Is This Relationship GOOD, not GREAT? Morgan from Two Hot Takes is BACKKK for the first episode of 2024!!!!
We cracked into the ol’ past dating life memories to help you NOT make the same mistakes we did. What 5 red flags did we miss that we now see super clearly? How did we know our boys were different? What 3 things should you ask yourself if you think he a GOOD guy, but it just doesn’t feel right? How do you know if you let them go for the right reasons?
We’ve got you – I promise we speak from our hearts, we give CALL SYD advice, we read a Reddit write-in, & we laugh our butts off. Might be time to call your fling quits & spend some time with YOU!
So much to come in 2024 – this is only the beginning!!!
Need advice????? TEXT OR CALL SYD: 612-470-7569
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Hello everyone I have two special guests on the podcast today one is Morgan from two hot takes which you can see if you’re looking at the camera if you’re on YouTube if you’re somewhere where you can see us and the second guest is a little I like to call fuzzball the
Little teeny peanut Deacon the dog I’ve been talking about getting is on the podcast right now in Morgan’s lap so she’s going to be she’s going to be our little third guest I hope she has something to say at some point oh my God she’s adorable I know thank you the most
Precious prous baby she’s a Lakeland Terrier if you guys are want to know or look it up but I will say when you Google Lakeland Terrier this is my personal opinion the photos of the dogs are really really not cute like I look at the photos I’m like oh God they groom
Them really weird I grew up with a Welsh Terrier that’s why I got she’s a baby so that’s my little fuzz she’ll have something to say I’m sure she’s not dated yet so she won’t have a ton to say but still yeah today’s episode I want to
Talk about she hasn’t dated yet she hasn’t dated yet but like we’ll see she might have some feedback some input um I want to talk about if he wanted to he would because I feel like all of the podcast all of the Tik Tok thing that’s coming back around people are talking
About it again and there’s some hot takes on that that I want to talk about also about phases of a relationship cuz we were just cracking up about like the different phases and the memories that you have yeah of like things that you did that you’re like why did I do that I
Could have skipped that phase and then also when a relationship is good not great I’ll explain why we had a listener right in and I think that it’ll make a lot of sense once I read this and then also um weaponized incompetence and the flags that Morgan and I both have from
Our past dating um like just relationships that we had we both have a ring on our finger we’re both very much in a relationship but I didn’t wear it today I was like wait a minute I forgot it you scared the crap out of me I’m
Like oh my God I’m like I was just texting Justin with you I’m like what why didn’t you warn me we’re still happily engaged um but I I forget to put my a lot okay I just I’m really hearty with my hands you know I know I do too
But I’ve been trying to be better because one time I set it down I couldn’t remember where I set it down I about had a freak out and then I’m like okay we’re not going to I’m going to take it off only in the bathroom ring
Dish cuz this is not we can’t be doing that so anyway let’s dive into it cuz I think today’s going to be a little bit juicy let’s Go real quick let’s just talk about our like current status of wedding wedding planning because I feel like obviously we’re talking about dating but people want to know um I want to know where you what you’re doing if you’ve done anything I’m just chilling I’m a little
Bit unusual where I want to get married at my family’s like Farm it’s like it’s where I grew up it’s got a big red Bomb Barn um so I’m doing that but I have like a little bit of a process to go through with the city where we had to
Get our place rezoned so I went to a city council meeting the other night it is approved so now I’m locking in a fall of 2025 wedding oh my God fun I’m so excited for you we might alop before that and like just so I can have my
Grandma there and like do something um but yeah it’ll be I think fall of 2025 unless it magically gets done sooner and then I’m just going to be like hi everyone come to our engagement party and it’s AED be like this this this are you turning cuz aren’t you turning the
Barn into a venue so the barn is going to be like a Gateway onto the property and then we’re building a second like a new venue sweet so it’s going to be like a bit of like Old Country Charm historical stuff with um the new like
Modern venue I love that it’s a mix of and it’s so cool cuz it’s in your home City and it’s like like family you know what I mean like I just think that’s the coolest thing ever I just love it there it’s just like my happy place it is
You’re always happy when you’re here I feel like I love Minnesota I know me too I know we’re total Minnesota girls like we just love it through and through like yes I love a California I love a New York Hustle but something about Minnesota something about this place
Keeps me coming back keeps me staying how about you did you pick a date we did not pick a date nope we did not pick a date I’m also let’s see I’m six months out no I’m five months out from being engaged I think cuz July was when I got
Engaged so December yeah so a fiveish six um we’re going though to Arizona over New Year’s Eve and we’re going to go look at some ven yeah so we’re thinking Arizona um if it’s not Arizona it’ll either be here in our backyard or at the course that Jordan plays at out
Here which it’s wi song do you know what that is it’s a golf course yeah I don’t know I I just am not I really want to get out of here for it because we I grew up here I did all the things here like right now you’re in LA right like your
Family’s here it makes 110% like sense that you’d come home for your wedding in duth like it just it’s beautiful but I I just I’m like I got to get out of here like I I want it to be an escape more so cuz I’m already here full time Arizona
Is really pretty for weddings yeah and like a nice fall mhm we’re thinking fall 2025 actually too so so we were thinking at first we were like November so like maybe winter but then we realize how freaking far that is away that’s like literally two years away so we’ll see
TBD but we’re going to go look at some venues we’re going to check out some Cati and see what’s going on out there who knows you could get there and you’re like wait you have an opening next fall I know let’s do we never know that’s
What like it’s like don’t put so much stress on yourselves when you’re planning no it’s supposed to be fun it’s supposed to be happy and just go with it I know and do whatever makes you guys the happiest don’t try to appease other people I know for a fact that I’m like I
I think there’s things that I’m not going to spend money on that I’m like okay I’m there’s things that I really need to save up for there’s things that I’m like I don’t think I’m going to do flowers really like I really don’t think I’m going to but I’m excited for one of
The venues because Jordan was like absolutely not we’re not getting married in in Italy we’re not going overseas and I has that VI but it has the vibe and I wanted to so bad and I was like come on sucker yeah you want the lake comoo
Vibe without the price tag yeah I’m like this is like the cheap version of Italy and it is just beautiful so TVD anyway had to give you guys a quick update about that because I’m excited yeah I love it dog wedding what else am I going
To do right now no I’m not having babies I have my period right now so don’t even say that no one no one out there by the way don’t manifest that for us yeah exactly um Shout Out Alice by the way um she’s a coffee what it Barista is that
What they call Barista yeah out in um minona I guess would it be technically yeah she said she recognized Morgan today and um she’s a well said and two hot takes listener so thanks for um supporting and loving us Alice we’re just excited that you gave us some love
Thank you okay so I want to talk about this concept of sorry for um Deacon on the mic she’s having a good time she’s nudging the mic if he wanted to he would yeah okay everybody’s talking about it right now oh I’ve lived through that so
Many times me too and I have a hot take of I don’t think that’s always the case she’s biting Morgan I’m just ignoring it it’s fine if she gets to be too much we’ll just put her like out there and we’ll we’ll call it you just have to
Tell me when girl um I think that there’s two options for this like I really truly think that if he wanted to he would is is 100% a thing if you’re already talking that’s what I think yeah if he wanted to he would if you’re talking already if you’re having let’s
Say even if it’s from casual all the way up to like you’re dating you’re seeing each other you’re in a relationship I think the answer is yes now take a step back if he wanted to he would from somebody you don’t really like know yet
Or you have a crush on I don’t think that’s necessarily the case I think some people don’t have the courage the balls however you want to say it to kind of start something so that’s when you have to initiate and start the thing but what
Are your thoughts on that I agree it’s a little bit of twofold like I think the most excited someone’s going to be about you is usually in the early phases of things do you need to take a nap Deacon I think it’s time for you to exit she
Did so well though I know but she’s being a little chew Meister hold on quick quick break goodbye say goodbye goodbye okay I cut you off no no no you’re good we had a puppy pause yeah um I think it depends cuz I look at I look
At some of the guys that I really tried to make things work with like I had ginormous crushes on them and I was the one putting all the if she wants to she will work in like I was the one driving six hours to go watch them play hockey
And stay in their hotel room and then they would fly out the next day like I I was the goofball and I would the goofball yeah and I just put so much time and effort in when it wasn’t reciprocated at all and it was just like
Oh like hey morgs it was just that kind of like the bread crumbing they weren’t giving me much but they were giving me something which in my head was hope meanwhile I met Justin who I’m now engaged to and it was very clear from the start that he was interested he was
Excited he was talking about things um that I was interested in he was putting in all this effort he was really trying to get to know me and continuously following up asking when we can go grab drinks when we can go to a movie there was so much effort coming from his end
From the beginning and that’s what was so different versus I’m the one putting in a lot more effort or you know it’s kind of unclear if they like me but they they’re willing to hang out and do stuff but it was never like they were the ones
Really engaging with me yeah and it’s so interesting when you reflect on those is like the engagement thing like that we got from Justin and Jordan Jordan my fiance I thought this was like oh my God like what is this like this is weird and
Then I was like wait a minute this is weird like why are you so into me you what yeah you’re you’re like showing me way too many cards right now like you’re acting like you like me already that’s a little weird then you get confused I was
So confused I literally was like is this normal yeah you think it’s not normal I I was so confused I had cuz every other guy I was like is this I literally remember telling my friend I was like is this what it feels like when someone actually likes you and I think we
Because of maybe past experiences I remember like thinking like oh this feels too safe this feels too easy but that’s actually how it should be feel you shouldn’t feel on edge and like there’s like a quote that’s gone around where it’s like if you feel butterflies all the time it’s
Like that might not be the healthiest but it’s like no like you still like get excited he’ll look at me and he’ll be like wow you look really good today oh he says that and I’m like and you still get like so excited and you still feel things even years in the relationship
Yeah it just feels safe and comfortable and I can be myself and I remember an ex um that I dated for two and a half almost three years and I remember driving he picked me up from the airport and we were headed back to his place
Which was like maybe 2 and a half 3 hours away from the airport yeah and I remember being in the car and having nothing to talk about oh my god I’ve been there before even though we hadn’t seen each other we should be catching up and I just remember sitting there in the
Car being like is this what you get to in a in a relationship like where you have nothing to talk about yep you’re not even like really excited to up yep and I’m like how do you go through this the rest of your life yes and I just sat
There in the crowd I’m like oh my God this can’t be normal I’ve been in that position before too I was so strange that realization I would used to get nervous about going on dates with a person because I didn’t know we were going to talk about sitting down at
Dinner like I like almost would have to make an Arsenal in my head of like I haven’t really asked him about this maybe I should ask him about that okay I’ll save that for dinner because I would get nervous and anxious and on the flip side I remember being in those
Relationships or situationships more so and thinking that one bad day I could lose them completely because like that feeling I don’t know how else describe it too fragile it’s fragile yeah it’s like you’re worried even if you you say what you’re feeling or say your opinion
