My Three Sons 🌲 Lady in the Air🌲 My Three Sons full episodes

Place every morning there gu well good morning Charlie good morning see I’m going to have to skip breakfast this morning I overslept and I’m do out at the airport right about now to work on that round the world plane yeah that’s right I would to beat the pilot for the

First time just some toast and coffee so I didn’t get up for nothing oh now Charlie don’t you worry about me I won’t starve there’s a cafe open out of the airport show me a man that’s cheerful this early in the morning and I’ll show

You a man still in B sleepy I’ll see you Charlie pardon me I’m looking for Trudy Bennett where can I find it you just did oh you done this yes yes SE oh how do you do hello so this is the ladybug huh yeah so far a great plane from medium distance

Light now the question is how can we convert it to carry enough fuel for a longer hop on a record breaking around the world flight Jo wers show me if anybody could do it for you yeah well I’ve read the Builder specifications I think it can be done done

Fine I uh hope you don’t mind working long hours Douglas the weatherman says I have to be airborne on the 18th so that doesn’t give us too much time the 18th H yeah well this is my assignment I’ll just have to stick with it that’s all

Thank it mhm I know how much a flight like this can mean to a pilot I’m glad you said that Douglas because the last engineer I had in my Pacific cop had a hard time thinking of me as anything but a woman H well I can understand must difficulty

Here to the lady part Huh hey there’s a story on try Ben look at the picture hey she’s something else for a woman her age I come here yeah come in hi hi Ernie hi Ernie my dad’s fixing up that plane for the lady fllying so she can go around the world what she

Want to do that for who knows what are you looking at me for my head on backwards or something was wondering if it was you it’s me I mean the painting what painting the one in the window of the gallery we passed on the Wither the dentist any

Cavities all over the place wait a minute what about this painting it’s your portrait Mr O Casey only it doesn’t have your name on it just the title the mean old grouch well that couldn’t be me anyway I never P for any painting maybe I have a twin brother was

Kidnapped by the gypsies Man the painting was even wearing the same bath R you’re wearing right now so what lots of men have the same bath rope with the same torn [Applause] Pocket I tell you Steve it look just like me well it must be a coincidence you mean somebody else could have a kisser like mine well what about the bathro with the torn pocket that’s no coincidence well Charlie why don’t you go in and ask Mr E

I can’t do that it would be like whistler’s mother going in the ask who’s that lady in the rocking chair somehow I got to find out the name of the artist so I can felt them one right in the chop well I’ll see you CH well have a good

Time well this is strictly a business dinner I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a pilot hey did I tell you that my father was a barnstorming pilot no but I you I read in one of your newspaper interviews it’s a funny thing but the

Only time I can really be myself is when I’m up in the air racing or catting new planes exhibition f if it’s got wings I want to take it up I guess the C would really make something out of that one wouldn’t he well if you break the round the world

Records you’ll have your name in the books with the best of them yeah perhaps one day I’ll wake up and wonder if the whole world has passed me by while I’ve been so busy breaking record but for now but for now we’ better worry about lightning the ladybug another

200b you know Douglas maybe we shouldn’t have met for the first time outside of a dirty old hanger maybe we should have met at a cocktail party near a couple of martinis I think better this way no matter how I redesign an olive you’d never get it off the ground now let’s see

Here come on look look there it is now listen you guys play it cool tell them you’re interested in buying the picture what whip I haven’t got my allowance yet we’re just making believe I don’t care much for the neorealistic school myself neorealistic for peace sake come on come on come

On good afternoon is there something I can do for you well yes sir we were kind of interested in buying a painting a birthday present for his uncle yeah he doesn’t want any more ties which painting did you had in mind well the uh the one in the window the man in the

Bathroom taking in the milk bottles oh the mean old grouch I’ll get it up just find out who painted it and where I can get my hands on the F here we are um who is he oh it’s a sort of composite of all the mean old characters in the world

It’s actually not bad for a primitive uh what about the painter who is he well to tell you the truth I don’t know his wife brought the painting in and wouldn’t leave her name she said she didn’t want her husband to find out he’s very retiring didn’t even sign the

Painting I thought it um quite interesting for a primitive so I took it on special Consignment I’m not sure my uncle would like a picture called the me old grouch cuz he isn’t yeah how come the artist named it that anyway the artist left it Untitled

Actually I’m the one who labeled it the mean old grouch just look at those beady little eyes just a minute whose beady little eyes are you calling beady little eyes why it’s you yeah it sure is and you better find out who painted it and

Where I can get my hands out of and keep it out of your window you what a mean old [Laughter] crow oh you should have been up there with me what makes you think I was oh Douglas you’re wonderful since you steam mind her she FES like a dream everything checked out everything checked out perfect well if you’re going to fly around the world I want to be sure you

Go first class but you can take it easy you know because day after tomorrow is the big day and we are in under the water well I still want to run through another complete check before you go Douglas relax this calls for a celebration all how about the dinner CL

Well I’m sure that you’ll have more facts and figures prepared for dessert but I’ll take you up on it only not at the hotel I have been longing for a homecooked meal oh all right we’ll make it to my house huh I thought you never you can introduce me to my family Put the olives in the dish will you all right I’ve asked people out here to have dinner before without giving you much advanced notice and you didn’t get so upset no it just shows you you can’t take a mean old grouch for granted well you like Trudy Charlie

She’s just a plain everyday girl sure who just happens to be flying around the world solo why didn’t you take her for a hamburger or something Charlie this isn’t like you I know it’s just that I’m all unnerve by that joker painting a picture of me and I don’t know who or

How or when or anything oh there she is I’ll tell you what Charlie Trudy’s taking off in a couple of days and after she leaves I’ll try to help you solve the mystery okay sure Dad told us she flew a traffic helicopter once I substituted for the pilot who’ broken

His arm well I ran out of gas and had the land on the freeway and there I was reporting my own traffic jam oh boy tell me what did it feel like when you first soloed well it really didn’t feel like much of anything until after I’d landed

And then suddenly I was able to say those three magic words to myself I can fly well after your trip around the world where is there left to go you know love I hadn’t thought of that well you could be a lady astronaut go to the Moon

Couldn’t you yeah yes fellas this is beginning to sound a little like a press conference oh I don’t mind really they make me feel at home anybody like a little hot coffee oh Charlie I want to thank you so much for that wonderful dinner it was Heavenly but I just have

One favor to ask sure anything would you make some sandwiches for me to take on the flight I’d be glad to oh boy Uncle Charlie’s going to be an air hostess well it’ll be the Fest my baloney sandwiches ever been away from home oh Douglas I’ve forgotten what an evening

At home could be like you certainly made a hit with the boys Charlie must be my new perfume flight fuel number five just because you happen to be a pilot don’t underestimate your talents as a woman you know dras for the first time I find myself wondering what life could be like with

Both feet on the ground found I think I’ve been missing something well didn’t you tell me you were born with wings Douglas when I get back from my flight will I see you again oh sure yeah my uh assignment isn’t over until I get a full report on the ladybug

You think they let her take off without so much fuss she’s going to break a speed record she should holding things Up I was afraid you weren’t coming well we wouldn’t have missed it Charlie sandwiches sandwiches oh oh here the sandwiches oh thank you Charlie thank you I’ve got something for you too well thank you too CH a rabbit’s foot oh thanks well I guess this is it come on I’ll tuck you [Applause]

INE no any last words I’ll just fly the court keep telling my oh you’ll be fine just remember the whole Douglas family is with you all thanks goodbye everybody Bye oh she is quite a woman she has a lot of Courage m On bye and from London comes a report the governor stated that the general election will be held next November now from Shannon Airfield in Ireland comes word that Globe girdling Trudy Bennett has landed safely in round the world effort the so far so good huh yeah

That’s cuz Dad did such a good job with her plane and also she has my rabbit fo well thanks for giving me First Billing chipper sure planes he can fix up but a simple little matter like finding out who insulted me in oil HW you see it’s this way Mr oy I didn’t want to tell you I was pain in you because then you’d be more natural if you know what I mean but why did you have to make it such a big secret afterwards well I I just didn’t want the

Other guys down at the company to know I I mean they all go bowling on their spare time and shooting pool and fishing and things like that you know what I mean I I just couldn’t spill it to them that well it’s painting I like well you

Just keep on with your painting and anytime you want me to model for you thank you Mr oy G you just been swell about this whole thing now how about a glass of milk no thank you I never touched that stuff That’s the distance she covered yesterday sure it’s a good thing the world is around how come cuz a plane can make right angle Turns Come on you guys she’ll be all right yeah sure she was she’s a competent pilot and she’s got chips lucky rabbit’s foot Cher I guess it’s your turn then thank you for what we were about to receive it Dad can I say something about Judy sure you that’ be

Nice and please give Judy Bennett a safe landing Roger now I was talking about a pilot wasn’t It hello is this Mr Steve Douglas yes yes this is W2 qr4 I’m a ham radio operator in honol Lulu and uh I’ve just received a radio message for you as go on w2q it’s from Trudy Bennett you heard from her I’ve got her on the air right

Now she had to make a force landing on you Guinea I ask him what happened he says what happened my radio’s out but that’s the least of my worries there’s a leak in the oil line she says her radio’s up but that’s okay she says she has a leak in her oil

Line oh well ask her if there’s anybody there who could fix it he says is there anyone there who can help you fix it tell him no I’m on an old emergency airpt left over from the war nobody here but us New Guinea Natives and a ham radio operator well he

Can fix the radio but not the oil line she says there’s no one there who can help her fix it ask her if she has any nail polish nail polish yeah you know nail polish he says do you have any nail polish nail polish yeah you know nail

Polish why I wouldn’t be caught dead in the New Guinea jungle without it then you don’t have any as a matter of fact I do she says she’s got some good and let’s cut out the she says up huh now tell her to get some adhesive tape out

Of her first aid kit wrap it around the leak then take the nail polish and coat it over and over again until there’s a good thick shell that ought to hold her she gets to her next stop Miss Bennett get in a decent from your first aid kit wrap it around the

Leak in the line and then keep applying the Polish until it makes a a good hard shell okay okay I’m on my way and tell him he’s a doll you’re a doll what well you said to get out that she says business oh thanks W2 qr4 your a doll Too good night fellas good night night Dad good night All No no the plane was actually perfect the first time that’s ever been done by a woman you Know I couldn’t have broken that record without your help Steve oh thank you ma’am um the sponsors are already after me to uh make another trip oh yeah over the pole over the pole I’d be the first woman and you’ll do it too offers have been coming in all

Afternoon to uh oh Test new planes and make speeches and write some articles I even have a chance to to uh bring out my own line of ladies flying apparel they U they want to call the company ladybug Incorporated oh you’ll be the first Incorporated ladybug I’ve ever

Known but you know it’s a it’s a funny thing Steve you uh you spend your whole life working towards one goal and then when you reach it you wonder if it’s what you really wanted does that make any sense oh sure sure I guess so maybe it’s time I uh I stopped being

Tudy Bennett girl Aviator maybe with us a little help I could be Trudy Bennett girl woman Trudy do you think you could give up the well everything you have now I mean could you exchange an instrument panel with Turnin Bank indicators and a CO gauge and a altimeter for a kitchen

With a refrigerator and a stove and a washing machine I mean would you really be happy I guess not well if I’m uh going to take the ladybug over the pole I’ll be needing some more that expert advice C me here you hungry oh oh I’m

Sorry must speak up do the uh ladybug Again you’d think you’d want to make another painting of me to loose slip always use the same model over and over I forgot to tell you I uh I finally dropped by E’s galleries yesterday to take a look at the picture and they told

