Dear Octopus by Dodie Smith

Dear Octopus
It’s 1938. Charles and Dora Randolph are celebrating their Golden Wedding. It’s a chance for four generations of the same family to be together – sparking all the problems and surprises that such a gathering inevitably causes..
Charles Randolph …. Michael Denison
Dora Randolph …. Dulcie Gray
Belle …. Mary Wimbush
Margery …. Annette Badland
Edna …. Frances Jeater
Nanny …. Dora Bryan
Cynthia …. Penny Downie
Laurel …. Trevyn McDowell
Hilda …. Joanna David
Nicholas …. Nicholas Gecks
Fenny …. Charlotte Attenborough
Hugh …. Joshua Towb
Kenneth …. Michael Tudor Barnes
Bill …. Mark Burrows
Scrap …. Sara-Jane Derrick
Flouncy …. Bernadette Windsor
Gertrude …. Becky Hindley
Written by Dodie Smith
Producer: Glyn Dearman
First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in April 1995

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Dear Octopus by Dodie Smith with Michael Dennison as Charles Randolph Dy gray as Dora Charlotte aten as fenny Nicholas gex as Nicholas penny Downey as Cynthia Mary wimbush as Bell Joanna David as Hilda Annette Badland as marjerie Francis Jeter as Edna and Dora Brian as Nanny the action of the play takes place in the hall the nursery and the dining room of the Randolph’s Country House in North Essex the year is 1938 dear OCT Us I say what a marvelous SP oh I would jully HED oh goodness what a time they’re being over dinner I wish they’d come out the maids will never get down G you stop it your like anything why didn’t you come to dinner on a night

Like this we’ve never had the house so full since I came here do you like being Granny’s companion then very much indeed I wouldn’t I’d rather be a maid Maids have nights out I could have nights out if I wanted them here have some chocolate no thank you I’ll have some

Sandwiches when Cynthia and great aunt Bell arrive I’ve never seen great aunt Bell I bet she’s a COR consola oh hello feeling better scrap I wasn’t ill I just didn’t want any dinner hasn’t Auntie Cynthia come yet not yet but the car’s gone to meet her did you see the

Telegram that came from your father Yes I’d rather like to see it again it’s here congratulations on your golden wedding love to scrap David Kenton would you like to have it wouldn’t granny mine of course not then I think I would fancy it coming all the way from

Singapore not really they just write them at the post office I know that perfectly well I don’t think I’ll have it thank you it’s the thought that matters you know they don’t do that at the post office but I can remember the thought without a bit of paper I expect

I’d like to know when Aunt Cynthia comes you are a Blinder Bill well she’s so jolly sof she’s still missing her mother it’s 2 years since Aunt Nora died I believe she thinks Aunt Cynthia is going to be like her because they were twins is she like Nora I’m not not in the

Least oh poor scrap I wish we didn’t have any dead people in the family it sort of spoils the party Oh Glory Glory Uncle Nick hello Bill fenny my dear hard at it I suppose things are a bit hectic where is everyone still at dinner I didn’t leave

The office till after 8 we’ve just landed the contract for all the Gusto publicity what the beastly sauce stuff well the source may be beastly but the advertisements are Grand here what are you doing with my suitcase oh looking for my present isn’t Christmas I bet

There is one though is this it no that’s flouncy and that’s for scrap I say what’s scrap like pretty sickening we have to be very gentle with her yeah look out that’s my dress shirt there you are you loome boy and that’s for you fenny oh why

Should I get anything well I just thought you’d like it oh a flower po it’s Charming thank you you are a generous person nonsense I dear your hands are rough have you been doing a lot of dirty work oh odds and ends we’ve been a bit rushed

Well I must buy you some nice smelly gine and whatnot we advertise some stuff called Lily hands but it’s really rather lousy I’m not allowed to say lousy I am it just shows how unfair life is good evening Gertrude good evening Mr Nicholas can’t you get them out the

Dining room Miss try not to upset yourself gertude I I’ll help you with the washing out no you won’t miss you can’t do it Mr Nicholas turning two in family into 14 in family with only a couple of girls from the village to help Gertrude you’re not your son yourself no

I am not sir and if we feel like this now how are we going to feel by Monday a dance tomorrow if you please 30 people coming Gertrude’s been so Splendid it it’s just this sitting late over dinner but here I’ll route them out no leave it

To me run along and unpack cheer up gerud think how slim you’ll get your fires all right I had a look good you come and help me to unpack fires in every room I know they’re a curse but the house is so cold and I’m sure we

Both want everything to be lovely this weekend yes of course Miss they’ve been looking forward to it so every living child under their roof and Miss Cynthia hasn’t been home for S years only they did ought to come out of that dining room wait they’re coming now round you

Go I I’ll be along in a minute to help yes and gertude have you got any hand lotion I washing the nursery paint this morning have some cream of lotus PS I’ll lend you some Annie they’re coming out let’s go ter latey is ger ruffle it’s quite all right Mrs Randol I’m just

Going to give her a hand thank you dear shall we sit here in the hall or in the drawing room there’s a splendid fire here Mrs Randol very well Eda just tidy the half will you oh yes of course uh we shall need some more chairs can we get

Some from the drawing room for you Mr random oh thank you Laur let me see now don’t count ly because she’s going to bed oh Mommy I can’t I’m terribly full the child’s quite right margorie she oughtn’t to sleep on top of that heavy meal she’d better go for a brisk walk

Around the garden I don’t want to go for a brisk walk I just want to sit still sitting still won’t digest your dinner run along now you go with her Hilda I’ve got a telephone mother who to Dear my secretary write her a postcard the telephone is so expensive I’ll pay for

The call myself mother it’s an extremely important business matter I’ll take you fancy I can do with a bit of exercise go with your father child and put your gashes on I don’t like gashes granny they make your feet look awful come alone queen of Shea that child’s getting conceited

She’ll grow out of it I was terribly conceited at her age and still are ugly it’s a pity you two are so plain it doesn’t give that baby of yours much chance in life how do you like being a grandmother Edna I find it comparatively painless

Thank you Mrs Randolph Nanny and I think the baby’s got a look a Peter a father I wish I could remember him funny to think Peter would have been a grandfather oh my mother dear it’s nothing I just wishing he could be here and Nora too

I’m quite all right now now what about these chairs I’ve got to telephone mother then telephone dear and get it over you’ll find it very drafty don’t I know it and don’t go on talking after to the pip pip pip because they charge you at once Hilda’s business can’t be very well

Run if it won’t take care of itself for a weekend she’s quite a big pot really granny I read an article on her the other day in a Pioneer Woman series oh what does she do she’s an estate agent it’s a surprise to me that Hilda knows

The back of a house from a front it’s after 10 fenny yes Mrs Rand have the tkin girls gone back to the Village yet no Mrs Randol they’re still here I promise there mother H I wonder if you’d run them back in your car of course

Granny such a long dark Road and they really aren’t quite right in the head tell them to get ready Fanny yes Mrs Rand is there name really topkins yes dear at least it’s their mother’s name I’m afraid they’re illegitimate twins really well dear Villages are like that