That you might lose them in that moment that’s the craziest thing is about with Jordan is like and your these stable relationships it’s like a bad day it’s actually really secure like I can have a shitty day or we can have a shitty day or shitty convo where I made a mistake
And I shouldn’t have like nitpicked or picked a fight on something and five minutes later we’re hugging and we’re cuddling in bed because we’re so happy to just be with each other yeah and it’s okay and it’s not fragile it’s secure no and there’s there’s times where you
Should be comfortable in the Silence with your partner there’s a difference between that that silence that is comfortable and the silence that you’re like in your head like this is weird yeah and we went out to dinner with one of Justin’s friends last night we had this conversation we’re like how fun is
It to go out with your partner and you sit there at the the restaurant or the bar or wherever you are and you just kind of people watch yeah it’s fun cuz you’re so comfortable sitting there with each other and you kind of just like look around he was telling us he was
Like yeah you know me and Brooke were at the bar and there was this girl that was out to dinner with her parents and she was so excited at the beginning and then by the end she wasn’t so we came up with this like backstory for her that she was
You know meeting up with her parents and they were having a serious conversation of them cutting her off and I was like damn that is so fun and that’s comfortable yes that is a great way to put it too and something else you mentioned too where you’re like you know
You realize you have these off days and that’s okay I think fighting is okay if it’s little it’s you know you’re going to have big ones too but it’s not constant and it’s how you communicate and grow from those fights yeah absolutely no relationship is perfect
But it’s how you come out the other side and how you listen to each other respect each other communicate and how you move forward and how you make change yeah like is it are you actually going to make an effort to like oh wow that hurt my person’s feelings I shouldn’t do that
Or in the fight is yeah like you talk about respect is and is it a fight worth fighting for instance old relationships any [ __ ] I could find I would probably poke at it any [ __ ] I could find because I was upset and confused and not in a
Good place but with Jordan it’s like does he always put the bag back in the trash bin after he takes the trash out no he doesn’t does he always put the dirty dishes in the dirty dishwasher that I just unloaded from the sink Scotty see all the animals want to be with us
No he doesn’t but at the same time I’m like could is that really a necessary fight did he go out of his way the other day to go get all new stockings for us and a new Christmas tree and to surprise me yes so why am I going to be so upset
That there’s a fork in the in the sink like it’s just dumb you pick and choose your battles you pick and you choose so for my ladies out there that are wondering if he wanted to he would the answer is yes the answer is absolutely yes like if you are sitting there and
You’re confused and you’re trying to reason for that person stop what you’re doing stop what you’re doing stop reasoning for them stop wasting your breath on their reasoning the worst part about being in a an awkward like situationship or recent relationship is that I think you have to you you have to
Come up with reasons why or why not in your head in order to have a good balance like to in order to feel secure you’re like well maybe he did this because this yeah that’s why Scotty is on Morgan and loving her up right now I
Know we have to just do a clip of all the animal interactions as you’re talking just like just Scott Scotty bummed the mic too cuz he wants to say something he’s such a lover he loves you look at that he’s a cuddle bug he’s really cute he is a little baby okay you
Just as long as you just relax Scotty you can be in here all you want but truly I I run into this with friends too is they’re reasoning for the guy and what I mean by that is like they come up with any excuse for him anything why he
Didn’t do this why he did do this why he even in the worst instances why or why not he ended things like I think he actually did got X I think he actually was nervous about the future or nervous about our my family and I’m like no no
And it’s hurtful and it’s hard to say to your friends but no and it’s really one of those things I know everyone it’s like it’s not you it’s him a lot of times it is like you don’t have to make excuses for him he doesn’t need it bottom he wasn’t interested and he
Wasn’t your person and that’s okay don’t waste any more time trying to rationalize this I think like two things the devil doesn’t need an advocate and uh closure is pretty overrated yep it is like it you don’t need that closure like take it as it was a learning experience
It wasn’t a good match you don’t need to understand why look out for those red flags or as my dad calls it like your [ __ ] meter of what you’re willing to tolerate it’s gonna be like more selective based on that and just move forward and I know a lot of times we
Need or we think we need like to rationalize or have that closure but you don’t you don’t you deserve better and the right person is not going to make you feel on edge or like you need to understand what’s wrong or what’s happening it’s going to feel easy to
Communicate and be on the same page I’ve never felt like something is wrong with me when I’m with Jordan like that’s what I want you to understand and we’ll talk about Flags in a second and like three things to ask yourself like if you’re in something and you’re wondering like am I
In something that’s off am I like giving too much and he’s taking a lot or vice versa but um no I I completely agree with all of the things that you just said because it h the the knowing and needing to know reason of why you ended
It doesn’t work like that babes like if I wouldn’t have stopped obsessing over somebody who I was trying to see if they still wanted me even though they were like dating someone at the same time as me and I was like how can I get them to like me more
How can I get them to want me back like if I just give them the silent treatment they’ll come crawling back and then everything will be perfect again it’s like you don’t think they’re going to do that again they will you don’t think they’re going to yeah like it’s a matter
Of time it’s just pattern like they’re going to if they’re immature and they’re still in their immature cycle they if he wants to he would that still stands clear and when he comes back trickling back because you left zero breadcrumbs you know like maybe one little breadcrumb with a hot Instagram Story
One one or two times and he’s like now all of a sudden responding again it’s like don’t be fooled babes he’s doing this to other people too like you got to come back around and remember what you just went through with the same person yeah and they always come back they
Always come back it’s like gravity it’s like guaranteed and I remember I was like two years into dating Justin and the one guy that I would travel drive hours for to go see and watch him play hockey and it was just I was so obsessed
With him because he was like he was like a little cowboy it was just it was crazy and two years into dating Justin he like two years yeah he like sent me it was either like a message on Instagram or a snap and he’s like how are you morg like
Send me a picture of your cute little face and I’m like are you [ __ ] kidding me I literally got the I so hard and I just like I opened and like didn’t say a damn thing cuz like obviously I’m happy in a relationship but I literally
Was like uh that would have worked that would have worked 2 years ago had I not met Justin and now had this like amazing relationship to compare to and now you’re ready now you’re ready for my cute little face that’s the breadcrumb that’s that’s the breadcrumb gross I
Can’t stand that [ __ ] I literally had an ex the one that like I dated for a really long time thought I would marry him he literally broke up with me by like ghosting me and then like was like you deserve better the traditional text but he ended up like getting hit by a
Car oh and after he got hit by the car he came back to me and he’s like I realized how bad I treated you do you want to come to Mexico for Christmas let’s reconnect couple couple days after that ghosting again I go no three years
Later you getting hit by a car and you’re still the same dude you’re still the same dude you’re still the same dude with the same issues and the same commitment phobia and whatever the hell was I remember two two exes one found out I was dating my Jordan and
Coincidentally they have the same name now you can try to figure out who that is go for it start googling try to figure it out but um he was like you’re you’re dating someone because I saw him out like probably like six months into it maybe six to nine months into it and
I was like yep and he goes no you’re not and I’m like yes I am and did you think I was going to wait around for you he goes no you’re what do you mean and I go I’m dating someone he’s like well are you happy and I’m
Like actually yeah I’m very happy and he goes that can’t be that can’t be true he was never seen him like that before like actually cared then what he tried to do he took my purse and got an Uber tried to leave and I said where did he just go
And everyone’s like what who I’m like you know who and he he had ran downstairs he was standing waiting to get in an Uber and had my purse who was trying to take it so I would have to come find him oh my God I was like
You’re a psychotic second one one I also thought I was going to marry had so many issues I can’t I won’t even go into it into detail basically I had been I mean my heart was still longing for him for a really long time that’s the hard part is
You have to fight your heart and you have to retach yourself what’s okay and remind yourself of the bad cuz you’ll just reminisce on the good those rose-colored glasses come on real fast after oh they do and they are thick and I remember he moved to a different city
I was going to be in the city and I said hey when I’m out there I’d love to see you like let’s just have a coffee cuz I I’m not going to lie I was still hurting my heart was still hurting and I wanted
To I had know he made some changes I get out there he goes to me for two days he gets blacked out and we had like plans finally to like have coffee at like 10:00 a.m. the next day slept through it was blacked out and like I had to fly
Out at noon or like you know go to the airport at noon and if he wants to make the effort he would have he would have and I literally was like that was the icing on the cake to close the door forever I was like and he of course he
Apologizes he’s like I’m sorry I was just nervous I was worried I was scared all this [ __ ] in my ear and I was like no actually I’m going to make the choice to move on yeah so with all of those flags that we just talked about know what are your biggest flags from
Dating cuz I wrote down I actually wrote down six but they’re kind of specific cuz I think they can be vague yeah but these are specific and we we should go each even think if you go on a date with someone and they start talking about an
Ex oh that’s a big red flag for me yeah like I don’t want to hear about your ex it kind of shows that maybe you’re not over them or like maybe you’re using it as like a tactic to make and I’m just like I don’t want to hear about your ex
I want to get to know you for you and then maybe later on if there’s something you want to talk about like that your ex did that instilled like mistrust or if it’s something that like like like say hey my ex you know towards the end was working
Late all the time and that that kind of just put me on edge so like I found out they were cheating if that happens can we just like openly talk about like hey I’m actually working late blah blah blah blah we all have those quirks right I
Think and a lot of us end up having those conversations later but not on the F no I don’t know about you on the first date do and you guys don’t do it either there’s something I’ve seen where this girl has this tactic all of her exes
Have cheated on her she didn’t have great exes but is she going to let her new partner know that absolutely not because it just shows that guy what you’re willing to tolerate oh do not talk about your exes do not talk about cheating do not talk about how bad they
Treated you they treated me great I was treated like a princess the standard and the bar is then set here that is so freaking true I have never thought of it like that literally the light bulb that I like had ding I’m like damn is this why then the
People like the hockey guy were already at a bar the bar was so low because I had established the bar was in hell oh my God I did not realize that I and I definitely did that in my old relationships don’t do it oh God I feel
Like who I just had an epiphany epiphany so that’s a that’s a big one for me huge huge bad boundaries with family oh I didn’t write that one down but that is definitely in my top five and I didn’t write it down I love the word inment
Like my people know they just like meshman and Mama’s Boys I can’t you have to be able to draw clear boundaries with your family you can’t sacrifice your own happiness to make your family happy or you can’t sacrifice you and your partner’s happiness like if you’re going
To pick your mom over me because you don’t want your mom upset with you or you’re scared to have a conversation with your mom that’s a problem for me well then there’s no set boundary and then what happens when you’ve got like the house and the kids in the marriage
What other boundaries are they going to start Crossing yeah where does the buck stop it won’t stop the people pleasing needs to stop my god when I stopped people pleasing my life got astronomically better I promise you you saying no is not going to hurt their
