is the capital and that looks about right distance-wise and the fact that it’s in the [ __ ] mountain and there’s like probably one Road in yeah God man Peru Chile ironically you take 35 to get there I’m serious 35 is the highway that goes through it’s not the same

35 it is actually there is one 35 goes all the way down what like from there is a didn’t you and McGregor just do that on Netflix he went from like the tip of South America all the way up to [ __ ] Canada I think you can yeah I think you

Can take highways you got you got to bring some money with you though oh yeah you got to pay off some cartels like yeah you you’re a real dick if you want to [ __ ] over Obi-Wan though like if Obi-Wan came up to me do you think some

Guy who’s in the middle of a cartel knows who Obi-Wan is he should dude what if they did though like oh [ __ ] it’s ob one a simple it’s like a simple Jack horrifying gorilla unit yeah that’s just like kidnapping peasants and stuff but they’re like [ __ ] W Simple Jack no it’s

It’s seriously that moment they have a bunch of hostages in hoods yeah and then you McGregor kind of rolls up to their toll stop and they like oh you’re good man like oh we love you these are not the droids we’re looking for bro you saved you saved the prequels man you’re

The best oh man sick I show kind of sucked but that wasn’t your fault that wasn’t your fault dude it’s just bad writing dude you were giving nothing giving nothing they give them notes you crush it Obie so once a year between the 24th and 26th of December anyone can handle

Outand outstanding disagreements by throwing hands in a public Arena as the rest of their Community watches the word Takaki translates to when blood is boiling in the native tongue that’s pretty sweet in the native tongue so oh it’s an indigenous word they don’t speak Spanish really I love that they don’t really

Speak English um they speak a little bit lick of Spanish but there is a a native tongue that is what are they are they they’re not incing probably they probably but they were probably under the Incan Empire they actually fought off the Incas they did okay this is uh

They don’t necessarily know where this tradition came from but part of it was a celebration of their history fighting off the SP Spanish conquistadors the Incas they’re kind of their own thing they’re subsect I don’t know how to say the word so I’m not going to try just native peruvians you know okay

Oh you don’t know how to say the tribal name no oh that’s fair how’s it spelled it’s probably hards okay you’re probably X’s they don’t make sense what’s really funny is that my uh patreon episode this week that we’re going to record next takes place in the exact same part of

The world why you guys do this it was a coincidence okay coincidence no we planned it I’m pretty sure the word Takaki showed up in Peru in my research mine’s Chile but same same Vibes I mean they’re right next to I mean it’s the chumba valakas Province okay uh the indigenous people

Are oh quae I know what you did what’ I do no him okay okay the Chilean dictator no oh not him no it’s another native oh okay interesting yeah so the goal of the tradition of takak is to start off the new year with a fresh clean slate yeah

Dog during the pre-fight festivities A procession of people dressed in traditional cowboy legwear and bright wolen ski mask what hold on it’s about Spring Breakers outfit I exactly what I saw I showed you Vanessa hudgin at the end of Spring Breakers I showed you some

Of the videos yeah they were like um I guess I didn’t key in on that kind of kind of Lucha Libre it did kind of look like that now I think now I remember [ __ ] all about that and they proceed through the town dancing to halia music which is every

Song has the same chorus and can get a bit repetitive I the music that he showed me was hilarious it’s just a bunch of dudes in the street with ski mask going it’s amazing it’s not far off no I mean like it’s it’s seriously that it’s

It looks kind of fun it would probably drive you insane oh after about an hour the noise if this is all you hear the if that’s all you heard for an entire day I don’t want to fight someone and you’re drinking all day to and you’re drinking that’s cannot be

Understated enough I’m here to squash some beef this this is a drinking festivity yeah think about how much you wanted to fight Joe after he kept playing The Boys Are Back In Town at your bathroom party at every bar dude actually it it would get to the point

Where I wanted to fight him and then like it would get funny again I know there were times where it got really funny but it went through that swing every every time you would just be sitting there it’ be like and Jake would be like God damn it you’re [ __ ] rooing this

Party like every different bar every if I hear I like get a little triggered still there’s only one song about the boys being back though there’s plenty of songs about Santa but only one song about the boys back yeah actually there’s not that many songs about Santa

If you think about it that is a bit in uh South Park yeah Santa gets mad at Jesus because he doesn’t have many songs he starts singing Duran Durant yeah her name is Rio and she yeah but I didn’t see Mama Kissing Jesus well it’s cuz your mom’s a [ __ ]

That’s your mom is a wh because Jesus is inside of her yeah inside of all of us yeah she the Holy Spirit at least the Jesus and the Holy Spirit taking both ends yeah and then God watches or something yeah God God’s in the corner yeah just jerking it God’s ever present

Yeah God’s just cucked no man he’s the cuck it Master the cuck it Master yeah in the corner in his chair though yeah the two little marionettes oh he’s the yeah the cocket master it’s in an out of play chair too it’s just that black he bre his own