We’ve been a little better since we had the cinema coming Laurel right so Edna dear I wonder if you’d mind having one last look around the bedroom fires particularly Aunt Bill’s afraid the journey will have tired her they’ll be here any minute now yes of course Mrs R

Marget yeah just run along the kitchen and see if you can do anything it’s really time the sandwiches came in very well mother oh and just see if Hilda is still telephoning I don’t think she really understands about the pip pip pip yes mother oh and tell her it’s 11 PS

Every time it Pips yes mother were you saying something about chairs Charles I was my love but as you’ve successfully found little jobs for everyone we’ve really found more chairs than we need so we have well I should be glad of a little breathing space before the others

Arrive oh I do hope everything goes off well all our children live such busy lives I should like this weekend to be a real rest for them yes is there anything you’d like me to do before I said down no I don’t think so H oh just Put

Another Log on will you oh yes of course sir Charles yes mother I can’t help feeling we ought to have gone to meet Cynthia now you know we decided oh I agree we mustn’t appear to be rushing at her but just the car and the chauffeur so cold

So unwelcoming after 7 years if only I knew the reason haven’t we agreed to accept the reason she’s given she’s been busy it hasn’t been convenient and Paris is a long way oh stuff and nonsense at a poed over to see how long ago if I hadn’t been frightened of what I should

Find you know I’m really very much touched that Belle should want to come down to us this weekend well I D see she’s very glad to she’s probably pretty much at a loose end in England I can’t imagine Bell at a loose end anywhere you must be prepared for a pretty big change

In her no I suppose 25 years in America 25 years anywhere Charles how old is Belle I’m blessed if I know she married your brother William in ‘ 89 I’m sure she’s older than I am she must be 71 I think she’s older how strange what to think of

Belle as old all that red gold hair that’ll be gone anyhow I wonder if she’ be white like me or just streaky so many women go streaky I expect we she’ll get a bit of a shock what out her looks poor B she have never taken

William if she could have got you oh nonsense I wonder what her American husband was like he certainly left her very well off that’s the GU no keep calm there ah now Dora don’t excite yourself it’s only Bell Cynthia isn’t there oh Charles so don’t fret there are two more

Trains tonight she’s not coming oh she’ll never come isn’t this Splendid B my dear D you’re as pretty as ever oh isn’t this just too exciting let me take your coat and half thank you there we are Bill what have I changed so much you haven’t changed at all that isn’t the

Nicest thing I’ve heard since I landed it hasn’t gone gray at all and my hair maybe see green for all I know it’s a good 20 years since I saw its natural color do you mean it’s died well it’s um helped don’t go looking at me through a

Microscope because I can’t stand up to it you want to get a quick general impression my dearest Belle you’ve defeated age it’s extraordinary we were just saying how old are are you Bill what you don’t know then nobody knows not one soul in the world isn’t that

Fine aren’t you going to tell us I am not just as you wish of course but it seems a bit silly when one gets to our time of life oh it’s all a question of one’s attitude to life I don’t like old age and I’m not giving it any sort of helping

Hand oh my it’s fun to be back in this room I don’t think You’ changed a thing oh where am I sleeping in little spare you always like that is mosy still in the bull certainly it’s a very fine engraving yeah I slept there the first

Time I stayed here when will and I were engaged hello here I’m Bill marg’s youngest she knows she sends us presents every Christmas I expect I’m a bit older than you imagined you certainly are she sent me a woolly rabbit last year and I do apologize no it’s quite right the dog liked

It I suppose you’re at school not just a present I was expelled whatever for for using bad language would you like to know what I said I certainly would we’ll make a date for tomorrow now don’t encourage him go to bed Bill hello everybody Cynthia oh my dear my dear dear Cynthia mother

Darling hello father my dear goodness is it Aunt Bell it certainly is how did you get here by the bus my suitcase is down at the green man tell Thompson to go for it at once right o granny I’m Bill hello Bill I’ll be back I can’t think why you

Wanted to come on the bus I thought I’d like to drive through the villages things haven’t changed much except for those hideous Bungalows and the council houses still this part’s pretty unspoiled no electric light yet it’s coming to the Village next year but we Shan have it I never did fancy having

The house wired Cynthia you’re not in mourning Heavens know mother everyone wears black in Paris and that looks remarkably like Raquel it is I work for her oh as a man huh nothing So Glamorous just a sort of receptionist and general odd jobber you’re looking thin my

Darling well thank God for that I used to be terribly Buxom you two haven’t changed a bit I’m afraid we have it’s seven years since yes this room room shrunk I suppose rooms always do where’s fenny where’s everyone they’re about somewhere oh hello this is scrap a Cynthia she particularly wanted to see

You this is our very first meeting isn’t it yes how’ you do I hope you had a pleasant journey and here’s your great aunt Bell scrap such a lot of new relations I always thought your name was Kathleen it is but mommy always I’ve always been called scrap granny would it be all

Right if I went to bed now you ought to be in bed already darling run along good night good night scrap good night good night I didn’t exactly make a hit I think she was expecting you to be like her mother like Nora oh poor little devil I’m very worried

About her I don’t at all like the sound of the school she’s at I must write to her father bill go to bed all right granny but it’s no good the house is so Restless why don’t you show me my room and maybe we’ll find some candies oh I

Think I’ll go up too mother I want to wash am I in my own room of course don’t belong Charles I knew it there is something wrong with Cynthia that hard cold manner now daughter we’ve let it go on too long we’ve lost our child do try

To keep calm my dear our one chance of making contact is to be absolutely natural and Casual how can I be casual when I’ve only got one weekend my poor Cynthia anyone can see she’s not happy she was always your favorite I never had favorites I love them all equally and I

Always liked Cynthia best we were such friends hello Nicholas Why did no one tell me you were here hello Mother darling how are you father glad to see you my boy and congratulations to both just see if f is getting the sandwiches will you dear right I’ll give her a

Hand well what do you think of Bill ay not a day older puff one soon sees oh I can’t say I did of course she’s always had a magnificent complexion B never had a complexion at all she just had a skin and I shouldn’t think she seen that for

Years Dora really it must be very worrying to take a face like that out in the rain I do love you when you’re being catty I’m not being catty at all I think she’s in a magnificent state of preservation by the way I’ve worked it out she’s 73 nonsense she’s still in her

60 now you’re being simple she’s 73 at the least and I’m not at all sure she couldn’t be 75 I should wear my silver tomorrow not my black whatever you wear you will cut her out I was being caty you were my love you were you two having words certainly not I

Don’t believe you during my entire life the slightest disagreement between you has been settled by father kissing you on top of the head I sometimes kiss your mother on the top of the head when we’ve not had a disagreement well one way and another it’s remarkable she has a hair

Left sandwiches on this table that’s right dear where would you like the whiskey mother ah margerie Whiskey on the table over there please how are things in the kitchen Nicholas looks like a battlefield Gert Annie and cook are doing a sort of juggling act with the washing up I won’t offer you a

Sandwich margerie because it wouldn’t be kind do you really think I’m heavier not more than a couple of stones you don’t take enough exercise when you were a child you were always curled up in a chair couldn’t curl up in a chair now could you dear ah well what’s Broad in