Feelings that bad and if it does they need to figure theirself out seriously so that’s a good one yeah another one I have is negative talk I think if you go on dates with someone and they’re constantly pointing out negative things that pertain to you that’s a big red
Flag Give an example so like you go on a date with a guy and you have microbladed eyebrows or you have thicker eyebrows and on the date he’s constantly saying you know what I’m just like not really into people that have thicker eyebrows or have gotten microblading done or I’m
Not really into tattoos I think tattoos are gross oh I’ve gotten that one before but you have a bunch of tattoos I think there’s some people that will talk negative like that or like neg you in order to take your confidence down so then you try to seek their validation
Because then you’re the one chasing they try to like reverse psychology on you so you’re the Chaser it’s a Jedi mind trick and that that to me I’m like that leads to way bigger issues like gaslighting it it kind of is a form of gaslighting it
Is and I think it just like it says a lot about a person and what issues are going to stem down the road I’ve had the tattoo one happen and then I’ve had the one where they say I don’t like girls who like dye their hair I’m pretty sure
I had like highlights in my hair oh my God and they’re like I don’t I just don’t like when like girls like like people highlight or dye their hair and like those are like your hair is like natural obviously right I was like oh no no not you not
You yeah you’re like h no I dyed my hair I just got it I got my hair toned like two days ago cuz I just like like it in a deeper like color and I have to get rid of the highlights that I used to
Have on my ends that’s why I have to like T keep toning my freaking hair cuz it just will like lighten again and I’m like God damn it but I was like who are you first of all to have an opinion on what any woman does or the classic like
I don’t like when girls do Botox or like I don’t like when girls have filler or like I’m like excuse me mister I like all the girls photos on Instagram who are like thies in Miami which they are hot let’s just be real they are but I’m
Like shut your [ __ ] mouth they have filler they’ve had plastic surgery like do you think that ass is real no it’s a BBL or they’re like I don’t like when girls have fake boobs I don’t care what your opinion is actually and I’m like the fact that you don’t like that but
Then you’re like a you’ve got like seven subscriptions on fans stop talking to me stop talking me I can’t I I think it’s so manipulative it’s so manipulative the fact though that we would put up with this Behavior like so like anybody out there I mean you can be in your early
20s or 20s 30s 40s I don’t care where you are you could be divorced and redating again yeah ground yourself right now in this conversation and please for the love of God have a red flag Alert in your brain when you hear something that’s like wait a minute I’ve
Heard this before or like wait a minute I’ve heard that this is not a good sign before yeah why does it sound familiar o I heard it on wellon heard it there first um are those is that your list did you have one more I do have one more
Okay I’m ready it’s weaponized incompetence oh and we’re about to talk about that one yeah so I’ll hear yours and we can we’ll bring him back cuz that’s a big one huge and I want to talk about that and we’ve got to write in for
That one so BRB to that thought but my list was he scolds you for asking questions about his phone I remember this one when I was early in like relationships or early talking to people it was the like why would you even ask me that or like why would that even
Matter kind of make making you feel stupid when you clearly saw something that was maybe a little bit off yeah I’m not talking about when you’re looking through their phone that’s a whole another boundary I’m talking when their phone sitting on the table and you see you know a woman girlfriends calling
Them yeah that you are aware of because they obviously talked about their EX on their first date um but making you feel stupid for having a question and just trying to understand the situation assuming you’re jealous when it’s like okay but no that that’s just not normal it’s defensiveness it’s them trying to
Deflect from the situation and again it’s very intentional they know what they’re doing they’re trying to flip the script and put it back on you when it’s not on you second one I wrote was avoids apologizing or having any real conversation whatsoever if there’s any
Sort of conflict this one is a tall tale sign of bad communication avoidant personality get the hell out right away I’m talking about the like let’s say for instance their phone was off that night and you were supposed to meet up let’s just call it like how it is like
You were out at the bar you’re like hey I’m here I would love to meet up with you and for some odd reason their phone is dead and the next morning you’re like that’s kind of annoying that we were planning on meeting up and you were
Nowhere to be found and all of a sudden it’s like I can’t do this right now or I’m not dealing with this my phone just died or avoid it avoid it avoid yeah that is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse oh my God defensiveness so it’s like this relationship expert John
Gotman he’s incredible he can predict relationships failing with like 95% accuracy like it’s amazing W defensiveness and the inability to take like accountability is one of them defensiveness uh contempt criticism and stonewalling oh wow yeah stonewalling what’s that one uh if you get in a fight and your partner just shuts down and
Ignores you yep that’s what I figured it was which not a good sign cuz you will never be able to get through the stone wall just be real third one I wrote is he ignores you for more than a day yeah Stone Walling right there why
Did I ever put up with that like they would just disappear for a day and I was like oh no oh my God are we done like I’m the one worrying literally I thought my ex died when he would ignore me he would he would go silent on the weekends
And then oh I didn’t really have good service sir you’re in Canada not the North Pole yeah come on with that come on and little me I’m like oh my God he didn’t have service I wonder if he was out in the woods like what was he doing
No like they should not ignore you and if you’re busy just check in hey I’m going to be busy all day today at work I don’t I can’t text non-stop just check in and communicate there’s a level of care that has to go into this like
There’s a level of it like my ex would disappear for anywhere from 24 to 48 hours from being so [ __ ] up oh and then sorry I just passed out I swear my phone was dead I swear well guess what that is all Lie by the way so like don’t
Fall for it ladies even if that’s the case even let’s just say like they’re they’re not um they’re a boys you know boys boy and they just were really actually just [ __ ] up running around the bars okay I don’t care that relationship or that relationship with alcohol one is probably terrible
Relationship with their boys and not having balance and that behavior is also weird so just be mindful of the weird like gaps in communication and time there’s a basic level of respect that’s required in a relationship thank you um number four I said he is Shady at the
Bar I wrote this one down cuz I I think I was just deep in my ex thoughts and like what I would happen with yeah but if they’re acting like you go there you you know before the bar they were talking about how excited they were to
Be with you how hyped they were they were weird and then they go to the bar and they ignore you yeah they should be willing to hold your hand to the bar or make out with you at the bar if they’re acting goofy and won’t do any like I
Know some people aren’t in a PDA but if they’re very much so like standoffish towards you and avoiding you there’s another girl there and you’re planning on going home with him I know I’m like babes no I remember there was one of my guy friends in college and he
Was dating this girl that lived in California she came out to visit but he was also having sex with the bartender oh Jesus CHR and it was it was at like The Library bar in dinky town it’s now like college Club but I just like watching this all go down I’m like what
Are you doing you [ __ ] like no I hate this so I know and they both thought they were the only ones it was just like it was so brutal to watch guys are octopuses at times I don’t know how they have enough hands to be doing and all
That like just like juggling the world like that I’m like okay so bad um two more I said he seems too good to be true lots of words and admiration and admiring overly bombing love bombing love bombing is a tall tale sign that something is wrong and there’s been a
Few ratings I haven’t gotten to all of them but I read them all that are about like he has given me all this love and attention like he was once a cheater like what do you think um I think I might write read one of them that I’m
Thinking about today and I will just tell you that that’s a flag that’s a flag flag Beyond flag it’s weird it’s not normal to be that in love with somebody or admiration right off the bat you don’t know them no and there’s like there’s a difference because I think a
Lot of us and then you like think in your head it’s like is he love bombing me or is he just genuinely interested and you might not be able to tell right away it might be so borderline where you’re like ah so you just kind of have
To feel it out but I think love bombing usually is way more aggressive it like it is so heavy and so much from the beginning gifts attention you’re my soulmate I can’t Envision my life with anyone else now like it’s so aggressive from the jump there also is the flag
Though where it’s like I really like love being with you or the weird like you’re hooking up for the first time and the LW comes out and you’re like did that mean something in your brain you’re like no you’re it’s the first time you’ve ever hooked up how could they
They don’t even know you yeah you know so you just have to be careful and aware of like also I got loved bombed a lot after the fact of my ex doing something really messed up but I didn’t know cuz they disappear they felt bad it’s
Usually like I feel bad I’m going to like spill the beans on like I love you so much I can couldn’t live without you you’re a perfect person blah blah blah so watch out for that too final one um this one is a personal one is like they
Might drink too much and don’t remember what they said and it’s a repetitive pattern so just like be mindful and aware of the weird habits that are happening like um relationships with substances and different things like that I think is a flag of like the person needs to have longan time and
Figure out their battles yeah that sounds like a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol you dealt with yes very very and many a few of them actually which I think I accidentally in a weird way I think we look for patterns in what we’ve already seen good or bad
So we end up going for a person that looks a little bit similar to what we’ve already had because similarities are familiar and familiarity even when toxic kind of at times can make us feel safe yeah which is kind of scary yeah well and I think like we’re kind of at an age
And especially like if you’re college aged I think you kind of like start thinking like what is my relationship with alcohol looking like like I myself like I’m I’m not really drinking right now like if I do go out and have a drink it’s like a glass of champagne it’s
Something light bubbly it makes me happy but it doesn’t change my personality it doesn’t it’s not like tequila where you have you know a couple and you’re like I’m getting kind of mean y so I think we all get to a point where we really start evaluating our relationship with alcohol
And that’s just normal it’s kind of part of life it’s part of life and it’s one thing I think that I I’m glad that I didn’t I stayed true to myself and didn’t listen to other people’s opinions on like you’re you’re in your 20s you’re allowed to have fun I’m like I’m very
Aware but what makes me feel good on a Sunday might be different than the next person like what makes me feel good on a Sunday is when I wake up not hung over and didn’t waste my day away oh my gosh and although I’m not wasting my Sunday
Away I can still have fun I still had a glass of wine or two I still did everything I wanted to do I still actually sometimes a night in is actually all need and is really really fun too yeah so I just be mindful of all of those things as you’re like thinking
About Flags yeah weaponized incompetence I’m like eager to get to this one yeah it is a tough one to deal with um I came across a Reddit story that like really provoked it for me and it’s essentially when someone will purposefully do something bad so they’re not asked to do
It again for example like one Reddit story I’ve read in the past is like this um guy was like doing the laundry like her and her boyfriend were taking turns doing it every time he did the laundry he did it bad he would bleach her clothes every single time ruined her
Favorite dress and so it was just one of those things where he was purposefully doing things bad or not doing them at all so we wouldn’t have to do them again and she got to a point where she’s like I’m going to address this weaponized incompetence with my own so she had a
Big important family dinner of his that she had to go to so she wore her favorite black dress that got bleached she brought a Sharpie in the car started coloring the bleach stains made it look worse people from his family commented on it and she’s like oh you know poor
Jacob he just can’t do laundry so he messed it up but I you know it’s my favorite dress guess who started doing laundry okay after that oh boy yeah oh boy I feel like I haven’t dealt with weaponizing competence besides for I think cooking cooking is one that I