Chair he’s actually that guy from that he’s that guy from that gift that like [ __ ] whips out the lawn chair okay oh yeah yeah I’m thinking like Hotel out of place doesn’t go with any of the rest of the decor okay we all have our own the important thing is that

Our girls getting stuffed up by Christ and the Holy Spirit and God’s watching yeah always but Santa’s always watching too but Santa is always watching yeah it’s like how the FBI and the NSA are always watching yeah well that is true two separate entities connected certainly but yeah they’re getting their

Own they’re getting their own data can’t spell Santa without NSA you ever think of that I didn’t both very much real yeah 100% real both of them the NSA absolutely and Santa yeah Santa is actually an asan for the NSA it’s sad he can literally get into every American’s house he’s been

Compromised I think we probably killed him at some point during the war on the yeah and we replaced him with uh an asset yeah an asset yeah Santa’s definitely a three-letter asset I mean look at this how can you trust this a a man from Turkey who can get into any

American’s house not even Turkish too he’s Greek yeah grew up in Anatolia lived in Anatolia I I’m telling you that is the last guy you want in every American hous yes not not what you want we got this new guy his name’s Jim Smith and he is like a good Christian

Yeah he is just Anglo as [ __ ] yeah we’re talking like Lutheran or something we’re not talking Catholic no no no no no no you don’t want that no he is a full-on Protestant being inbred is a common thing for both during and after the festivities with people starting to

Drink early on Christmas day and being drunk while fighting after sounds like an Irish Christmas I was supposed to say Irish Italian yeah yeah we’re all the same guys we’re all the same that’s what that’s what it comes down to is everybody for as different as we are we

Have the same core values yeah drink and traditions Drink and Fight drink eat fight [ __ ] drink be angry at the people around you yeah I want to adopt this de okay I think we should all celebrate Takaki Takaki as a you just think so because you’d win the

Fights we man I guess it’s it’s literally too late this year but next year we got to do a Christmas sweatshirt mhm Mary takaaki was just two Indians beating the Christ out of each other we should one we should do a saturnalia sweater we need both yeah we need non-

Christmas Christmas sweaters for all the things that are celebrated around this time yeah satalia but Takaki um we should definitely have a u tide Lads a uads or uads sweater yeah uh uads are part of the Sabrina Universe in the new Sabrina Netflix special Katie was watching that during Halloween oh really

And the UL ads showed up that’s funny witches are Nordic um no they just incorporate a lot of different like it’s a terrible show they just toss a lot of [ __ ] into it yeah see what sticks what see what sticks yeah pretty much look and I love I have a huge

Like [ __ ] hard on for Kieran shipka love her super hot but s Draper yeah I never watched Mad Men so I can you you so like you get to actually see her as an adult yeah I only know her as an adult that’s so weird to me cuz like I

Only see her as like an 8-year-old right right right right I I watch I have to like clarify that every time like dude I think Kieran ship get has a [ __ ] smoke show because people like dude what didn’t you watch Mad Men with a [ __ ] little girl like I didn’t know she like

She’s like a little girl forever well and I’ve seen clips of her in it since then and I’m like her face has not changed no she looks the exact same she has little kid face yeah she does and but I didn’t I only know her as a

[ __ ] adult I don’t think it would matter to you honestly even if you did watch I’m just kidding I was sitting there rubbing my hands watching mad right Sally all right as I said earlier the origins of the festival are still unclear but many connected back to the

Spanish invasion in the 16th century when indigenous people and colonizer would come to blows to settle their scores mostly who owns this land you say it’s you but here I am that’s so weird better better fight it out my favorite thing listen if they were going kind of blow for blow fist for

Fist I’m okay with that my favorite shitty political meme right now yeah is uh social a lot of socialist accounts post this thing where it’s like o we want to take your house and they’re like well it’s my house you can’t have it like it’s like some Aristocrat lord of the manner they’re

Like well how you get it it’s like I got it from my father and it’s like well how’d he get it he fought for it it’s like well we’ll fight you for it and it’s like I want to kind of put this out there if you’re like a socialist that

Thinks everyone should be equal yeah you’re not going to like fighting people for property I don’t know if you’re going to really aware of how that worked out last time but uh socialism didn’t win I’ve met a lot of people at these fight gyms yeah they don’t lean left no they don’t

No yeah they don’t lean right either they’re just kind of their own thing they’re uh they’re insane they’re mostly conspiracy theorists they’re uh anarco sigmas uh yeah they’re definitely andap for sure yeah I wouldn’t say sigmas no just complete weirdos okay anyone that rolls with other men oops salons a

Little odd little off they’re oops salons for sure yeah yeah I think if I is anyone who’s like is Jiu-Jitsu is their primary hobby is or wrestling too wrestling wrestling yeah if you’re you were dun D1 wrestler you’re off if you have cauliflower here I’m staying away

