My First Time in the Gym! (trying to better myself)

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

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All right different type of video today because everyone’s not here so I’m holding the camera I just woke up everyone’s home because it’s Christmas break so I’m just chilling here by myself it’s weird being alone I’m never alone I hate it but I think it’s good

For me I’ll go to my family’s house soon too can’t lie I haven’t been doing the best um been pretty lonely so thank God for my friends cuz you know having them around is amazing I got you guys and I always have you guys which is very

Comforting like I posted a Tik Tok the other day I wasn’t doing too hot and every comment was being there for me and you know saying how you guys have been loyal to me all these years no matter what and if I need a break or whatever you guys are there and that

Um provides a lot of comfort to me and gives me a lot of Peace this is life when it’s not always fun fun fun fun fun because a lot of times you just see 10 minutes of my life or 20 minutes minutes of my life each week and it’s the best

20 minutes but I feel like this is important to show you guys every part of life now this is not normal I’m usually not cooking but we’re trying new things all right I’m trying to grow as a person sometimes it’s hard being very open but I feel like the more vulnerable I

Am the stronger the bond grows really and that’s all I care about I feel like that’s my purpose is to help the broken or lost kids out there and the kids that are completely fine make you laugh I got my Darth Vader spatula they’re not looking that bad

Right wish I could get them to look like the eggs Fiona cooked and Shrek one I’ve been dealing with a breakup for a while now and you go through different phases first I’m like all right maybe this is what I need then you go in shock

And get crazy and then now you accept it and move forward that’s what I’ve been trying to do I’ve just been in a huge um state of regret and self-reflection my mind’s interesting my mind is um a superpower but it’s also the hardest thing about me

I get so fixated in my thinking and I get so dead set and it’s really a superpower sometimes but other times you don’t see other sides or or put yourself in other people’s shoes so that’s something I’m really working on is understanding taking a step back even

When I’m so fixated and when I get fixated on like good things sometimes it’s hard to focus on all the good things right if I’m focused on videos then I’m only watering that section of my life and I need to water all the plants in my life you know cuz

There’s much more things than just videos but if I’m only focused on family and then I’m not doing videos like I want to just learn to water everything in my life even though I think a lot of the reason why I made it is because I had no balance a lot of the

that just give it their all that’s how they do it but I’m at a different stage of my life right now I think I can do it all there’s a lot more stability around me to where it’s like I could balance it all I just need to

Learn how to and the other thing about my mind is when I get fixated on bad things it consumes me I sit in bed I stay on my phone I uh think of the worst possible scenarios outcomes act in the moment act uh act quick act right away

And sometimes that’s very impulsive and doesn’t always lead to good so trying to train myself going through like self Jedi training right now I hate the unknown I hate not being in control of things not in a bad way but more in like a sense of being able to do anything I

Can to make a situation better you know the past videos I’ve tried to distract myself like Kyle came down and that really helped me a lot just like hanging out with him and trying my hardest just to have fun then when you’re really alone with your thoughts and even when

Everyone’s here when I go go to bed at night by myself or especially right now no one’s here you really uh get lost in your mind sometimes overthink situations been going on behind the scenes but I just don’t want to put anything out there too soon it it’s like the same

Problem as last time it was just two different paths again I wish I brought those paths together but God has to teach me another lesson or I’m supposed to go another way or comes back I don’t know I haven’t talked to her in a while guess it just feels

Like I had it figured out for so long but that’s my problem is I thought I had it all figured out I didn’t keep watering every plant in my life sometimes really bad things have to happen to really open yourself up cuz like I said I’m stubborn so sometimes

It’s hard for me to change but things like this force you to change I hope one day I can make it work though I I guess what I do is also hard I don’t live the normal life style but in the end I just want a traditional

Family and provide a good life for kids my wife you know when I was younger situation like this I would always think it’s the end of the world and my mind still does get like that sometimes sometimes my mind can still trick me into thinking it is the end of

The world but now that I’m older I can uh remind myself that things will always work out the way they’re supposed to I’m sore as started working out p is going to be my my trainer today oh yeah we going to get a good workout

Today I’m going to work you out I value my friends so much you know I have uh we help each other and talk very deep and just uh I advise that to anyone is to not just settle for shitty friends or a lot of friends you just need it a couple

