#97: Sheldon Souray Interview: The Raw Knuckles Podcast

This week, Chris and Tim are joined by Sheldon Souray to talk Montreal, careers after hockey, and sobriety!

Time Stamps:

0:00 Intro
1:04 Growing Up
7:20 Draft/Early Career
27:30 Montreal
48:25 Edmonton
1:02:50 End of Hockey Career
1:11:50 New Career
1:16:48 Sobriety/Rehab

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Hey everybody thanks for listening to Raw Knuckles podcast please like follow And subscribe so let’s get to it and I’m going to address the elephant in the room right away okay you you are a [ __ ] handsome bastard okay and I want to know what it’s like to skate around in the walm up

With no bucket on and every woman in the low ball wants to dive over the glass and jump you what’s that like oh buddy I I have no idea I was so focused on hockey when I was there you know was just uh no no time for any

Extracurricular stuff you know um wow what a life yeah what a life when I stepped on the ice I never backed down and I never stayed down and I was vicious and I was malicious and I don’t care I’m alive he’s a freaking madman look at him going to town that’ll be a

Suspense let’s get going from Ela Alberta um the El Point El point I’m sorry I’m actually from fishing lake so I’m from a a a small little mate settlement in Northern Alberta but our closest hospital closest town was a town called Elk Point which is about 30

Minutes where I’m from um and every time someone says I’m from Elk Point someone from Point’s happy but my you know my family in fishing Lake’s like you’re not from m point so I I I better just you know clear the air stick with that clear

It yeah so you grew up in a very rural area I would say um and you said the matis um um culture you grew up in now that’s a combination of native and um French is it both that’s that’s kind of the um Alberta is the only place in Canada that

Has these mate settlements they have uh seven of them so it’s not it’s not a reservation but it’s a a native settlement a native community and uh it’s originally yeah the the French kind of came over and uh and the natives and that’s kind of how I grew up on this uh

Not a reserve it’s not you know but it but it’s across the lake from one I mean I grew up in the in the six you know got you so how does hockey get going for you like up there I mean God you’re in the middle of nowhere did it start on the

Lake did it start uh organized hockey how’d you get going in the game so I have a sister who’s two years older than me and um you know we had like a we call it Town site which was kind of the middle of our community and we had a

School um at the time when I started getting to like four or five years old um my parents thought that it would be a better opportunity for us to go to you know a town and be in a better school and for me start some organized um um

Sports particularly hockey so I kind of grew up in lack laish my first couple years and um you know my sister went to school and and I started skating and uh and that that was it that was kind of the start of it I I bounced my my

Parents got divorced when I was young so I bounced around a lot and I was a rambunctious kid and so I lived with my dad you know quite a bit of my childhood and um we just always bounced around you know these small towns in Alberta until

I got to be about I don’t know 14 or 15 and and then moved out to um to British Columbia actually and I played junior junior a tier 2 with a young kid who was supposed to be the next hot upand Comer by the name of Terry Ryan um oh

You so my he was 14 and you know was that where the Traders or that was that was with the quel millionaires we were called okay and let me tell you I walked into that dressing room the first day I was 15 Terry was 14 I’ve seen men with beards and you

Know hair down below and I couldn’t believe it I’m like I got to I have to go play and not only the guys I was playing with the guys I started playing against so I didn’t think I was going to make it my first first year of kind of

Getting into older like you know growing up in organized hockey I mean whatever right you just kind of Move Along age group to age group I was never that good I was never playing like the top tier um but once I got to be like 15 16

Years old it was like wow this is uh this is what it is you know it’s going to be uncomfortable and it’s going to be hard but that’s it you know my dad was a truck driver you know and uh KN you you’ll appreciate this my dad when he was he’s

From Ontario so when he was 16 years old he was parking cars in Toronto he was a valet uh guy and the Leafs used to come in after the games with uh Cadillacs and hot chicks and uh fur coats Pat Quinn used to come in and give him five bucks

To park His Cadillac and my dad said hey if I have a son he’s going to play hockey and so that was kind of you know that was kind of Me growing up my dad had always pushed me towards it and um it always was fun it was always

Something to do and you know as I moved along it obviously got more serious as you guys know but um that’s kind of what started it my dad said you know I’m going to be the next Pat Quinn so of all the places I played you know Montreal

Obviously meeting Larry Robinson and Jo Lam being my coach and all these things when I played namon and my dad met Pat Quinn it was first besides Gretzky I would say meeting Pat Quinn was like his aha moment like I made it you know Pat

Quinn’s is coach um so that was kind of cool how big were you big were you how big were you when you were like 15 16 you know I was I was a bigger kid I was on the bigger side I was always I don’t know you know KN knows

You you either will do the dirty work or you won’t and I like sticking up for my teammates like I I wasn’t I knew I wasn’t the top scorer I knew you know when I was a kid growing up I shot a bunch of tennis balls against you know the garage

Door and taking slap shots and you know working on my crosschecking was something that was right up my alley it wasn’t it it didn’t take a whole lot I wasn’t trying to make saucer passes when I was a kid I knew what you know I knew

What um I knew what I liked and I knew what I was good at and and that’s just kind of how it went you know it’s just it’s just kind of how it started so you cut your teeth there the millionaires you get going then you try City French

George cougars um and and good numbers uh that last year 32 games you had great numbers actually almost a point a game then colon a rocket same thing and you had some pins now I looked at your draft year and I was shocked and I just went

It’s funny I went over it with Tim I and and I just could not believe you were left to number 71 in the draft because I I say that because the names ran ner he can’t even pronounce it by the way Chad Allen who the [ __ ] is Chad

Allen like it’s funny like people you know you get drafted you think guys are getting drafted they have the [ __ ] ability to be able to make it in the NHL and so many Fall by the wayside people don’t get it um getting drafted at at 71 were you were you waiting to be

Drafted did you think you’re going to be drafted or you know no kids they all go the draft today you didn’t do that back then right you didn’t you didn’t go the draft I did the draft was in Hartford so I had an interesting way to come up

So um the TriCity Americans you know I never played in hockey Canada as I said I was never like a you know that was just never who I was you know so I was never kind of on that radar uh I had a kid who I had a guy who coached me in

Pews who ended up being you know a scout for Tri City American and so when Terry Ryan went to quell um I had actually been suspended I was playing a league up I was playing age group up I was playing in midgets and I ended up getting suspended and so I had

Nowhere to play and um and this this guy Scott Bonner said well why don’t you go up to Tri Cities because or to Corell because we have this kid he’s like you know one year younger than you and it could be a good place that’s where I

First got eyes on me so then I went to Tri City Americans camp at 16 um my first day or two in Camp you know you you’re kind of wearing the the half visors back then and I took a slap shot in the face broke my nose broke my

Orbital bone and and messed me up pretty good so when I was 16 I didn’t I didn’t play I was in Tri CI to almost Christmas time but I hadn’t played any games Bob mccamon I don’t remember if you know him but I know he was our coach yeah you

Know Bob uh and and he was our coach and he had some NHL kind of uh experience you better fight you better fight exactly you were you know and but I wasn’t able to do that with with kind of the injures now I got to play with the

Visce anyways to make a long story short I asked to go home around Christmas time I said I’m not playing here I can’t do my and so I caught a little stress for that but I went back I played for the forts of Scat and Traders which is you

Know right outside my hometown I was living in Emon at the time where my mom was and um so when I was 17 was my first real youth year of major Junior so that’s kind of I was I was going I was 17 it was my draft year and

Um I started out good and um there was a couple other kids who were going to be drafted you guys probably remember the name Jason weamer I think he was maybe six he was supposed to be maybe first overall pick and around January um uh I

I tuned him up pretty good in the fight and that really got some eyes on me and then I fought one of my best buddies brt Meyers who got traded over the Spokane Chiefs and I remember all the older guys on our team were like hey you got to let

This guy just you know just let him play and I’m like you guys are a bunch of chickens so I go out and fight him and he breaks my leg like the first 10 seconds thank God I would have killed me and so my draft year I broke my leg and

I only played about half a season that year okay um so I I started falling in the in the draft and you know my uh my agent at the time was uh Mike Barnett who I’m sure you know you know he’s had a lot of NHL guys and he said well come

On we’ll go to the draft and so did that and um ended up getting drafted I had a couple good draft interviews and I I really hit it off with L larell um well I I don’t know if I hit it off I thought he hated me you know jacqu ler was the

Coach they just lost in the uh conference final to the Rangers when gret when Messier uh guaranteed were going to win yep yep and so um you know I I I thought he didn’t like me but something felt good about meeting them and you know jacqu Lamer was the you