Think is really interesting that I I’ve seen in past is like or um maybe what was the other one I had one of them grocery shopping grocery shopping that was going to say it was food related grocery shopping drives me nuts what did you do before me like you can’t go to
The store and pick out a bag of tortilla chips you got to call me I see so many people that will literally make a full list for their partner and put pictures on it I don’t put pictures on it I’m like you should freaking know we bought
It 17 times what did you do before me or if it’s something where it’s like they’ll they’ll ask you a question and it’s like you’re the one that taught me how to do this what do you mean why are you asking me I taught you or you taught
Me when is it weaponized incompetence versus um just not trying like because I’ve seen it with like okay X dishwashing right like they they would freaking ruin my pans because they would like fry [ __ ] at like 100 Dees with like grease and oil and then they’d clean it
And it would just be just caked on with [ __ ] and then I’d go to use it and it’s dirty again when is it weaponized incompetence or when is it like laziness you know what I mean I think it’s a little bit of both yeah maybe it is both
It also I feel like weaponized incompetence kind of plays into the respect thing where it’s like you don’t respect me or you expect me to do this for you and it’s just one of those things it’s just not a healthy Dynamic and I think if they’re doing that early
On it’s going to transpire into every aspect of your relationship like if you choose to get married and then have kids it’s it’s just gonna just siphon in to everything and I think it goes into a lot and I think you know I’m speaking as a woman like I think traditionally we
Put up with a lot I know and there’s this one thing I just saw where um Mom doesn’t get a stocking and Dads Dads don’t know that they’re supposed to fill mom’s stockings so moms on Christmas Day end up with all these empty stockings that makes me feel sick inside and it’s
Like it’s like like that’s kind of again weaponized incompetence like oh I just thought it got done no you’re supposed to do it I won’t lie my mom didn’t really get a stocking until I would fill it I know yeah I’m not going to lie I oh
That makes me really sad or like the classic like you get the kids get the Valentine’s Day gift and then the mom’s like what the hell where where’s mine and like later there’s a card on the table that like you could tell they probably bought that day CU it’s like
Not even in the like envelope you know and it’s just that makes me feel so icky and I will say the biggest lesson my grandma always said too and I think we all know this one is that if it’s a problem now it will be even larger of a
Problem later like you like for instance getting in a relationship and you see these things that maybe behaviorally you’re like I don’t really I don’t really like that I have a few with Jordan right like we’re all human we’ve got them yeah they still bother me but I
Choose to not let them bother me like he still does the laundry terribly but he’s always done it that way and he does his own and I do my own not my problem SE doing his own I’m my own but did that change from the first day that we met to
Us getting engaged about to get married no not even at all not at all always been bad he’s always been bad so it’s like when things are there though that are so obviously bad it will get worse like if they’re a bad Communicator it’s going to just get worse if Jordan for a
While was a gamer he stopped gaming now because he knows like he’s like he made the own decision of like this is not worth my time I could probably be working or investing in my relationships I don’t know maybe even working out you know like but that was his decision but
For a while there I was like whoa this gaming B bugged me and I didn’t say anything and he’s still gaming now I’m getting pissed off it won’t change it’s not just going to go away it’s up to them if it goes away and it just gets
Worse so please be mindful of the little flags that you have in your head um you you have a weaponized incompetent story I know I’ll read this and then we can all kind of see what we think on it so this is from am I the [ __ ] it’s
Titled am I the [ __ ] for telling my boyfriend to order whatever he wants for dinner then getting upset with his choice I 20 female have been dating this guy 28 male for about 7 months I’m not a picky eater at all but I’m allergic to shellfish he knows that when deciding
What to eat I told him he could pick and he ordered shrimp scampy for two I was annoyed because I can’t eat that and he got defensive because I told him it was his choice and that’s what he chose I didn’t think I had to specify you can
Pick something for us but we both have to be able to eat it I thought it was implied why order food for someone knowing they can’t eat it but he thinks whatever meant whatever and that is my fault am I the [ __ ] Lord have mercy incompetence I can’t it’s annoying it is
A weaponized incompetence it will not you told told me it’s like quit with the [ __ ] pointing the finger I said you can order whatever you want but maybe it should be something that’s not going to kill me if I eat it um her throat will probably close my dad has allergic to
Shellfish too and Jordan just frankly hates it and I know if I’m choosing dinner and it’s my choice but he’s like whatever you’d like I’m not going to cook shrimp because he hates it he thinks it’s so gross or if that’s what you want no and if that’s what you want
You order it make sure I have something I can actually eat that’s annoying that that sounds like a communication gap and also underlying issues that we’re not seeing it’s coming out in the food choice he’s also clearly not listening and it sounds a little I mean this is
Kind of a stretch CU I don’t know about their relationship but like narcissism Tendencies of like I’m literally only thinking about myself and once I I created a problem for somebody instead of saying oh my God I completely I I messed up I’m so sorry let me order
Something else something else or let me I can make you like this um or I’ll just yeah just get another pasta I’ll quick order it and I’ll go pick it up real quick yeah we all make mistakes we all have those slips like I had a mental slip today and like accidentally said
Something like and I’m like oh [ __ ] like we all have those moments so if it was a genuine accident and it just like slipped his mind he saw on door Dash or the menu and he was like I really want this like sounds good that happens you guys have been together seven months
Like you should know but hey whatever just be accountable don’t be defensive and oh well you said whatever I wanted just I’m sorry I’ll eat both portions I’ll have it for lunch let me get you something else I call it a Tit for Tat like Dynamic and that’s that’s
[ __ ] that I hate the most like I should have wrote that down as my number one really truly Tit for Tat mentality is so unhealthy I had to teach Jordan what it was but he he’s not a tip for tatter but he at times I think in arguments because
Of what I think would be from previous relationships and how they worked um had that in the beginning of like what I mean by Tit for Tat is like let’s just say I said well I ordered the scampy um you know and I didn’t realize it
Whatever and he’s like well I you told me I could order whatever I want or I don’t know how to explain this in in an instance like that’s similar I’m trying to think of an example of like um like what if you’re in a fight you know yeah it’s someone it’s like you
Ignored me all day so now I’m going to ignore you all day tomorrow exactly it’s almost like retaliation like I accidentally did something or maybe they intentionally did something but instead of healthfully communicating through it it’s I’m going to do something to also you because you hurt me it’s it’s
Retaliation it is retaliation like the classic would be I think in the beginning was like Jordan I just asked you to do the dishes and you couldn’t do that and he’s like I’ve asked you to do like um shovel the entryway but you didn’t do that clearly you know what
It’s like you’re what the [ __ ] I’m not talking about that I it’s like or you couldn’t you know it’s like this quick witted like well you didn’t do that either and it’s it’s just it’s icky behavior and that’s what that sounds like to me like weaponized incompetence
Met with a tit for tap mentality is like the recipe for a spiraling relationship yeah or if like you get in a fight and they bring up something from like 6 months ago and it’s like I didn’t know that upset you like like you’re just telling me this now I’m not psychic like
If your partner is expecting you to be psychic that’s a problem like I didn’t know that upset you and you’re holding it against me 6 months later and then you feel really embarrassed I felt that feeling when you find out that something bothered them for that long yeah and
You’re thinking in your head like all those nights that we spent just like cuddling up in bed or like you know on a really good date yeah and I asked hey is anything bugging you that we need to talk about or like good relationships you should kind of reflect on that yeah
Check in and you didn’t tell me that this [ __ ] was bothering you for that long no that’s that is oh it’s the ickiest feeling I’ve been there and it’s icky and I do it too like I am really guilty of bottling stuff up sometimes and like just trying to like get in my
Head like oh you know it’s not that big of a deal and then when you know you kind of have a little little breakdown you’re like ah don’t bottle stuff up communicate get it all out there like try to at least come on write it down we
Got to be better Journal I wrote down three things to ask yourself if you’re kind of like in something that you’re unsure of whether it be a relationship or you’re maybe you’re starting to talk to somebody and things we need to think about just like ask yourself these three
Things if you’re like is this something that I should be aware of or like am I okay do I just need to relax take a chill pill because that’s also an instance too um do I feel like I’m nervous um about being hurt all the time that’s question number one like do I
Feel nervous that I’m going to get hurt do I is there this worrying anxious little bug that sits in your tummy the entire time you’re in the relationship cuz I’ve been there before and you know something’s wrong okay your mind knows number two do I feel like he has
Qualities pasted he works out he has a good family and he has a good job if those are the three things you’re holding on to is like well no no but but these three things are like he’s great at that that’s bare minimum yeah bare minimum that’s not going to carry you
For a long time I think like one thing that like I was like in my head looking for is someone like they don’t have to be necessarily interested in everything I’m interested in but like how do they support me are they excited for me like I love horses huge horse Girl Justin
Knew nothing about horses but he’s still excited and engaged when I talk about it he’s willing to learn about it he doesn’t shut it down like you you have to have someone that’s willing to support you even if they’re not necessarily interested in it or it’s not
Their cup of tea they do say that’s like the secret to a healthy relationship is like caring no matter what the person says like is actually like being um into what they’re talking about and reactive to what they’re saying because you care not because you’re forcing it and
Ignoring is like the biggest thing that apparently like marriag is especially that’ll shut it right down yeah that’s literally another thing from John gotman he calls them bids so it’s like you get home from work and something happened and you want to tell your partner and
You’re excited and you’re like oh my God okay today at work Jessica blah blah blah blah and your partner should turn towards you and engage with you accepting your bid if they decline your bid it’s oh you know I don’t have time to talk about this right now they turn
Away from you it’s it’s declining a bid and there’s little moments that we all do this and that’s something to look out for too like are they accepting my bids are they engaging with me that’s those are hurtful though like when you you’re like trying to tell somebody something
They’re on their phone no and you’re like my that hurts my feelings like I was excited to tell you or you’re feeling something and you’re kind of sad maybe and you’re like I just feel off about this and they’re on your their phone like that’s like the biggest slap
In my face that I’ve ever had like I’m like oh my God just put your phone down for a second but then it goes both ways you’ve got to remember to set your phone down too when they want your attention for a second the final thing I wrote
Down is are there flags that I’m ignoring and really ask yourself like am I ignoring things because I want this to work like was there something that happened that was probably a little bit weird that maybe I’m ignoring because I want it so [ __ ] bad y we all do it we
All do it if you answered yes to any of those there’s probably something underlying even in the relationship that you’re in maybe you’re way into it or maybe you’re just starting it out and maybe it’s time to just like take a step back reeval and maybe make a different
Choice maybe get out maybe I don’t know exact I don’t know you know the depths of your relationship but just that’s what I would do yeah I think like depends on where you’re at like there’s so many things that if this was early on it might be a deal breaker but if you’re
10 years in hey maybe go to coup’s therapy and work through it but again your partner has to have that bare minimum level of respect for you be willing to do those things otherwise I think even after 10 years you can’t let that sunken cost fallacy that I’ve spent