From you you can beat up everybody but that doesn’t mean you should no please stop yeah learn virtue you can once wrestle anyone except your own demons wrestling with the past no you’re constantly wrestling with them right you can pin anyone except your yeah you can pin anyone but your demons oh that’s

Good love you Georgio that wasn’t I was even talk about Georgio oh I assumed you were talking directly to him no he’s actually one of the cooler uh Grapplers he’s sweetest guy in the world uh two of my favorite wrestlers are Georgio and my buddy Brian Brian Mitchell is also a

Wrestler yeah similar fighting festivities exist in other parts of Peru and the Bolivian Andes but they don’t happen around Christmas time so this is unique in its own way and they almost kind of ripped they certainly ripped this tradition and we’re like H we’ll do it in

May who uh the bolivians and other part okay they moved it okay yeah yeah lame [ __ ] off what ba what are you doing for Easter Easter is actually April so what yeah what are you doing in may may like spring start of summer better fight that’s stupid that’s a Christmas I don’t

Know enough beliving history to like answer that I mean it’s Simon boulard right there South America yeah the f ERS Mast enter the fighting arena and call out their match by first and last name okay so you call out you so yeah you don’t even know sometimes who you’re

Going to fight that day you’re just like drinking you’re like dude I wonder who’s mad at who they’re like Steve your dog [ __ ] out my lawn [ __ ] 19 times first and last name too yes get in here Steve Harris yeah that’s awesome the two are ready to Duke it out

They’re hands are wrapped in cloth and the match begins after a handshake or hug so every fight starts with every hugs got to just be like being super civil come here I’m gonna [ __ ] kill you whoop your ass I’m gonna [ __ ] kill you for what you did this year you

[ __ ] yeah I’m gonna make you a [ __ ] in front of everybody [ __ ] you all right good fight good fight let’s go let’s go only you kicks you got to tap the gloves slaps and punches are allowed but biteen hair pulling and hit in someone while

They’re down is not so this is no Rough and Tumble no this is just a a good good old scrap scrap man from the videos I watched it was almost like sparring oh really lot of you know not too intense not too crazy some did some would

Escalate what if some guy was just like so confident he was going to win and he just was like I’m going slaps only just only slaps only slaps that’s the most disrespectful thing you can do yeah yeah that’s got to be it you’re only trying to slap me bro I’m the other guys

Throwing punches and you’re just like Dodge just a little slap you’re slap fighting as kids that was huge for us slap fighting those would B slap fights if you hit somebody hard enough would eventually turn into a real fight turn into a real fight no 100 times out of a

100 the first time you get your bell rung a little bit like the something triggers every time like I it t like when my kid has headbutted me before like if you actually get a real blow to that head you got to restrain yourself pretty quickly because like the my first

Instinct is just like [ __ ] and then yeah you know calm down immediately but it is like that was different than your little smack or whatever like you just hurt me is that the first time you hit Rory oh don’t worry about that no but it is really like from behind the first time

He [ __ ] reared back and had butted me cuz I wasn’t looking for it either I was just like God damn it dude yeah I uh I was doing summer camp [ __ ] one time as a camp counselor a kid like just shot a basketball so bad yeah it

Like hit me in the head yeah basically when you weren’t looking I was looking I just like I I didn’t think they could shoot it that badly and I was like all right I want to kill you yeah he’s like mother [ __ ] dumb kid growing up there’s always this kid

Mike I won’t say his last name but shouts to him sounds Italian he was Italian I knew it was [ __ ] Philly Mike he wasn’t a Mikey he was just a Mike older than me we all played the same Sports and he always tried to slap

Fight me every day so we would do it I was always reluctant and I would beat him in the slap fights would he cry no he would um he was much bigger than me but I would I was I was Landing shots no no he was he

Was jacked for like a seventh or eighth grader who’s jacked okay but I could let I had better hands than him until it turned into a real fight he would always just destroy me in the real fight until it was time to throw weight around yeah

Yeah yeah so he’d want to slap fight you he’d always try to like get one back in slap fights every other day and I would always hit him well like better than he would hit me be then he would just beat my ass yeah why why would you do this

Cuz I was younger and I didn’t have a choice so you were bullied by proxy through a slap fight I got I got bullied into fighting and then into another fight fight into another fight every day that’s sweet that’s how I grew up that sounds like the most Philly hellscape of

A childhood I’ve ever heard of he made me stronger hey he made you a better basketball get over here and slap fight me you [ __ ] touch me yeah oh Mikey D Silva yeah not far off say good night I knew it was atalian as soon as

You said Mike I was like this is this dude’s [ __ ] Italian I don’t want to say his last name because he’s connected I also saw him in college and uh when I went back still big but he was very nice yeah that’s good he’s like acting like he didn’t just beat my ass