Know was the coach and Larry Robinson and was the assistant and so they ended up drafting me and um my goodness what I thought it was so hard you know when I got to camp and to the NHL I thought like these guys hate me they don’t like me they’re hard on me

You know yada yada and um what I thought was a bit of a curse at the time ended up being the the greatest blessing a player could have you have those guys as your coaches and and Lou lamello is the GM and so um you know they seen

Something in in me they they played a style with Kenny Dano and oine and Scotty Ste I say Scotty Stevens but obviously that wasn’t you know I wasn’t thinking Scotty Stevens then but um it just kind of fit and it was a lot of tough love which I needed you know I was

Uh I was a poor me type kid and um I didn’t know and I don’t think they knew if I had if if I had it in me to be a professional you know I was a little bit lazy um not does that explain does excuse me

For does that explain the the first training camp when you came overweight was that just immaturity was that just and don’t take this run ignorance because I remember when I came my first pro game in Maine like I I I watched the Bruins growing up all that I did not

Have a clue what it took to be an NHL player or even even what goes on behind the scenes I I didn’t have a clue I was I was ignorant totally what did you weigh what did you weigh so my first year that I came in when I was drafted I

Came in I didn’t know anything about working out that’s 94 um I didn’t have the first clue about what was what it took to be a professional but they kept me around Knuckles will know um 94 they had the lockout in October and um so I stayed

With the team right until October then they had the lock up then they sent me back to Juniors and I signed a contract right out of that training camp big signing bonus I didn’t have two nickels to rub together and they gave me a contract and a signing bonus and so I

Went back to Juniors that year exactly I didn’t I didn’t know about taxes I didn’t know about nothing as a matter of fact I had to borrow money from my agent to pay my taxes from that sign anymore I’m like what do you mean taxes you know U you mean they didn’t

Teach you that at Archbishop Oar Catholic High School exactly exactly and so um it was my second year that I came into to training camp when I was overweight and I I just was very unprofessional and um man that that really taught me a hard lesson as you know uh nuie played with

Uh jacqu and and Larry and these guys and you know I sat in their office and and what what I really felt was a uh you know they were coming down hard on me and they were and they were but it was coming from a place of you can you can

Do better like we believe in you uh but if you do this again you this isn’t you know it’s not going to happen again basically exactly and so for the rest of my career when I was in New Jersey for the next four or five years every summer

I was in New Jersey where now it’s kind of um accepted that guys will go to their city and they’ll train All Summer Long well back in 94 95 96 guys weren’t really that wasn’t really a thing New Jersey was doing it and um man we we

Hired that uh pavl bur’s dad and he just ran us into the ground it it was like Navy SEAL training I thought you know like yes like jumping lunges from one end of the football field you know what I mean right and um and it was it was a a real

Like it was a real am I going to do this is it going to make me or break me moment and um and at least it it gave me an awareness that there it’s going to take more than just showing up and you know getting in a fight or uh walking

Around like I like I deserve to be here it’s going to take more than that and you know if I was probably in any other organization um I might not have made it Jersey just stuck with me for some reason and and um you know I got traded because I wasn’t

Really ready to be a professional I was in and out of the lineup I was having more fun off the ice which is ironic they traded me to Montreal but I was having China club china club china club on Monday nights right downstairs walking us right in life you know and so

I was living the life man I just I’m this here’s this kid from fishing lake and I’m playing for the New Jersey Devils I’m getting in everywhere and we were a good team and um anyways when I got traded um I I’m glad they traded me to Montreal

But it was a team I hated and next we’ve talked about this before right I hated you because all the team when I grew up in in Alberta you were either a Montreal fan or you were an Oiler fan and that’s it so you weren’t both you didn’t kind

Of like the Canadians and kind of like the ORS you were one of the others and I I I hated the Habs but when I got traded there um I really what was the last draw though there for you did you just feel did they think you didn’t progress to

Where they wanted you or what was the last draw with Lou because Lou is is a hot ass there’s no question about it but I think he can ALS he’s also a fair guy you’re 100% right you know Lou um I wasn’t getting along with Robbie for

Toric and instead of because jacqu had left jacqu retired um Larry hadn’t hadn’t become the coach yet um and what had happened is I hated Robbie because I I had him in the miners and we just didn’t get along I felt like he had his guys and instead of like putting my nose

To the grindstone and and really you know I’ll show you I went the other way with like ah whatever you know [ __ ] off and so exactly exactly um and so they traded me and I’ll tell you this this is this is um this is Lou lamello for you

So I get traded to the Canadians and the next year and and the Devils win the cup that year for malov by the way how did that did was that like did that [ __ ] hit was that a gut punch oh that sucked that that sucked because all summer uh

You know I was still living in Jersey CU I I got traded in March so I played a few games with the halves and then I still had my house in New Jersey so they go and win the cup in Dallas my best friend Jason arnet scores the overtime

Goal and they come to you know it’s 5: in the morning and they come over we all live in the same community and they got the cup and I can’t touch the thing right I just got traded so I’m not even touching the cup and it was you know I

Went to Letterman show with them and what and and here they’re you know getting all the thing dumping champagne in people’s mouths and sitting in the corner going like are you kidding me right um so that was that was that stung for sure then I went

Back to Montreal the next season and I’m like okay you know I got an opportunity here and whatever and at Christmas time our owner was John McMullen I remember you remember Dr Mack yeah I coached here one year with jock right after Larry left I was assistant coach

With jock yeah yeah I only lasted a year though yeah you didn’t no way I only lasted one year I didn’t know that but um must have had a tough team well well I think we were too tough because and I said this before and believe me I don’t Lou hired me

Jacqu wanted me there with him I was taking Larry’s place which was certainly big shoes to fill and listen changing [ __ ] lines is not rocket science okay but I had a few confrontations with a few players on that team that didn’t like me and Scott and Dan mlan didn’t

Like me anyway they made it difficult on me but I don’t blame them but the players felt as though and I said this before Tim’s heard this I don’t know how many times that um The Players felt like they had two head coaches I’m not a [ __ ] I can’t be an

Assistant coach I’m not a [ __ ] bump patter you know I don’t change [ __ ] diapers and I don’t give Binkies and [ __ ] warm up your bottle I so that was it was all on me and he loves those iPads on the he loves [ __ ] dude you don’t need two head coaches they cuz

They have a culture there so if you’re a guy who’s coming in your first year you just kind of got to you know tickle the balls a little bit and and kind of do what you’re told right and so anyways um so one one summer I was telling you we

Trained we went down to this place called Lake Nona and uh Lou’s secretary called me and said hey you guys are going to go down to uh Florida middle of the summer bring your golf clubs it’s going to be this you know week or 10 days kind of thing down in Florida I’m

Like this is this is amazing now they’re finally speaking my language now they got some respect for me I’m going to go on a golf trip right and I get down there and it’s a mental toughness Camp I got to go 10 days being fed food like

Couscous on a plate like this and double workouts and oh my God and so at the end of that 10 days that summer we have a barbecue at Dr Max’s house okay now we for 10 days I’m telling you guys I lost 15 pound it hadn’t eaten a thing we go to this

Barbecue and Dr Mac had these two uh yellow labs and so we’re all sitting at the table and finally we’re having like some barbecue but but they put these portions but we had a steak and I was so hungry I could have I could ate the dogs

I was starving and so at the end of this dinner Dr Mack has the chef cut up the steak and he puts the plate down on the floor and these dogs eat a couple of these flam Minon steaks okay fast forward to they win the cup uh that next

Year I get traded and at Christmas I come into my lock into my um into the change room in Montreal and you know in the fan mail I got a Christmas card from Dr McMullen and um so I open this and I’m like [ __ ] these guys sending me a

Christmas card and the front of the Christmas card was Dr McMullen with these two dogs which I hated I’m like this is this is brutal and I open it up and they gave me a full share of the Stanley Cup playoff bonus so it was a couple hundred grand

Something like that right that’s nice and man I it was probably the first time since I was a a grown adult that I got emotional I’m like holy [ __ ] so I got to phone Lou and tell him thank you and whatever and he said hey you’re a big

Part of this and and just that gave me a little spark to be better it it gave me a little spark to be better and um you know things started started happen I got an opportunity in Montreal and I’ll never forget it and because this is Lou

Um I had a I made the All-Star Game the next season and then I was I think third or fourth in the Norris uh voting and um Scott Neer Meer won it that year and I played with him so I called Lou’s assistant and I said hey can I get

Neer’s number I want to you know I want to congratulate him said yeah hold on and Lou gets on the phone and he’s like hello sh hello Sheldon I go hey Lou how’s it going and he goes I want to tell you congratulations you know on the year and

All that and you know I we seen that potential in you he said but I want to tell you he goes you have a tendency to get lazy and complacent he goes don’t get lazy and complacent this is a guy I hadn’t played for in you know two years