The beam comes out in the bust Nick go on you know you want one well just one come on in fny you must be famished I am rather hungry Cynthia hello hello M I say you put on a bit you Beast you’re Slimmer than ever oh well you haven’t

Had two children no I haven’t done that how are you fenny hello Nicholas hello CIA how are youna can you manage Friday Nicholas I’ve got the seats Friday yes that’s all right how nice it is to have a brother-in-law to take you out Edna especially now that H is married I took

Edar out long before you married or rather she took me ah Bell dear now let me see my daughter-in-law idna oh we met upstairs I’m margerie say was you with a little skin anyone I’m having a loome evening Aunt B You Look Marvelous let me press a

Very sardini kiss on your cheek oh Nicholas and not married or anything I don’t know what you mean by or anything you’re a born Bachelor Nicholas oh and is this another daughter-in-law yeah this is our very dear Grace fenny oh my companion oh don’t call her that Mother

Such a dreary name won’t you have some sandwiches oh thank you Hilda where on earth have you been I told you mother telephoning on B I’m very nice Cynthia what an age it is you weren’t really telephoning all that time Hilda yes mother really do you know what that

Costs yes mother I asked the exchange 6 and 5 here it is I shouldn’t dream of taking your money but really I never heard anything so extravagant put it away dear oh very well where are you going now I want to make sure I put the receiver on and before dinner was the

Bathroom Taps she made all the way upstairs to see if she’d turn them off really I don’t think she’s quite sane she’s sane enough to make a damn good income well was it on yes quite sure oh mother don’t hild up if you go back again I’ll have you

Certified really I think it’s about time we all made a move now we can manage two hot bars tonight and three tomorrow morning will you have yours now Bill well if it’ll make things easier I suppose I better say good night then no don’t bother auntie we shall go on

Bumping to each other on Landings for hours yet I’ll say a provisional one then good night finish your dress for the dance fny I’ve still got the Hem to turn up oh slip it on and I’ll do it for you would you really but there’s the

Glass to put away Edna dear you’ll do the glass won’t you very well Mrs Randall I’ll go down the backway into the S room I don’t believe Edna knows where the glasses belong give us a hand with the tra marjerie help to get your weight down oh you go okay

Well more off flouncy I wish you wouldn’t call me flouncy grandpa I must try to remember your name’s Gwen I don’t like Gwen much better I think I should like you to call me Gwen but you stop being such a vain little peacock and perhaps we’ll stop calling you fancy I’m

Not Fain if granny sends me any gashes I Shan wear them well you hop off to bed come on I’ll take you upstairs yes Edna on the very top shelf oh gracious where is everyone people just slide away margerie I wanted to No not tonight dear you’ll be worn

Out could just come along to bed perhaps I will I do want to be fresh for her tomorrow did you notice how stiff she was who bill of course those stairs took her all our time you can have your face lifted but you still got to lift your own

Legs you can lock up I’ll come down later Hugh and Laurel are still out I’m thank to say that stairs have never been any trouble to me I believe she’s 77 da she’ll here I’m not at all sure that she’s not 78 hello have they all gone to bed quite

Probably rather a good job he must find them a bit overpowering your family I adore them I wish I had ancestors well of course you have people people who are born in Flats don’t have ancestors were you born here yes and your father and your grandfather and your great

Grandfather and his father and not him he built it who will it come to eventually no one I should think it’ll just be sold but that’s not right your father was the eldest son why isn’t it entailed good Lord it isn’t one of the stately homes of England can’t think of

A worse fate than having to live in it but don’t you see how romantic it is think baby’s great great great grandfather was a draper in Colchester did you get much of a kick out of that was your grandfather a draper too I believe he kept an eye on the business

When he and Granny were first married but he retired before he was 40 do you mean he hasn’t done anything at all for all these years I expect granny found him a few little jobs what are you looking at your father’s picture he was exactly your age when he was killed darling darling

What sometimes I wish we were quite middle-aged good Lord why so that you wouldn’t have to go if there’s another War it’ll take a damn good cause to get me to war oh you all say that oh come on face don’t get mopi ready for bed I

Suppose so we must have a look at baby oh you isn’t it thrilling to think he’s sleeping in your father’s Nursery with your father’s old nurse to look after him it’s a jolly side more thrilling to think it won’t be us he’ll wake up in the middle of the

Night oh hello where have you been putting the car away is that the dress Cynthia’s going to sew it for me tomorrow I don’t ever remember you an evening dress you’ve seen me in one every Christmas they’ve mostly been black do you know what I remember you in bed

A gray flannel suit and a hat like a little pork pie you wore it the first day you came here how fancy you remembering you stood there in the doorway clutching a sort of gladston bag looking exactly like Little Orphan Annie I felt a bit like her you were all at

Tea I thought you were the most superb family I had ever seen H and what do you think of us after well how long 7 eight 10 years oh you’re not so bad sit down a minute I feel like talking I was walking around the garden just now looking at all the bedroom

Windows lit up something rather heartbreaking about family gatherings how do you mean I don’t know exactly I suppose they make you realize the shortness of Life old age simply rushing at one we used to be such a NIC looking lot of kids look at us now margerie fat as a

Barrel Hilda getting completely desiccated and CIA sitting about registering the woman with a past I don’t see any of them like that now look at your father and mother haven’t they grown old beautifully nothing grows old beautifully but aunt Bell’s a scream isn’t she just held together with

Sticking plaster you are the most extraordinary person I’ve never known anyone who’s so kindhearted and yet so malicious am I often malicious quite a bit I wonder if you could be cruel I expect so how clever of you to find me out I always take a vow on the threshold to be

The sunny boy of the party you usually are do you oh the family I’m never quite sure if I love it or loathe it I believe I’d rather give £50 than come to these gatherings of the clan rubbish you like them really well they got some sort of horrible

Fascination even if they do start me thinking of death and worms I say why’ you let me driel on like this Edna would have given me a kick in the pants long ago would she oh Edna’s very good to me I wonder if old pet looked down on our grand family dinner on

Sunday my god I’ve got a nerve to sentimentalize about the tragedy of growing old do you know I only missed the wall by inches hey you pop off to bed you’re a very sweet person fny you look about 14 sitting there in your dressing gown I’m 29 Cy are you

Don’t you ever Grudge the years you’ve spent with this dreary family not one of them and it’s not dreary I’m sorry I said you were malicious my dear it’s perfectly true but I don’t think I could ever be malicious about you it’s poor hand it’s just like a nutmeg grater dear fenny

Oh ah hello Edna come and get warm no thanks you go along to bed fenny you’ll be dog tired in the morning H see Daisy legs tied a bit shall I carry you of course not good night good night good night my dear Nicholas I call that the limit sitting

Holding fenny’s hand have you gone out of your senses well I know it’s your thoughtlessness unless I suppose you don’t happen to be in love with her good God no then you might have a little more imagination will you lock up Nicholas all right father I’ll see you to the fire I