For two straight years when are you going a hold against a seventh grader yeah everything that the funniest thing when I hear people say [ __ ] like that it’s like they made my life a living hell in junior high it’s like they don’t junior high was going to be living hell for you

Regardless yeah like they did they were not operating like it wasn’t if it was a teacher sure but like another [ __ ] 12-year-old like they don’t know what they’re doing I had a sth well he was older than me yeah yeah two years older than me I a seventh grade English

Teacher asked me why juices were Evangelical I had to like sit there and be like I don’t know man and he’s like well if there was like a bridge out down the road wouldn’t you tell someone about it and it’s like how’s that the same thing he’s like cuz cuz you’re not

Saving people I was like that’s not what Judy about I had to have this conversation with a public school teacher F gnarly yeah it’s crazy did you hear about that public school teacher the other day who some girl was like take down your Israeli flag and he was I

Guess I caught it on audio he was like slit her [ __ ] throat to the kid yeah Jesus like you’re an adult sir don’t do that yeah maybe don’t I had a math teacher fired like the year after I graduated high school for telling some kid to slit his own

Wrist that’s hilarious yeah I’m sorry it’s not funny but like it’s funny it’s kind of funny he was he like I have a I think so I think I told they’re like he was like I think was like [ __ ] with them like I don’t have a pen to write

With and he’s like slit your own wrist and write it in [ __ ] blood that’s insane yeah like this a different time Jake it was a different time this was probably like in the last 20 years this happened in like 2005 yeah we went to Catholic school for

Elementary so I would get I get my ass beat by teachers they would lay their hands on me we also they’re nuns like be yanked all right that type of thing we didn’t have that kind of [ __ ] I didn’t none tell me I was going to hell good M

When I I was in eighth grade good good you’re at a religious school you should be worried about that [ __ ] let them know Well I was going to public high school that’s what it was yeah oh she was concerned for my soul cuz I was going to

Public high school was right we couldn’t afford to go to like Cardinal O’Hare for 10 grand a year why don’t you just tithe that is your tithe 10 grand a year to to get pay to pay for the Catholic High School is the tithing yeah I thought

Like if I’m just making that people don’t realize that like Catholic elementary school and grade school cheap really affordable super affordable High School is where they get you yeah but yeah like if you can’t afford the tuition you can tie a certain amount no that’s that that’s

How it was in like Florida oh well that sounds fair yeah but you guys got Bright Futures if you had a pulse and you got over like a 25 they just paid for your college like [ __ ] off that’s not true it was you’d have to have over a 38 it was

A three like I had so many kids in my fraternity that were [ __ ] and 75% of their education was oh you’re saying maintaining the bright features yes all you had to do is maintain a three and you your tuition was good pretty much yeah it was awesome I like I would drop

AOW at 3.0 but if you brought it back up by a certain point so I’d always like for the fall you’re like a little probation period yeah for the fall I’d always slip under a three and I’d get it above like hey your account’s overdrawn just move the money over from savings

Yeah but still going out of state in Florida was cheaper than going in state in like Penn State yeah and also like what public school would you want to go to in Pennsylvania besides Penn State I feel like the rest are kind of slippery rock Temple I rock is Temple Public yeah

Oh I thought it was Private oh [ __ ] no super any any doesn’t have a state’s name in it I think it’s private that and if it’s in a city if it’s in a city I almost automatically assume it’s private I can understand that vova is very

Private but it’s not in the city it’s Mainline but it’s like in Metro Philly you know what I mean it’s not its own separate right thing yeah I get you t t today I learned today I learned yeah call it Temple state Temple State University should yeah University in Tel Aviv Bill Cosby

And John Cheney and Diplo for a little bit I think Diplo Diplo also went to UCF for a year way more on brand very much on brand honestly it’d be great if he was like Arizona State UCF just hit up all the party schools yeah the arena is filled with judges holding

Whips sweet what you can’t leave until the fight’s over you get whipped if you get too close to the end no it’s for crowd control okay in case back in case like a family member or a friend tries to jump in that’s awesome that’s fantastic that’s a good rule that’s the

Job you want whip boy crowd whip yeah yeah they should actually just do that at golf instead of like a guy with a quiet please buch of some [ __ ] douchebags like get in the bubble bu CRA [ __ ] Indiana Jones to the [ __ ] face you see some [ __ ]

45 y- old dude in slacks just hit the turf yeah that’s what I want yeah his MC Ultra explodes on the ground yeah that’s that that should happen just thinking back to the TPC saw grass or not Saw Grass uh Scottdale but that’s the one where it’s allowed

There’s so they do these turds do that at like every tournament now they really do mash potatoes that’s so dumb whip to the face well that’s all Howard Stern you know that right why do they do that I don’t know Baba Buie is how Baba Buie Howard Stern’s penis they