Yeah and that conversation changed my life it really did I was like holy smokes this guy that’s about as good as a compliment as you’re ever going to get from l l it probably gave you so much value right like I don’t think there’s another player in the history of hockey

Where like the team went on to win the cup and then they traded him earlier and then they they’re like hey you were a part of this that’s rare it just it just really it really motivated me to to become a uh a better professional not a better player because your your gifts

Are what you got right little bit of opportunity and whatever but it really motivated me to be a better professional if if L lamel was going to say that and jacqu lamero was one my favorite people I man I played we played at the Rangers I scored my first goal

Gamewinner uh playing the Rangers first star I come out I think okay now neer’s going to sit out next game I’m in you know and uh I come to the rink the next day and my jersey’s not hanging in the stall and so I go and they say hey jacqu

Wants to see you in the room so I go over to his room I go what’s up and he goes you’re not playing tonight you know why and I go what do you mean mean dude I just had the best game I had as a a professional he goes you can give more

We’re not happy with that you can give more and it it’s things like that as you know with shock and Larry and Lou it’s these backhanded compliment but it’s always and you guys know being professionals all you want is Black or White the gray area for me is like come

On dude it was black or white with the New Jersey Devils and it was black or white pretty much the whole time with Canadian cuz that’s how those organizations are that’s that’s the culture that’s the standard of of it and um so man I’m just so grateful for for

The teams that I ended up on early in my career it could have been a lot different yeah it could have and should have would have could have and it’s funny to talk about lamir we had lamir on here he was on he doesn’t do these

Things he was on here for like two hours and 45 minutes right Tim we couldn’t get him off yeah I he doesn’t duties right amazing yeah no no Stanley Cup I don’t have a playoff game it was really hard it was hard to ask him some

Questions but he I I freaking love them it goes back I met him just after I was drafted we picked him up a friend of mine from Boston we picked him up Leaf Flur and Jil lupian outside the Boston Garden and gave them a ride to the hotel and on the way I

Told them I’m going to be playing with you guys next year and they start laughing at me right they’re laughing in the back so I go my career would done my career would have been done right there right there and Jac goes how are you

Going to do that and I said well I was drafted by the Canadians last year I play hockey here at nor East in Boston he said oh and you’re going to be with us next year you come to Camp I said yeah I’m gonna be there so sure enough I

[ __ ] showed up in Camp and jock had left but he came back um he went to Switzerland he came back before the season was over and I was with the team we were having lunch one day and he came in and had lunch with the boys and he

Went to Larry he says who’s the new guy on the team the guy who’s doing all the fight thing and he said Chris’s right here so he introduced me to Jac and Ja sees me he goes could you the kid from Boston you told me you were going to be I said I

[ __ ] told you I was going to be here and ever since then I’m going to tell you right now I’ve had a relationship with that guy that probably my strongest relationship in the game through all these years I absolutely love that man he did so much for me as a player yep and

And indebted to him but um yeah so so Jac anyway you get to to Montreal you go from New York China club now you’re come to another city that man the the lights are bright and you know the expectation is large stepping in here so you carried

Some of them things with you from the Devil that you learned from Lou and Company and Sh how’ it start here in Montreal did you get off on the right foot or there was Mike Teran the coach when you came uh Alain ven was the coach yeah Veno was

The coach um so I got traded at night we were on a road trip in uh with the Devils we were in Colorado and I got traded at night and you know Loose as you know we traded yet I knew it was coming I hadn’t played you know three or

Four the pre games and so I knew something was up and so he calls me and and he he said this isn’t bad this is good for you you know and and go and be Prof whatever he said you know and um

Rean H was the re H was our GM and so he was a good trade the one good trade he made well he he I really liked him you know he what I what I really liked is well this is how it started so he says

Hey how you doing we’re going to get you on a flight tonight we played Boston the next day uh the Canadians did and so he said we’re going to get you on a a Redeye flight tonight you meet the team in Boston play tomorrow night and I said

Yeah sounds great he goes because I heard you don’t sleep much anyways and and I loved it I’m like finally this guy gets me this guy gets me and so I I came to Montreal and we weren’t it was kind of a lean team that year right they were

Kind of rebuilding get rid of Malikov and some of their good guys uh but we had great veterans uh Trevor Linden and scottt lechance and Eric wi weinrich and so we had a lot of great guys so I was only there for maybe 15 or 20 games to

Finish that season um but I loved absolutely loved um the guys and there’s as you know um there’s something really prec as much as I hated the Canadians the minute I walked in the building from the security guy parking your cars uh all the way up to meeting the Legends I

Was like this is professional hockey th this immediately it was like oh wow this is what it means to be a professional and um I just love from the second I got there I loved it um I did I love seeing the guy I love

How the alumni is um you know I just there’s a lot of prestige seeing the flower around and the pocket rocket and yeah um uh the rocket passed away that that uh year that I got traed so I had only been there for you know a few months and then

There was this huge thing you know all the Legends flew in I got to see Chelly you know and and and chel told me to you know this is there’s some there’s some uh there’s something that goes along with playing for the Montreal Canadians

And so he kind of gave me a little heads up and anyways it it just um I really felt like like that’s what being a professional was like playing for the Montreal Canadians you know yeah forgot about you forgot about being an Oilers fan pretty quick dude I I did not like

Putting on the Canadians like seeing my N I was like the whole flight I remember going god with blue helmets and red jerseys and the whole Montreal like a and then you see your name you know you go into Boston Garden in that that has

Your name on it and it it was like G it took my breath away like honestly it was like oh this is this is what it is and um and that feeling never left me it was I loved it from the moment that I I put

That Jersey on till the till the time I left and um and by the way we weren’t like you know some great team that was a perennial playoff team all the like I was there for some lean years too and it was still amazing yeah but you did

Experience that playoff Buzz that you get in this city that and listen I’ve been here since 2011 and boy when there’s something when there’s there’s there’s a good hockey team here and you’re in the playoffs comes Springtime I mean people uh you can feel it you can feel it and I haven’t felt

That in so long here it’s ridiculous but you know you had uh and you made a jump there’s no question about it it started you know on the power play with Markov and and kovalev and you know 034 you have 15 goals 20 assists uh really good

Season went off in the playoffs the year before you were in the playoffs too but what was the year was it 056 when you beat Boston in Boston yeah cuz I was there and it was game seven right that was [ __ ] unbelievable for me my langage yeah we were down three to one

They were the first place team we were eight and in in game one um we’re in overtime and uh Glenn Murray kind of slashed kovalev and he kind of went down oh yeah and they and I kind of ran into Kobe and they went in

They scored and uh uh you know after it I said I look it happens but you know you can’t quit on the play and then the Montreal fans kind of [ __ ] on me because kovalev was like the you know the prodigal son and anyways we come back to

Win that series and uh to your point when we flew back from Boston and we get to Montreal they had the roads blocked off coming out of the the Bell Center they had the roads blocked off and we had to get police escorts out of the round one

And um it was incredible well you know you know it I was like holy crazy [ __ ] yeah it was it was something that I wish you know we all wish we could have won a cup you know but um that I really I I still root for that team like I I hope

They do well because that city is uh they they lift that team up I mean it’s incredible and I don’t say that like Edmonton doesn’t do that they got great fans Jersey certainly doesn’t have fans that are elevating you know your play but in Montreal it and you guys know

You’ve been around a long time it’s it’s going to make you or break you you’re going to play in that City or you can’t it’s yeah GNA show you right away who you are yeah yeah it test your metal there’s no question about it and that

Year game seven I never I was at the game in Boston I freaking was so happy uh that the Habs were able to pull it off and I remember that’s really and I’d seen you play but that was you know I think the first time I really got to to

You know focus on you when you’re on the and you know i’ seen it on TV and all that but I really love the way you play because you were tough you could play the game you move the puck but you had a [ __ ] awesome shot you didn’t take no

[ __ ] you were tough Around the Net just all those good things you want in the defenseman goty coaches love guys like that and you certainly blossomed in Montreal so that that was huge and and you say it thank you there is nothing like it is here because we went the

Conference Final I think it was like 84 85 against the Islanders we came back we flew into Montreal we get off the plane we’re coming to I’m with Rick green and there’s [ __ ] people all over the airport and he’s going can you [ __ ] imagine if we ever won the Stanley Cup

Yeah and then sure enough 86 we did and it was [ __ ] Insanity it was Insanity you can only imagine I I’m telling you I had the summer of my life it was incredible it was incredible time but now you’re just the guy that one cup right yeah I

Know yeah yeah well that’s the place you want to win the one cup I but was saying like when fans ask they’re like disappointed you only have one cup right yeah like people say to me you know people don’t know right they’ll go hey