Will what do you mean Edna if you really don’t know perhaps I was just being officious good night good night good K looked out quiet Bill sorry Grandpa thought it was Christmas I like mugs they always have mugs in this Nursery always miss scrap and this is the very same mug that mommy had isn’t it nanny which mug did my mommy have let me see now of course some of them got broken oh yes your mother had a

Bluebird mug do you mean it might have been this very one sure to have been a now don’t you go thinking about it your mother wouldn’t want you to brood but I like thinking about it that’s enough dear finish your milk Miss Lancy I’ve told you to call me oh hurry up I

Want a paint no you don’t Master Bill we say grace in this nursery for what we have received may the Lord make us truly thankful amen selfes why did you say that I always do he’s a very naughty boy come on let’s clear the table you too quenny very careful of that lift

Now good morning cook the dishes are coming down fill the cup with water scrap and then we can start you won’t get long for your pain painting we’ll be going out walking in no time I’ll be back for your children in a quarter of an

Hour I may be going out with great a belt she wants to know what I said at school what did you say at school he said damn blast devil hell and strike me pig you Beast flouty it’s my language I tell it I said swel me too swel you what

Does that mean something frightful I don’t think much of it I know a worse word than any of those you don’t what is it I couldn’t tell you it’s too awful oh go on scrp she’s just pretending I’m not pretending it’s the most terrible word there is it’s District nurse District

Nurse but they put that on dates you silly baby everyone knows what district nurse means it might have a double meaning fancy of course it hasn’t I’m afraid you’ve got it wrong scrap but I’ll find out I say safe bouncy you’ve made this water filthy why do you want to paint

Everyone in Black it’s fashionable you can use any colors you like scrap except the cobalt blue that’s my special color I’m painting horses and they’re very seldom blue I don’t want your beastly Cobalt and it is an awful word all right all right I told you I’d find out isn’t

That taking you for a walk presently uh uh we’re just using my new paint box oh I say that is a beauty you don’t scrap Uncle Nicholas I looked in on her last night careful Bill you’re running your trees into your Sky give me the brush there just saved it oh you

Can’t have everything in Black flouncy give them some red buttons and red heels to their shoes here budge up a bit why don’t you make that one a zebra scrap because it’s a horse yes but you could make it a zebra with some White Stripes look we’ll use the Chinese white like

This I’ve given a jolly old Red Hat why don’t you have a red hat marjerie off a minute Ken this is quite difficult I used to be awfully good at painting just a second scrap while I do under his stomach I often think I ought have gone

In for art there oh I don’t think that’s too bad we’ll make it a herd of zebrra oh wouldn’t you like to play the piano mommy no thank you Bill oh darling you smudged it oh you are a clumsy old cow Bill never let me hear you use that word again what

Word clumsy no cow you must not call me a cow but you don’t mind me calling you a donkey I’m not really keen on it and anyhow cow’s different you must never call anyone a cow can’t I call a cow a cow you can call a cow a cow but you

Must never call a lady a cow now go and get ready for your walk you’ll understand when you’re older old chap it’s a sort of double meaning cly a nice little world like cow perhaps you’re right scrap District nurse District nurse what about the district nurse don’t you mind me saying

It not if it gives you any pleasure it’s very silly of course Told You So scrap run along all of you you’ll keep Nanny waiting yes Aunt margerie very well you I’ve given the whole B lot of them Red Hats marer is that mother calling I’m afraid to she wants extra eggs from

Ming’s Farm no I’m damned if I’ll go there’s no car Road and it’s in a sea of mud oh come on Ken we’ll slip down the backstairs and hide in the greenhous oh yeah but if your mother wants Hilda can Jolly well go oh don’t give us away

Fenny come on good old marjerie she always was the champion job evader ah I feel very well disposed towards the world do you H wakened up feeling absolutely Sunny good you were a bit on the morbid side last night H well that’s all gone I lay awake this morning

Smelling coffee and bacon being cooked and felt that things were exactly as they should be yes I feel positively glowing with human kindness I wonder why what are you looking for some French chalk to make the drawing room floor slippery well I say don’t everdo it it’s I knew you had a

Past has this curet with the wig left you with any inhibitions about being kissed on the ear I don’t know then you should find out on the back stairs remember it’s an assignation anything you want from the village Miss uh yes Nanny try to get some French chalk let’s go in the woods

Nanny and me with the perambulator get along with you come on you three take us in the woods uncle mck will you come fenny I’m up to my eyes in jobs oh can I help no you go with him all right back soon come on we’ll give the others a

Sip now don’t be a fool have you seen Nicholas he’s gone with the children Edna do come and look at the zebra he’s been painting are you all right fenny you look flush never felt better in my life he’s put bows on their tails oh my dear what fenny please don’t think I

Mean to be officious but I know how you feel about Nicholas we all know what do you know my dear don’t look like that there’s nothing whatever to be ashamed of but he’s so Thoughtless and well I’m not going to stand by and let you make a fool of yourself how dare you

How dare you how dare you don’t speak to me like that I’m terribly sorry I spoke I’ve done it clumsily yes you have oh how can everyone know I’ve never told anyone does he know no you see my dear if he knew you cared for him he’d be on his

God I know him so well fenny he’s got such easy affectionate manners any unsophisticated woman might think please go away edner I wish I’d spoken earlier all these Wasted Years slaving in this house how dense men are I saw in a Flash last night that you were getting the wrong

Impression I’m desperately sorry for you I’ll do anything to help will you let me pay for some training for you no you’ll stop on here I don’t know what I shall do I I ought to get on with my work Mrs Randol will be wanting stay here a bit

I’ll go and dance attendance on her my dear I am so sorry that’s all right I’ve been a fool it was kindest to tell me you keep quiet till you feel a little better oh where’s the little scrap TR they’re all out walking a I got some

Hot cakes from cook you like one no thank you what’s the matter nothing has mother been overworking you no it’s not oh fny darling whatever is it oh sh she said everyone knew you what fenny mother wants you then she’ll just have to want fenny’s upset fenny

Dear what is the matter is it Nicholas he doesn’t mean to be unkind you did know that you’re fond of him well there’s no harm in that is there you didn’t know did you Cynthia you couldn’t you haven’t been home for years I used to think you were a bit smitten with him

Has it been going on All This Time Lord how unhappy you must have been I’ve never been unhappy I’ve loved my life here people have been so good to me and and he’s always been so kind but only kind yes I I suppose so but just lately last night this morning he seemed

Different somehow I thought oh that I’m what Edna calls an unsophisticated woman I I’ve just made a fool of myself do you mean Edna actually had the cheek perhaps Nicholas has known all this time and he he’s just pitying me she said he doesn’t but I expect she’ll tell him oh

No she won’t we’ll take care of that oh I’m sorry I’m making such an ass of myself Lord I haven’t cried for years I I’d better do something with my face and throw dozens of jobs waiting for me I’ll be all right oh if only she’d waited till after this weekend

Fny what’s up with her come in a minute and shut the door mother wants the Bells on the dance programs painted gold it’s a nice peaceful job and I’m going to take a long time over it did you know fenny was in love with Nicholas yes of course has

She gone violent or something it’s Edna as far as I can make out she’s been warning fenny off what damn Chief is there anything between Nicholas and Edna good Lord no she’s years older than he is besides Edna’s an iceberg I always think she had Hugh by correspondence

