Yes, Ladies. Golf Is A Sport! | Jeff Allen

Comedian Jeff Allen explains that golf IS a sport…

Jeff Allen – as seen on Dry Bar Comedy, Netflix, Amazon, Huckabee, Pureflix, Apostles of Comedy, Thou Shalt Laugh, Bananas, and Warner Bros.

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She goes you’re 60. you’re old you need to get a physical I said I feel great she goes you don’t wait for things to break you go get it physical not so anyway I did you honor your wife I went and got in the physical two weeks after the they call it the

Result I’m out of town she calls me up she says doctor’s office just called with your test results so what’d they say she said I’ll paraphrase doctor said if you were part of a wildebeest herd the lines would be circling you right now I don’t even know what that means she

Goes you’re old and weak you’re gonna die and I’m gonna be a widow because you don’t move I go what do you mean I don’t move I golf she says you golf on a cart I actually have to get out of the car and walk every now and then babe I mean

It’s not like I’m driving a car by smacking a ball like Polo and where I hit the ball the card isn’t even allowed the woods the sand traps the water I mean and it’s not like you know we get to the putting green my friends strapped me on

Their back and they carry me up to the green and pour me out like a whale onto the ground we got into a huge argument and by the middle of the argument she walks away from me and I just I did me angry where you going she says I’ll be right back

She went on the computer you know what she did she went to Amazon and bought two fitbits one for me one for her and she’s I said what are you doing she says I’m going to prove a point she says this Fitbit will monitor your movement

And after a week I’m going to show you how little you’ll move are you listening to me folks I married a woman who spends 500 bucks to win an argument that’s what I’ve been up against for 34 years and what I didn’t know is when she gets

A Fitbit I get a Fitbit she can sign online to be my friend and she can monitor my Fitbit in real time she could see what I’m doing apparently I wasn’t giving up enough of my privacy to Apple Google and the government what could go wrong with with a

Corporation and your wife monitoring every movement she caught me in a lie yes I do I admitted I lied to my wife not often but boy if you’ve been married more than a week you know what I’m talking about they’re just conversations best left alone

So sure enough I’m in a hotel room two in the afternoon phone rings I see it’s her and I know she’s going to ask me what’d you do today exercise and I I didn’t do anything if I say that she goes you know your heart’s gonna blow up you’re going to

Drop dead I’m gonna be a widow and I’m too sick I don’t want to hear it so sure enough what’d you do today I lied I said I got up I walked the mall for a while and I came back and had some breakfast she goes well that’s a short walk Jeff

You’ve taken 91 steps all day well how do you know that I’m your friend to go you’re not my friend anymore embarrass me like that I did learn something that day four trips to a commode at a Holiday Inn Express 91 steps every day is a learning day folks

I don’t know if anybody has one of these fitbits but they tell you I mean how many times I get up in the middle of the night and use the bathroom and then I’ll get a text message from Tammy you were up five times why are you so Restless

Well Brandon Angelina split up who can sleep babe come on I thought that one was for life then I’m watching Golf Channel 10 in the morning two in the afternoon text message from Tammy are you dead you’ve taken 78 steps in the last four hours I

Didn’t have the heart to tell her most of that was because my foot fell asleep and I was banging it on the floor leave me alone woman I want your father back then I found out like everything in life you could shortcut Fitbit you don’t even

Have to leave the chair to rack up steps just move your arm up and down are you watching me folks I’m running a 5k right in front of you look at this I’m exhausted he’s probably at home right now on the computer going he’s working that stage look at him move

Side to side he’s just gone careful we don’t want you to have a heart attack Jeff