How many cups you have I go one they go one only one I’m like [ __ ] you only one cuz everybody else got like six or nine four five yeah it’s crazy but yeah it’s uh so you got a taste remember when you guys won yeah yeah yeah we got to we got

A taste that I remember when when you guys won and um even in emont because we were we were just starting to be a dynasty there right and so em was winning cups right after you Steve Smith scored on his own goal but I remember

Looking at the the newspaper and I was a young kid man I’ve been nine or 10 years old maybe at that time so right when you’re an impressionable kid and I remember reading the newspaper and the front page was like cars turned over on St Catherine’s and on fire and I’m like

Holy [ __ ] they’re doing all that because of a a cup like I just I couldn’t fathom it and looking back on that that’s like an early memory I have is watching you know when you guys won the cup and then you were like you’re like one day I’m going

To go on that guy’s podcast that’s I said one day I’m goingon to I’m going to be on that street partying flipping cars too with the rest of the fans it’s funny and to win it here I got to tell you we we they inv Ed family we have family

They had one of them buses for parents and siblings it was unbelievable one of them trolley buses in the parade yeah and then they had a big time at Queen Elizabeth uh Hotel you could bring all your family it was unbelievable how they treated everybody Molson was really Mr

Molson was awesome as an owner but so so your years of Montreal I mean you take off you establish yourself and and I gotta I gotta figure this one out I had a have time figuring out other than that you’re from Alberta and you love the Oilers growing up you get to be

A free agent and you [ __ ] sign with the Oilers yeah and and so what did you cuz just from afar knowing Sheldon I figure you’re more New York Ranger la king not [ __ ] Edmonton Oiler you know yeah what happened there so was it was it the dollars just the

Dollars or no actually it was the Montreal had offered me more money uh the highest offer I got was from the capitals so I’ll tell you what H and you guys know free people are like you think you get the free agency and you just you

Know you got the whole pick of the litter like you know you’re the you’re the king of the Dan you’re want a guy I mean [ __ ] every [ __ ] team would want a guy like you so that year so so what was going on was you know I I had

Always had a high conflict divorce I had my second kid was on the way um in May so right before I became a free agent you know uh my ex-wife just was like I’m not going back to I’m not taking two kids now back to Montreal and back and

Forth and a lot went into that it wasn’t just the hockey thing but to your point um day one of free agency hits okay and so uh two teams that I was talking to was New York and La they said okay we’re we’re we’re going to sign one

Of these guys it was Chris jury I think and and Scott Gomez were the two guys who were the big free agents forwards that year so New York the first day of free agency offers both those guys a contract one of them is going to accept

The other guy is going to go to to La probably and then they’re going to fit me in somewhere well New York ends they Gomez and jury both end up signing in New New York so the first two hours of free agency New York’s out and we had been

Talking to sa like the whole you were thinking about going there I that’s where I wanted to go right that’s where I thought it was going to go like I said wife ex-wife now it was a lot easier to say hey get on a plane and go to New

York because she could do some work modeling or whatever then it was to go to Montreal with two young kids customs and everything it was just it was a little more to it well okay uh so they got those guys well I was living in LA

In the Summers and so the Kings end up calling me a couple hours later and said well we’re not going to spend all that money on one player and so they went and got like three different players hanus and someone else so the first four hours

Of free agency the two places I was sure I was going close up so you wanted to go to New York or La I wanted to be I wanted to go to LA because that’s where my kids were and so that that made the most sense and so uh

Now I just had my fourth shoulder surgery after that season okay um so now the next couple days of free agency were teams that I didn’t really want to go to you know it wasn’t really uh it just weren’t teams that I wanted to go play

On and so now you get to like day you know four and now it’s like well hold on why hasn’t you know Sur signed yet well a lot of these teams wanted me to fly in do a physical yada yada I wouldn’t have passed the physical I just my fourth

Shoulder surgery I was how about the wrist too I forgot that the wrist too right [ __ ] the wrist and my shoulder so I just had a [ __ ] laundry list of injuries and so you know we get to whatever it was day seven or eight and um Montreal was was a team they offered

Me more money than than I took in emont and Bob gainy said look uh here’s the deal if you want it we’re doing this right now now if if you don’t want it you got 10 minutes to figure this out cu we got another guy we’re going to offer this deal to said

Okay literally you know 10 minutes 15 minutes later across the bottom of the screen Roman hammerli signs with the Canadians well there goes my next best option the next one because I want to go back to Montreal at that point right and so um it just ended up as I was talking

To my parents and and uh whatever it just emont now I was having another you know like I just said my second daughter was being born everything personally started aligning with Edmonton they had just lost Pronger the year before not that I was there to replace them but the

The story they sold was well we just lost you know to Carolina in the finals in game seven um we’re going to get where they sign Dustin Penner to an offer sheet and so things were it started to sound like that was going to be a great fit

Um and so that’s kind of why I signed in amonton um I took less money to go there than I was getting you know offers that had gotten in a couple other places but it just really started making sense and I to me I felt like uh they had just

Been to the finals they had a a good leadership group and I you know got a shot at the cup I I bid on it yeah I bid on it you know yeah so you go there you know you’re certainly the first year 26 games you know just okay season and then

Um the second season 0809 oh you ripped it up I mean ripped it up how are things there no playoff that first year that I signed there um like I said I had shoulder 78 yeah 0708 so it was summer 07 we’re going into training

Camp and they like I said they had a great leadership group so uh you guys know how you do the the physicals early as a veteran you can kind of go early right and so I get there early I’m having a coffee in the training room I’m

Not supposed to play it till mid November that that was the timeline and so I’m sitting with like Dwayne rolison and Steve stos and uh uh uh Ethan Morrow all they’re better than Sean horoff and and Craig McTavish walks in and uh he said oh just the guy I wanted to see and

I said yeah you finally wanted to meet me huh and he goes no I want to know when the [ __ ] you going to play hockey what you know why we brought you in here so he calls me out in front of all these guys right and so now I’m pissed

Off so Kevin low or Kenny low never told m t that that I wasn’t available and so you know when he doesn’t see me on the training camp list he kind of calls me out and it’s not his fault he he didn’t know but that’s how that’s the foot I

Got got off on an Emon so immediately I felt like I was challenged oh yeah well okay I’m going to show you how much I care I’m going to come back and and play early right I’ll make it back a month early and I think two or three games and

I tore my shoulder again so I didn’t play much my first year there because I just got injured again my first year so the next year when I was healthy um you know I went in and I was able to you know have a have a good year we didn’t

Make the playoffs I think we lost out in like the last game or something you close though yeah right we were close yeah yep we were really close and um so I just felt like we were kind of on the on the right foot I will say this I love back T he’s

He’s a he’s a great dude and and uh Kevin low uh when I signed there Kevin low being he’s from monal right he’s laal yeah and so he kept picking my brain he said hey you know we we’ve we’ve had we want to get get more free

Agents to come here and yada yada and um Montreal was the gold standard of how they treat uh families you know what I mean their room all that and so he said you know we want some some ideas we want to pick your brain on some things and so you know

After two years things are going along we didn’t have a a wives lounge and so our wives after the games had to sit with uh you know all the drunk fans with the babies booing us cuz we we suck so there were some suggestions I was making

And you know Kevin was just shooting me down he’s like you know you silver Spooner you know uh we didn’t bring you in here to be a primadonna and okay you know um so I just could never settle in to Edmonton I just as much as I wanted to I just couldn’t uh

Just couldn’t couldn’t find that Groove there you know after was that after you scored 23 goals or that that Kevin low said that yeah well that was the year I had a a Good Year my first my second year I was there I think 0809 I had a

Good the All-Star game was actually in Montreal and I got to I made the All-Star team and got to go back to Montreal like life was good that year you know it was playing good it was in Edmonton we were things were were were

Kind of moving and um but I was I was feeling like and I don’t have to tell you guys this when your family and your friends when you don’t have to worry about that and you can go into a wives Lounge after and you know they’re safe and they’re

Sound and they’ve had a good time and they want to come to games that takes a lot of you know the distraction away exactly it takes a lot of the distraction away and um and we just never had that and and so I would say something and then I was made to feel

Like just shut your mouth and play hockey well I just came from Montreal where they treat you like royalty and and we weren’t you know perennial Cup winners we that’s just the way the Montreal Canadians do things they’re Elite they still do it that way know the

Best the best for mediocrity but but they still do it you know exact Chang exactly it’s not it’s not dependent on how you’re playing or your performance they treat you like this and if you suck you’re on a 10- game losing streak it’s like that if you’re on a 10 game winning