Course she’s managed to scare other women out of Nicholas’s life pretty effectively it’s Jolly convenient to have a good-looking young man to trot you around London I often wish I had one not a romance you know just a presentable escort we must get her away from here

What would mother do without her I tell you she was absolutely heartbroken why now more than always because the whole thing’s come out into the open and she’s terrified that Nicholas knows any girl with any pride of course I never had any Pride I just twined myself around Kenneth he

Says he liked it well if Nicholas does guess you must show him his wrong tell her to flirt with the lads of the village tonight tell you what I’ll Ender Kenneth he rather admires her do you mean you you’d put him wise there isn’t any need canot carry on with anyone who

Crooks their little finger at him but don’t you mind not in the least it’s a safety valve I know what happens to the husbands that don’t carry on you see nature in the roar at our Golf Club I wonder if she could carry it off of

Course she can she’s got quite a bit of spirit won’t really take Nicholas in if he has spotted her but she’ll think it will and she can settle down to another 10 years of patient adoration oh damn that blasted Edna Oh hello scrap come and sit by the fire I’m not cold thank you are you going to wear that dress tonight no it’s venny’s why I just thought it looked a nice sort of dress it’s a bit like one mommy used used to wear she always likes soft pretty dresses

Yes Auntie Cynthia yes girl there was a photograph of her and you and dresses made exactly alike with lots of Frills on oh I remember it was taken on our 21st birthday we looked quite a bit alike in that photograph yes I thought you did but I suppose it was only the

Dresses you’re not a bit like her really it’s funny isn’t it and I thought Twins were always alike we were very much alike in our thoughts I missed her terribly when she married went to see a do you still miss her or perhaps you’d rather not talk about it I think I would

Like to talk about it everybody seems to be frightened of mentioning her they don’t want to upset you but it doesn’t upset me brings her back a bit that’s why I wanted to come to this house to see the thing she used to see I thought

Perhaps it would help me to keep her a bit longer scrap darling I’m sure that isn’t right you must try to get over it but I have got over it and I don’t like being over it I don’t feel miserable anymore you know well I don’t feel anything anymore

That’s rather dull isn’t it is it a sort of empty feeling yes it’s exactly that just meals and lessings and nothing hurting anymore I don’t like it I suppose I sound silly not to me I believe I’m in exactly the same place as you are sort of limbo of the

Mind oh that was stupid of me you couldn’t understand but I do know about limbo it’s in between Heaven and Hell people there aren’t happy and they aren’t miserable they just aren’t anything well of course I see that’s it you’re very intelligent I am in

Bits why are you in limbo on AE Cynthia I’m talking a lot of nonsense there’s your granny calling she does seem to call people rather a lot doesn’t she SC Auntie Cynthia will we ever get out of limbo you will scrap I Promise You by everything that

Ever was then I promise you too scrap dear you Granny wants you yes I’m going well I’ve had a word with Edna what did she say all done with the highest motives felt it her Duty deeply upset however she says Nicholas doesn’t know which is something I must tell fenny I told her

Was she terribly relieved well of course but she’s still pretty nervous she’ll do anything on Earth to put him off the scent I off a Kenneth and she was very much obliged and apparently there’s a man in the village who’s rather keen on her who’s coming tonight a sort of gentleman chicken

Farmer hello fenny you look better I’ve put a little Rouge on and I do feel a little better here’s the dress that’ll help I thought I’d wear my old black oh you can’t flirt with my husband and your old black mind you put Rouge on again

Tonight it suits you and I’ll give you one of Raquel’s new lipsticks you’re both being Angels if I can just get through this weekend he won’t be home again until Christmas the whole thing will have blown over by then ready pull yourself together now it’s no different

From when you saw him last oh there you are I brought you some hand lotion oh thanks as a matter of fact I I borrowed some of ger but thanks all the same well there’s gratitude for you she thanked you didn’t she what do you expect for a tapy Hy bottle of hand

Lotion I expect she’s overworked she looked a bit Flushed D thank you and that’s all the that remains of my musical education what are you all doing nothing whatever enjoying a few moments well earned peace in this house I don’t believe it there used to be peace here I remember hours of it on this window

Sill will anybody please explain to me why time goes so much faster nowadays is it something to do with the world in general or is it just a sign of middle age strange I was talking about that to fenny last night there seemed to be hours and hours to spare when we were

Kids we were probably very Bor I wasn’t I was always so blooming hopeful oh this Nursery is rather a harrowing Place really I wish I hadn’t such an abominably good memory why you had a happy childhood that’s why you goof why didn’t you come home sooner Cynthia of course I’ve always imagined

You were up to something very peculiar in Paris but I’ve never known what if you really want to know Hilda I’ve been living with a married man who couldn’t get a divorce I lived with him for 6 years and I am not living with him anymore is that all I imagine far worse

I really don’t see why that kept you from coming home for seven years neither do I you know how mother feels about that sort of thing you remember how she talked to us when we grew up didn’t she say she’d rather see our coffins lowered down the stairs that was Grandma she had

A perfect lust for seeing coffins slow it down the stairs mother’s not as bad as that still she would have minded I happen to be very fond of her well you know your own business best has it bust up for good it has and I’d rather not

Talk about it I often think I should like to live with a man myself just so that he could shut the front door for me at night I sometimes go back 10 times to see if it’s really closed Hilder this neurotic business of yours is getting

Past a joke are you doing anything about it I’m really too busy if I had time I’d be psychoanalyzed it’s getting dark I don’t like the Autumn anymore I wonder if the rest of you mind growing old as much as I do you were always so conscious of Ages yes sin you

Used to say they had colors the teens were green the 20s yellow the 30s blue and the 40s are horrible horrible Brown I don’t really mind being 40 I shall on my 40th birthday I shall look in the glass and say it’s true it’s happened to

You middle age and so will old age and so will death only I sh believe a word of it what do you think about it all March what all oh just life time change love and what have you well I’m tolerably happy sorry I don’t seem to remember you being quite so Bine

Ma funny how unalike we three are I wish to God Nora hadn’t died I dreamed of Peter last night he was in uniform looking as young as Hugh well we may be getting into the sear and yellow but at least we are here which is more

Than Peter and Norah are how do you know CIA don’t not that I mind really oh here you all are hello Aunt Bell I remember coming to Tea in this Nursery when I was 10 on your father’s birthday your ghosts must be quite different from our Ghosts come and tell us the secret

Of age without tears oh you should ask your mother that I haven’t discovered it I remember once asking a very old lady about old age and she said well my dear there are always muffins for tea if one likes muffins oh you will you’ll be surprised what a taste you’ll develop

For mental muffins even I am all in the dark light some lamps Nicholas yes Mother we’ve been to the Village just put my hat and coat away for me will you Hilda yes Mother go and get warm Charles it’s turned quite chilly there ought to be a good fire in

The hall there ought always to be a good fire in the hall I cannot think why with the house Crown full of people no one has time to keep that far in Yes dear but everyone’s been very busy really I think we might have tea up here as the