Just like yelled out at press conferences or wherever just to get on TV so dumb yell softcore history if you’re out a wait what what should they yell for us oh man what’s our [ __ ] don’t change [ __ ] don’t change taay us all this time yeah

T to sing it and do the Angelo Lansbury voice best you can we might get a ceas and assist for that yeah yeah uh we don’t we don’t want to keep that on the radar are um was it Jeff Dawn and Ron Ron da and Jeff yeah that’ be good

Or just like justice for Topsy Justice for Topsy would be a good one a good one too people are just GNA think that’s Bobs Burgers though oh they would why does to or yeah Bob’s Burgers just has like they have a topsy episode I know they have a topsy episode but they just

They own Topsy now it’s the most prominent featuring of topy no we are we are no not even close not even [ __ ] eventually we will be no maybe I doubt it yeah probably not sorry that’s a network television show you kidding unless we get our own show and

We make a movie about Topsy yeah the fights are about proven to the community you are dependable and ready to protect yourself and loved ones against injustice stolen lovers sheep Food daily hardships the festival seeks to resolve conflict strengthen Community bonds and hopefully arrive at a greater peace on

The day of Takaki social status is suspended the bosses fight the employees what into it the waiter fights the merchant the sisters fight each other of course people of every age from small children to Old bastards and any gender can participate if this uh is there cross-gender

Fighting I have not seen that okay I I feel like they wouldn’t do that and Peru yeah and if this is your first Takaki you have to this is the infant round yeah we should yes D we should go and have to fight yeah that should be an episode of

Our show fighting takak yeah once we get our show once our TV show goes yeah all right I’m down hey when when are we doing the TV show we have to uh we’ll talk about about all right fine I do like the idea that you can see like

70-year-old guys just throwing down and then you have like seven-year-old kids yeah the next fight it’s just fight circus it’s quick yeah yeah it’s quick turnaround too yeah what’s the that’s the appeal of uh Street beefs right like you got me turned on to Street beefs and

Like there will often be like very fit MMA fighter dudes in these but then sometimes it’s like 55y old dads right just got off the shift they’re not in shape right at the supermarket they don’t even stock in shelves I watched the dude in slides beat up a guy in gym

Shorts like and they were just fat dads hell yeah you don’t want to fight a guy in slides no a guy who’s comfortable swinging in slides yeah the guy it’s comfortable kicking in slides yep it’s incredible that’s like the most iconic scene in uh The Ultimate Fighter with

Chel sonen is he takes a guy down with flip flops on [ __ ] nothing you can do there no you’re you’re getting smoked if that guy can get you in flip flops it’s not yeah that’s over you’re lucky he didn’t wear a harder shoe cuz you’re just dead at

It’s probably you’re lucky is probably not Barefoot too yeah when you do go out though and you decide to wear flipflops you are choose nonviolence cuz you don’t want to fight anybody in flipflops no you’re like I hope I don’t get robbed I hope I don’t have to do anything quickly yeah yeah

That’s what I I honestly make a concerted choice or like a conscious choice to uh on the type of shoe I wear when I take my kids somewhere in case they like run away from me or we get in a car accident or something like probably shouldn’t wear birken stocks

While I’m driving them to the you know went out to the store you’re at the public park and he’s running towards the road you’re in flip flops you have to try to no you dish those flops run yeah like you can’t like I have to be like oh

I should probably wear like tennis shoes or something yeah for everything like I shouldn’t even like or if like the boots too heavy it be like I don’t think I could Chase my kid down I’m very big Barefoot person like personally I would love to be build up the mitochondri in

Your feet that’s right well I mean like most of the time I’m Barefoot like f around the house if I go outside I’m Barefoot such Florida thing I’m pretty Barefoot off like the majority of the time I go socked foot I get cold very easily socked foot in the yard no not in

The yard oh I was like that’s a psycho move no yeah that’s horrible I just put on my Burks for that I only have socks on when I have sex Fe War yeah it’s uh not good for the erection to have cold feet well I put

You put it around your balls the sock yeah the ball sock yeah the ball put the ball sock around your balls yeah that’s a different sock yeah but it’s still sock yeah yeah yeah what were you talking about I don’t know talking aqu no okay no we’re talking we’re talking about uh shoe

Choices for fighting yeah not even for fighting just for daily daily daily life yeah I I I used to golf Barefoot for a while until um John Da I just I could I could get away with it in Florida it was nice but then they had uh H bear fin

Over here they treated the the greens that I was golfing the course I was golfing at my feet like peeled for a week from the sand from the chemicals I from the chemicals that they were using to treat the yeah they punch it though well no they

Were treating the grass though with like a pesticide that’s uh my dad was golfing once he had a similar situation he wasn’t Barefoot like a [ __ ] hillbilly but him and his him and my uncles put their cigars down on the green to putt being treated I’ve golfed the scars back