10 years in this relationship you can’t let that be the reason you stay exactly it’s okay to call it all these little things today you just said you’re like it’s bringing me back and I’m like it is like I’ve been in the trenches oh yeah I
Was down bad for a while down bad and sometimes you need to go through these like crappy ones or these borderline like are they good are they not good to really bring you to understanding what you want and what you deserve and oh yeah okay this one’s good all I have to
Say is I could have never taken the steps forward in a good relationship if I hadn’t known myself yeah so I was jumping I was the classic let’s jump from this person to that person to that person because I get uhhuh well I would say serial talking to people okay like
Like borderline dating but not actually like fully dating um and because I found validation in other people and I felt more secure when someone validated me or made me feel like I’m pretty or made me feel like I’m important or they picked me the classic like I got picked by this
Guy yes like oh my God even though they were just talking to someone else and oh that would never happen to me they’re not going to leave me for somebody else so doing a little bit of soul searching some alone time even when I knew I was
Like I really kind of want to like talk to this guy but no I’m not going to do it I’m just going to like I’m in my zone I need to think about me I need to put myself first and learn what I like and
Dislike saved me for the rest of my my relationships and all the things that came next yeah your healing girl era it was my healing girl era and I’m not joking right after that era was my fiance the minute after I would say the same exact thing it’s crazy and it and
It doesn’t have to be years I’m it was like I don’t know maybe like 9 months 6 months for me I was single for my relationship ended 2015 MH and I didn’t start dating Justin until 2018 yeah so it’s was like 3 years yeah you probably you’d probably talk to people in between
That then a couple like honestly like not many like I I really had a big healing girl it was like my fun single girl era oh that’s fun though yeah you realize you really realize what you want and what like again what you need and what you expect
What you tolerate yeah and when you’re in your single girl era you learn about like oh God e I’m not that’s a weird that’s a weird behavior I’m not doing that but I’m not invested so I can easily be like uh no I’m not dealing with that so it’s very clear like it’s
Like the water is clear but it gets really murky when you jump into things too fast and find validation in them because all of a sudden you’re attached to this person you don’t even know yeah and you’re like well no but I like them it’s like I can’t get out I can’t see
The like it’s not clear to me anymore single girl is all for the healing my friends so like enjoy it enjoy it make friends really focus on your relationships like friendships reset your mindset my friends yeah okay so there’s this WR in that I got about good
Guys versus a fine relationship and I want to talk about this but I’m just going to read it and then we can decipher I love it so it says good guys versus fine relationship hi Sid love what you’re doing with the Pod you make me excited for Monday mornings I’m not
Sure if this is the right place to write in a topic suggestion but here goes nothing this morning I was scrolling through my notes app and a year ago to today I wrote a super long note in the form of a diary entry I was in a three-year long relationship living with
Him near engagement ah but I was miserable he was a good man by all accounts no cheating or lying on his part gentle and kind but there was something missing and I just couldn’t understand why I was just so empty in the relationship something deep inside me was screaming to leave I personally
Couldn’t afford to up and move out on my own it would have likely required quitting my job and moving to 2 hours back home toxic no good for my mental health and would have lost my cats bad um all this is to say that there was logistically SL financially stuff
Keeping me there through therapy and willpower I worked up the courage to break up with him and move across the country to Florida with a friend I’m so thankful for the strength I found somewhere deep down but I feel very alone in this time of my life I have
Some close girlfriends who saw the same Flags I did and were supportive but it was hard to explain to him myself and others that he did nothing wrong but the relationship just wasn’t right I was basically gaslighting myself into feeling crazy and staying I found myself wishing he would do something tangible
Like cheat on me or lie just so I could have more of a quote unquote real life reason to leave although my life has changed and improved tremendously since leaving I love to hear you talk about leaving a good guy and a fine relationship when it just isn’t right
Anymore I could have used the podcast to validate my feelings at the time and make me not feel so alone so anyway sorry this is long-winded okay bye H like you can relate to that wholeheartedly at least I can I remember like looking for an excuse like trying
To find a reason that would justify like me breaking up with someone and the bottom line is if you’re not completely fulfilled and happy that’s reason enough you don’t have to settle and it’s it’s obviously so much easier said than done right just like break up mhm no
Obviously there’s so much context there financial reasons things like that but when it comes to it they might be a great guy good guy great guy whatever it is but they’re not the perfect match for you yeah and that’s okay like don’t hold each other up from finding your person
You can still end on good terms just because you’re ending doesn’t mean you need to have all this animosity towards this other person completely you can just end and remain friends and we’re just not each other’s people and that’s fine I get that it’s scary too right
Like but it is it is okay and like I like that you said just not having a reason is reason enough like you not feeling right is something in your body like literally chemically reacting to the fact of how you feel and the anxiety or something just not sitting well yeah
So just know that you getting out is getting you closer to what you actually want it’s getting yeah like you said getting in the way of what’s next you need to just trust cross your gut that something isn’t quite right I remember sitting in a relationship and um be
Careful when you’re wishing from Karma gods or whatever it is that you’re wishing from what you’re wishing for could come true because I wish that the person would cheat I wish that they would do something yeah oh yeah oh yeah I I wish cuz I was like just something
Doesn’t feel right like I wish I knew what it was but like I wish they would do something so I could break it off and feel okay about it cuz I just not saying right what do you know Karma Gods granted My Wish cuz apparently I had
Been good that year and they cheated and um that was my tangible reason but it made it 10 times harder to get out because then it felt like a a jab towards me so actually not having a clear-cut reason and just knowing something feels off is kind of a
Blessing because like you said not messy you can still be friends just have the the gut validation to know that you are okay alone and mentally prepare yourself too I think if you’re going to make any sort of rash decision like that and make put a lot of thought into it picture
Your life alone picture your life not having that person to lean on and like really start to be like okay could I do this and is that what I want yeah I also think it’s okay to question is this my person like everything’s perfect but like is this my person and my brother
And his wife they’ve been together now they got married October 2015 they started dating junior year of high school oh wow and they both had these life paths that took them different places you know she moved to Florida for PA school and during that time they broke up for a little bit yeah
Saw other people to really determine is this it and if you’re in this stage too where you’re like everything’s great but is this my person I think it’s totally fine to have a conversation and say I love you but I am questioning what do you think about taking a break yep and
You define your boundaries like we can date other people but no sex you have these big conversations or you say hey let’s take 6 months apart no communication let’s see how we feel yeah and I think that’s fine like they found their way back together and there’s so
Many stories that I’ve heard on you know my podcast that we have and it people come together oh yeah they do and so it’s okay to do that like he was a great guy you might have been able to say hey I’m just not feeling it I think we maybe
Start sleeping in separate rooms or we we figure out a way to you know still live together but I think you know it’s not right for both of us clearly if you’re not feeling well though like it’s going to it’s going to take away from like the sexual part of it too right
Like the intimacy part that sounds like there probably is like a lower level of commitment and care so like cuz relationships take nurturing so all of these things feed into those are all like that’s three reasons I just listed right there that it’s not working so you’re you actually are totally having
Reasons right in front of you to to do something about it yeah h i i yeah I just I want people to know that you have a choice you’re you’re not stuck even when every single reason points to I’m stuck I moved across the country for somebody it was stupid I shouldn’t have
Done that I felt Beyond stuck I was wishing he would do something I was wishing there was change but really in all of that what happened was I was at my lowest point and then I wasn’t at my lowest point and then I wasn’t at and I just started gradually coming out of
This hole I never thought I could move across the country and be okay by myself and I did I never thought I would make different friends because I you know or find a new job that filled me and I did I never thought I had the balls to get
Over my anxiety of being far away from home and I did and I ended up solidifying that I didn’t move there for him because in the end I didn’t I wasn’t there for him I was there for me yeah so really it it’s a such a great
Opportunity to grow and it’s scary but it it will make you a better and bigger person in the end yeah and I think like we are so capable I think something too that like you’re sparking a thought in my head is like we’ve obviously been talking about like healthy SL just
Borderline not a good fit relationships but there’s people out there that are in very abusive ones too and it is so hard to leave on average it takes seven attempts to leave and just know if you are in something like that you have that in you to leave you are enough you are
Strong enough and if it’s an unhealthy bad relationship you don’t need to justify it to them no it is safer for you to just leave and you can do it and if you feel like you don’t have you know family support or friends support there’s many organizations out there
That can help you um and you do deserve better so just know that as well if you’re out there and that kind of relates to you oh my god I yeah I you know actually my first I don’t talk about it very much my first relationship
Was pretty abusive which is scary and it started with weird behavioral things like um wouldn’t let me wear leggings CU he didn’t want people to like see my body like wouldn’t let me watch like I watched a movie and there was like a sex scene in it I think there was like like
An actual penis in it from like a movie and like that we about broke up like you know like and then it got worse and worse and worse start smaller right yeah it starts smaller but weird where you’re like am I in the wait am I in the wrong
Did I do something wrong yeah like oh my God I didn’t realize that would hurt someone so bad I’m so sorry for hurting you yeah so just know when something starts to get intense that shouldn’t be intense or we talked about one last week about a guy who got mad at his
Girlfriend for um reaching out into the crowd at a concert to touch the hand of a oh no of like what I almost said movie star but like what the artist yeah and like that becoming like sexualized and you got like so upset and it was like so
Wrong like these things are not normal it’s a problem with that person they’ve got serious serious mental health things that they need to work on yeah insecurities um something likely maybe from their past maybe from growing up we don’t know but you don’t owe them anything you owe yourself safety so get
The F out of there yeah absolutely I have a few few other writings that I want to kind of rapid fire cuz I think they’re going to be fun this one says I live with my sister and she’s 2 years older than me she started dating her
First ever boyfriend a few months ago and now he sleeps over at our house constantly ever since dating him she has gotten Snappy at me and seems like she’s only in a good mood when he’s around we’ve always been really close but now it just seems like we’re two people
Living in the same house because of this I’ve grown to resent her boyfriend even though he is super nice how do I navigate this sit her down it’s your sister you should be able to sit down and have a conversation with her and
Just use a lot of I feel MH I feel you know like my house isn’t my home anymore I feel like I’m walking on eggshells sometimes and just really try to articulate how uncomfortable you’re feeling and see if together you can come up with a solution like hey you know