Drawing room’s cleared for dancing oh Nursery tea that sounds delightful we must count up you and Laurel are at the vicarage Edna’s lying down Ken’s gone for a then we’re 10 tell cook willly marjerie I think we might have muffins I’ll tell her see in the nursery please and and uh

Muffins for 10 yes that’s right she was surprised not of course that there will be muffins one always says muffins and means crumpets come and get warm scrap dear yes grunny oh how cold your hands are cythia you’re right out of everything sitting on the piano stool I’m quite happy mother play something

Dear oh do you still sing Dora do you remember the Cary dance what a memory you have on Bell I don’t believe you’ve sung that for 20 oh yes I have I sang it right through only last week just to please myself sing it now granny I couldn’t no voice

Lift can you play it Cynthia no mother I’m sure I can’t oh go on sin you can play anything just try it Dear that’s it you always had such a pretty voice mommy used to sing this did she darling we used to sing it together then you will sing it with me and help me out with the high notes you mustn’t any of you expect too much come by the piano

Scrapa isn’t it a bit High Cynthia it’s in the usual Key mother yes I suppose it is car over ring the P Jew oh for one of those eyes of glad last like a youth to soon when the began together in the summer night and the car tuning made us with

Delight to think of it to dream of it fills my heart with tears all the days of the car dancing all the ring of the P of Ofad like are you I’m sorry I can’t remember it oh go on sin no I can’t oh come on I won’t Cynthia my dear what you want to be ashamed of yourself upsetting mother like this you suppose you’ve got a monopoly of sensitive feelings when woman of your age ought have more

Control since oh God how could you speak to her like that Uncle Nicholas my poor Auntie cynia you ought to be ashamed of yourself Nicholas oh shut up flouncy here come on out oh good lord my dear please don’t distress yourself I oughtn’t to have sung it

Upset them no it’s nothing Dora it just got worked up you sang beautifully granny no dear I was a conceited old woman to try I couldn’t manage the high notes at all but you put in lots of expression thank you Bill tell your Aunt Hilda we’re all well some of us are

Having tea here in the nursery yes granny I do apologize but why Dora they’re all so upset they’ll be all right my dear oh Master Bill told me muffins for 10 our plans have changed little gude that’ll be all thanks thank you ma’am Nursery muffins Belle thank you Charles I think I Will Oh shut up will you you wake the baby sorry s I’ve been reading to the kids it’s hopeless to expect them to sleep with the darts in the house half the village seems to be here I say did you notice fenny I thought she looked very pretty

Well she always looks quite pretty look at I think she must have gone a bit Dotty tonight she danced six times running with that frightful chicken farmer there’s no lore against it yes but you should have seen her giggling and flirting just now with Kenneth she doesn’t get many parties I don’t blame

Her for enjoying herself yes but well I suppose the poor little devil doesn’t know any better Nicholas do you like fenny of course I like her don’t we all like her she’s a family institution yes I see I say Cynthia sorry about this afternoon my fault served me right but I just

Couldn’t stand it that song and mother’s voice breaking and poor Norah’s child you felt the same didn’t you yes that’s why I barked at you between the two of us we’ve upset mother pretty badly well my dear she’s completely recovered half an hour after when I apologized mother has an invincible

Happiness Lord I wish I’d never come her eyes follow me about asking questions why are you young things in here in the nursery instead of dancing feeling rather mature Auntie oh nonsense we had to turn ourselves didn’t we Jo and now we going to indulge in a little sitting out

Oh do you remember the dancing class s fan mittens and bronze sandals and you boy skulking in the corner but come on that show them they played it at our dancing class too and at the dance your mother gave for us bridesmaides the night of your wedding

Yeah I missed that I I rather think I was on the English Channel thanking God I’d married a good sailor and I was the night I accepted William there didn’t seem to be any point in going on refusing him did you know about me then Charles

Or not till afterwards I think I always knew you know there’s something rather luxurious in being able to sit back and tell a man you’ve been in love with him for 50 years I guess I’m entitled to some sort of golden anniversary myself my dear Belle and you’ve never written

Your book Charles or gone into Parliament all the things you planned as a boy I’ve never done any of them you would have done if you’d married me I wonder you women are much too fond of thinking you can make Geniuses of men and anyway there are far too many books

S written and far far too many people in Parliament you had great gifts Charles not really B I might have had a shot at politics but there were so many far more important things to do what things well sure you’ve realized that any house that contains daughter also contains a number

Of little jobs you would be surprised for instance what a very large number of shelves I have put up and an almost equally large number I’ve taken down then there have been children to play with dogs to take walks Gardens to plan neighbors to visit and you call these

Things important I do indeed I call the Su total of any man’s happiness important have you been happy Charles so happy that I’m sometimes tempted to erect a statue to myself I should like people to be reminded that happiness isn’t quite obsolete have you been happy B that’s rather a cruel question oh

Nonsense confess now you haven’t given me a thought for years I have thought of you every day of my life I’m not ashamed to own it you never did have a proper sense of Shame you were a baggage at seven and you’re a baggage at 70 do you really think

That did you think it 30 years ago after William died and certainly every calls to you came very near to breaking up this happy home you know no no never that then shall we say to putting rather a blot on the escaton but I didn’t manage it no you didn’t

Manage it well don’t gloat so you were always cruel to me because you were a challenge and a menace and always will be well my dear I was teasing you I fine was never too old to be hurt that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you

Cry and it’ll be the last God bless my soul you Preposterous woman two husbands Lord knows how many Sidelines and just because one poor country L manage to resist you no no I won’t sentimentalize with you what you need is a stiff whiskey oh here you are why B dear we’ve

Been talking over Old Times uh poor William you know of course poor William and your American husband what was his name Elmer poor Elmer how I wish they could both be here I suppose that wouldn’t be quite practicable get her a good strong drink Charles yeah I was

Just suggesting it lead me to it Charles I’ll be delighted to oh good evening Nan good evening sir Madam ah they all asleep Nanny Miss Scrappers the other two are Beyond human control they’ve gone down to get some more supper out of cook good gracious well it’s a very

Special occasion not finding it too much for you are you indeed no Mom it’s a great pleasure it’s been like old times here in the nursery how long have you been with us Nanny 47 years I came as nursaid when Mr Peter was 6 months my dear Peter we shall see him

Again mom of course we shall I’ve been thinking of him a lot this evening and I keep on remembering you in that blue dressing gown with the little white bows whisking in and out like you used to at night when any of them were in with your pretty fair hair down your

Back fancy you’re remembering that what a long time we’ve been friends Nanny and now you must go to bed because baby will wake you early good night ma’am good night nanny and thank you for all these years sleep well thank you Mom is she all right now she’s doing up

Her face poor Belle she’s as much in love with you as ever at her age aren’t you in love with me I hope I don’t make eyes at you this must be the last dance I told them to play those old Wes at the end people like them you notice Fen tonight

Mark my words that chicken farmer is going to propose good Lord she wouldn’t accept him well if every woman likes to marry Charles I still haven’t spoken to Cynthia a whole day gone I must tackle it tomorrow it’s tomorrow now our golden wedding day many many congratulations my dear and to you my