Me it had been sold yeah I know I uh I wonder Who I think it would look good over the fireplace place don’t you well why don’t we talk about it Charlie Who is to say that tomorrow the machine will not be the master and we only robots allowed to exist merely to push its Buttons someday our daily lives might even well see for yourself good morning Charlie good morning steeve what are you you having for breakfast I’ll uh I’ll find Out well dry toast and black coffee it’s funny I thought I wanted pancakes who knows best you or a computer morning Dad good morning chip morning Uncle Charlie Morning what did it say go back up and wash your ears that machine never sleeps morning Dad good morning Rob good morning Uncle Charlie morning good morning Betsy come here Dude Corn beef hash and poached eggs and pancakes with Maple Sy bety really knows how to feed a growing boy some black coffee she must have overheard me yesterday when I happened to mention I’d gained a few pounds I’m going to the office and try out the computer there maybe if it’s in

A good mood I can get something to eat during the coffee break good morning Douglas good morning Miss Baxter you’re mayo oh thanks now let’s see I have a conference with Mr Elroy scheduled for 9:00 right that’s right but I’ve already taken care of it

I put your cards in the computer and the computer started your conference without you oh good uh let us know how it comes out huh we’ll be at the golf course yes sir oh Mr Douglas this will be my last day here the computer has decided to

Replace me oh I’m sorry to hear that with whom Miss Baxter with another computer well we all have to go sometime don’t We 225 yd right down the middle nice drive Ed oh thanks let’s see see what Oh over the right side under that big tree I wish I could get rid of that fade maybe I’ll get better as we go along and let’s see what happens okay well I lost to you again if you want 11 holes I want 17 that puts your FL up I’ll you a

Dollar you have just seen the golf game of Tomorrow The Day After Tomorrow computers will play each other and we will be the caddies but today our computer is not some fantastic mechanical monster it’s just a piece of Machinery or is it hi hi honey Professor Juliana told me

You were here oh Sally Meet Betsy I think you two girls I don’t know each other she reminds me of a girl I went to school with great brain and just about the same measurements what you do with those questionnaires mik and I say that the marriage questionnaires you filled

Out at the party the other night were they’re here hey uh what was the idea all those questions oh well they’re part of my study of the personality the background the interest factors which make for the most successful marriages now I guarantee you that this computer

Will pick out the ideal couples with no guesswork and no mistakes hey why don’t you put Mike’s card in with a girl yeah all right I’ll take Mike’s card put it through the [Applause] machine and here we have the answer here’s a happy couple Mike Douglas and Laura Lee Roy What Laura Lee what uh what happened to Sally well her was in there with all the other girls I guess Betsy must have rejected her I thought you said that uh Betsy doesn’t make mistakes well she doesn’t she not according to the criteria iabl well I got news for you

This time Betsy gooped see you later Al now wait a minute Mike a honey Haven got much time could you do the same thing with my C yeah Sally you don’t actually believe in this stuff well of course not it’s fascinating like a fortune cookie

Besides I want to find out who I should marry instead of you all right here it [Applause] goes there’s your answer T Morrison and Charles Embry I don’t even know neither do I well there you see that proves a computer’s off its rocker I know Charles Embry

Oh well I I think we’ve had enough fun in games for today goodbye Al oh goodbye bety come on uh honey come on bye goodbye that and good Luck don’t let our giant computer scare you card with your question goes in here how much is it well a yes or no question cost a penny in your car and we’ll put this in here and your answer hey The Machine’s right I asked it if my name was Bobby

And it answered yes you’re going to have to excuse me I have to do something money repairs on our computer boy all right all right but you got to speed it up a man could answer a question that fast gosh I got to grab the card press a buzzer ring the bell

Stamp A C besides I have to have time to think about the question that’s the step we can eliminate machines don’t think they just answer okay next you can ask that never seen anything it’s magic don’t tell anybody but I’m asking Chip’s computer if I should run away from home on Monday

How come Monday my music lesson this questions yes or no that’s a penny I’ve been working on her and she’s faster than ever I mean he’s faster than never boy it is fast computer says yes Salon chip got a lot of things to do get the answer you wanted sure

Did okay Ernie that’s all the business for today this answering questions makes me hungry you think your uncle Charlie could feed the machine of peanut butter sandwich Let’s go ask him have you ever dated her who Laur R I hardly even know well then how can you be

Sure honey I am sure Mike you can’t just laugh off a computer it’s like saying two and two doesn’t make four the computer has spoken who are we to disagree who do we have to be I just don’t like the idea of Laura e Roy coming along and breaking us

Up I want you to take her out make sure before we get married take her out you’re kid I’m not kidding okay my first free night I’ll call her up and ask her for a date when well well let’s see I’m uh dated up with you clear to the wedding maybe I

Can work her in after the honeymoon information I’d like the telephone number of Miss Laura Lee Roy r o y c e Sally you don’t have to be logical but please stop being ridiculous yes oh what a guy has to go through now I got to get the consent of a Computer uh did you enjoy the movie Lar much so did I of course I like all of F’s pictures me too but the best scene the one I really liked was the one in the cemetery oh yes that that that was the best scene to picture by

Far um what’s your major psychology mine too what a coincidence we even talk together let’s see now well let be uh I think I’m going to have the hot fudge double Delight that’s my favorite only I have them leave off the coconut and put on a Marino Cherry you read my mind our

Tastes are exactly alike yeah uh did you hear the one about the king’s wine taster the wine had been poisoned and and just as he was falling over he grabbed for his throat and he said not with a chicken too dry oh you heard it yeah tubby Wilson

Tell me he told me too Hi honey the experiment was a success it turned out miserably Laura Lee and I have everything in common no surprises it was a delightful Boore Mike this is Chuck Embry Chuck Mike Douglas oh hi how do you do hi Chuck Charles Ambry III the guy that came out of the computer we agreed GE it’s nice to meet you Mike and I’ve heard a lot about you say can I get you some coffee uh no no thank

You I think I’ll uh I think I’ll be running along all right ni I’ll see you tomorrow night honey or Sally honey good night I’ll call you later oh hi Jeff hi Mr Douglas chip here yeah he’s around here someplace come on in chipper y Jeff’s down here Mr Douglas

M can I ask you a question no sure Jeff what is it you know about computers and things do they ever make a mistake well Jeff I’ve never known what to make a mistake except in the uh problem of human relations our parent relations well this is a different kind of

Relation Jeff hi Jeff good hi chip you got a napack I can borrow yeah upstairs what you want with it oh nothing hey Dad I’ve been thinking about that darn computer boy everybody’s computer happy around here you know what we ought to do put on our Spike shoes and grab a couple

Of baseball bats and go out and play a game and bust the computer I’ve been trying to figure out a way out of this Miss and I think I’ve got a clue at least oh Dad would you mind coming down to the university and filling out one of

Those marriage questionnaires of Val you mean now yeah you want me to fill one out one for you and one for Mom oh I get it m then if the computer doesn’t match up our cards it’ll show how wrong it can be yeah and even Sally

Will see that a computer is in some sort of infallible Oracle well maybe you’ve got something there Mike let’s go oh good my coach in the closet oh I okay one of the smartest fellas I ever knew s your mother and I were completely mismatched he had a brain like a

Computer who was he his name was ay Hamilton he thought he would have been the ideal husband for it oh it’s going to compute all the information and we will find out who should have been your proper [Applause] mate all right take it out it’ll be interesting to see who should

Have been your mother might yeah I don’t believe it it picked Mom oh no if Sally finds out about this oh let’s go Al now this is silly that thing just couldn’t be that smart I mean it just got lucky or something U let’s try it

Again huh or if I try it again the same thing will happen it will Al there’s something wrong about this whole thing I mean if this machine can tell you who you ought to marry it can tell you what you ought to eat what you ought to I mean it could run your

Whole life for You oh hi Dad you okay yeah yeah all right I uh I thought I thought I heard you yell oh I was having kind of a bad dream maybe I did yell oh what’s going on well I uh I got to thinking about that computer picking your mother’s G

And mine and uh it was a little disconcerting I uh came up here to see if I could straighten myself out something are those uh mom’s letters yeah oh well I don’t want to bother you guess I’ll go back to bed no no wait a minute Mike stay

Here here’s the one I was looking for I’m glad you came up Mike I want you to hear this dear Steve it’s very difficult to write this but I must I’ve decided to break our engagement dad I don’t think it is possible for people as unsuited as we

Are to be happy how anyone could say that writers like Thomas wolf and AE E Cummings are mediocre is beyond me as for politics we’re completely an odds your stand on the Tariff question is too juvenile for words what was your St well I guess it was too juvenile to remember

Mike we just don’t seem to agree on anything there was minute your golf the Lamb with walk and the final straw was last night when I found out you couldn’t stand gford chance who was gford chance oh he was norest leader Glide and dance with gford

Chance I’m sorry Steve it would be a tragic mistake to go on but darling whatever is ahead for me I shall always well I guess you get the point huh you and Mom were pretty far apart too yes if we’d had to depend on a computer we’d never have made

It but what about the questionnaire well Mike I answered those questions about your mother and me as I remembered us after 12 years of compromises adjustments and growing together the two people on those cards as I filled them out just weren’t the same people who were thinking of getting married 12 years before

Dad that’s it that that proves why computers aren’t always accurate all they know is the information that’s fed into them and if that’s not complete neither is the answer that’s it well I’m going over to Sally well Mike it’s just a little late isn’t it I don’t care if

She’s asleep I I’ll throw pebbles at her window this is too important to wait till tomorrow good night D good Night Mike yes if your fast balls is good as your curb we could use you tomorrow against the Giants I didn’t care how late it was I had to tell you Something Mike I’ve been silly no you haven’t yes I have no you haven’t yes you have and that settles it Sally and now let’s all get some Sleep come on I walk you to your car I was just go over your place bye hi CH chip you know what je asked our computer no his mother’s looking for him oh boy are we in trouble Bobby ringing Bell told me Jeff asked our computer if

He should run away from home and our computer said yes you mean you said yes well it was your idea not to think about the questions come on we better go find him oh hi you guys how’s the computer racking all right then oh hi Mike you sound very

Cheerful hello Rob hey where you been all afternoon oh Sally and I went on a double date with Al all that brain well who’ he go with some female computer ly Roy I thought Allan the computer picked her up for you oh well after our date

Was such a bomb she went back to check her computer card oh and it matched her up with Al no uh while Al was checking her card their hands happened to touch in white I am oh I’m that’ll teach you to fool around the computer with wet hands I get [Applause]

It hi Mr Douglas oh hi Jeff you going camping or something no I just came to bring back CH snapack oh fine I’ll give it to you know Mr Douglas that dumb computer had me run away from home to miss my music lesson and it forgot that

My music teacher was sick and the lesson was cancelled anyway yeah it just goes to show you computers can make make mistakes you know something Jeff our research team came up with the same conclusion yeah well bye Mr Douglas goodbye Jeff confused out of you and I’m lowering the Boom why uncle Charlie I think it’s an honor to oppose for the Statue of Liberty in fact I don’t think you’re uh giving it everything you got I ain’t got the figure for it mate I thought you and Sally were going somewhere oh we were to a concert Sally got a message her

Cousin’s coming into town she had to welcome her what what does s’s cousin look like is she anywhere near my age forget it she’s in college I don’t know too much else about her except her name is Suzanne and apparently she’s had trouble with her grades in three

Colleges in fact her folks say if she gets politely asked to leave one more she’s had it what’s her problem now Suzanne remember this time you’re really going to kick boys I mean the boy have it you’re a bright girl Suzanne the only reason in the world you’ve had any

Problem with your grades is because you well you’re you’re so preoccupied with men you haven’t had time to study your boy crazy yes I know anyway I figured that Harold might be a skier so I mentioned Stow Vermont and Tony sailor and how much I love the Winter Olympics