Maybe you could stay at your boyfriend’s house every couple nights or you know hey if your boyfriend wants to come in and take over my lease maybe I move out and go live with some friends but use a lot of I feel I think that helps people
Not get so defensive I agree but you got to have a conversation you can’t expect her to be psychic and you got to just talk it out and be honest you know like without being hurtful right like try not to go in hotheaded yeah it’s likely
Especially since like I mean this is not always the case but I would say 99% of the time first relationship you’re just learning how to navigate God and you don’t really know what you’re doing you don’t know what’s right or wrong balancing and she will see the other
Side it just will take probably a little while she’s in the honeymoon phase and like even though it’s the first one this could still be her person y but you know it’s it’s new territory and she’s not going to know you’re uncomfortable unless you tell her like it just is what
It is and I think pointing out like I feel like you know maybe you don’t have as much patience for me when he’s not around like how can we work on our communication so we’re not biting each other’s heads off yeah just just you got to have a conversation and it’s scary
Sometimes when it’s with people we love and I know family family sometimes makes it harder but I mean you’re really close with your sister like I feel like you would just have a conversation yeah I would be very honest though I’m like I I we don’t walk on eggshells around each
Other brutally honest probably brutally I almost said brutally and I’m like I I don’t want I don’t suggest this style of communication no but that’s just how we are but we always end the convo like respecting each other we always come back around so yeah I would tell her the
Truth I’d be like you’re you’re intense right now and it’s it’s hurting my feelings and I want to know if something’s going on with him it makes me wonder if something’s going on with him that I that you maybe need me to talk to you about I’ll always listen I’m
Always here for you but don’t make me feel like I’m not this isn’t my home CU it makes me sad that you’re hurting my feelings like kind of like approaching it like that it could be a simple check-in like that and I wish like I’m going to be honest I’ve been in this
With my college roommate her boyfriend moved in with us he lived with us she would cook him breakfast and dinner every single day they were they were constantly in the living room taking up the TV watching chopped like it was a fifth roommate so College though it’s
Soing annoying yeah and I didn’t have the emotional maturity or the mental maturity to have that conversation and like you do and this is your sister you can do this you got it and just make it a calm casual little check-in say I’ve been feeling like a little on edge you
Know whatever you’re feeling I feel big I feel she should understand she should hear you and even if she gets a little irritated in the beginning especially with family let her digest it and give it like a week after the convo and just kind of keep it chill and cool calm and
Collective keep checking in and keep checking in but she will come around I promise she’ll understand you got it this next one says I need advice in all caps almost a month into talking to this guy went on two dates with plans to hang out more had a wine night at his house
And we cuddled and held hands but he didn’t try and hook up his intentions look really relationship promising he also talks to me reaches out and initiates every single day however I’m moving for a clinical rotation in 3 weeks for 3 months to be and I’ll be
About two and a half hours away I don’t want to give up on him but don’t want to ask him to do long distance when we’re first starting to talk how do I tell him I want this longterm and I want to be exclusive but not get aggressive with
Wanting to be exclusive oh my God this literally sounds like me and Justin yeah so I met Justin when I was in grad school and I was doing clinical rotations all over like I didn’t even have control over where they placed me so I could have ended up in Chicago I
Ended up in Palm Springs which was actually 2 and a half hours away from LA and it’s so easy to do long distance like I drove back I lived in a haunted house so I drove back every weekend you lived in a haunted house yeah it was oh
You told me about B we need to have a ghost one later in the year but we’ll do spooky I love it but I ended up coming back every weekend but if I wouldn’t have like he could have came came out and visited you’re in a clinical
Rotation they don’t last forever have a conversation I really like you I really like where this is going I’m not sure if you feel the same way I would love to keep talking but I don’t want to put any pressure on us like I recognize I’m
Going to be two hours away long distance might be tough what do you think communicate communicate communicate it seems like he’s really into you oh my God to him it’s all the wonderful things like great this is what you want and he didn’t push you to like I mean there was
Like a very casual hangout with a little wine on the couch it was cozy it I mean the other parts of it sound like Jordan and I cuz we took a very very slow you know and it’s very it’s it’s a good sign when it’s slow if that’s what you’re
Looking for right um so I would do the same exact thing communicate what you’re doing be like no pressure I really like hanging out with you though and I I don’t want to stop but I will be you know three or excuse me two and a half
Hours away it’s going to be about 3 months maybe I’ll be back on the weekends like no pressure like what are you thinking don’t self-sabotage because you’re scared of long distance so many people make long distance work and maybe you’re even self-sabotaging because in your head you don’t think you’re worth
Doing longdistance with like kind of unpack that because it’s a clinical rotation you’re not moving forever you’re going to be back you’re going to be back and there’s cars Planes Trains automobiles they’re all around you can still move there’s ways to still interact Zoom Skype whatever FaceTime don’t self-sabotage he sounds good when
You come back I think it’ll be like really like it’ll be like oh my God what a exciting reason to like get back you know what I mean this is this is really exciting I’m happy for you I’m not worried about this at all this is a fun
One this next one says how to let go of a guy a guy who was dating for six months popped up on my social media with a hard launch of his new girlfriend who I’m pretty sure he started dating two weeks after we ended things I’m pretty
Upset even though it has been a few months since then we had to break up because I was moving abroad for grad school and I had really strong feelings for him seeing this made me feel like everything we started was fake or meaningless so I unfollowed him about a
Month ago however tonight I made the mistake of going on social media and saw her Instagram was public and saw all of these photos and videos of them on trips literally to the bamas and stuff UG and it just made me really upset I know I
Did it to myself and so this is all my fault but how do I let him go I feel like I’ve been stuck with these sad and negative feelings for so long and I just want to be free thanks Ed been there oh bab it like hurts my
Heart because I know where you’re feeling and I know how D like dark of a place that is yeah but you I mean to be honest with you being across the country was not going to work you had to follow your passions that’s what you did and
I’m I think what is probably happening here because just moving is usually not a reason to end things completely you may have been willing to end things from moving because of some other things that were wrong in the relationship yeah but it’s really really really hard when you
Feel like someone’s moved on fast or picked something else or someone else so I think you’re having this like episode of behavior feeling like oh my God I didn’t get picked or like oh my God I didn’t you know he didn’t like me that much because you ended it and he
Probably needed someone to latch on to to feel secure too yeah I mean we all want what we can’t have sometimes classic classic my ex before Justin broke up with me in a text message and then was posting on Instagram with his new girlfriend a week later excuse me
Yeah I know she by that math and you’re you’re kind of doing the math too she probably existed before you guys were done I hate that and that’s reason enough that’s not a good person that’s not someone you want to be with honestly it is hard to move on we all let
Curiosity kill us sometimes and we creep try not to block them mute them do whatever you have to do but you’re in a new city you’re in grad school you’re at such a fun fun part in your life go on dates start dating download an app go to
Coffee bars go to places that you like and you’re interested in start meeting people having fun there’s the saying like sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new oh I love that though do it if that’s what you need that’s you do it Go date you’re
Going to you’re going to find your person and he’s not it you’re also in a really anxious period of time where you’re about to move across the country or it sounds like overseas somewhere and that’s that’s okay to feel anxious and feel like you need something secure to
Make you feel good I cried every day before I went to grad school oh my God that it’s uncomfortable it’s uncomfortable it’s scary yeah so you’re putting yourself out there you’re longing for something to feel secure that’s okay but like lean into this amazing period of time where you’re
Going to feel all these new feelings and emotions and like you’re saying go do all the things go do like adventurous things God I mean like for God’s sake like go visit like a different city with a new friend and like meet people through other people’s friends I
Guarantee there’s going to be somebody there that catches your eye and once you start to get to know them they’re going to bring better qualities than that other person dead so oh my God this is the perfect time the perfect way to meet people you’re going to grad school
There’s going to be other people in your cohort they’re going to be from out of town abroad whatever go Adventure make friends invest in relationships are going to last you longer than maybe a romantic one would God you got it you got this you got it you really do okay I
Think I’m going to do one or two more but we’ll see this one is jealousy related o hey candid said I really need advice on jealousy and whether or not I should ask my boyfriend to be taken off his ex’s private story on Snapchat I think me and my boyfriend’s relationship
Is very very strong like I definitely think he is my person and hasn’t given me any reason to think he’s not we have been dating for almost a year I feel like I’m always comparing myself though to his ex and it just bothers me that he’s still on her private story because
I don’t know what she posts on there just advice on how to approach the situation and jealousy in general love your podcast girl keep it up this is a really tough one it’s a funky feeling I yeah I think there’s a lot of conversations happening like recently but like they’ve
Been happening about like your boyfriend whatever liking other girls pictures on Instagram Y and this kind of approaches that territory of like you like this is your ex why do you need to be on her close friend story why does she even want you on there because I personally
Wouldn’t want my ex’s on mine that’s it’s there’s something to unpack here and I think if you haven’t asked him to be taken off I think you could have that conversation can you leave it or like how I mean just remove that person maybe I wonder if he blocked her and then
Unblocked her if it would remove him so he doesn’t have to approach her probably there’s maybe a tricky way around that but I think it’s fair to have the conversation and just like ask him like you know this is an ex we’re happy we’re together you know what are you getting
Out of this I’m wondering how she knows this though she probably sees it as he’s like Instagram yeah true or SnapChat it sounded like I just wonder because that seems it just seems a little uh funky like she clearly probably wants him still there like usually I mean as far
As what I know about Clos friend stories are usually it’s like your your witty humor like funny memes like realness about your life and it’s for the girls it’s for the girls mine’s for the girls yeah I have a bunch of friends that I literally my one friend she freaking
Posts the most hilarious [ __ ] on there I keep up with her dating on there like it’s all the [ __ ] that she talks about and she’s like BR and like screenshots of conversations with people it’s so Savage but it’s it’s under close friends there’s like 20 of us I’m sure um
But it seems like the girlfriend probably wants him there because she’s talking about things that he he would get jealous of I’m sure she’s hoping that he sees it because that’s the only reason they’d be there um I would have a conversation about how it hurts your
Feelings a little bit makes you feel a little uncomfortable and I would gauge the situation by the way that he reacts that if he’s willing to prioritize his ex’s feelings or U like doesn’t want to have like this confrontation or ask his that would get my Spidey senses tingling
I’m like maybe he’s not so willing to move past her maybe there’s some reasons why you know he’s still interacting with her am I a placeholder to make her jealous you know there’s there’s things to look out for B on how he reacts agreed I think it’s a fair conversation
To have and ask him I think that’s kind of something I look for where it’s like yeah my my partner can have female friends but if he’s putting those female friends feelings or prioritizing them over me that’s a red flag that I’m not willing to tolerate agreed completely