Love now we must go down they’ll be playing s Roger at the end no no hurry we we shall hear it when it starts our golden wedding what do we have next dond wedding huh I’m sure we shall both live to be very old Charles yes sir it isn’t really the

Right moment now but something Nanny was saying yes my de it’s something we haven’t discussed for years has has religion ever got any clearer to you no m i don’t think it has I was afraid not I did so hope that if I prayed about it and didn’t water you but

Just took you to church every Sunday that don’t you believe that there’s anything after life no M I’m just as I always was uh no no that’s not quite true I used to be sure there was nothing and now well I’m not quite sure of anything oh but that’s a very definite

Improvement you used to be an atheist and now you’re an agnostic I think that’s Splendid you are an extraordinary woman why you’re so matter of fact I used to be afraid that God might punish you but I see now that with such a good man it could only be a question of his

Explaining to you of course I do wish you believed because you’d feel so much more comfortable if you went on wouldn’t you yes sir I’d like to go on you will my dear you see the fact that you don’t believe in heaven can’t make it not

There can it there are some very good modern books about religion shall I send for some are you quite sure about heaven da utterly and completely sure Charles and I find that more convincing than all the books that were ever written you see my dear in all our discussions for the

Last 50 years you have invariably been right they’re playing s Roger we must go down it’s been a good party I think nothing spectacular but very pleasant very pleasant indeed well now it’s over not quite my [Applause] Love careful with these Cynthia do we need large glasses oh I do laying the table G could do it in half the time we always have laid the table for family parties it’s a sort of right why don’t we go on strike one doesn’t go on strike

Against mother I can’t say you’re doing an awful lot Edna I’m so cold this dining room is freezing that’s a lot Marge oh thank goodness I don’t think I shall come down at Christmas I don’t know why you ever come you know you loathe our family parties well I think I

Should cry off and Nicholas ought to too why on fenny’s account he’d better Come Away With Me well I’m damned the way you put Nicholas in your pocket is absolutely sickening I quite agree we know he won’t marry fenny but the way you got your claws into him he’ll never

Marry anyone how dare you speak to me like that this is a conspiracy it certainly will be if you try to keep Nicholas away from home it would break mother’s heart you haven’t been very fussy about mother’s heart you haven’t been home for seven years how dare you I

Don’t absolutely excuse me there’s the napkins and the mistress says will you please make them into water L thank you gude you will apologize for that last remark to Cynthia I shall apologize for nothing oh Chuck it Hilda you’re perfectly right Edna I have not been home for 7even years and as you

Make a point of knowing everyone’s business you probably know why it was most graceful and Charming of you to bring the matter up I oughtn’t to have said it I’m sorry cythia that’s all right Edna well it’s not all right for me before this argument closes there’s something I

Should like you to know Edna I didn’t like you when Peter married you I haven’t liked you during 25 years and I don’t like you now where are the crwi are those your sentiments too margerie of course not and they’re not hildas really do you want to walk out with

Dignity or could you bring yourself to put out the Salted almonds I’m much too upset I’ve done nothing whatever to Warrant this attack I’ve said I was sorry to Cynthia and you all know I was perfectly sincere in my attitude to fenny and if you wanted to hurt me Hilda you’ve certainly

Succeeded you’ll have to apologize I shall not oh for goodness sake let’s get the table finished these flowers aren’t up to much oh come on in Auntie give us a hand well this is a great occasion I came here to your great grandfather’s golden wedding

When I was a girl did you Auntie such an enormous meal and the Spees will you come down at Christmas no my dear I won’t come here again you can’t play ostriches with time in this house you just must not remember things you take that to heart all of

You now for a bit of extra War pain excuse me where are you going Hilda to make it up with Edna I don’t seem to have any capacity for sustained rage these days still it was good while it lasted there are the children long time

Did you have a nice time oh lovely mommy Nanny showed us the secret passage and Bill CS right inside oh shut up flouncy I did it I tell it her ladyship sent these flowers from the hot house oh corn in Egypt look sin oh I can’t do these flowers all over again

How do they look jly funny Anson they aren’t meant to look funny I think they look Splendid thank you scrap now run along and get dressed and don’t give Nanny a lot of trouble I’ll be out to give them a last look over Nanny will you come and

Give me a last look over aun Cynthia I will darling not dressed yet look what lady richwell sent oh how very nice of her good gracious Cynthia what are you doing with those Dreadful old flowers oh mother and I been simply wrestling with them throw them away dear and we’ll have

Lady rells instead granny bill got on the pony and he rode right round the padic and then you’ve done it again flouncy I rode it I tell it next time you do it I’ll lamb you hush dear that is no way to speak now off you go all of

You to dress come along children just one minute bill margerie can you absolutely guarantee that when your father says Grace tonight this child will not say selfes what about it bill I’ll do my very best granny but it sort of comes over me come along oh really one ought to laugh at

Him I don’t think there’s much more I can do the napkins dear I never could do water Li then I’ll do them and you shall sit and talk to me I ought to be dressing Cynthia please I’ve been trying to talk to you all this weekend you’re not happy yes I am mother

Perfectly happy but anyone can see you’re not of course your father and I have realized for years that there are things in your life you don’t want us to know about and we should never dream of trying to force your confidence but don’t stay away another seven years because it really isn’t

Necessary did Edna tell you I should never dream of gossiping about you with Edna but I do know that no woman of your temperament who doesn’t marry could have spent all these years in Paris in well shall we say a strictly conventional manner don’t you mind I can’t think of

Anything that you could do quite terrible enough to make me want to lose touch with you it wasn’t very terrible we would have been married if we could have been was he French no English his wife is French she won’t divorce him no oh it’s over mother he went back to her

I expect he got tired of me my dear deest child oh I’m all right it knocked me out for a bit but I’m over it now and is this all that’s kept you away from us for seven years I suppose so oh mother how you’ve changed you used

To be so strict in your ideas I had four young daughters to bring up but I have changed there wouldn’t be much point in living to be 70 if one didn’t I always did like you better than any woman I’d ever met my dear must you go back to Paris I

Finished with Paris I can go to rael’s London house if I like why not come home for a little while you mean just stay on only for a short time of course we never try to keep you but just for a little holiday you used to be so fond of the

Autumn and we could slip up to down for some theaters and concert do you remember our little johs and if you could stay till spring it’s so very beautiful here very well my dear I won’t press it of course just thought you might like it I think I’d like it more than anything

In the world you mean you’ll stay if you really fancy an elderly prodigal daughter oh darling you’re trembling and you sounded so calm was just a little nervous oh mother good gracious don’t start to cry or you’ll simply wreck your face now hurry up and dress yes mother oh I’m

Sorry that’s all right fny I’ll come with you and get your a glass of cherry Cynthia fny would you do the water lies I’m afraid I wasn’t quite concentrating on them yes of of course Mrs Randolph F in the dining room oh there you are I took a telephone

Message for you about half an hour ago your Charming chicken farming friend wants you to take tea with him tomorrow at 4:30 at his delightful Bungalow so appropriately called The Nest thank you shall you go yes I I think I shall oh what fun you have such good taste in men is that