Up and smoked them they were all violently ill I’ve golfed Barefoot I’ve golfed shirtless that’s the beauty of the municipal golf course that’s right that’s what you do I don’t I don’t golf private are you kidding me no bucks for 18 way too stuffy yeah I’m going to pay

No more than like $35 round yeah easy um but no yeah I used to look like a little Huck fin I’d walk around Barefoot with a dip in for high school golf practice hell yeah because there’s no adults around you’re going and playing by yourself in practice it’s

Fantastic my golf coach was my dad’s golf coach so he’s he was an adult he was like 80 yeah but he wasn’t like with you the whole time what you guys play together no whenever I did something stupid in a match he would somehow be

There like I would throw a club and he would just pop out of somehow in his golf cart yeah come out of the Bush and that’s not the spirit that golf C good thr on clubs is [ __ ] lame it is lame it is lame we had a kid that I don’t get

Mad at golf anymore this was in high school I was a different person he had a kid that barely broke 90 that would snap his Club sometimes and be like dude you barely break 90 I he like I’m better than this no you’re not no you’re not

Dude this is as good as you’re ever going to be like I’ve accepted that with my older age though not nothing really upsets me or it gets me too tuned up but like a [ __ ] I mean a a 17-year-old that can barely shoot under like 88 should know that he’s not going

Anywhere with golf like if you’re not breaking [ __ ] par like at 18 you’re not I think you can get a scholarship if you can shoot like two over three over yeah talking about a D1 scholarship no okay maybe D1 you got to be shoo it depends on like if you have the tools

Like if you can drive the [ __ ] out of the ball and you’re still shooting like two or three over but you’re kind of if you’re raw yeah somebody will take you yeah but you’re not if you’re not shooting scratch you’re not getting deep one and there’s a a huge difference

Between scratch golfer and a pro golfer absolutely it’s immense there’s an immense Gap we’re we’re talking pro golfers are like plus handicaps oh yeah yeah but it’s it’s more than that for sure I mean we can get we can get to a lot of that let’s

Get back to the fights no no no golf each fight it’s typically very quick sometimes lasts less than a minute okay the match these people don’t have stamina for for they don’t they’re too yeah yeah yeah they’re drunk and they’re normal I want to see a a hammered

Toddler just throw hands and I I guarantee they’re drunk too they’re probably just taking naps at that point if they’re a toddler Hammer toddler is asleep they’re still fighting fighting their sleep no they’re fighting and then they go take nap they’re fighting live take a nap in their in their mom’s arms

Yeah the match ends when a fighter is rendered out of commission or by decision of the whip wielding judge okay so he just whips it and he’s like fight over he can okay cool but the whips again are for crowd control for the most part it’s like I want that job my homie

Is trying to jump in stay back get back I want that job the fight must end with a handshake or hug and hopefully the person is conscious enough to do so afterwards if someone disagrees with the outcome of the fight he or she can appeal for another fight I mean disagree with the

Outcome like if it goes to points goes to the judges it goes to whip if it goes to whip then no if they just didn’t like how it went down if they got like that’s their fault yeah but you can still you can the next tanaki is there angry about

How the last Takaki went just wait to your [ __ ] sounds like a vicious cycle yeah you just trained for a year yeah yeah your little rocky Montage I’ll see you next Christmas [ __ ] that’ be ain’t over that’d be a funny bit like in July someone pisses someone

Else off like your neighbor and then like for the five months they’re just like looking at you like pounding a bail yeah carrying a side of beef up the [ __ ] Mountain it’s like [ __ ] you dude you can also settle disputes legal disputes with okay and property disputes with these fights so quite literally

This is my land yeah I’m here that’s because again the nearest court is 12 hours away yeah I mean that so like no lawyers none of this nonsense we’re not going to get tied up in legal fees I imagine one-on-one combat for your wife good Lord I imagine the cost of

Getting to a court is more detrimental than just having a fight over it how is there just not a court nearby they’re in a town what do you mean that is the court there’s only like three police officers if they have C I mean God damn

No the the court is the Takaki Santo toas like there’s restaurants in this town I’m looking at it on the map there’s a hospital they don’t have a cour they’re they chose this life they’re an old school people they chose this life I kind of like this life I’m not saying

It’s wrong I’m saying it seems like a conscious choice to not have a uh I mean there’s a bar this is a bar in the town they don’t like this this is food from the bar it’s on Google Maps you don’t the court that’s fantastic barfood yeah they don’t like govern big

Government all right I look at this just plate of meat and fries get your politics out of here here yeah we should go here we should go here sounds like a good time yeah hell yeah look at this they got cocktails they don’t have a court okay why are you acting like

Cocktails and courthouses Margarita they a frozen margarita machine they a [ __ ] Court yeah dude have you ever been to [ __ ] like Cabo they have plenty of Frozen margs I don’t I don’t remember a courthouse on the resort grounds like why why are these things they have to