Then he was a skier no that’s the funny part he got that tan from a sun lamp that’s the real thing like John Vincent John Vincent John got off the train at Denver oh come on Rob we going to make that ball gave me better get started hey Dad

You mind if I go along with you been a change of plans I have nothing to do oh fine M come along the board the barrier I guess you two are tied up for the afternoon huh us artists and models got no time for ball games I have to stand

Here watching berstis set in thanks anyway de hello yes just a minute Bob Miller oh he’s the wildest well he’s going to be even more wild because you’re going to tell him you can’t go anywhere right right you’re going to say no right right hello Bob oh gee that sounds like fun but I can’t go you wanted to know why not you’re studying I’m studying he wants to come over and help me study no well not tonight anyway I’ll tell you what why don’t you call me the first thing next June

Bye Sally you can’t do this to me I just can’t quit cold turkey Suzanne put on your coat we are going for help come in whoever you are hi Sally hi what in the world’s going on no I’m I’m posing for a lumpy Statue of Liberty that’s it for tonight

Michelangelo Uncle Charlie I’d like to meet my cousin Suzanne Boyer hi and this is my future brother-in-law chck hi hi this the chick with the boy problems how did you know oh we share all phone conversations around here where’s Mike Mike and Robbie down at the Mala they’re getting some stuff

They’ll be right back I see the problem and if I was 20 years younger and she was 20 years older I’d try to be part of the problem myself but I think I can help her if she really wants to be helped you could help her sure I give her a shot of

Ugly I don’t understand he means if you don’t want to get chased you got to look terrible like Martha Blacklist in my class right Uncle Charlie oh no we don’t have to go that far of course why didn’t I think of it take away the Glamour and the makeup and

Now wait a minute nobody’s going to lay a hand on my ey Shadow Suzanne it’s got to be done so you can graduate you won’t have the problem of refusing dates anymore nobody will ask you but they’ve been asking me since I was 5 years

Old love to be in bordille Honey and if I do say it myself I’m mighty good with a makeup kit yeah once he made me look like T at least that’s how it turned out you game or not we are game rob you get bana stra withone they are have C with pineapple

Twist and whatever Happ that choc I want you to meet my cousin Suzanne hi you mean you you mean you’re Suzanne Mike you’ve got to believe it this isn’t the real me hey Uncle Charlie will you tell Chip that he has to eat his ice cream out of

A dish High he’s slopping it up with his fingers CH well Charlie you must have done a great makeup job Suzanne you just passed the final test what test the Robbie test he hardly noticed you Here I think Uncle Charlie did a great job Susan looks really well it ought to throw the boys off the track for a while you know I’ve been thinking just in case Suzanne weakens it uh might be a good idea if she had a watchdog for a

Couple of days well she couldn’t his champ but skinny Davis down the street has a puppy for sale and he barks every time skinny comes in the house not that kind of watch doog chip we need someone to kind of well growl when Suzanne Strays from her books yeah that’s a good

Idea someone who separates Suzanne from the boys I second the motion do I hear from a volunteer Watchdog don’t look at me at my age if I started following zuzan around the next thing you know I’d be telling it to the judge Rob yeah I guess I could do it every day after

School yeah yeah I I like old R women but don’t worry I I’ve got a lot of character aren’t you sort of young well no no I’m just perfect for the job I’m old enough to keep an eye on Suzanne and yet young enough so nobody has to keep an eye on

Me oh hi everybody hi Dad what’s going on looks like you’re having a party uh dad i’ like you wait a minute Rob we met before haven’t we you’re Chip’s little friend uh Martha lack’s older sister did I say something Wrong hi Suzanne oh hi you’re H settling down on geology huh we have to study all the related Sciences oh Robbie I can’t stand much more it’s it’s like solitary confinement after 2 days a person can’t cut out dating like going on a diet a person should be allowed to tape her

Off well now look you’re you’re here to nail down that diploma right I suppose so well then you uh get some studying done and and just quit fighting it whatever you say remember little brother is watching you [Applause] how do you think you’ll do in [Applause] geology there are some uh very interesting things that happened during the Paleozoic Era I fell in love with the Paleo the minute I could pronounce it Miss Boer I noticed you in Biochemistry lab and well I was uh wondering that U maybe

You’d uh like to go out with me sometime like maybe Tonight I’m afraid I can’t I’ve had rules set up for me I’m not allowed to date at all you see I’ve had a very hard time in college so far and oh I’d love To that’s a very interesting Chart yes my name is Norman Quigley and I’m here to take Miss Bor to lecture on surfactant Olympus and biological membranes oh come in thank you won’t you sit down oh no I’m a more comfortable standing thank you suzan has told me so much about you oh really well uh

We we we just met formerly this afternoon at the library that’s what she told me somebody there Sally yes Norman’s here I’ll be right out oh uh good I’m anxious to have a discussion with Miss Boer and other Esters that possess analogous properties before we arrive at the olympits lecture s like quiet

Night hi Norman ready don’t you look handsome all of a sudden Miss Bor you don’t strike me as the sort of girl that would enjoy surfactant lipids I adore them and there’s always Pei’s Pizza Palace afterward good night Sally dear now don’t wait Up Pizza Palace Oh It’s me suzan you you’re suzan well we’re leaving Robbie this table’s full up besides I think you’re in over your head well look I’ve got orders to bring her home well you go back and tell whoever get you those orders next time don’t send a boy to do a man’s

Job Robbie I’ve decided I just can’t fight it any longer how you go on home and get you something like a project but suzan you heard the lady now be a good boy run along Home M what happened all I know is I made a date with a caterpillar and I ended up with a butterfly well she’s got to get home and study she has a test tomorrow butterflies never study they just flutter around the flame anyway that’s what moth do Norman are you wearing

Shoelaces what are you wearing shoelaces yes then give me one I I I don’t understand what for operation suzan Operation suzan there now what does that look like a napkin tied with a shoelace no no it’s a college diploma but what’s a napkin uh excuse me

A diploma got to do with Suzanne I’m hoping it’ll remind her of a promise she made oh well in that case I’m glad I wasn’t wearing loafers oh My I think you’re trying to tell me something well it’s an napkin tied with a Shoelace Suzanne you’re not leaving now yes it’s a far far better thing that I do than I’ve ever done Before you know somehow all the chick my age are beginning to look like Mud Hens yeah well when we get this bash settled and you’ve got your paper napkin and shoelaces cinched maybe the two of us could hit the high spots for real hey yeah I could raise a mustache

I’ll bet but nobody’d have to know I went to high school well I I guess I am kind of cute okay yeah see at the Museum 7:00 right goodbye Rob oh hi theread hi there you couldn’t help but overhear that phone conversation H that was Suzanne she

Takes up where the others leave off I yeah I GA that Rob isn’t she a little too old for you yeah but then I’m a little young for her so it all comes out even there isn’t anything You’ like to talk over with me I mean uh do you have

A problem of any kind nope have you done no not well I’ll see you later then Yeah Dad no I’m sorry chip pipe went out hi Dad hi Mike well I see he’s finally put you to work huh yeah say Mike uh how is Robbie coming along with operation Suzanne are you worried about him yeah I am frankly so am I worried about Robbie just because he’s been out

Every night this week and has his own hotline from here the zoans of course I haven’t seen Suzanne in full bloom but I understand she’s quite I mean quite attractive yeah Robbie hasn’t got much experience with fem fatal what’s that a f fatal is a woman that knows all the answers before

You ask the question you mean like a teacher chip uh your model’s getting just a little tired why don’t you take a cookie break huh okay I know I’ll leave while you guys talk only don’t anybody sit on her Charlie do you think uh Robbie’s really falling for this girl he sure is

He’s been ask me a bunch of questions about getting a girl to like you stuff like that just because I mentioned a couple of females I know in Hong Kong and Kata maybe we ought to set a watch doog on our Watchdog I’ve been reading in the

Papers where High School boys were off and get married well I just allow Robbie to get hurt that’s all the family is always the last to know Dad I got a cookie and my statue has to be finished by tomorrow okay chipper well back to Work oh Mike I just can’t do it it’s Sneaky why there’s nothing wrong with you you and me happening to be here when Robbie brings Suzanne home well they should have been back by now if they were going to a biochemistry lecture shh I think I hear him oh my do

You think we should thank you so much I have the best are they kissing Robbie good night Sally we were just saying good night good night oh um I’m sorry well we thought what happened to Robbie Robbie took me to the lecture and then we ran

Into Norman why would he leave you with Norman yeah I uh I owe everything to Robbie he’s young but experienced in in these matters he’s been coaching me he sort of arranges it so I accidentally bump into them here and there Suzanne you’re the only girl I ever met

That I could talk to oh Norman my brain was attracted to your brain from the very start yeah but from now on no other boys just you and me and and on our textbooks yes Nor [Applause] well nothing can stop Suzanne from getting her diploma now the latest is that she and Norman are going to go for their Mas and phds together you don’t have to spell things out I know they’re going to get married I think Robbie handle the situation very well next time

I have a personal problem I’ll know exactly who to go to I still think he’s sweet H it ah Suzanne’s okay but I like a more physical speaking of prize dolls how about this Uncle Charlie I left that in there on purpose who could see it there well

Chipper your Statue of Liberty won a prize huh how about that that’s wonderful yeah well you don’t uh seem very excited about it well teacher thought it was something else well like what an elephant balancing a ball ah and you accepted a prize even though your teacher thought it was an elephant

Balancing a ball No I gave the real prize back oh well what was the real prize a dictionary well we’re all very proud of Chip I’m sure that was the honest thing to do now these here were meant to be chicken and dumplings they looked like chicken and dumplings and everybody Eat [Applause] stay tuned fandemonium viewers because coming up right now is one of the top 10 most popular episodes that’s right every episode all weekend is chosen by viewers but this one was just one of the very best so don’t touch that remote when Brian Park was fogged in we

Had to land at braxon we’ve had a 2-hour bus ride Ernie stayed up till about 10:00 waiting to say hello and then he folded no I’m sorry I should have called I guess chip held out till about 11: and then he ConEd out too yeah well it’s

Good at Friday night they can sleep late in the morning Robbie was here till about 11:30 and then he had to leave he had a date oh Robbie left for date at 11:30 that’s exactly what I said what’s he dating a night Watchman all right

Make joke but let me tell you when I was 19 somebody should have been checking on where I was going and what I was doing well I don’t worry about Robbie he’s got a good head on his shoulders I don’t doubt it but if I were you I’d find out whose head it

Is hi P hey come on they just coming Off oh gosh have you ever seen such a deadhead audience in your hey what are you f hi honey Wanda Rob Douglas hi how do you do uh Rob is going to take your friend Don off our hands oh hey Don come here a Minute Donna day Rob deas hi well well well hello there this is certainly a delightful pleasure same here Dawn an Exquisite name if I may say so well with OD day it’s kind of a grabber Dawn it it reminds me of those wonderful lines from Romeo and Juliet Rosy finger Dawn Weg him come on Rosie fingers let’s get out of these get UPS before these Bloons D you nuts I haven’t sat down for almost 2 hours same here see you I’m counting on it my dear well that’s uh not a bad line you got there for a freshman well it’s been

Out of quate in the past well don’t forget the arrangements now we have something to eat together and then we go our separate ways two by two huh naturally boy you take these women right in stride AR you cigarette no I brought my father’s my P hello

There I remember when I was 19 I had a blind dat once she turned out to be a redhead played the accordion had rhinestones and sequins down both sides the accordion not the red now Charlie I realize Robbie’s growing up but uh he’s always had very good