Streak it’s like that and so um things it just started to become a little bit of budding heads with uh with the management and then what happened in amonton the way the way I went yeah that’s what I want to get to was because it it was Sour

Right it it went bad and and I I read about this and I went through the same thing you went through but I want you to explain it yeah so you know I’d had injuries there and whatever and the the beginning of I think 0910 so that might have been

My third year that I was there home opener we playing calary I’m going back to get a puck yep so I’m going back to get a puck home opener and uh Dr MCA goes in and reaches for a puck and he kind of catches my skates knocked me out

I had a concussion and so um we’re we’re coming I come back missed a couple months I come back around January and N you know I’ve never been I’ve never been tapped on the shoulder and said hey go fight someone I just never have been I

You hey uh you’re up you’re you got next shift you know what yeah has to tell me what to do yeah I’m not an idiot I’m you know I’m not playing against Joe sack I’m playing against Scott Parker I get it what I got to do right and so

Um and so I’m walking out we’re getting beat like three or four to one going for the third period and uh Tom reny as I’m going out grabs my jersey and he says Hey now’s your time to go get that guy [ __ ] you what right so any I I go and

Jerome is a great guy as professional as it gets we scrap I break my hand on his head um we’re coming up to the Olympic break that year and so I said and I was going back to California because that’s where I was living and and I said well I

Want to get this surgery pretty simple surgery put a couple pins in there it’s a boxer’s fracture shouldn’t be a big deal well now Emon says because I had asked for a trade that year I said if it comes up and and we’re going to suck

Here and you want to go for rebuilding and you guys don’t think you know if I’m not worth it whatever move me okay so it wasn’t really like this handshake deal but they were pissed off right that that and so no one was happy anyways I said I

Want to get this surgery they said no you’re getting it here so it actually kind of changed the CBA because now you’re you’re allowed to go get that second opinion right you’re encouraged to go get it they said no you’re getting it done here in Emon I’m like why

Wouldn’t you guys let me just go to a doctor that I want to see go to you know La you have to assume has better doctors than maybe Emon Alberta that’s that was our thinking know what you’re getting here okay surgery uh goes fine the Olympic break is happening I’m back in

California I got to fly back to Edmonton after the Olympic break to see the doctor and potentially come back and play uh about a month before the deadline and try to get moved well my hand gets an infection right uh so when I get back to inton the day before I’m

Going to see the doctor I end up in the emergency room now I have a staff infection a blood and a a blood and a bone and infection I’m sick like I’ve never been sicker than I had a lot of injuries but I’ve never been that sick

And um so I spend three days or four days in the ICU and finally but the team’s on a road trip so everything happen so quickly uh that communication was getting lost like I’m so sick I’m not calling Kevin alone going hey buddy that’s the last [ __ ] thing

Yeah I’m in ICU they’re talking about cutting my hand off about making the game in Nashville exactly I’m calling my mom he’s you know I’m making a will not you know getting getting ready to play in Nashville so um someone comes in to see me I don’t know it might have been

Our assistant trainer our strength coach and uh you know I got this pick line I just got the ICU I’ve lost 15 pound you know I’m I’m sick as a dog and he says how you feeling well you know kind of been better and he says yeah he goes um

I I talk to uh Kevin and and Daryl katees the owner they think you’re milking your injury oh [ __ ] so they’ll trade you now I’m on painkillers I’m on you know vanam I I’m ready to go I picked up that phone and I left a couple messages for people that I shouldn’t left

Messages and you know just how I was feeling you know and and I I felt like of all the things to say that I’m mailing it in was like really hurtful and I get it they didn’t have the information but to to assume that and tell somebody that and you’re laying in

The [ __ ] hospital bed wrong yeah exactly and so my year end um meeting you know I I told Steve tambellini what I thought of him and I said if he had any problems with that let me know and we can figure it out Meanwhile my hands

In pass I got a bag of you know bag of milk over your shoulder bag of milk cuz you milk you know fanny pack exactly yeah bag of milk exactly exactly so um we had some words and I just told the media I said you know which I probably

Shouldn’t have done but I was a little bit emotional I was on uh a lot of medicine I was just feeling like you know letting it out and I said well you know maybe they should trade me and we could you know start over well that they

Thought was like you no one does that to the EV know you who do you think you are as I told you with like the silver Spooner thing and the whole thing so um I have a really good summer that year working out and and I had the mindset

Like I did back in 0304 0405 I had the mindset of like I’m coming in and I’m kicking ass and taking names and then they they can trade me get get my value well I come in a couple days before I’m skating around with the guys and uh the

Trainer comes up he says hey uh this is optional by the way this is an optional skate two days before practice he said uh you’re not allowed to skate with the guys tomorrow I said what he said yeah man management doesn’t want you around the guys I said okay so call my

Agent Kevin LLY they’re they’re at a rookie Camp he comes back he meets him in the house at 6:00 in the morning and I say Kevin what dude I’m ready to go dude you know I I’m I’m going to I’ll get my value up and we’ll we’ll I’ll be

For professional and we’ll just move on you’re going to have to apologize to Daryl Kates I said I’m not apologizing to anybody I’m not wrong so I’m not doing that okay so the next day you know disinvited to camp and and my agent says they’re going to send you the miners

What was the apology for the Kates though I what did you say to him because I left the the voicemail like I’ll never play again not Patrick Patrick W asked I was just a little emotional right and um but I did see him which is funny I see

Him in the in the gym a couple days later that that our strength coach had uh before training camp or during training camp and I seen Daryl and I I said hey Daryl could I talk to you for a second and I said hey man I I don’t I

Don’t know what you guys’ plans are for me but I’m you know I’m ready to go and and uh be professional and get this over with and he said we you got to talk to Kevin L so I talked to Kevin he says well you got to apologize to Daryl I

Said I just talk to Daryl he told me to talk to you right so the whole and so they said well we’re going to send you the miners and it was in Oklahoma City I go [ __ ] I haven’t played the miners since you know 94 I said all right

Whatever I’ll go down there for a little bit pay meay me pay me no escrow it’s like okay [ __ ] you and then they said well we’re not sending you down to we’re not sending you the minor to to our minor league team because you know you’re you’re poison all these kids

Nothing so they sent me to Hershey which is Washington’s farm team and you know guys first three games I I didn’t touch the puck guys were taking runs at me and I finally you know third game I I get in a fight and I break my hand again and so

I called I call up Kevin and Eddie EK was our assistant go you idiots what did you think was going to happen so now I’m hurt down in the miners for half the year right so it was it was a humbling experience it was definitely you know you see the

Really great sides of business and then you see the other side of you sound like a bad Import in like Russia like they’re just trying to to quit you know like I’m that’s that’s what they wanted me to do they wanted me to quit I had two more years on my

Contract they didn’t have to pay I can ride this so well you know what was unfortunate but I can certainly empathize you from the standpoint I’ve been through that infection stuff I’ve had it with my hands okay when I was in college okay I had teeth in my hand I

Got infected I was in the hospital for a month I could take penicillin back then back in 20110 20 yeah 2010 I had a staff infection in my ankle and I was allergic found out I was allergic penicillin I had three surgeries in five days they almost amputated my foot because they couldn’t

Get rid of the infection it was in the bone exactly they scraped it they power washed it they did everything I I after the second one my temperature is 104 the doctor came in 29 years old Harvard kid he comes into to me he looks at me said Cris here’s the deal I’m

Going to go in one more time okay and if we don’t get control this infection on this surgery I’m GNA have to amputate your foot are you okay with that I said am I okay [ __ ] are you [ __ ] kidding me I don’t want to [ __ ] H he said

Chris you got to understand exactly what didn’t he said it’ll go to your heart and it’ll kill you or it’ll go to your spine and paralyze or it’ll paralyze you and I’m there no way he said yahe so thank God thank god um the third surgery worked and

Then three years ago I had in my knee I I had a knee replacement two weeks after I’m out of the woods feeling good they come in and changed my bandage a nurse came in day nurse came in changed my bandage left that night staff infection

In the hospital 2 weeks I had a pick line for 3 months yeah right to the heart sits right on top of the heart so I know what you’re going I had that fanny pack and to say you’re [ __ ] milking it emotional you know I don’t blame you for [ __ ] being pissed off

You know to say you’re milk yeah that’s the thing saying something that’s not even an option in your mind right like milk it and if you have a problem if you me pick up that phone near the gym give me a call and say yo what’s up and I

Would have told you or I would have said you know what why don’t you get in your car and drive to the University of Alberta Hospital and come have a look I had they did a surgery on my hand and they cut me open from the from my my

Middle finger all the way to my wrist on both sides and then they had to set it in this cast like back like this because it had to ooze all the [ __ ] all the puss right yeah and so I kind of wake up from one of my naps I mean I’m hitting the