Two exist together for you in your mind a justice system seems harder to kind of put together than a frozen cocktail yeah dude you’re like just seems like they have a lot of amenities why does why does Applebees have their own Magna Carta like they have a lot of amenities

I don’t I mean there’s TVs in here you can watch the game in this why you think these are things that have to exist together they can’t have a little Hut with a [ __ ] arbitrator in it why do you think that’s how easy it is why would they have that when they have

Takaaki I guess man you don’t need I’m say they’re making a choice like it’s not like oh they they can’t have it cuz they’re so far away they clearly have so many other things that they strapped on the back of they put it on the back of a

Donkey and made it go 12 hours yeah you can’t just do an arbitrator in a court system on the back of a donkey yes you can they can train one and he lives there they train a donkey no they train the arbitrator and then he rides the donkey who’s going to listen they’re

Very distrusting of big government I they don’t listen to Lima they don’t listen to the rest of Peru they live by their own rules how you feel about it the the existence of a frozen margarita does not necessitate the existence of a court system I’m just saying they

Shouldn’t go hand in hand now if your if your town has a frozen margarita machine however this sentence goes is WR let them finish let him finish it though if your town has a frozen margarita machine then a 12-hour Drive is no excuse to not have a judge in your town

That’s not true I could buy a margarita Ville and live in the desert right so now a judge should exist there if you have access to a frozen margarita machine you should be able to have access to a judge what kind of [ __ ] because a frozen margarita machine is so [ __ ]

Superfluous that what the [ __ ] would it be there at something like necess a necessity to Civil Society an arbitrator a judge wouldn’t be there I I just don’t think you get it it doesn’t matter I don’t think you get the point I’m making which is they they don’t not have a

Judge they don’t not have a judge because they can’t have one they don’t have a judge CU they don’t want one is what I’m saying cuz if they wanted they they wanted a frozen margarita machine and they got that if they wanted a Jud easier that’s EAS Jud they no but that’s

A whole separate person like a frozen margarita machine is a machine once you get live there so what so one of them could be a judge no let not how it works just like I arbitrarily appointed judge yeah yeah I disagree the fighters with grudges settled in sore hands heads

And bodies will then proceed to drink more on the Very Merry Christmas Day the government of Lima has tried to eradicate Takaki I I know an easy way they can do that just send a judge along with the next margarita machine you get one of those is an object and

One of those is a person right 26,000 people live in this town yeah that’s more of an argument than the Frozen Marg machine my I would just put forth that the fact they have no court and there’s 26,000 people I think that there’s no way you could appoint a judge 12 hours

Away you know the rule if you’re more than 12 hours away for something you can’t have a judge no no no no no no no no no no I don’t think one I guarantee there’s a courthouse there I guar would imagine I guarantee you there is I’m sure they there’s a way

To defer arbitration to Takaki legally trial by combat it’s only that they’re like hey it’s not like a oh we we have to do Takaki because there’s no way else to do this it’s hey do you want to avoid court fees and just do it Takaki style

And people like yeah for sure are you telling me these articles lied to me no I’m just saying like I think you’re misinterpreting it what if I’m not not what if you’re not there’s a good chance you’re not Dan there might be a very good chance they don’t have a

Courthouse they have a pretty sweet City Hall if they have a city hall they have a place to make laws look at this old Spanish mission that pretty cool that’s pretty cool yeah this town actually seems sweet yeah we should go there it’s really hard to get to this is a meat and

Fries well like they [ __ ] got a margarita I know well you know yeah you’re right you know what Rob Rob you’re right if a if a margarita machine just exists in space there should be an arbitrator nearby well here’s the thing people of Lima and

Kusco in a lot of urban areas in the rest of Peru have adopted this practice and are now Taken part of the originally indigenous cultural custom okay they have there’s spin classes in this town if there was a spin class on Pluto there should be a judge there too I

Guess this is just the dumbest Target it’s not dumb because if you’ve gotten so far down the line that you have a spin class how did you skip Courthouse say you have a space station and there’s a [ __ ] margarita machine on it do you need a judge up there too this audio is

Going to be so blown out do you need a judge in the space station with the fro gym and one of the things on it is spinning cool They Ride stationary bikes it’s an easy that’s a poor gym yoga I’ll just say it just say it this

This town there is Yoga in plenty of places without judges half of India bro oh they have a pizzeria the idea is they’re mostly poor this seems like a and they can’t afford legal fees okay I think somebody’s you know exaggerating a little bit not you whoever you whoever told you this it’s

Like oh we’re so poor we have to fight they just like leave spin class they’re like okay let’s fight we’ll have to investigate ourselves that’s the only way to really dictate whether or not this is true Ride three Burrows to Santo tamas Santo tamas this practice has crossed class barriers and people of

Middle and upper class are now taking part of the celebration there’s a similar event in Bolivia in called uh tinu the event takes place in may like I said earlier in the village of P patasi this practice is very similar to takaku however the women rarely fight in