Or even one that is just real and it’ll be there for you at your worst and celebrate your best I’m going to bring an extra battery cuz I don’t want the camera to die on me without Lucas I’m not as Savvy with the camera the most relatable character of all time I just

Feel him sometimes I let fear attachment get the best of me it’s not always a bad thing I’m very attached to the people I love but then fear of losing them can really cloud your judgment difference is though I will never turn to the dark

Side but I like like the story of him cuz it kind of shows that like no matter what happens you can always come out good you know maybe just don’t kill younglings though I’m on the way to the gym I don’t turn to things when I’m in

Pain I don’t do drugs I don’t drink I don’t watch porn but instead I’m finding myself just doing nothing sitting there letting my thoughts consume me replaying everything in my head thinking about what I could have done different and it’s healthy to an extent to reflect but not when it becomes unhealthily

Obsessive p and them have always been saying go to the gym go to the gym and I’m always like yeah I love being skinny which I do but not really about that more of just having something to work towards and get my mind off like I went

With them and just going hard and like I didn’t think about it was nice you know I was sore after I slept better cuz I’ve not been sleeping well at all and I really really enjoyed it so this is my third day I’m not going to stop I’m

Really actually going to take it serious it’s going to be nice to see progression like still have skinny look but become toned first leg day of my life dude first leg day back you’re going to be like like trust me that’s good though I’m proud of ba my arms and my back and

My abs are all sore as see bro I just got to drop all ego we can’t let him make our mistake he has to start out knowing the form rather than just going yeah that’s my problem is like I need to know the form yeah that’s fine

So I do lower weight but more to build to get lean I don’t want to get Giant dude my legs are literal noodles right now I can’t even I can barely stand I got a lock in put on some x l doing the bar right now not embarrassed at all we

All start somewhere in a few months I’ll be doing like that guy okay he’s way stronger than I thought how many you think you got one more just do one more no I can do more he’s not going to be able to walk I started with just the bar

So I went to 50 to 140 yeah I think I can try too you probably exhausted your legs at this time like that yeah so how many am I supposed to do as many as you can do like 15 camera in here we’re pranking how bad would you f if I

Just hit you right I’m done like lit thanks for helping me yeah I got you you can always come with me thank you the house is empty right now really it’s lonely I’m really ex me too I’m so sore bro I hate the way this tastes oh this one’s good I never

Thought I would go to the gym honestly I’m just trying to be more open-minded I mean the Gym’s more for myself but just in general I feel like whenever you make videos or whatever it’s easy to get wrapped up in all your your activities your ways on top of that with

My personality I’m a very like strong like personality I want to make sure I’m I’m expanding and growing doing things you know to for other people like doing what they like in a sense that’ll also help me grow I’ll find new things I like I’ll step out of my comfort zone I’ll

Just be healthier minded I would have never thought I would work out like literally all the guys go work out besides me so it just feels good to like take on something new it’s cool to like start from nothing too see where I’m going to be nice to meet you bro I’ve

Been watching you for a long time thanks man give me a hug dude means a lot yeah yeah I’m tired bro I’m so sore it’s my first time it’s my third day working out in my life you want to get a picture you live around here yeah nice to meet you

Dude I appreciate you so much I love meeting you guys man anytime you see me in public please come up ni my day feels like I have a friend everywhere you know it’s very comforting you guys are always kind I really am liking this new house

Guys it’s nice because like we get I get to be with everyone but you also have your own space you know cuz it’s only will and Lucas in here and then uh no in the trailer uh PJ hasn’t moved in yet but he does after Christmas and he’ll be in the

Other house Kyle is going to visit every two weeks I don’t know about double but you know it’s nice cuz you get the best of both worlds I feel like alone time and space is very good but also being with friends and that way you can just

Balance it all about to get a new setup here looks too much like the old place I want to get new stuff in here recently I’ve gotten back into piano I love music so much and I like all types of music I always talk about rap but I love rock I

Love ree I love80s um but like probably nothing more speaks to me than like soundtrack music like the pirate soundtrack or the Batman soundtrack or the Spider-Man soundtrack like I just I love soundtrack music maybe it’s because I was in the band I don’t know so I

Learned how to play my favorite Cobra ey Song my friends are coming over tonight we’re going to land Party play video games I don’t know I’m just occupying myself getting my mind off a bit I find myself doing a lot better during the day now but when it’s time for bed I have dreams you know I wake up I’m constantly

Thinking about it all but why do we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up hello fans