Sense about girls I mean all his dates have been nice wholesome kids you mean so far well sure sure what I mean is Charlie can you imagine Robbie out on the town someplace living it up with with some blonde in a tight fitting dress so then Mr Harris the club manager

He says to me when I say blonde I mean blond at least I don’t have to worry about that mine’s natural fortunately since beautiful women should never worry say this boy really swings doesn’t he yeah hey do you ever light that pipe or you just keep chewing on it oh this I

Use a rather strong mixture so I actually light up only in my uh Den uh hey if uh you two want to go any place without us just go right ahead I’ll take care of that check oh not at all not at all this is a

Very well as they say three is a crowd and four is just two * two yeah well W was a certainly nice meeting You uh I left my car parked outside I mean you know on the street oh well that’s probably the best place for it Hey Steve Steve are you awake yeah yeah what’s wrong Char what’s the matter it’s 2:00 2:00 oh thanks for tell me TR good night bie isn’t home yet oh well didn’t you tell me he didn’t out until almost midnight well the only kind of a girl I

Ever dated starting at midnight was a chorus girl of course well that’s about as good as guess is T night Watchman good night this is no time of the night to be funny no that that’s that’s right why don’t we get some sleep huh good night all right fine go to sleep but

Don’t blame me if your son is getting into a park car somewhere with a course girl okay Charlie if my son is getting into a park car someplace with a COR girl I won’t be you good day oh it’s so good to relax yeah ah it’s uh

It’s getting pretty late isn’t it just a little after 2 after 2 oh boy it it is getting late I tell you I I I think maybe I had to take you home take me home yeah yeah that’s what I thought to take you home it’s probably a very

Sensible idea now uh you just tell me where you live and I’ll I’ll take you right there I’ll drive you right on over there and don’t worry it’s perfectly all right I have a lot of studying to do oh somebody’s honking I I I better

Move out of the way uh you just leaned on the horn I did really he what’s going on anyhow why the big change all of a sudden oh it’s just that I have a lot of studying and uh well it it kind of makes me nervous well at supper you seem so

Well you know happy to have a date with me I am I am really well am I so different out here no no no only uh only what well only I think maybe I better go home Robbie how old are you well I’m I’m old enough to vote as they

Say well in CL selections that is 19 well so am I you well you you look older than that oh well thanks a lot well no I I didn’t mean old that way I I meant that well not young sure look do you really have to go home and study it’s Friday night

Well the bowling alley’s open all night you you don’t want to go bowling I mean you want to go bowling sure it’s fun have you ever tried it well sure only well I you don’t look as if I mean I thought that you well sure why not I I

Mean it’s not even 2:30 Yet all I’m asking is how many times you going to let a 19-year-old kid run out with some girl you don’t know any about and come home with the Milkman what did you do to your ti sit on it hey it is kind of wrinkle isn’t it

I better go what are you doing just a minute oh Charlie it’d be much simpler to go upstairs and put on another tie wouldn’t it now just suck in your Adam you be careful smooth as the ocean in a flat com very much you know Robbie used to

Give us flash bulletins about what girls is number one on this list but nothing about this one not even their name and he’s been dating her for 2 weeks well I admit I don’t like the idea of Robbie staying out so late going to have a talk

With with him tonight now you’re making sense and find out who the girl is well whoever she is I’m sure she’s very nice johie she sure looks nice in that picture Robbie has Robbie’s got a picture of her sure he keeps where anybody can see it under his socks and

T-shirts Ernie have you been in Robbie’s it’s okay Dad Robbie showed it to me himself I think he just put it under his shirts and stuff because she hasn’t got Harley very much clothes on oh robber yet Charlie I don’t think we have any right To to rabbit with love dawn it’s a very nice picture Charlie nice backlighting speaking of the fact listen to this Dawn all day glamorous Club Galla girl appearing nightly well she turned out not to be the night Watchman after all you better talk to him now he’s out in the garage oh now Charlie I I guess maybe i’ better Miss love Rob could I talk to you for a minute sure D I have to bring this up because uh because Uncle Charlie told you I’ve been coming home so late huh well yeah sure you have to admit you’ve been keeping some pretty unusual hours

Yeah I know Dad but you see Don that’s her name Don o day she works out this job where she doesn’t get finished till after midnight uhhuh well this uh this girl this uh da Dawn uh you’re pretty interested in oh am I ever dad and if you knew her

You’d be too Dad she is just the most I mean she has what I mean is she’s so so nice well that’s fine Rob this sophomore School Phil Ramsey he he knew this girl that worked at the same place as Don and so he fixed up this date so

That he’d be alone with his girl you uh met her on a blind date huh yeah well there was this bull session at the dorm and we were talking about girls you know and uh well I talked like I knew knew more than I did and Phil took me up on

It to take his girlfriend’s girlfriend off his hands I did the same thing when I was uh well I was about your age I didn’t really know what I was getting myself in for but when I met her and and she was so great and we just hit

It off and everything well Dad I figured that you wouldn’t be so Keen about the hours as a steady thing but I’m only dating her on Fridays and Saturdays so I can sleep in late the next day well Rob uh at your age I really can’t complain too much about your

Staying out later on weekends but uh well Dad then there’s no problem huh well well I’ll I’ll see you around you see Johnny you’re not going to let him get away with it are you well he’s not trying to get away with anything I didn’t hear him tell you anything about

Her working in the nightclub well he probably didn’t think it made any difference oh she’s so nice he says I imagine she is nice Char then you sure have a real good imagination or real bad eyesight you looked at the picture talk about flashy blondes oh Steve face it

This is not the kind of a girl that Robbie’s going to bring home to meet the family dad say Dad I excuse me Uncle Charlie dad I forgot to ask you can I bring Don home for supper next to Sunday I wanted to meet the family well we’d like to meet her

Wouldn’t we Char that’s fine R well thanks D thanks I’ll see you Charlie so now all of a sudden he wants her to meet the family why what’s that supposed to mean Go uncle Charlie first you got all turned on cuz Robbie didn’t introduce this girl to us and now you’re

Blowing your fuse cuz he’s going to as far as I’m concerned it’s bad enough having Rob running around with a course line cutie without exposing you and Ernie to her what do you mean expose has she got something catchy you’re probably a cold from not wearing any clothes Harley

Yeah WHYY he’s really spinning his wheels you think she’ll be wearing balloons like in the picture of course not it’s her day off you ever see a girl wearing balloons on her day off think you ought to tell me stuff like that why not cuz Uncle Charlie says I’m impressionable hi everybody here’s

Don how about that did you hear that he is dawn like he expects us to give her a drum roll in a 21 gun salute let’s go see what she looks like come on we better take the first look from here it may take a little getting used to well

Hello Dad this is Don OD I’m very pleased to meet you Mr D oh was nice to meet you Don can you see her just her back well Don she’s turning around now well Robbie’s told me a lot about the family Mr Douglas gosh she wible Charlie she’s a plain ordinary old

Girl oh Mr oasy I’ll never be able to fit into my costume well now what have you had that was fattening just meat and potatoes and grav and corn in the car and apple pie with ice cream now what’s fattening about that oh you have such a

Homey home Mr Douglas well thank you Don everything seems just about perfect I’ll bet this is real old family silver well sure and that thumb print there is an old family trademark Ernie puts it on every Fork we have you live here in town I have a room

In a boarding house but I don’t spend much time there what with working late and all you’ve been in your line to work long oh yes a long time well it couldn’t have been too long Don you’re uh you’re just not old enough well I quit school in the

Ninth grade hey neat I didn’t know you could do that well don’t let that give you any ideas why not she didn’t got a good job oh chip I was a dope you know empty upstairs you’d better finish school I wish I had gosh I bet I’m as dumb as you are

Chip well I think I’ll take this Gala girl and see what she can do about knocking down some 10 pins you be sure and come again won’t you do thank you yeah it’s been real nice having you around considering you’re a girl goodbye now I know what they mean when

They talk about a home Life gosh Uncle Charlie you said she have on tons of perfume and stuff yeah I got up close and all she had on was so suppose you guys Cruise out to the kitchen and start hoisting the dish rag I’ll be out in a minute that’s okay we

Can wait for you here come on Ernie but When You Reach My AG you’ll get the message I’ll be out in a minute it means for us to go on in do the dishes while he talks to Dad in private that kid’s getting pretty sharp we got nothing to worry about

Robbie’s taste and girls huh I think she’s a very nice girl Charlie wholesome too quitting school in the ninth grade real good influence on Robbie and smart oh she was good and quick spotting the silver and she didn’t miss much about the house either I expected her to check

Up on your mortgage payments I think you’re being unfair that kind of a girl just wants one thing a husband with money or with a family that’s got money and the way she was looking over this place I think the Douglas family passed the test I doubt that yeah well how

About a little bit my buck says that any day now you get a call or a note from Miss Dawn o day saying that she’s got something to talk over well and that something is about Robbie promising to marry her if you’ll support them or you’ll support her while she doesn’t

Marry Robbie I don’t think she’ll say anything like that five bucks says you get a note or a phone call no bet Charlie she slipped me this note just before the apple pie Alam mode she wants me to meet her tomorrow evening at the club Gala you see I don’t see Anything make yourself at home Mr [Applause] Douglas I guess you’re wondering why I wrote that note you know Robbie and I have been going together for about a month now he’s such a nice boy you have a very nice family nice house everything I knew Robbie was different from the very first date I Just Don uh why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind I want you to keep Robbie away from here oh he’s a wonderful boy way and it’d be just fine if he’d stay that way but it’s too easy to lose your point of view in a place like this first thing

You know the freaks start looking good to you and then you’ve really lost your way and I wouldn’t want that to happen to Robbie you know something Don Robbie’s awfully smart about the girls he likes he uh always seems to pick the right ones thank you Mr dlas thank you da good Night hi P hi Don hi how was The Dinner Show okay I’m good I thought in between shows you’d like to go out and grab a sandwich Robbie Douglas meet Danny Daniels hello kid it was nice of you to hand on a few laughs until I got Back well don’t you get the message kid I’m back I guess I better be Going see you around kid yeah see you around goodbye Don bye Robbie thanks anytime now maybe I’ll turn in the drums and take up acting you were very Convincing Hi Charlie well what happened how much does she want she didn’t want anything Charlie where is Robbie oh he tore over to the club between shows and if you ask me he’ll be coming in with the milk bottles again what are you doing here I just finished telling your dad You’ be out

All night yeah well the lady had another date she had another date huh Miss OD day seems to be the private property of some fellow with a pushed in face who thought I was a kid and I I felt like one oh well what’s the difference dad I may be dumb about women

But I I thought you could size them up nice girl you said real sweet from now on I think I’ll do my own picking his own picking and who does he think came up with that gold digging little package you he he could have done worse Charlie

He could have done worse kicking around the stage with a bunch of balloons leading him on and then giving him the cold shoulder for some hey what about that note and the talk she wanted oh so you paid her off huh was that it sure so she throws Rob

Over boy she’s a real honey she is that’s right Charlie she’s a real Honey [Applause] well what are we going to do stick around I’d be glad to there’s another episode of My Three Sons straight ahead on TV lands twice is night tell mcder just had four babies and Miss mcder said I could have one but first I got to ask

You and tell you that her husband’s a poodle you can tell Mrs McDermot that I’ve seen her husband and he looks more to me like a beagle Mr mcder tell and tell his husband can I have one of her puppies one little word no I bumed it

Real neat and they smell brand new even what do I care how they smell smell brand new when we got him look at him now he’s like one great big round ball of dirty yard yeah and no yeah buts and don’t try bringing one of tarantula’s puppies over here to melt my

Heart cuz it won’t work her name’s Tarantella not tarantula okay bub Well that was too easy and don’t have Mrs mcdermit calling and working on your dad when I say no more animals I mean no more animals yeah but where are we going to get a pig well I’ll give you one you fatten them up and we’ll be partners on