The fights between men and are usually larger braws so a little bit more intense this is more civil one-on-one combat sometimes it breaks out to somebody jumping in maybe a few friends jumping in okay women participate old people children of all ages and I think this is an awesome

Tradition that we should all adopt and we should get rid of cour houses no more cour houses all trial by I’m okay replace every Courthouse with a margarita machine say replace every uh Courthouse with a island drink just a margarit Ville yeah no just a drivethru

Margarit Ville yeah so I only you can you can’t actually go inside and drink there you can only drive through I think this place is really really popular to visit because there are I’m literally just looking at the Google Maps right now there’s like 20 hostiles whoa I mean

There are a [ __ ] ton it’s in the Andes so it’s probably beautiful watch there be like a PF Changs there but like there’s no Courthouse get there and they’re like this is ludicrous yeah a McDonald’s yeah what do they say uh two countries with a McDonald’s and never

Fought each other it’s like any town with a McDonald’s doesn’t have trial by combat yeah it’s true what’ you guys learn today I learned uh that this place is a liar about how remote it is it’s like you know when you get to New Orleans they’re like oh ever since

Katrina we can’t have credit card payments or split split payments like oh we’re 12 we’re 12 miles away from from a courthouse so we fight yeah yeah like you like here K like it’s dude that was 18 years ago 2005 and you’re telling me you can take credit card payments but

You can’t split them because of Katrina you f kid I mean they did that for years dude they still blame [ __ ] on Katrina in New Orleans it’s hilarious like I love it it’s good out it’s ever since Katrina there’s always been rats in the kitchen ever since you

Know how it is ever since krina the casinos fall over you know how Hawaii should do that with Pearl Harbor ever since Pearl Harbor man you know the Arizona it’s kind of messing with stuff still down there oh ever since the Alamo you know we just can’t get it

Together here in San Antonio all right yeah what did I learn um I learned that Rob has a really weird idea of how judges should be implemented I I think what I was saying makes perfect sense when you get your bartender license you should also become a judge yeah if

There’s a a TABC certified person in your town there should be a judge there I feel I’m just saying I feel like if you don’t have a judge but have certain amenities you may have skipped a step possibly on purpose and for that I’m thankful for it who’s Hitler yeah who’s Hitler

Today I don’t even know no one no one’s Hitler if you anyone who gets whipped in the face no no no for trying to jump in jump fight you’re Hitler yeah I’m going to say any type of modernization of the city of this town any moderniza I’m I got bad news for you

It’s it’s pretty decent it’s getting they’re they’re losing their their tradition the core of their their Town dude apparently I mean I’ll just look down the main road here on I35 maybe it’s too far gone do you think so maybe this was like totally remote five years ago people heard about this tradition

And now they’ve done like a pilgrimage to fight it’s uh like um like a bunch of like ski towns in Colorado you know what I mean that we’re like these gorgeous little small towns are just getting like obliterated by people moving there I mean look it’s not it’s definitely you know it’s

Definitely in Peru but it’s not the it’s not the worst little town Square that’s cool yeah I would definitely drink all week dance in the streets and then have a fight fight then fight around the world yeah especially cuz I think they’re a little smaller than us oh they

Definitely are they’re scrappier though they’re like little oh they’re like knives in the much hardened much more hardened they they are just little balls of muscle that go fast I got the reach though dude they’re so there’s no way they’re taller than like 56 they’re oh

Man they have a bull fighting arena o That’s typically where they have the fights oh oh well it’s in that little pit this mhm oh dude we got to go to this look at this that’s sick yeah but there is a bowl like on top I think it

Is use for bow figh dude you imagine we get some like coca and just like go to the fights and the takaaki fights I however much coke we do they’re going to have they’re going to be on way more we should fight somebody for their

Land get a you just own it now get a vacation rental propert this I’m sure that won’t be a problem F someone for their time share yeah hell yeah if you buy a time share you should have to fight for it for every year I don’t want this week I want that

Week for all right well that’s all I got for today’s episode thanks for tuning in again make sure to check out leave a review on Apple and Spotify please and thank you five stars if you can and yeah we love you guys Happy Holidays uh hope you have a wonderful

Time with your family your friends yourself really if you’re unlucky enough Jesus sorry guys yeah wow thanks enjoy your own presence though you know sometimes being alone is the best it is man yeah this guy will [ __ ] you up he doesn’t look big but he looks

Mean yeah he does look mean yeah I think you got to you target somebody that’s old older smaller weaker well here’s like the town The Village Idiot get this guy you fight the hammer guy yeah although he might not be able to feel anything so he just comes at you like a

Zombie yeah oh true he just keep knocking him down he keeps getting back up dust himself off I a hear no bell all right but I think I did just hear the bell for this podcast so for Jake Goldman and Rob Fox I’m Dam Jester and you just got soft served okay