100% on every level I even I don’t know how to tell this story without giving away too much but I’ll try to keep it short I had a friend from a different time of my life we saw them on a trip this person and um she just so happens
To do a lot of like sexual shoots and like different things like that and she followed my you know boyfriend and called her back because he met her in like real life like it wasn’t weird no and she I mean literally every day posts like third straps like it’s like very
Like I’m talking like full naked photos like butt out and stuff and I just had a conversation with my boyfriend I was like hey um I love her she’s in a different stage of life right now I love her as a person but it makes me really uncomfortable knowing that every day
That you go on Instagram you see her like topless photo in the shower at the shoot that she did or like just stuff like that andom medely they were like I completely actually understand why that would make you feel uncomfortable I am totally okay with unfollowing them like
And it was over and done with yeah because but I felt bad because they had followed you know the girl had followed him because we were out to dinner and he met her in a normal setting and she’s one of my good friends and it was very
Clear you know in person she’s you know wears clothes and is normal and cash I think it’s just that’s just not the account to follow if she if she had a personal account where she shares like puppy pcks and whatever else that’s a little different but this is
It’s weird I think sometimes we associate typically negative feelings where oh I’m jealous or I’m feeling insecure as like oh that’s negative my relationship isn’t that good yeah that’s not always the case no sometimes it’s okay to like have these little moments of jealousy or insecurity and as long as
You’re addressing them and working past them that’s a great sign and honestly this is so weird but Jordan told me the other day that he thought it was really cute that I was like it made me pissed off that someone called them like Jordy that was like I just like don’t like
When people call my fiance by nicknames I just think it’s annoying I don’t like it and I I have a few friends that do it and they they’re they don’t mean anything by it but I I was on a hot I was feeling a little hotheaded that day
I have my period if you want me to really be truthful and they called him Jordy and I’m like I don’t like that they call you Jordy I don’t like that at all and he was like I kind of like that you just got irritated it’s like you’re
Protective of me and I was like I know I’m sorry I am you know what it’s giving we’ve all seen those Tik toks right of like the guy that has the girlfriend and is like oh yeah you’re dating Steve now me and his mom are so close I’m
Basically a part of the family we all know those girls and I just saw a video of this girl who was giving a speech at a wedding and she was the groom’s ex-girlfriend excuse me and she said it in the speech at the wedding I’m Cody’s ex-girlfriend I had him
First what the that that is unacceptable who in what world is the bride allowing her to be there slash important enough to give a speech excuse me and again that’s one of those things if your partner is unwilling to set those healthy boundaries with people that act
Like that you don’t want them you don’t want them they’re not for you oh God that poor girl who’s getting married to this man I cannot I cannot no um okay I’m going to do one more to wrap up our episode and just like a little more
Advice for you guys out there because I try to get through these you guys sound a lot and I’m like I’m so happy you do I love these wrens I know me too okay so I met this Drey ass man at my aunt’s wedding for some crazy context we have
Been to a lot of the same places this summer and didn’t even know it anyway we stayed at this wedding venue for a weekend so we hung out with him for about 3 days so Much Chemistry I feel like I don’t fall for guys easily and I’m usually very skeptical but I indeed
Have fallen for him we exchanged numbers and we live about 6 hours away from each other and he said that he’s willing to come and see me but he’s a working man and he hardly has service so he only texts every so often and he’s a terrible
Textor and I usually usually am too so do I grow some lady balls and call him and go visit him which I brought up many times and he really likes that idea but I’m down bad and I have never had a boyfriend so I don’t know how to trust
The process sorry this was long by the way I love the Rebrand of the Pod oh that was nice okay so she’s basically debating if she goes and sees this man who doesn’t have service a lot doesn’t text very much had a dreamy three-day 3-day encounter at a resort at her
Aunt’s wedding are your alarm Bells going off a little I am yeah I have alarms I’m not going to lie I I get not everyone’s Big Texan but like why not like phone calls then if he’s that interested and yeah you’re 6 hours away the relationship is going to start with
Texting like get it together dude yeah the fact that you’ve already brought up I’d love to come visit but he’s not getting the balls moving this kind of leads back to the beginning of if he wants to he will I know you might have great chemistry it might have been
Really fun but maybe it was just like the wedding High I don’t think he’s that interested in you I hate to say it there is not any effort being made on his part the whole I don’t have service thing I’m like where do you live that’s how my
Ex-boyfriend got away with it I’m saying I don’t have service where do you live you’re not like you said at the beginning of the episode you’re not in the [ __ ] North Pole does he not have Wi-Fi at his house I can’t with that the no service thing sounds like an escape
From like you know the classic like I don’t want to FaceTime like my service is kind of bad let’s just text and then they don’t text you like that’s just a flag to me I’ve had exciting flings where I got really excited about somebody who lived in actually
California and um it was so fun and it like felt different and we were like oh my god let’s we can still keep this kind of going whatever then I went back home to Minnesota things just died you what I mean like fizzled no text and I actually
Wasn’t like that upset about it like I still had this feeling like I liked him but I kind of knew just being how far away from we are you know each other we were and I’m like it probably would fizzle and I was okay with that this one
It sounds like in the moment you guys had an amazing strong connection in the whole like oh my God I don’t care about the 6 hours as you’re sitting you know three days into knowing each other well and you’re already making excuses too I’m a bad texter too are you really
Though are you really what how would I handle this I would probably say I would call I would call him and just see how he takes it like if you were like hey I know you’re a bad texter but I would love to come see you and I
Know this is kind of like me just shooting my shot but I would either like to come see you or it doesn’t really make sense for us to keep talking cuz it’s so far away so do you want me to plan a visit or do you think we should
Just kind of let this fizzle and like being so upfront and communicative about that I think might give you the answer you want even though it might you might be shaking your armpits are going to be SW sweating you might poop your pants like I don’t know I think you have to
Either there’s a say that comes to mind for me is like [ __ ] or get off the pot yeah exactly you got to like see if this is actually real give a shot hey I’m free this weekend what weekend are you free does this line up I can come there
Or you can come here but let’s do it let’s let’s see if there’s something here otherwise you know it’s going to fizzle and being okay that it might fizzle if it’s if that’s the reason like you’re far I’m sorry but you’re far away You’re 6 hours away and there’s been
Like almost zero To None communication because he’s busy it sounds a little like disinterested it sounds like my ex-boyfriend yeah so I’m I’m not going to lie girl it’s it’s sound a little shady to me right now and I don’t usually go down this Rabbit Hole of like
Toxicity but go look at his Instagram tagged pictures oh like I think sometimes guys will hide girlfriends and go away on weekend trips have you ever known about someone who had a girlfriend and then they cheated and then you didn’t know if you should tell them or
Not yeah yeah me too yeah and usually I I I would tell someone closer so that it’s a little more appropriate CU I just can’t like it’s hard to be the one but I would I’ve been the girl that didn’t know so that I like really would hoped
That someone would have told me yeah so I always would like find someone close-ish and just be like hey like this is really awkward but I know this piece of information like I want you to know it but but it’s hard I just went through
This actually oh you did yeah and it was very much so like a Kill the Messenger situation um it’s a guy that I’m I’ve worked with like he’s also like a fellow podcaster in LA and we have a mutual friend um and so I told the mutual
Friend I was like Hey like I heard this piece of info it’s very credible um she’s cheating on him with like GE easy oh why is this man everywhere literally and so I told her I told her and I was like I don’t feel like I’m close enough to tell him I
Think you know obviously you work with him you’re really close like I think you should be the one to tell him and she did and I I don’t I don’t think it went well for her it was like really uncomfortable My name got thrown under
The bus then oh Jesus was just like this super uncomfortable situation and like they’re together they’re having a baby now it’s just like this whole thing so it’s like out of all the people you could cheat with I’m like really Jeezy like my friend used to hook up with him
I know two people that have hooked up with him he hooks up with everyone he’s he’s around and then he also cheated on Hy I’m like get the [ __ ] out of here G yeah so like sometimes it pays I wish there was like an anonymous service
Where you could just like go online and like just well that Facebook group yeah just like the Facebook group that talks about the guys oh you know what I’m talking about are we dating the same person yeah yeah there’s that that scary I don’t want to go in there I’m scared I
Just wish there was an anonymous service to be like hey um I didn’t know he was dating someone we hooked up here’s the info contact me if you want but like oh it’s just so hard cuz it is often times Kill the Messenger I know but it’s the
Right thing to do I won’t lie I was in a situation one time where my friend was like hey I think that there’s someone else involved like and I was like what do you mean and they’re like I don’t want to explain it this girl wants to
Talk to you and so she called me and it was really [ __ ] weird and she was saying things that I was like oh my God like this is this is real like she like she was like seeing him the whole time I was seeing him apparently yeah and the
Only thing that ended up being bad was she like turned him against me like said I was the one reaching out to her trying to figure it out which because he was like he was mad at her for like ruining things with me or something like that
And and then but then I like ended up turning out to be the bad guy and he’s like you’re crazy reaching out to my ex I’m like how the F would I know that that’s your ex I don’t even know who this is she’s calling me and but then
And then I was like wait I’m fighting like literally D with dumber and I need to just let it go Dodge the bullet Dodge the [ __ ] bullet do God thank God we didn’t get to this but I just want to say there’s definitely fa fun phases of
Relationships and fun ones that I would get rid of the one phase of relationship I just want to throw this out there that I would get rid of ladies is wearing makeup to bed when you’re first having sleepovers with your man’s oh my God don’t wear the makeup to bed I gave
Myself such bad acne for that oh my God and my I I ripped out all my eyelashes cuz I was wearing mascara to bed you know cuz you’re like and then you sleep on your face or whatever or you don’t sleep because you want to sleep on your
Side cozy and cuddled up and then your neck wake up and you got a kink in your neck and [ __ ] like that it ain’t that important no they know that you wear makeup they know that you take off the makeup they know what you look like underneath they will eventually if
They’re a good guy so it shouldn’t matter whether you weing makeup to bed or not so just skip the mascara and bed stage also if you have one of those guys that’s like take her swimming on the first date oh you dodged a bullet let him let him show himself out like take
The makeup off be comfy bring those makeup wipes or balm do you watch um Love is Blind no some some of the seasons I’ve dabbled with did you see the season where oh my God I wish I knew their names but the blonde it was a
Blonde girl and like an american guy and they were the first people to get engaged on the it the most recent is the most recent one I saw like a Tik Tok clip of him being like you pretended to be someone you weren’t because you wore makeup yeah psycho no she literally she
Ended she called off the engagement cuz she he literally said he admitted cuz he was acting really weird and at first you think it’s her fault cuz they they’re on their first date after on like a group vacation they’re engaged he finally admitted that it was because she came
Out wearing a lot of makeup and it grossed him out because he said he doesn’t like girls who wear fake lashes and makeup oh my God and she was like I’m [ __ ] done I’m done and he he like gastl at her he’s like that’s like it’s