The profits well how come well look I’m not trying to high pressure you guys you both keep saying how broke you are farming’s the only way I know how to make money well it sure looks like you make plenty of profit well I’m 50/50 with my dad on

This I’m just trying to save up enough to haul myself through college boy wouldn’t it be great if we could build up one pig into a checking account well why not hey maybe you could even join our 4 AG Club do you have time to ride

Out to the farm yeah sure well let’s go and that’s why I’m never going over to study Piper’s house as long as I live or at least not this afternoon hi B hi hi hey I hate to say it Fells but that’s the ugliest looking one I ever saw mud

It’s a genuine dck B I don’t care if it’s an airdale that’s a pig yeah what are you doing in the house with that animal oh it’s not going to be in the house all the time Mr Casey we’re going to keep it in the backyard yeah whose backyard

Yours my mother’s kind of peculiar about animals oh so it’s Robbie’s pig is this boy this is neater than him one of tarantella’s puppies now who you going to call S wait till he hears we get out there now listen Francis you get that Park chop

Out of here we’re keeping three pigs now and that’s enough left you’re very welcome okay s I’ll be right over hi Dad look what we got a pig yeah huh he’s uh ours I presume well bubble just make it sound like it’s dumb to have a

Pig around the house Dad and I also think it’s a dumb to keep your ass in the house heck and I are going into the pig business we’re going to fatten them up and make a lot of money oh SW do it yourself Stockyard or Rob the city’s

Hardly the place to raise a pig he’s just a pig now dad but wait he’s a hog George Van Buck says that they’re worth a lot of money Steve last month it was hamsters and before that field mice I know that Rob are you really serious about this project yeah Dad honest Hank

And I are going to raise him in the backyard we’ll build a pen for him and everything you know Dad it might not be too bad an idea I hear those 4 age kids do pretty well for themselves thanks Emily I’ll do something for you some Bobby you’ve started projects before and

You’ve never finished one of them I don’t want that to happen again it won’t Dad this is the beginning of a a great family fortune now Steve don’t weaken it’s up to Robbie I want his word that he’ll accept full respons possibility feed him properly give him the care he

Needs and not neglect him I’ll stick with this pig all the way Dad hey bet there laws about keeping the pig in the city no there are Mr oy we already checked oh yeah well what about the noise remember that purple duck we bought for chip one Easter he had a

Mighty nasty quack well pigs don’t make any noise bub well they don’t huh how about that o we’ll go along with Rob one more time you can keep the pay Rob thanks Dad well you fellas better go out and start building a pen for H okay come on Hey those are my sentiments [Applause] Exactly boy what a lucky Pig he never had it so good you know we can’t keep calling this pig pig we got to give it a name yeah something kind of fancy you know with snob appeal Yeah you know most Pig groups have English names you know like Yorkshire Hampshire Tamworth how about Shakespeare well my mother said that most of Shakespeare stuff was written by a fellow named bacon bacon now what could be a better Pig name too corny hey how about Hamlet you get it

Pig ham Hamlet you don’t have to spell it out for me Robbie I got to see and basic comprehension Hey what are you doing Hank well he’s a pig isn’t he he’s got to have some mud to slop around in no George vanbus says that’s the oldfashioned way a pigs would rather be clean oh okay I think we ought to feed him yeah let’s get him some good

Garbage no the modern pig eats milk and lots of corn so do I come on let’s go look in the refrigerator okay How you doing bub good afternoon Mr oey what do you two pork husters want how about some more are help yourself oh well we’ll need about a gallon and Mr oy where do you keep your corn is this for that fat friend of yours outside oh yeah but

We’re going to eat some of it too give me that that pig is your problem but bub he’s hungry that’s his problem we settled for some nice clean garbage Mr oey not one lean banana SK get out Pig Cowboys what we need is is some high class leftovers hey how about Betty’s house they at pretty good over there yeah her mother sets firers her pancakes and all kinds of fancy jams yeah well let’s go we’ll be right back Hamlet you’ll have a dinner fit for a Pig learn more ato.com Protected in the pressone zone I more natural approach prevent gas with bino What good evening good evening officer is this the Douglas residence that’s right I’m Steven Douglas now we have a complaint a complaint about what Mrs Carlson called something about a pig pig I’ve been afraid of this we’re keeping one out in the backyard you mind

If I take a look at it sir well no no it’s right around this Way there he is he is making a quite a bit of noise isn’t he sure he’s hungry there’s no food no water when was the last time he was fed I don’t know officer my son is supposed to be taken care of he’s a fine looking Tura I used to raise those when

I was a kid in the 4 Club back in M oh hi Dad get arrested what’s going on here is the joint raided no but it looks like we have a genuine public nuisance on our hands chip when was the last time he was fent at the big party this afternoon he

Had lots of good jumps like what six or seven jelly beans in a chocolate bar with nuts and four or five Raisins hi Dad phone hello officer what’s happening where have you been all day long haning out we’re over Betty’s working on the feed deal what time did you go to bet he left before the Pig party it started at 2:00 then you’ve been gone over 7 hours I’m sorry officer this won’t

Happen again well you’ll have to keep him quiet or get rid of him there’s no law against Pig but I’m sure you understand I understand good night good night it’s the hamster story all over again I still say a couple of them got lost and they having kids in our Attic

Come on ship let’s get out of here I think your dad wants to have a few words with Robbie I shouldn’t let Hank and Betty talk me into that barbecued steak huh Rob I think maybe you’d better take the pig back tomorrow it won’t happen again

Dad honest he’s going to eat a lot of food and food cost money now how do you plan it but Hank can all work we’ll support Hamlet until he can support us he’s not a toy you know he’s an animal and animals require care now if you

Aren’t old enough to live up your responsibilities I’m going to have to start treating you like I do chip I’ll start on it first thing in the morning Dad you’ll start right now there must be something in the house he can eat tonight maybe some canned corn or some

Milk or some bread you you stay with him though until you’re sure he’s not hungry anymore Okay Sorry dinner’s so late tonight haml how about some milk and some corn and some bread sounds pretty good might have some myself ho you know Robbie I’m losing more fat than Hamlet’s gaining and I can’t afford it look I promised my dad would stick to it no matter what now come on [Applause] Saw Hey what’s the matter with you look Roba a Betty invited me over for the afternoon and well I’m going to go how about Hamlet how about Hamlet look Rob how’d you like to buy out my share you’re kidding well heck we’re in the home stretch yeah

I know but but I’m beat this Pig’s wearing me out look you let me have the deal now and uh when you sell them you give me my share well how do we know how much is your share I’ll leave that to you I mean you may be a lot of things

Rob but you’re no crook oh Hank are you sure you want out boy am I sure well so long Hamlet see you around as right now your name is Hamlet Douglas he sure is a giant boy I bet you if he had horns he could beat up a rhinoceros can he sit up yet no he wants to but my dad said he can’t on account of his center of gravity is in the wrong place you guys don’t make him nervous we

Weren’t we were just saying nice things about him how much does he weigh now Robbie well I don’t know for sure but I’d say for a durac he’s getting pretty close to Market way what’s that mean well it means he has about 20 lb of ham on him

And 500 strips of bacon and I’d say uh maybe 50 pork chops and a whole lot of sausages what’s he talking about I don’t know what are you talking about well I I mean it’s about time that I sill them and get my money back you mean they’re going to make

Hamlet into bacon and pork chops and stuff well yeah where do you think that stuff comes from I mean they don’t have bacon bushes and pork chop trees you know why can’t we just keep them well because we can’t that’s all but that isn’t the reason I fatten him

Up and quit looking at me like that you know something chip you got a brother that’s a Cannibal Dad we got trouble trouble what kind of trouble man chip is moving out moving out moving out of where out of the house I guess he won’t stay under the same roof with Robie oh he didn’t say it exactly that way but that’s what

He means I thought he was kind of down tonight thought maybe he had another fight with sui or something dad because you better do something about that goofy kid I was minding my own business study and all of a sudden he came up right behind me and hit me over the head with

A Book what’s the matter with here it’s about that pig Dad Dad I think you had a Bel him one well chip uh what are you doing here now run away Dad I’m just moving to the attic dad tell them that Brothers aren’t supposed to go on hitting other brothers

On top of the head with books while they’re studying my ch I’d like an explanation of all this I’m waiting chip well Robbie’s going to sell Hamlet and they’re going to make him into bacon oh will you quit being such a little baby Robbie well I’d like to keep Hamlet

Too but life is full of all kind of raw deals and you just got to get used to it besides I’m in partners with George vanbus and Hank what do you want me to do go run into him and tell him my little kid brother wants to keep a pig

For a pet yeah well I R have him than you would you fellas he was alone but daddy’s been bu off squ shut the door sit up chip chip I guess in a way this is my fault I I should have told you why Robbie wanted to raise the

Pig chip certain animals are put on this Earth to well to sustain others there’s nothing wrong with it it’s the way it was meant to be yeah sure’s a RW Deal this orinary looking bed is home monitoring helps protect more Americans than any other security company from burglary fire flood even carbon monoxide call now and get the ADT burglary system installed from $99 plus up to 20% off your basic homeowners insurance get the power of ADT well the pasta anytime new from

Classic Boy thater has been in there a long enough time how would you like to have to explain it to chip yeah boy being her father she has some awful things connected with it I think the excitement’s over for tonight I’m going to hit the sack good night good night m

Catch on D well he’s not too happy about it Rob but I guess he understands I think it’s safe for you to go back in there good night uh dad do you suppose it’d be okay that we uh we might keep Hamlet around here sort of like

Well you know better Dad Rob Hamet had his Destiny right from the start you’re old enough to understand that yeah but I’m not old enough to like it NE am I Rob good night night it’s the best looking City Pig I’ve ever seen yeah I tried to take good care of

Him boy is really a be George yeah uh do you think that maybe there’s some place on your farm where you could uh keep Hamlet I mean uh suppose I gave up my percentage well then do you think you could just well keep him what for well maybe you could chew him off

Because he’s a city pig that doesn’t make much sense yeah I know I’m really proud of you Robbie hey I tell you what we’re going to do with your pig we’ll enter him in a swine show SW all Right call here today I Now ladies and gentlemen These Fine hog friends represent long and dedicated effort on the part of the youthful farmers of our state 48 Club third prize ribon goes to Queen Chelsea th read by Harry jennis of South Acre Farms hey that’s a real good

Looking Hamp you got there conrat good second prize ribbon Mr Magnificent owned by raap Harrington of marcelis matters that’s a goodl looking Chester White you got there R congratulations right over this [Applause] place down this way that’s the place p is King Con a Poland China raised by

Glenn Conrad of the Conrad Farms I want to congratulate you Glenn you brought in a real don’t feel bad H we did our best and that’s what counts down this way folks come on down here folks right down a little Clos in here come on for the first time in the history of

The swine show we have a do rock raised in the city by this young man right here Robert Douglas now Mr George bambus told us all the trouble he went through and how he dug dishes for money to buy corn and not to mention the hundreds of cartons of

Skim milk he purchased at the supermarket but the commed decided to present a special award to Robert Douglas for raising a pig the hard way does that mean they won’t make hamlet in the bacon sure price Pig like Hamlet could get married and live to a ripe old [Applause] [Applause] Age stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as this Twice As Nice morning continues here on TV Land well not stupid maybe but it was a beat to take a picture in uniform just to send that Martha dad suggested it okay okay look I got to be at the base in about 5 minutes so what about the picture well do you have an extra copy