Pain stuff cuz I’m in I’m in really I’m bad shap W up from one of my naps and there’s you know four of these um these interns with the doctor and you know I kind of wake up and and I said how’s it looking doc am I okay and he

Goes well he goes we just hope it doesn’t get to your heart because that’s going to kill you but we hope you don’t have to cut your hand off either I’m like right it’s a Shar isn’t it Edmonton calls and they’re like quit milking it they’re like can you play in

Nashville tomorrow I’m like yeah um so it was it was a bad I I don’t really blame Ed it was just the communication thing that just got then we just got kind of in a you know Mexican standoff it’s like oh [ __ ] me [ __ ] you and uh that’s kind of how I

Happened but you know um I went with gretz to or their alumni thing in bam like in 2016 and I’ve seen Kevin low and and you know he just gretz is like just it’s water under the bridge dude you know you’re retired and so I was able to say

Hey sorry for how it all went down and you know my parents did get to see me put on an Oiler Jersey and I did have you know a good time there my friends were supportive just sucks when it ends that way right it just sucks because

That was never like in my career uh that was never like who I was right and so for it to go down like that and you know uh the the perception not everyone knows the story so the perception is this guy wants to get out

He’s a you know married to a movie star down in La get him out of here and I’m like whoa like so anyways you know um that year they ended up buying me out my last year and the first day of free agency I got a call from Joe new andik

And he said are you do you still have some some left and I saides I do and he said okay we’re going to sign you for for a year and um we’re a team in transition so it might get you another contract with us but it’s going to give

You a chance to get back and and and get in the game and uh man I was so grateful for that and I got to go do it in a place that wasn’t Montreal uh or Edmonton where all the eyes were on you you got to go to Dallas and just kind of

Be myself and leave the rank and life is good no pressure I wasn’t making you know 6 million exactly I was making uh uh a million buck and it was I just lot golf playing a lot of golf in Dallas I played golf with Brandon Morrow and mini Mo was

There and I just I love the life you know and in the in Montreal especially in Edmonton you leave the rank and you’re never you can never really turn it off right you’re someone’s calling someone’s seeing you at dinner so you know so you’re always kind of you’re

Going to wanders not the golf course ex I’m going inside to stay warm um but yeah I again man you know everything Happ you go to Dallas you that year you decent season for sure and then Anaheim your last season now I want to know and and listen you played the game

Tough played it hard you fought and I know at the end for me it was extremely difficult it was getting difficult mentally because I started to question myself I would sit on the bench I fought I remember I told Tim this you heard this [ __ ] story so

Many times but I fought Stu Grimson and the next night Big Jim McKenzie and I remember going back to the bench saying [ __ ] it’s getting tough this is [ __ ] it wait what I still did my job to the end I fought right to the [ __ ] end

But boy it was getting tougher on me mentally and physically I was [ __ ] beat up H how was that with you like all the injuries all the [ __ ] was it starting to get tough mentally on you it was really getting tough also uh you know my kids were becoming a certain age

Where I was starting to miss like you know they’re seven eight nine years had two kids at that point two girls yeah and um so Anaheim was was a perfect landing spot kivu was there who was obviously a Montreal with me and yeah um you know I wanted to sign for one more

Year and they signed me for three you know and I’m Anaheim and so then we had that lock out that year so we missed half a year so that season in Dallas or uh Anaheim was only half a season um I just I I I was for a player like you

Chris or me and and stapes I don’t know about you but like the motivation has to be high it it has to be you have to be able to get yourself like you know spitting Nails a little bit and be a good leader and and and come in the rink

And be you know and I I just was getting harder I was missing my kids Christmas concerts and this and the travel and it was just really getting harder to be a professional and I got hurt at the end of that last year broke my hand and um

[ __ ] yeah hand and that was it that’s how you went you know it’s funny right CU because we all have this idea of how you should go out like Tom Brady goes to the Buccaneers he wins another Super Bowl you’re like bro what are you doing

You know well for him he’s like well I I can win another one you know so you never as an athlete you never really go out the way you have the Romantic idea of I’m going to win this I’m going to give you I’ll give you two

Guys forget about any other sport hockey L McDonald he went out he scored a goal in the the last game and Ray bar he w a Stanley Cup the last game he ever played those two guys the only two I know in the game of hockey that went

Out that way it just doesn’t happen you know it doesn’t happen POS you know percentage wise it’s I lost in game five in Germany I was playing in the German league that wasn’t my plan that was my last your bag your bag is already packed at the rink huh you’re like all right

What time is the first flight home tomorrow that was it my career was done I was like all right that was it and you’re probably happy like when my career ended like they said okay here’s the thing you got to get the surgery you can try to come back but to your point

It was getting harder man like the you know now I’m 36 or 37 years old and it’s just getting harder to like I’m working harder I’m at the rink earlier I’m leaving later I’m you know skate and laughs it just was getting harder and uh they said well here’s the deal you can

You can get the surgery and your career is over um I also seen the writing on the wall a little bit that you know I wasn’t going to be playing the power play and being a top four guy anymore i’ probably be in and out of the lineup and

And you’re not going to be Chelly who played till [ __ ] 49 exactly exactly so it was just like okay this is this is how it is but um yeah I mean you know I wish it would ended differently but I looked back on

It and I was just so lucky to you had a great career had a great career it was okay yeah did you keep breaking the same hand was it both both actually it was my left one the first time and I had to have surgeries to get that going I broke

My scaphoid and um I finally went down to Duke University where the guy rebuilt Grant Hill you remember the basketball guy was having all those surgeries with his so this guy invented the surgery so it it my left ended up working good then I broke my right one in that fight and

Then the infection and then it just never healed properly and so now I got two bad hands and I cross checked we’re playing um Detroit in the playoffs and I cross checked that Abdul cator and I broke my I broke my hand and um man that was it that was that was it

And so um so the game’s over have the hardest slap shot though un official right don’t you have don’t you have the hardest Slap Shot on official though I I I did for about uh two months and then big Z big Chara came in and absolutely

[ __ ] you had a Canon too I can’t imagine [ __ ] you know hotter than that I can’t imagine like especially in today’s game how they all block shots right I know like everybody I [ __ ] hated blocking shots I’m like what’s a block shot what do you mean what are you talking about

Yeah we’re playing uh we’re playing Boston I was in Montreal and we’re playing Boston it’s a five on three and a kill and pen and uh the puck goes over to Z big Z and he’s going to one time it and I come out and I Flamingo right I Flamingo beat

Jose top Corner well the next day we’re watching video and [ __ ] me Terry and put it on and these guys roasted or maybe it was cl juliia these guys roasted me so I’m like well now I got to block a shot the next time now now the eyes are on me

You know I used to say Jose is making 6 million bucks in there and you want me to block shots this guy can let him a save make a save look at the pads he’s got you know come on man it’s funny how it changes right cuz in the 80s it was

[ __ ] get out of the way and let the goalie see it right now it’s not that way anymore I [ __ ] hated blocking shots but that’s what it was now it’s changed you better get in [ __ ] front of the parck I sucked at it it would always hit me like in the back or

Something yeah just like [ __ ] we played uh we played Adam burst has become one of my best buddies and when the Hawks were you know he was a little [ __ ] disturber and they had that other Dave bowling and he was a [ __ ] disturber so

We used to uh we used to just get our asses handed to us when I was an Emon playing these guys and they always used to chirp me and one one game we’re losing well we ended up losing 10-1 but we’re like 7-1 after the second period

So I told these guys I said I’m going to [ __ ] kill one of you guys like the game’s out I don’t care I’m making a lot of money if I get a two game suspension I’m good so just I’m just letting you guys know I’m going to I’m going to kill

You so um nothing happens that game while the next game because I played with Bish and Dallas well the next game the coach the quinnville Tells these guys you got to get out on the power play and or when we penalty killing you got a block Sur shot they’re like [ __ ] I

Didn’t know where it was going so they don’t know where it’s going right yeah and so um burish comes out you know one of the first shifts he comes out and uh I hit him in the shin pad and I crack his shin Pad but I heard him scream like

Ah and so I gave it to him right I’m like you you know and so he skates off his shin pad’s broken bowan comes out replaces him so we go we’re in the zone this is the same shift and I take a slapper and bowlan comes out and he you

Know kind of the goalie he opens the palm of his hand and I hit him in a hand and break his hand and him too go you know and and so the next time we played these guys I I I told you guys I someone

Was gonna die I was going for your neck and so Burr Burr was uh he always used to bug me he’s like damn dude they used to want us to block your shot but uh no one knew where it was going I remember when I got traded to Anaheim we had getl