Insane it’s like it’s so fake of you and all this stuff and I just am so glad we’re in a in a world now where it’s like no dude you’re the idiot like sorry that’s creepy that you even cared about that that’s so strange it’s makeup like
It makes it’s fun it makes you feel good it’s not a lot of times makeup is not for you it’s not for anyone else like the guy it’s truly for the person putting it on yeah cuz I feel a little bit more like myself like I don’t know I
Just feel like I got all done up and I I feel a little bit more me yeah the front the front of my eyebrow is actually there because I drew it on I feel great ex I know I’m like I literally have the same thing I have a tail missing over
Here a little section missing on this one from like where I got hit in the face in Lacrosse so like I draw in and I don’t I just feel better it’s for me it’s for me and I feel good yeah bottom line of this whole episode about relationships dating all the things to
Bring it like full beautiful circle is you come first your gut will tell you when something something is wrong so be aware and listen to it and don’t wait for [ __ ] to hit the fan please for the love of God trust your gut before the stuff hits the fan because eventually it
Will especially if you’re feeling something yeah I also think like prioritize yourself and your happiness um something that like I realized lately a lot of times in relationships I as a woman have sacrificed my happiness my opportunities oh to visit someone to make our relationship work and the right one will
Work do you be happy make sure you’re looking out for yourself your career your education whatever that looks like the right one will will be there they will fight for you if they want to be there like and as you will too on the other side and the flip side of that so
Just be mindful of all of those things and feeling secure and let me tell you a good relationship with Mommy a working out in a good job ain’t cutting it babes we we need to have a lot more than that we need to have curiosity in what you’re doing we need to have
Effort we need to do all the things that you’re it that if you’re in something bad get the hell out of it um and we’re here to support you and love you and you can always call me please ah look at this call me got a little phone it’s
Right here it’s available I will change your voice I will make sure no one knows it’s you so please give me a call my number is 61247 7569 it’s on my my social media it’s on all the places give me a call tell me what you need advice for and we will
Talk about it and I will get other people opinions on it too so please please please do that yeah I want to come to your call in happy hour you’re do I know you should come be fun I’m going to come I’ll T tune in okay
Morgan’s going to tune in so I’m going to have a little happy hour and I’m going to have an open you know Forum where you can just call me and I will speak to your advice and we will talk about it and I will to help you and we
Will scheme and we will do all the things so no topic is off limits um Morgan thanks for coming on and having fun thank you for having me again it’s Christmas break we’re just chilling it’s cozy um it’s not snowing here yet which is kind of lame but it feels criminal it
Does to not have snow in Minnesota in December it feels like it should be illegal yep and you’re telling me something isn’t going on with the earth when there’s no snow in Minnesota in December it it was 49 degrees and raining yesterday yep I know that’s not
Normal that’s a that ain’t normal the lakes are not frozen and I saw people out there the other day and I’m like isn’t that so scary yeah I’m like I want to yell and be like what the hell are you doing someone had to get rescued
From the Coast Guard up in duth no an ice sheet broke off and they started floating away oh my God yeah don’t do it guys stay safe out there stay safe out there um Morgan why don’t you shoot out your handles but you probably already know where to find Morgan CU she’s the
Queen of two hot takes it’s called two hot takes on everything um but yeah just pop on over but I’ll I’ll be here popping in and out you know this is my like bonly thing with Sid now I’m inserting myself I’ve invited myself no it’s the we have the most fun
Conversations though fine Morgan is going to be a occurring my sister is going to be a reoccurring we’re going to give you all the call set advice that you need so I promise keep coming back cuz I’m just trying to make things more digestible for you and I’m always going
To be the older sister that maybe you had or maybe you never had right so that’s what I’m for I wish I would have had this me too I’m like I’m trying to give people info that I wish I had needed exactly um at well said on all of
The places well said podcast um it’s well said with Sid that’s who I am that’s where I’ll be if you could go subscribe on YouTube please and thank you subcribe that helps me yeah you know so please go do that um if you don’t mind and honestly if you miss Scotty or
Deacon and you don’t even know who the hell that is you better go look at YouTube because there’s little fur creatures that are climbing all over the place today um thank you have an amazing amazing holiday if you are hanging out on the holiday and I will see you soon bye Bye oh
32 Comments
Great podcast! I just subscribed. 🙂
I won’t forget the line my husband used that won me over.
I had recently broken up with my 6 year bf and I worked at the bank. My now hubby walks in and by now we are familiar from bank transactions. I tell him that a guy from high school dm’d me saying he wants to date me now that I’m single, and when I said that, my now husband says without a beat “I’m already at the front of that line”. The rest is history ❤
I don’t wear my ring all the time I always be forgetting to put it in my box. I left it in my pants pockets, I was looking for my ring, I was so scared, look in the wash before i started the load, oh boy I was scared.😂
Loved seeing Morgan on this!! Now I have another podcast to listen too. All love here, is the "S" in "Said" upside down? I love how clean the aesthetic is but with the small part of the S being on the lower half it looks like it might be upside
The way I PANICKED at the thumbnail and seeing that Morgan wasn't wearing her ring,, like… EXCUSE ME?! Immediately no
The opening segment came right when I needed it. Recently ended a situationship even though we had an amazing time on every date, he would leave me on delivered for DAYS despite being active on messenger daily. He tried to say that we just have “different communication styles” which I just know is BS at this point. It’s so frustrating because I gave him multiple outs and said it was okay if he wasn’t interested but he insisted he was. We had only been seeing each other for under two months and I already found myself going through this emotional cycle with him so I finally cut it off. It’s not easy but at least I can use the situation as fuel for the gym 🙃
Big red flag for me…questioning what I've been doing, where I've been, etc.
A huge example of what not to do is Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, she was so stuck in the fog of a toxic relationship with a guy that didnt care about her to the point she even convinced herself it was a fairytale😵💫😵💫😵💫
Literally after I went through my healing era I met my fiancé too
Try dealing with a dude who disappeared for 2 weeks no contact and blocked on social……..and then comes back asking if you cheated 😭
I do actually think it is important to tell people your dating (Not on the first date though) if the person before them cheated or broke your trust, but It HAS to be followed up with "I will not tolerate that. When it happened, I left."
had to stop watching once i noticed the starbucks cup…
The only thing I’ll add with the “if he wanted to, he would”, be clear to him about what you want and expect from him rather than hoping he’ll read your mind. Sounds obvious, but I’ve been guilty of it in the past. Now, if he knows your expectations and needs and is still low effort, you shouldn’t have to nag, perhaps have a calm talk about it first, but be ready to leave.
this just made single me very happy…24 feeling like i’m missing out but honestly i’m taking this time AND new year to focus on me and what I deserve..🥳 thank you both, ladies!!!!❤️
Love you both thank so much ❤
Love y’all but a Starbucks drinker not knowing the word barista says a lot…As a barista myself, I feel for Starbucks employees (baristas,managers, etc)
53:42 Omg thiiiis… I feel like I have to do that… amazing guy, respectful, sweet, loving, smart, lovely family, we rarely argue and it's not a screaming match, I feel safe and he brings me peace .. but there's something missing… I see some redflags but I can't help but feel like our matching principles, morals and compatibility in most areas are impossible to find elsewhere. I feel something missing. from his friends and family I get comments that we should get married, but from MY circle I have gotten almost the opposite reactions… I don't know… I am so puzzled and feel like I have no tangible reason to break-up
I literally told my partner today "I have no idea why I am mad I'm just mad at you" and he was laughing like "okay babe whatever. When you find a reason to be mad just let me know" and we just laughed about it cause I haven't been able to sleep and we are moving in less than a month so I'm just overly stressed and I know I'm not really mad at him but I feel safe enough to have somewhere that anxious and upset energy can go without being scared of the repercussions. 😅 It's really nice feeling so secure and loved. ❤
Oooooo were planning a fall of 2025 too! The last week of October 😁😁😁😁
Love the point about it being important to a relationship to show interest and support in your partner's hobbies even if it's not your cup of tea. Shame you couldn't apply that to boyfriend's who like to play video games 😂😂😂 bit hypocritical.
The animals love Morgan! Kitty kept looking at her like "I love you, pet me!"
Ugh this episode was so amazing w great examples love itttttt❤
I’m in the middle of a divorce after 10 years and I’ve been really feeling guilty about it (mainly because of my kids) and only remembering the happy times… after listening to this though it was so affirming. That relationship had a small bit of almost every red flag or horseman that y’all spoke of.. it’s so hard to change your mindset but this did help hearing it in different ways than I have or to see it through other peoples eyes.. Thank you guys for this pod episode!
Lived in ohio for several years there are just spots there without wifi or service. When i left for vacation someone thought i unalived myself bc it all went out and i was without contact to most people i didnt know the number for to call from the homeline
I see what you’re saying but I feel like if someone said my ex treated me like a princess then why are yall broken up and dating someone else? I feel like if I was dating a guy and he told me that his ex girlfriend treated him like a king I would be like ok so why are you not with her still then?
55:11 I feel like a lot of girls leave their good guys because those guys can often be seen as stable and boring and so many girls and women can seek toxicity!!
1:22:17 WAIT LADIES hear me out. I agree with yall to an extent but in all honesty it depends on the dudes “vibe” for lake of a better words. Where does he live? Does he live in the mountains? Is he a city boy or a “ thug type” or is he the type of guy that’s an outdoorsy guy that would rather live in a cabin in the woods fishing and just chilling in nature? My husband is the outdoorsy guy who if he didn’t have a family with me would literally be in a cabin all day long just chilling, sleeping, fishing and more. The further from cell service the better. Also not everyone spends money on expensive smart phones with expensive packages. Now all that being said I watch ALOT OF TRUE CRIME and I don’t know that I would go off into the woods this soon with someone I only really knew for 3 days. Now this could be because I’m naturally a person who is suspicious of damn near everyone. In the game of clue as far as I was concerned they were all guilty but my ass lol 😂 ok a little joke but either way that part does sound a bit sketch so o would base it off of where he lives and is there someone near by that could save you if he turns out to be a serial killer or someone crazy. Some people are really great at playing pretend. I’ve had trust issues since I was a child. At the same time I know what it feels like to feel your heart pulling you towards someone. Hopefully if she goes things go smoothly for her.
1:26:30 is the baby her boyfriend or is the baby
G-easy baby?
Anyone who disagrees with the "If he wanted to he would" thing are people who want a 5 star relationship with 2 star effort.
If he wanted to surprise you he would.
If he wanted to learn what makes you feel loved he would.
If he wanted to get therapy for trauma in order to be a better partner because he truly cares about you HE WOULD!
Don't settle for someone who isn't showing they want you.
In regards to talking about past relationships with a potential partner, I did the whole “he was great, treated me amazingly” thing and I still got treated like shit by the next one 💀 I don’t think it really matters. They’re gonna treat you how they wanna treat you.
as someone who has lived in arizona her entire life, do not do a fall wedding if it’s going to be outside. it will be hot
Am I the only one who has access to peoples “close friends” and it’s like a roommate from college I haven’t spoke to in literally 8 years…and everything in between 😭 Like half these “close friends” I do not speak to or interact with online at all and haven’t in years haha. I’m always more curious like, who they hiding this random, seemingly meaningless photo of a car from that they had to create close stories lol
I had to rewatch the part where the cat came because I WAS LEGIT DISTRACTED for all those minutes