Yeah I think so you uh you want an autograph no No wait a minute uh you and Hank aren’t planning anything ridiculous no I need it Loose wants my picture oh who’s loose and this isn’t your picture here well some of us guys started this pen pal junk and I write to this little senorita in Rio her name is lose Martinez and she

Wants to exchange pictures but she’s 19 years old and if I send her one of my pictures well that’s the end of the letters oh so you want to send me in uniform huh yeah well let’s face it Mike at 16 I’m cute but not impressive well let me know how I do Okay No not impressive hey you guys it’s half past you better get a move On that little Fleep I was doing some work here last night and I left my pen right in that stationary box now where is it it was just a dumb old story about a girl in a horse well chip losing that dumb old library book is going to cost

Me $3 plus a note of apology which I would like to write with my pen where is it look at this laying out in the grass all night long my F pen no my glove I spent a week rubbing it with NE foot oil just to make the pocket ride now look

This is it this is it hold on a minute Mike Robbie do you Are you using some kind of new hair oil or are you turning prematurely gray ask him I pick up my col the next thing I know I’ve got cream cheese or something in my hair it’s not cream cheese it’s plaster of pears I was in a hurry so I

Didn’t plaster of pearis I borrowed it to make the group marks on my map for geography I guess I forgot to wash it out ship up all the look at this soap well by the time it dries it’ll be stiffer in the board yeah you said it

Listen if this stuff doesn’t wash out I’m going to Hey you guys fighting the Civil War later on you’re all going to be late and Steve the Chip’s going to have to have a note about that book he lost yeah I know B I’m writing it right now and I wonder if you’re going to have any junk for

That rumage sale there’s a lady going to drop by today to pick it up there would be plenty of things up in the attic Marcel you better change that hair oil yours this is commencing to look like plaster a parot that’s right Mike you better go upstairs and soak your head in

Hot water before it hardens well I’ll rub it in with NE for but I’ll bet it cracks wide open Mike’s head oh Steve here’s your fountain pen I founded in the refrigerator oh you you found it in the refrigerator how in the world would never mind

B and I’m not going to ask you why you put it in there oh for Piza doesn’t even write looks like there’s water in it oh what do you mean oh it’s lemon juice lemon juice chip why in the world would you put lemon juice in my Fountain pan

Well for writing invisible messages say he wrote my teacher well she wouldn’t be able to read it not unless she held it up to a candle chip I’m tired of having a light fingered Louie around this house for who you’ve got to learn to respect other people’s property here’s your note

I’m going to teach you one way or another not to go around picking up things that belong to other people go D now listen to me chip if you touch one more thing that belongs to somebody else just one more thing mind you I’m going to ground you for a whole month and

Besides that you’ll get a spanking that you won’t Forget goodbye I guess he told you all pretty good well I wouldn’t mind this banking so much but if I get grounded I’ll miss my overnight camp out yeah well you just better keep your fingers off other people’s things this is the most important night of my life I’m getting

The Cub Scout and eating this award which means I get four arrow points and I get to light the campfire yeah so just watch your step will you but what if I touch something by mistake hey Rob you want to lift Yeah Mike me too we’re going the other Way are they leaving here uh-uh I could smash the window pane and shoot them no maybe better not I wouldn’t mind if we shot some clunky girls but he might get mad about the window Paine they ought to pick on people their own side heck that

Darlene weighs 10 lb more than me oh forget him we’re here on Cub Scott official business you go get the sleeping bag it’s in the hall closet and I’ll get my new mcets in the Kitchen come on there’s no sleeping bag in here just no bird cage and some pillows and a and A got a frying pan and everything well so long I got to go no you just came yeah but I just remembered I got to go by the way there’s a tiger in your hog closet huh oh boy I’ll bring it down here well so long don’t be a clunk it’s

Only a dead old skin I just remembered I don’t have to go until later still in the closet hey we can play Hunter and I can shoot it it’s sorry been shot that’s the biggest tiger that ever got shot in the jungle bus said oh yeah I bet it’s not

Even real I bet it’s plastic or instant tiger or something oh yeah that thing stuck as sharp as teeth Pro move it no we can’t touch it huh you want me to miss the biggest night of my life if I touch anything Wham I won’t be there

To light the campfire a you just don’t want me to see a close on a account of it’s a fake it’s not fake oh no look at those phony te oh yeah you just feel Them hey there you see TR he’s always been afraid of it so that proves it’s real cuz TR got a stinct about wild animals I got it in the head no you didn’t they still chasing him chip get that will you and he’s fre hello well sure

Bye hey syy that was your mom she says to tell you that the tent was delivered hey let’s go set it Up I’m TV Land Ultimate Fan spreading TV Joy across the land I won the contest and now I serve the nation choosing shows for your appreciation Paul’s Ultimate Fan hour Paul’s Ultimate Fan hour Paul’s Ultimate Fan hour catch Paul every Friday afternoon battery in the World oh hi come in hi you got some stuff for the church roomy sale it’s right here in the closet come on here’s a solid Platinum bird kid there’s a Dandy a couple of nice pillas we’ll send you a bird when we get one oh thank you it’s all right hey wait a

Minute now what are you doing out here as if I didn’t Know kid here you are my gon’s been on on a tiger hunt there thanks goodbye Tiger Tiger you’re welcome be a good boy now you can come out now old saber-tooth is Gone boy what a need P subsy time to go dear we have to help with the church sale unloading things I’m sure chip will excuse you oh sure I have to leave anyway oh no something the matter dear he left a tiger in the living room excuse Me tiger tiger where I put him I got a tiger here tiger hello chip this is me all I want to say is yours isn’t much of a tiger listen SEI I can’t talk to you right now the one they have right here at the church sale is three times as big which

One’s bigger the tiger that they have right here for sale at the church my Tiger’s at the church I are you kidding this is a real Fierce one boy does it make bubs look sick mean they have a tiger to buy at the sale I would have

Got it only cost $4 and my mother said it wasn’t worth it even if they threw in the Moss for free so I bet yours isn’t worth 50 C oh miss oh excuse me may I buy this please this tiger skin rug oh all the boys love that how much is it $4 dear $4 gosh I thought maybe got reduced or something suy says my grandfather’s one is only worth 50 cents and this one’s

Only about 10 cents bigger except maybe the tail what do that so can I please pay you 30 cents for now and give you the rest in installment I’m afraid not dear we can’t sell except for cash oh this is cash four nickels and a dime I’m afraid not

Dear I get my allance of 25 cents Tomorrow there’s some nice toys here for under a dollar maybe you could find a nice rubber Bowl $ it isn’t that much bigger I had to pay a buck 75 each for these dance tickets so now I don’t have any money left to buy Gloria of course G well we got some D lines gr up by the garage Mike come on

Rob all I need is a buck from me I’m flat Mike ask Chip he’s the family Banker hey what do you think you’re doing I’m looking for some money I thought I had okay look but keep your junk on your own side of the room Brother chip you don’t have to have a couple of set aside for a rainy day boy this is the rainiest day you ever saw you think you got problems you ought to have a girl expecting your corage boy the most important night of my life and what will I be Prisoner what are you talking about I need help the Tiger’s disappeared and I’ll get blamed I get blamed for everything what tiger all he means that old moth eating skin in the attic I was looking for some money to buy a tiger at the ramage sale but sui so and F me it

Was bigger well why don’t you try to remember where you put our tiger well sudy and I were looking at it and now it’s gone B you guys hid it so I couldn’t go on the camp out and now I won’t be able to light the campfire the brothers are

Supposed to be fair and I’m probably Adopted the kid flipped well it’s his own fault dad warned him yeah well there goes his cub scout camp out yeah it doesn’t look like he’s going to get to light that fire he’ll probably get a good spanking he’s got it coming to him though yeah unless he could buy that

Other tiger rug which he can’t anyway who cares yeah let him stew in his own gravy hey are you going after him no what for well I I just thought that maybe yeah what for it’s his problem we’ve got our own troubles I hope that dumb kid appreciates us getting this tiger back hey R this telegram for you no kid get it let’s see from loose listen heading north sending this from jet stop over New Orleans father bringing family to North America forgive me forgive me it was not my picture I

Sent I am 15 Luc is 15 years old the picture I sent you was of my older sister Maria see you soon dear Robbie loose how about that yeah hey wait a minute that 15-year-old girl expects to see me oh yeah forgot well I’m not getting stuck with any 15-year-old girl with

Pigtails um hey maybe I could borrow your Air Force uniform you may not look I did what I could for chips problem but this one’s on You H lose weight free 24 hours a day with two Memorial on the mall in Washington DC here what parent to give your child the hooked on phonic Head Start come on chip we’ll get the things we’ll need for your Camp up your cub master get me a list of the stuff you’ll need toothbrush a cub master of yours is a dreamer a he let’s get the upstairs stuff we can get the Closet Stuff some

Other time now wait a minute there’s a flashlight in this closet right here and we’ll get it right now no what do you mean no well there’s nothing here except stuff it’s on the top shelf no it isn’t I took it I mean I didn’t take it I mean

I took it for dances I couldn’t take things no chip you don’t know what you mean now you run upstairs and get your toothbrush and I’ll take care of things down here okay but don’t look in the closet till I get better and not them either and bring an extra Sweater will you get out of my way Fearless Felix what’s going on here how’d you get back in There hi bub Steve mm what does this look like to you looks like your old tiger skin rug complete with moles and how come it turned into a homing pigeon homing pigeon homing pigeon it cost me something important a radiator cap who needs girls

Me hi fellas Hi D hi Dad you just get home yes and uh so did another old member of the family about 4 hours ago bub gave our old tiger skin rug to the church sale and it ended up back here in the whole closet downstairs now can

Either one or both of you tell me how that happened that was our tiger you mean bub gave it to the sale oh well for that I gave up Gloria Gloria what about my radiator C wait uh if those are answers would you mind translating for

Me Ming around with one at a time huh Mike you’re the older well chip was playing around with the tiger and left it on the floor when he got back it was gone I guess to the church sale but anyway he got shook up and thought he

Lost it which meant goodbye camp out yeah and a Spanky you mean you fellas went to that church sale and bought back that old I got to get my sweater oh come here a minute chip we’re having a very interesting discussion about a tiger skin rug they

Tell you yes they told me thanks a lot hey wait a minute come back here doesn’t he know oh I wait till you guys get in trouble now just hold a minute chipper well if you blushing Violet won’t speak up I’ll tell him chip your two brothers

Went to the church sale and bought back that old tiger skin rug to get you out of trouble because they thought you were in a jam huh and uh I gather Robbie sold his radiator cap to get some of the money right we needed $4 Mike had to

Take back the dance tickets that he bought for him and Gloria huh was that all you have to say you why’ you do it well you you made such a big noise about wanting to go to that Campa yeah we figured it was as

Good a way as any to get you out of the house for a while yeah Dad you going to let him go to the Campa well rob you know the deal oh come on dad give him a break yeah he’s only that young once okay don’t you have anything to say

Chip oh come on now all you have to do is say thanks one simple one syllable word oh chip oh that’s all right dad my dad a kid feels things but sometimes he can’t say it yeah well I think Mike and Robbie get the message H sure yeah well Cher you’re

The uh proud owner now of a $4 Mor eaten tiger skin rut what are you going to do with it hang up in the wall here no I better put him in the closet gets scared of him well I wouldn’t worry about you know something chipper

That old tiger skin rug is about the nicest present you’ll ever get in your whole life hey gang quick come down here if you want to see something hurry up well what now what’s happening B what’s the matter b what’s up looks like Kamps found himself a new Friend hi you’re loose no you’re not you’re Maria Robbie Toby I would have known you anywhere uh well I would have known you too Maria do show me your picture I decided you are much too old for her but just the right age for me oh yes um