And Perry and you know we’re and and timu and we’re talking about power play one of the first things and they go hey jelly come here so go after and they’re like hey dude like low shots like shin pad or lower no no high like don’t we

Don’t need any Heroes here cut they’re they’re like dude you’re new here like you give us some respect and I remember uh one of the games we were on the power play and I scored and it it went high and Perry there’s a picture of a Perry

Standing in front of the net like this and it just happens to go by him and he came on I’ve never seen a guy so disappointed that I scored a goal in my life he’s just shaking his head he’s looking down shaking his head like this

Oh good times yeah I know Burr I’m good friends with Burr he’s funny man Adam yeah he’s the best for sure so shell the the transition out of the game like you know you made some good dough in your career how was it like CU I I like asking guys this

Because I don’t care who you are how much money you made how prepared you think you are you’re never really prepared for that day H how was that with you and how how difficult was it to get you know get going again in life in a in a different

Direction well it was really hard I mean you guys know I know you guys from from uh you know a different kind of program and um different I thought a different team now um what I thought was something that you know our whole life my whole

Life has been wake up have a routine have a schedule you go on a road trip here’s your sheet this is how your life’s going to go and that starts day one and it ends your last game that you play so your whole life is routine and

As I was getting older and and you know you get into like 2008 9 10 we used to be able to take Summers off like we’re talking about the Jersey thing right so I used to kind of you end in May and June July was

Having a lot of fun and I’d kind of pick it up again in August and then I started skating when I went to training camp well everything just became so much more of a routine and as I was getting older I was working harder and you know I was

Living in Malibu with chellos and so now I had to be on this guy’s routine and that was harder than playing it was it was just like all this life so I couldn’t wait I I thought I couldn’t wait to be retired you know and

Now I could find no one telling me what to do I can sleep in till whenever I want and um you know all that was was good for a little bit um but I was just getting off track right I was using my experience playing and everyone go oh

You it must have been so hard playing and all your injuries and I was eating it all up I’m like yeah you know this and that I was fine you know I just I just uh now I had all this free time I had no structure no one to answer to and

Um I thought I was going to absolutely love it and it just I started going down this road that I never in a million years would have thought that that a few years after I retired I would have put my hands up and said I’m a drug addict

And alcoholic I just I would have put all my money in the middle of the room and said you’re crazy if you think that’s going to happen to me and that’s you know that’s where I found myself and so the the trend I I don’t know what sports can do to get

Guys uh trans to make the transition easier I I I don’t know what the answer is I just know that the second the the day and this is the God’s honest truth the day that I went in for a surgery and I got my hand uh done and I woke up I

Had never talked to one more person in hockey management again what Bob Murray wasn’t calling me going hey how you doing yeah there was none of that right there’s no babying it did it and I was done don’t let the door hit you in the

Ass on the way out that’s it and that’s it and so I don’t know what you can do what I thought thought was going to be you know I I had now I had some money and I had all this freedom and man this is beautiful uh ended up really really

Being hard for me and it wasn’t until I went to my first rehab in uh January 2017 you know we have to do all these exercises right and I’m like I’m a [ __ ] professional hockey player and I have you know I got ride in a rehab [ __ ]

You’re going to tell me to breathe tell me to breathe exactly I got to beat a drum and and and sing songs I’m like this is ridiculous but um I had this lady who was my counselor and she said I want you to write a a grief letter and

I’m like to to who my life is great and she said I want you to write a grief letter to your career because I don’t think you’ve yeah she goes I don’t think you’ve ever properly mourn that and I was like this is [ __ ] stupid I can’t believe I’m

Going to do this and as I’m writing it the tears are hitting the the the paper and I just couldn’t believe that um I had never processed that you know I lost a huge part of my life uh you know when when I did that and um and so that was

Really therapeutic that was I didn’t stay sober from that moment on but it gave me an awareness to like yeah man you know Mr Cool Guy um maybe you cared more about that than you you thought you did yeah you give said um certainly even though you didn’t stay sober off the

Heart because I struggled with that too you know that transition and I got lost and I never properly um grieved um the loss of my career at such a young age and and really dealt with it in a healthy way and I didn’t stay sober from

The get-go either and you know it’s it’s funny a lot of people think oh you go to rehab oh it doesn’t work but it does it may not work the first time and you get that understanding of you really know there is a there is a way

Out and there’s a new way to live life and you just maybe the first time like with me it took me a while to get it and there’s no shame in that uh I’m just glad I was able to live through the times where I went back out

And and almost bit it and I mean almost B did bite it and and was brought back so you know yeah and and certainly being in um recovery and and being able to you know assess your life and look at your life and look at yourself and and

Still be yourself but make some changes within yourself to be just live a better life and be a better person and certainly you’ve done that Tim has done it yeah I was going to say you’re it’s it’s almost like I’m still dealing with the transition like I I still have like

A like I got this I’m grateful for this and I’m doing other things but there’s still that gut feeling of like what the [ __ ] my purpose like what am I supposed to do it’s so easy to not want to deal with that like it’s so easy to

Be like I don’t want to [ __ ] feel this [ __ ] so I did the same thing for the first year I was just golfing like I didn’t care exactly and then next you know it’s like [ __ ] I gotta kind of make a little bit of a structure here and

Then it was like sh you know it’s just it’s hard it’s really hard well also like you know I I really thought like my life was over like how you’re a professional athlete playing in for the Montreal Canadians playing in you know All-Star games and now what am I gonna

I’m G to go sell cars I’m going to go be a real estate agent like it it seemed like it was so beneath what I had been doing right and so I think what recovery really gave me was a humility it’s like bro you got 40 more years left of your

Life hopefully maybe 50 you know who knows um what are you g to do just sit around and play golf and and go on podcast and talk about hockey like what what’s your purpose going to be and that’s what recovery gave me was it was

I was able and am able to look through a different set of lenses to be like oh this is who I am you know what I am a sensitive guy and I I joke with KN on this because we go to the same meeting it’s like when when KN was playing can

You imagine the brunes playing the Canadians and hey KN how you feeling boys I’m I’m like a little sad today well snap out of it dude because you know we got uh and and so it it’s just kind of given um given me a a opportunity to like just humble myself

And be grateful for what I had and and be alive like that’s it sounds so corny right and and N you know we talk ball all this time I hate I hate the corny sayings we see them every time you walk out of a a dressing room work hard enjoy

The process it’s like oh my God shoot me um and AA is just all these sayings right and now I like I live it there’s a lot of people and there still is maybe worse than ever um who haven’t had the chance to come back to a room and the

The gut-wrenching thing is I can’t imagine you know my kids going to school and someone saying your dad passed away from drugs like what a what a bum right what a bum imagine that’s the Legacy you leave after the life you live for me anyways like that really was like

Man it’s was like a whole new chapter of my life and starting over and some of it’s like doesn’t feel good and some of it wishes on a on a Saturday night we were playing in you know uh the Bell Center um but that’s not my life you

Know my life is I got a sober wife and I got a new baby like all these things I said when I you know five six years ago I was like I I can guarantee you guys a few things and and a couple of those things are I will never get married

Again I will never have a kid again I’m freaking 47 years old and you want to bet $10 million on it take my money and here I am I married to the most beautiful human being I’ve ever met we have a 2 and 1/2 week old son um so my

Life has opened up in in other way it’s not the money it’s not the parties it’s not a nice car whatever which used to be important to me right like you go into the Bell Center I’m not driving a Dodge pickup when kivu is driving a Bentley Continental like it’s all you’re just

Keeping up with the whole keeping up the Joneses yeah yeah exactly and so um recovery has really really given me a beautiful life I get to meet guys like you and it’s not it’s not these things aren’t coring talking to me not you yeah I talking both you I’m I’m kidding I’m

Kiding he might he meant to do uh Joe pesy he meant to say use to me I me but it’s funny and then and I’m grateful and I’ve heard it before and I’ve said it but to be a grateful I’ve heard people say I’m a grateful recovering alcoholic and I’m

Like when I first got sold I’m like that’s [ __ ] the biggest cocer heard shut [ __ ] shut up but but I am grateful for that because when I look listen playing a professional sport and doing what we did for a living it’s not a place where you’re really allowed to

Feel your feelings the only really good feeling that you can expose to those around you is anger yeah right exactly [ __ ] exactly any of other feelings you are not you can’t I’m not saying you’re not allowed to but you’re really not allowed to uh show those other feelings especially anything on the

Sensitive side so how do you process that and how you process it at least for me I can’t speak for anybody else was by drinking exactly and and taking drugs especially when I got addicted to that pain medication I didn’t have to feel I was told I couldn’t feel those things

Like I wasn’t told let me say it wasn’t accepted for me to feel those feelings so now I’m able to feel those feelings and process them in a total different way than I would before and that’s to me the beautiful part about it and I’ve learned to tone some of those other