That’s my little brother Mike hello Mike hi Robbie since you have a little brother perhaps you can understand I apologize for the foolish behavior of my little sister loose oh well I uh I understand but it it seems to have worked out just fine uh how long are you

Going to be in town H last just 5 hours between planes well I have a couple of hours before I have to check in at the air base dinner oh I would love it great [Applause] great your little brother he’s very cute oh cute yes impressive No stay tuned for another episode of My Three Sons as this Twice As Nice morning continues here on TV l You’re about 63 aren’t you Mr Douglas 63 what height about 62 and 1/2 or three row oh yeah if I stand up straight I think I about make it why just idle curiosity my dad you give anything to be your height he’s 5’2 well was kind of short isn’t

He you’re not busy this weekend are you Mr Douglas no I’m not Helen just what is going on going on nothing why should anything be going on oh uh hi Steve oh hi Joel hello did you find out yet oh look if I’m going to be Mahar you’ll have to

Give me a little more time so far all I know is he’s 6’3 if he stands up straight and he’s got a clear calendar for the weekend uh Steve the boss has picked you for a pretty important assignment you remember Eric willson of Dan Dan Airlines sure tell me uh what

Did he think about my design for the TF 2300 well he loved it anyway he’s here and he wants to meet you he’s here at the plant yes well fine let’s uh go I’d like to meet him well now wait a minute he he’s not alone he certainly isn’t

Miss Hamilton why don’t you go change a typewriter ribbon or or something Joe um now you know how important the Williamson account is to us well the boss has picked you to sort of take over part of the willamson deal while they’re in town this weekend I see Joe why are you so

Nervous uh because I’m beating around the bushes no because I’m beating around the bush a lot then the boss didn’t pick me uh for this whatever it is because of the TF 2300 no why did he pick me Joe um because you’re tall that doesn’t make much sense H well you see Mr

Willamson has a come on I better show you here straighten up Jo you’re sure you’re quite comfortable Mrs Williams oh yeah yeah it’s good of you to let us compete with Milan and Tokyo on this jet Cruiser deal Eric yeah yeah in the meanwhile mama and iy have a

Good time excuse me I said no phone calls please Betty Big B count who oh oh it’s for you Eric the uh day conso oh Mr Gordon make us very comfortable yeah even more than Milan mm well we wait and see you can compare with Tokyo yeah it was good of you to

Call a there oh this is with with hel mascar ball yeah yeah goodby oh here he is Mr Gordon I told him I mean he knows as much as uh thank you Joe come in Steve may I present one of our top designers Mr Steven Douglas Mr and Mrs Eric Williamson Mrs Williamson

How do you do how do you do sir how do you do Douglas you did some good work on TF 2300 no yes I uh I worked on the designs um what do you think Mama yeah he has big Bor you’re a single person a single well yes that is a good Helga our daughter Helga hello hello I how do you do H how come dad’s not here he’s upstairs getting dressed to take a girl out for dinner oh what girl a Great Dane huh not a real dad got stuck with a viking what are you talking about why listen to

Those cutouts sounds like about 500 horses we see who it is all right nobody ever did explain to me about the great day in the bking If that’s for me I’ll be down in a few minutes okay Dad I know hello what time did Dad get in last night well it must have been after 1 the DJ Festival had already signed off and he wasn’t home yet boy I don’t like it come on give me a little help here will you Rob hook this thing up on top there for

Your information it was after 4: after 4 after 4 yes and he looked pretty good to me nobody better go upstairs till afternoon what I walked past dad’s room just now he’s trying to get some sleep and he hollered at me to quit shaking the house I didn’t even have my shoes on

That anybody that wakes him up before noon’s going to get into some terrible trouble it’ll make the acquisition look like parlor games Inquisition he talk real terrible like he had a sore throat or something I’ll get him uh I’m sorry I I just can’t call him to the phone right now who’s calling

Please oh Mr Gordon uh well let me see if I can’t uh locate him all right Bob doorbell I heard it hello hello I mean hi hi I bet you were Helga yeah Steven is ready to go hiking no hiking did Steven promise to go hiking with you today no I surprise him

Yeah Yeah uh just a minute Mr Gordon he’s on his way Dad oh than and good morning Mr Gordon Steve congratulations congratulations for what I just talked to Eric he says that Helga is ecstatic about last night you’re the first man she’s found who can dance all night without

Folding now I know this isn’t exactly your cup of tea that’s why I appreciate it so Steve guess who’s here Tess of the storm country she just dropped me off all ready for a hike a hike Eric says that hel is planning something special for today keep up the

Good work Steve look Mr Gord I’m very sorry but oh I know you want to get ready well I won’t keep you and and thanks again Steve believe me I won’t forget this what I was A h it’s going to be one of those typical Danish days she says so I’ll get your alpen stock in a towel towel yeah you’re going to wind up in one of those Scandinavian scrub and steam joints you have fun yeah B go down and tell her that I well I think I’ve had about enough of this Steam all right over to the table where table that’s right now get up turn over on your stomach oh that’s un relaxed you are in ceger now not in Brian Park we scrub all your worries away

You why you you do have strong hands oh very strong certainly hard to rub the troubles away good oh oh oh oh okay anybody home oh the picnic you ready Mike well you see Sally it’s just that Dad went out with that Viking girl again we all have to sit here and

Worry now tell me Mike doesn’t it sound a little silly to you the way chip puts it well sure the way he puts it but that’s not what we’re doing well good then let’s go on the picnic well couldn’t we have it here uh like out in

The backyard maybe honey I don’t want to sound like a fish wife or anything but well I just can’t get over the whole family sitting here in one room waiting for a perfectly capable man to come home from a date I mean what’s so terrible about this girl what are you all afraid

Of Sally she’s got too much Zoom for that it’s like she’s racing her motor while he’s idling I finally saw this tomato she could strangle Steve with a half Nelson by accident they’re afraid she’ll get to be our mother but I think it’d be neat to get that car in the

Family well how about it Mike you’re right it’s silly Sally and I are going on a picnic you guys will just have to worry without me I’ll call you about every 20 minutes not not too hard on the leg you must forgive us now Steve Well

Forgive me for what well if we must use your El instead of orish birch elen branches what what do you do with those we whip you [Applause] [Applause] we then Carol went out and bought some gray painton You’ never know it used to be a kerosene stove you have another piece of chicken

Mike Mike oh thanks you know I think anybody with imagination can furnish a house for practically nothing yeah yeah Francine Marcus describes one of those home decorating magazines and practically everything she does comes out of them for instance she took one of those old roll top desks and

Made it into a breakfront sort of thing and Tony uses it for all sorts of things it has so many pigeon holes in it that all the sparrows come to nest in it during the winter and um Humpty Dumpty comes to visit every so often so do some of the King’s Men

Good sometimes A Simple Simon falls asleep in front of his television set so Mother Goose comes along and puts one of those sweet little homemade bombs into his pocket what what’s mine where are we going home don’t worry about your father well that’s enough of that yes I

I think so it’s you know in uh Denmark we always run out and roll in the snow after SAA is that so I’m I’m glad it’s summertime that’s all right we use the next best thing the next best thing what’s that crushed ice crushed ice is that as effective as

Snow hey uh anybody here sh sh what’s the matter dad’s upstairs in bed in bed yeah yeah and he’s a wreck what happened h a call for him and took him on a 15 M hike then they took him to one of those steam joints when they tried to

Beat him to death with sticks then they unloaded half a ton of ice cubes on him what sounds like a Saun ofat this is no good it’s like going out one weekend playing 20 sets of tennis if you haven’t done anything for years he’s probably just a little tired a little

Tired did you ever see a washrag try to crawl upstairs I could have taken Phil to the dance after all has it well Dad said he’s going to sleep for a whole week sure and the first one that tries to wake him gets a knuckle Sandwich see gosh I don’t know Mr Walters Mike I wouldn’t ask it if it wasn’t important if you’re going to wake him up you can’t do it from here it’ll take about three sticks of dynamite Dad Dad that’s not the way come on Sam hit the deck see this is Joe wers I’ve

Got to talk to you Joe did you forget about the costume Ball costume ball you’re taking halga to a costume Affair at the Danish counselor H go be here any minute for you Steve nice Mr walers I don’t think Dad should do anymore he hasn’t had enough rest oh

Hi Jo what are you doing here well Gordon sent me over I brought you a costume for the ball oh well Joe I’m not going to the ball but you’ve got to go willamson is so happy and Gordon’s practically counting the money in that jet Cruiser

Deal no Joe you can only run a machine so long and then the gasket start to blow that isn’t it Helga’s a very energetic young woman and I’ll admit I’m poop but that isn’t why I’m backing out of this Jae is that I’ve lost my self-respect I mean I I can’t teach the

Boys Independence on one hand and do something like this on the other well maybe not but just this once I don’t need the job that badly Joe well I must say I admire you if you’d asked me to do it out of friendship that would have

Been one thing but I won’t do it to airplanes right the airplanes are to sell on their own Merit it’s true in fact I think Gordon’s got a lot of nerve to even ask you somebody ought to give that Gordon a fat lip bub let’s not get

Carried away with this huh Joel will you just tell Mr Gordon that any work I do for the company from now on I’ll do on the drawing board okay right Steve and I’ll dump this right in his lap and I’ll tell him that any time a man forces an

Employed a practically plain nursaid just to get a fat contract I’ve lost all respect for him and not only that I’ll tell him Mr Gordon wants to know if the costume fits all right he’s on the phone I’ll handle it Steve I wanted to know just how we all feeli thanks

Jo where’s the phone right there in the hall you’re doing the right thing dad he sure is you know I played Aluna Pennsylvania once and the owner of this two bid joint told me to keep the seals wet on account of the owner of the Act

Was laid up with the s you know you got to keep seals wet or they’ll get chapped flippers what did you do do what keep the seals wet sure BB what’s the point of the story do you know something that was the first time I ever noticed that I was

Chicken Steve do me a favor will you what is it Joe take Helga to the ball tonight I count it as a great favor I thought you were going to tell him off what happened well let’s just say I was persuaded otherwise I’ll tell him what I think one of these days Steve

Honest just as soon as the kids graduate from college and the house is paid for okay Joe okay thanks Steve I guess sometime one way or another all of us have to wet down the seals what what was just something he read in a fortune goodie Once [Applause] hello hi come on in your papa ready to go to ball yeah I I don’t know what are those SCA music you have machine you sure right here ah I have to teach your papa a few steps before we go to ball otherwise you feel

Foolish hey she looks like the amazing Amazon from outer space well that’s a neat compliment if I ever heard what would any of you wish to try SCH poker while we wait for Steven well some other time Miss Williamson I’ve got to go home and get changed for the ball no thanks I

Gave up the poker and the black bottom at just about the same time oh the poker sure well come on we’ll try it Yeah go 1 2 3 You look fine Bo does that look boss yeah Dad I look ridiculous and you all know it oh no Steven now hel Steve there’s a little Scorch spot here on the guffer shirt all right all right where’s the rest of this Buffalo the helmet may be a little small

But I think dad looks fine now cut it out Mike well if you go out in public looking like that they’ll able to haul you in for hoer mouth disease I know Joe walers or no Joe walers I’m just not going to go through with this Helga I’m

Sorry but I can’t take you to the ball but you must we’ll get you another hot without horns that has nothing to do with it Helga it’s just that I made up my mind to do something before and I didn’t follow through with it but I must

Have a partner the bll tonight is to celebrate my birthday I’m sorry your birthday yeah tomorrow I am 70 if she’s 70 I’m 32 not 70 17 oh 17 you mean I’ve been going out with a 17-year-old child boy she’s a child I had to be in kindergarten or something

Nobody likes a wise guy chip what am I going to do sta well now Helga I’m sorry I dad uh are you thinking what I’m thinking I believe so Mike I was just wondering how to handle it diplomatically well maybe we won’t have

To Helga y i uh I have a son just your age 177 yeah and he has a driver’s license and he and he he gets to use the good car once in a while especially tonight I go barefoot oh that’s okay I’m not self-conscious about that tall and short

Jazz he’s very good with scula wonderful you’ll be my Viking Chief tonight yeah yeah I mean yeah Dad oh sure Rob just be careful that’s all oh come on let’s get you in Costa yeah I’ll be right back Well here he comes look oh he’s beautiful we go now yeah yeah well have a good time well goodbye everybody and thank you very much goodbye goodbye good time I’ll see you later dad the above yes gosh it’s hard to believe she’s only going to be 17 yeah well she sure is

Tall for her age you got to ad she’s a lot of girl you sure is well if you fellas will excuse me I think I’ll stag her back up to Bed look up in the sky it’s listening to women with size 8 ft telling me young man I always wear size five shoes oh come on Colonel nice like in a couple weeks right come on let’s go yeah hey wait a second I want to talk to you Air Reserve business or personal

Well some are both well I’m sorry Randy but we’re off duty hey Carl can’t keep those uh food nurses waiting that’s right talk to us in two week Randy oh no no no that’ll be too late I got to do something about these dolls right away

Randy old buddy did you say dolls that’s right I’ve ended up with all these dolls on my hands and I was hoping you fellas might be willing to help me out your problem is our problem hey how many dolls are there 10,000 come on what kind of a gag is

This no no no it’s no gag I’ve ended up with $10,000 just like this hey that’s a real doll right talkie Tilly she’s specialty of my dad’s toy company Randy nothing you could say is going to get us interested in 10,000 talking dolls say d dig dig see somebody goofed and 10,000 of

Them came off the assembly line sounding just like that at least you can never argue with it can’t they be fixed no all 10,000 have to be junked or given away oh certainly there must be plenty of little girls who’d like a pretty doll like that whether she talk sense or not

Well see the problem is we can’t give them away to kids in this country and that’s why I came up with this great idea hey I’m about to ride oh yeah hold up wait a second guys no no come on hey you got to listen to me no wait Mike no

Listen uh you must have heard of sanidel or maybe you guys saw the news real pictures yeah San Fidel that’s a city in America that was practically wiped out by a flood right right so D I saw a lot of pictures of these poor little homeless girls like you know all huddled

Together in tent I thought something like this would mean a lot to those kids you know unexpected unexpected it’s unbalanced look when did you figure our Squadron could airlift these dolls next weekend that’s a free weekend well that also just happens to be the night of the

Big charity dance and I haven’t decided which of three beautiful nurses I’m going to let take me Zia and I have plans that weekend anyway sorry the Air Force would never okay such a cookie project anyway broken dolls for disaster victims let’s go you do your good deed for today sure

I clean all the ice cream out of a deep freeze that’s not helping anybody it helped me Bary I don’t think you get the idea you do your could Beach your way and how you mind my way he look a little old Lady that’s Mr sour be hey Ernie hold my bag for me for a minute will you hey Chill Excuse me yes could I help you across the street why you dear boy bless your heart I’ve been ever so grateful can I carry that for you Ma’am why yes thank [Applause] You you don’t know how I appreciate this it’s my good deed this shopping bag is so heavy I didn’t know how I would ever get it home I wonder if you uh oh no you’ve already been so kind would you like me carry that bag home for you man

Oh would you that would help a lot hey Ernie take those groceries home to bub he’s waiting on him what who’s doing a good deed for who somebody really made a boo boo do you mean 10,000 broken talking down yeah and they all sound like this

For sound like a real woman oh love I didn’t mean you Sally well I’m a real woman well I’ll second that boy that Randy’s come up with some wild ideas but this one takes a prize have you ever heard anything like it well I think it’s very sweet and

Generous honey when you’ve been through what those poor people have been through you don’t need dolls of course you’d volunteer if you were airlifting pottered milk and penicillin well sure that’ be different but I couldn’t go next weekend anyway why not because Sally’s boss Mr Barnes invited us to go

Sailing we could postpone that honey I wouldn’t mind as long as it was for something worthwhile but honey it isn’t worthwhile look there are agencies set up just to take care of disaster victims right that’s right Hy and let Randy Griggs find some other way to unload his

Broken dolls Mar I think you ought to do it well thanks but I don’t think I need any secondhand generous impulses I’ve going to bed you mean without even being told why once yeah nice good nice you think about to take his temperature no he did a few favors for a little old

Lady and he’s been going around acting like some kind of a saint or something he says doing good wears him out I’ll leave the dishes bu tell I’ll finish up oh [Applause] thanks good dinner B I know it Mike I just don’t see how you can turn your back on those poor little

Little girl I’m not turning my back on anybody well how could I possibly have a good time sailing when I’m thinking about those children honey nobody is going to fly those broken dolls anywhere now the Air Force has some very sensible rules and regulations Mike Randy G is here to see

You yes Mike was just telling us about airlifting those dolls to San Fidel all already hi mik I think it’s a great idea Randy well thank you sir so does Colonel Kramer I was just tell he does that’s right he’s giving me the go-ahead what how did you persuade him well our

Squadron’s due for a long flight training mission right yeah so I persuaded Colonel Kramer and authorizing the airlift to San Fidel as that mission only we’ll be using talkie Tilly for ballast instead of tanks and jeeps oh I get it the Air Force wants a little

Publicity oh no no no Mike the Air Force doesn’t want any publicity the fact is Colonel Kramer thinks it’s a grand gesture congratulations Randy oh thank you Sally now I figure we need three planes see and I have to come up with three volunteer Crews now I know you and

Sally have plans for next weekend Mike well yeah oh he can’t use that as an excuse uh how many guys you got so far well none see I’m asking you first buddy oh okay I’ll go oh thanks Mike thank you I knew I could count on you listen I

Have to see as many of the guys I can tonight so you have to excuse me okay nice seeing you again Mr Douglas nice see you Randy byebye good night thanks again buddy yeah anytime so long Randy byebye oh honey I’m proud of you well Mike that uh certainly was a

Quick change of heart no change of heart dad why not say yes and let Sally be proud of me Randy will never get enough guys to volunteer for three crews boy did you guys let me down let you down after what you said I never figured

You’d go along with a thing like this I thought you’d hold out of anybody did Pete hey when did he ask you I was the first one no I was the first one no no no he asked me he told me there weren’t any other volunteers well I figured he’d never get

Three full Crews so did I he gave us all the same story oh look who’s here hi guys Listen the do’s in the back of the truck and I thought we’d load your plane first beat Randy you shiy conniving sneak he hey what’s the matter hey wait a second wait a second you surely wouldn’t hit a fellow reservice would you with a child in his arms hey Hey hey come On Let me help you R it yeah that’s the last of them when they see what’s in these boxes it may be the last of us let’s Go Hi hi you like her mon see she’s all yours bab hi oh come on now anybody can say hi hi you like Tilly say Mona well you got to say AUST at least no you can’t have it till you say something hey wait a minute is only kidy

What did I do no of huh no of my sister Louisa she cannot help ever Lisa I want you to have this stop No I want you to take it please PO For look Lisa the do Speaks mon For H Mike we wondered what happened to you where you been let’s go we still got time to get a bite to eat I got a couple of bucks might as well even here we’ll do some good huh nice how much cash you guys got look you want to R some D mate

I want to buy an airline ticket to Bryant Park what airline ticket hey man aren’t you going back with us of course I am but Louisa can’t who’s Louis Hi hi you know what regulations say about civilians on military aircraft well why do you want to send this skip to Bryant Park because I think the hospital air can help her the hospital Louisa is mute with a relatively simple operation she could talk but she has nine brothers and sisters and no

Father we didn’t want to go out tonight anyway did We hey you know that looks better on her than it does on you oh come On he’s too young to need linament I’m too young to work so hard blisters feel better chipper yeah thanks aing muscles blisters why don’t you work this hard at home CU Mr s is a helpless little old lady bub yeah well I’m just a helpless little old

Man here Bob take these long with you thank it well shepher come on get under the covers now you really are STI where is oh I’m sorry this whole thing started just because you helped Mrs SAR across the street huh yeah Ernie warned me but oh

No I had to do my good deed well chip why don’t you just tell Mrs SAR that uh well you’re very sorry but you have other things to do I tried to Dad but she doesn’t listen she either shows a broom my hand or a rake and today she

Want to know if I ever done house painting well chip uh it’s a wonderful thing to do good deeds for people but I think maybe you’re overdoing it a little why don’t you just stay away from Mrs Harby’s house for a while well then I’ll feel bad dad she’s such a nice little

Old lady I see well you go to sleep now you’ll feel better in the morning boy do one good turn your hook chip uh I’ll stop by Mrs sar’s house next week and uh see if I can’t get you unhooked okay thanks d you sure

Be doing me a good ter good night you night Steve yeah Bob telegram just came for you oh thanks I’m coming right down here you are oh thanks bu maybe it’s for Mike oh let’s see you ask for Mike all right Dad please meet Louisa flight 83 730 a.m.

Love Mike Louisa who do you suppose Louisa is no idea sounds like a girl it does a little why been sending a girl up here well some of those South American girls are gorgeous I know a dancer once from mon never mind I’m the one who

Insisted that he go well Sor I’m sure this let me tell you about this girl from mon never mind I’ll tell Robbie never mind hey you guys we’re here I want to get a look at this senorita that Mike sent us I’m s me too well she’s not a senior reader she’s

A little machacha yeah she’s just a little girl this is Louisa Louisa this is bub Sally hi Robbie hi Louisa this is Chip hi can’t you talk English she uh can’t see anything chip she can’t now according to this note that was pinned on her Mike and his Air Force buddies

Got together and send her up here to have a throat operation then she’ll be able to talk oh oh I sure am glad to see You where is everybody oh there’s Mike we’re out here Mike hi oh hi honey well how’s the trip oh there a long one dad but where is she right over there behind bub hi bub hi we’re making a cake oh good hi honey I’m sorry what for what’d you do well I’d

Rather not tell you but if you forgive me I promise never to do it again I forgive you well Mike what’s the next move well everyone in the crew has one detail to take care of we oh okay hello yeah car oh she’s right here now she’s doing fine really

Oh hey that’s great yeah yeah tomorrow so oh boy we’re one step closer one giant step that was Carl Jansen he’s an intern dad and he just talked to Dr homie Dr homie’s agreed to donate his services oh that’s fine he’s one of the top men in the field yeah he he wants

Louisa to go into the hospital tomorrow evening that’s wonderful yeah well little lady we’re on our way well we’re supposed to be at the hospital at 7:30 we’re in good shape already oh not quite Louisa the doctor says to tell you he’s looking forward to meeting

You and I also made sure you have a real nice room too oh andisa we want you to look your prettiest from the store where I work the new outfit that’s pretty hey Thea people don’t usually get flowers until after they go to the hospital but we want you to have these

To take with you and here’s sweetheart is a talkie Tilly who really makes sense I’m a baby dog here sweetheart Randy I think she’d rather have her old jabber Walk see all the Glitters Is Not Gold well I guess we better get going Lisa IOS You can see her now thank you doctor thank you do there she is hi sweetheart doesn’t she look great seen you for a week girl hi Louisa [Laughter] you’re Welcome Rob will you tell Bob not to wait dinner for me yeah I’m right in the middle of something that looks like it might turn into a pretty big project yeah I’ll see you bye I can’t tell you Mr Douglas but having this room painted is going to

Mean to me what would a poor woman like me do without unselfish warmhearted men like you I really don’t know Mr