Things down like you get to be you you get to be Sheldon Sur from Elk Point you don’t have to be Sheldon Sur the allstar from you know just be you and I think there’s no mask you know it’s just it it it really is

And man you know I I never like I said and I I just can’t believe sometimes that this is my life that I get to live my life um the way I do because when I first came into recovery I was like these these are old people they have no

Life they’ve never had money they don’t know what they never played in front of 20 these guys are losers they need a place to go you know I’m like I’m looking around like who’s the loser in the room I can’t find him and you ends

Up being this guy um but yeah life life is just man it’s there’s one thing that life has shown me it’s that I know nothing about what’s good for me you know so and it’s easy to think you do know like it’s easy to be like I could

You know just thought process like when something doesn’t go my way it’s really easy to start thinking a certain way but you know exactly well the way you used to deal with it to to Nu’s Point well the way I used to do it is oh you’re

Disappointed or mad at me watch this I’m going to show you oh you’re mad at me I’m going to show you who’s M let’s see who can get matter right and it’s just just my ego you know when I had just the the apologies I’ve had to make to people

In the past for you know the ego driven stuff that I did I look back on it and it served me really well in my professional life oh yeah it really served me really well and my personal life it burned it down to the ground right and so it’s been it’s certainly

Been a transition but um man it’s just you know just uh that’s awesome it is awesome awesome just taking it like it is you know that’s awesome I’m so happy for appreciate that yeah yeah thank you buddy and you guys too I know you guys

Are uh I’ve seen you guys in the rooms and you know it takes again not to be corny but it takes courage to change it like for me the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was to humble myself and go say I’m even

If I don’t think I was wrong to have to go to someone and say hey I’m sorry for my behavior you know you did and and not go but you made me you know so I don’t know there’s there’s been a um there’s been some kind of strength in just being

A super simple and and humble human being and grateful we say it all the time but it’s it’s it’s my life so I I changes in inside job right like I think that’s the first thing was thinking how much is going to change if I go this way and

This direction the real nothing’s Chang I changed really right yeah you change other people aren’t you’re just seeing it different you know a different lens and and again those are men’s it’s not to make amends to someone and not have to always keep saying sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m

Sorry you make amends and then then from that point on I know in my own case I’ve amended my behavior also so that doesn’t happen again so I don’t have to say I’m sorry again so recovery yeah it’s a beautiful thing I’m I know both you guys

Are in it and it’s awesome life is good again one um so you have two other you have two daughters M besides your son now right y my daughter your 20 they’re in La so my oldest is 20 and my youngest is 16 um cool you know it’s

Uh I would say this that recovery no I know you know this uh it doesn’t make everything perfect as a matter of fact it makes some things just a little bit harder because I have to deal with them in a different way than I really want to

The way I want to do it is is a lot different than the way I got to do it and so in a lot of ways it’s been a challenge but my oldest daughter was here uh this weekend meeting meeting our baby and just like to see the that

Beauty in um [ __ ] in being alive to see it yeah that you know what I mean for being alive to make it happen but also like just to um life is just crazy I got you got to be honest were you praying like please don’t be another girl please don’t be another

Girl totally yeah because you know what if it was we’d be saying today we’d be saying takes a man to make a man dude exactly you know who’s praying harder than me is my my youngest daughter was praying praying harder than uh than me they want the little brother that’s

Awesome they want a little brother and uh like I said man I just I never could have imagined this would be my life you know I went and got my real estate license a couple months ago and uh you know sitting in school you’re in Vegas

Right I’m in Las Vegas and uh you know I’m sitting in this school it’s been 30 years since I’ve gone to school um and you know seeing a lot of these people who are really starting out to tr to to to make something of their life and I’m sitting there thinking

Man I’ve had I’ve had a life and here I am sitting in this school s listening to the guy talk about man if you make a 100,000 a year you got a great life and I’m like wow really that’s what I got to look forward to that’s that’s great you

Know um but to to be able to do some of these things that are challenging and again it’s just it’s humility you know it’s it’s it’s doing something I never thought I would do but knowing that I’m not above doing it like you know like I said what are you going

To do the rest of your life just sit here and you know talk about Story I mean it’s just you know uh that’s not enough cards for me so you’re 47 yeah what’s your index at what’s your index at no sandbag in here how much we playing for tell

You I think my index is about a four whoa [ __ ] yeah I think my handicaps about a six which is you know pretty good when I got my last surgery on my hand uh the doctor I I said hey dude I I got one thing left going for me I got to

Play golf so when you set my hand I’m a lefty make sure I can swing a club I I just swear to God I said that he oh yeah yeah no we’ll get right on that one um and so it’s it’s it’s become it’s replaced everything in my life uh golf

Has become like my the best it’s just freaking it’s it’s the best and it’s the worst and and I feel like because you know we played another sport that I should be good at it like what [ __ ] man you I’m the wor I’m My Own Worst Enemy

I’m like [ __ ] I could have a checklist of Swing Thoughts by [ __ ] the back nine totally you know but every time I get up to the first te it’s like today’s the day course record no one left balls later 10 lost balls later you know all my friends are drinking and I’m

Sitting there like oh yeah I’ll take a freaking another sparkling water yeah give me a per myself for the next four hours yeah yeah um you said 47 you just had a son and you said you never get married you said you’d never have a child I said the same thing never get

Married again never have another child I had three children from my previous marriage and um we are going to get married we’re engaged but wow I was 60 years old breaking news yeah I was 60 years old and I said I told Jamie and she’s 21

Years younger but I told her that I would never have children so I’m not the guy for you if that’s what you want and we um she said well I’ll cross that bridge when it comes blah blah so anyway years later here we are and I always thought an older guy especially guy

That’s 60 having a child is selfish for the kids sake yep and and then um this woman has been so good to me and loves me and cares about me and we have a awesome thing going we’re a team everything is we and I said I’m going to try it because I

Had the spet shut off and I did a surgery reversal five hour surgery that um didn’t work we found out after a while and then we did inv vitro we tried that uh one time and it didn’t work so we had since backed off but I was ready

To do that at the age of 60 out of pure love for somebody else in this world and it’s unfortunate it didn’t work but we also believe um that maybe someone’s telling us something too that yeah yeah it’s not you know people said that to me

Well you’re going to be you know an older Dad look man my last uh relapse was about three and a half years ago and I met my wife in recovery I met her in rehab and J yep they said when you when two people can authentically be there to change

Your life um Something Beautiful Can can happen and it did and we were you know when I went to my second rehab in September of uh 17 um you know when I got out she was there and she’s like are are you ready to get sober because she stayed sober

Right and so she’s like are you ready to get sober are you ready to do this I said and we started hitting meetings and we started going to church and started doing all these things that like I just never you know friends and then I never

I just never would have done that and then you know my last relapse like I said about right at the beginning of Co I remember looking at my my wife and and the disappointment she had in her her face but she’s like hey you know I love

You we’ll get you through this are you but I didn’t sign up for this she said and I remember looking at her face and going that I care more about her feelings than mine now right and I just had I just had that moment it’s like I

Know I’m done because W without my sobriety I don’t have her I don’t have a new baby I probably don’t have I’m probably not alive the way things are going on the outside right now I’m just probably not alive yeah and um and so thank God like I have someone who’s

Who’s in recovery as you guys know it’s just uh it’s not easy you know it’s just not easy nothing is nothing nothing easy worth it we could get done with this and I’m just [ __ ] like the mailman like be like what am I doing you know

Like that’s so funny I’m G kick my dog outside after this you know Hey listen this has um been awesome Sheldon I I mean we could go all afternoon but uh I certainly um have a lot of I had a ton of respect for you as

A player I love the way you played the game you’re a true Pro you eventually became one you um and then um your life after hockey and what you’ve done here and recovery and and and turned your life around so God bless and I I just

Think it’s awesome you’re a good man and um we’ll have to play one day the three of us we strok I’m getting like 10 Strokes on them we will come on I got you too whatever you guys want it’s home course so you know um but I feel the

Same way thank you guys for having me on sometimes it’s it’s not you know this isn’t you don’t just go around talking about some things that are for Recovery you don’t just go around you know advertising to everybody and and being able to take a a trip down memory lane

With people that you trust and respect so thank you guys for having me on knck I love seeing on the meetings you’re a huge inspiration for a guy I didn’t like at all when he was playing um I’s doing yeah I know you’re do other did you guys play against each other or

No [ __ ] think you’re 47 you’re 47 I’m [ __ ] 66 sorry I thought he said my beard after this Black hey everyone thanks for listening to the raw Knuckles podcast don’t forget to like follow and subsscribe