Meant to be rude yes I think it is good Lord what’s the matter with you fenny what do you mean we’re encouraging this poor Wretched Man before you know where you are he’ll be proposing to you it’s none of your business it’s the business of the whole family

We’ve known him liked you for 10 years the man’s a common little Bounder I don’t think so well I suppose you were playing Kenneth off against him last night to bring him up to scratch good Lord I couldn’t have believed you’d make yourself so cheap please go away dressing yourself up and

Giggling and flirting and if you’re going to use Rouge you better learn how to use it properly I’m not using Rouge you were last night and if you want to know you looked like an elderly school girl what a damnable thing to say I’m sorry fny that’s all right it wasn’t true

Anyhow you look very pretty I’ve Hur you haven’t I do you remember wondering if I could be cruel you said you never could be to me oh listen my dear there must be something behind this that I don’t understand are you thinking of marriage as a safeguard for the future it’s got

Nothing to do with her then what the devil is it good Lord I believe Edna was right what do you mean she said once that most women would rather marry anyone than no one I haven’t made up my mind to well I can’t conceive how you could even let him

Propose oh Lord let’s Chuck it or I shall hurt you again but somehow the very thought of it makes my blood boil I’m sorry I’ve been so insulting that’s all right are you going to do Grand toast tonight no I suppose so never felt less like

It I’d better walk around the garden and try to mug something up well you’re making an awful mess of those napkins you’ve been a little distracting a poor old fenny well you will marry him of course otherwise you’d never have led him on well you must see something in him

God I couldn’t be more disappointed in anyone fedie got a headache my dear just a bit it’ll go what is it vny oh I can’t bear it any longer how could he how could he Nicholas oh everyone knows he certainly doesn’t no that’s the one bit of comfort there is Mr

Randolph please tell me was I vulgar and silly last night you were a little skittish he was so cruel cruel but it’s not his fault don’t you see he was so disappointed in me and now I’ve got to go on pretending to be what he thinks I am never to let him see

Why Pride I suppose why he is pride worth all their trouble I never had any myself of course was Nicholas really unkind terribly and he’s always been so sweet to me yes I know do you think I could marry Mr Jones Mr Jones you know at the chicken farm

Good gracious I should hardly have said so I don’t think so either I don’t even like hens H oh there you are Charles my dear it’s all right what is Cynthia I had it out with her and really it’s nothing terrible well of course it is but times

Change anyhow it’s over and she’s staying on indefinitely and she’ll be able to help me with scrap with scrap yes I had a a letter from her father yesterday I told you didn’t I well I meant to he wants to take so charge of scrap for the time being because he’s

Marrying again and she’s taken a tremendous fancy to Cynthia oh dear what I was thinking how terribly shocked my dear mother would have been about Cynthia she had such rigid principles but it’s better to lose a principal than lose a daughter I’ve had three glasses of Sherry daughter with Cynthia just to

Cheer her up well that’s Splendid um have you seen Nicholas I’d like a word with him he’s probably in the garden planning his speech ring the warning gong will you Charles uh yes sir really just look at these napkins here are the lamps for the hot plate

Madam good and bring some more napkins Gertrude more napkins Madam certainly something has occurred to These come on uncle lick ladies and gentlemen if one may so address one’s family oh shame now we are an abstemious family both in drink and speeches we make one speech and drink one family toast at Christmas at New Year and at all our family gatherings so we have always done

Right back I believe into great-grandfather’s day right right but tonight wondering what I should say to you it seemed to me another toast was called for none of my generation remembers a golden wedding in this house and indeed I think they are rarer throughout the world in these days of

Later marriage and earlier divorce no it is a great occasion for us all and one I felt which could well warrant a break with our tradition and so I planned another toast for father and mother on their golden wedding day but then I knew this could not be

For they are the family and never for any occasion shall they be separated from it in our thoughts we have already given them our presence good wishes and our love which indeed is always theirs and now this golden wedding is no longer alone but ours to share with them

And so once more I shall propose Grand toast to all our family now wandering around the garden just now I was trying to remember when I first proposed this toast the year your father had ltis dear 1919 oh no Hilda it was I acquired you too now whatever the

Year I know I felt very young and nervous and I’d mugged up three quotations and two funny stories which I meant to tell with exquisite point and when the moment came I didn’t use any of them well perhaps the patron saint of family gatherings came to my Aid well if

So I hope he may come again tonight for again nothing I plan seems quite right we Grumble at our families we treat them as a bad joke we hear on every hand that Family Ties Are slackening and yet we pack the trains at Christmas going home a sense of Duty only well I

Wonder now we are an ordinary family we own no crests no heirlooms and our few ancestors are very badly painted now I wonder what they would think of us Great’s grandfather with his twinkle and Grandma well it wasn’t quite as Fierce as her portrait would make out but she was a little

Fierce and I think she might Shake ahead and say the family isn’t what it was and there most honored Grandmama lies its strength it is like nearly every British institution adaptable it bends it stretches but it never breaks and so I give you our toast from that young man upstairs who

Has had the impudence to make me a great uncle to mother and father on their golden wedding through four generations of us and to those who have gone and those who are yet to come to the family that dear Octopus from whose tentacles we never quite

Escape and nor in our inmost hearts ever quite wish to ladies and gentlemen Grand toast well very good indeed my boy I never heard you so emotional Nicholas well we liked it didn’t we scra I rather query one of your similes is in the drawing room will you

Dear ger will be on the Rampage oh gracious we never said after dinner Grace Charles dear yes my for these and all thy blessings we thank you Lord you need Pinch Me Mommy I wasn’t going to get the agage started fenny yes of course well all you want to do now old

Man is to start a family for yourself I think you should have replied char No No One speech is enough you rang Miss coffee in the drawing room please gude Annie had better help you I’ll pack things up here for you oh don’t you bother miss you go

Along in no I I’d like to tell cook everything was Splendid I won’t beong with a coffee oh oh hello father forgot his glasses uh they’re there still angry with me you were the angry one shall we make it up if you like it it doesn’t matter anyhow but it matters to

Me friends of course you know don’t you yes my dear did Edna tell you no who did then oh I know your father yes he said Pride wasn’t important yes he was right I think I’m rather glad you know oh Que I used to think it would be

The end of the world it needn’t worry you or or embarrass you after tonight we’ll never refer to it again will you marry me fenny no oh how could you I can’t help loving you I’m not ashamed of it it’s been my secret happiness for

Years I expect you meant to be kind but pity is very humiliating don’t be a juggins dear men don’t propose out of pity I love you fenny don’t you believe me I don’t know you are a truthful person but surely you couldn’t find out suddenly just because your father told

You listen I believe I’ve been in love with you for years and never realized it and then after we’d been sitting by the fire the other night something Edna said quite inadvertently made me see you as a different person do you remember our talk in the

Nursery fin yes well I I think I almost knew I loved you then but last night you and your going on with Kenneth and that riched chicken farmer but I could cheerfully have killed a lot of you I’m very much ashamed of myself I suppose I was just plain jealous how

Glorious you’ll never see a worse side of me than you’ve seen this weekend the teething stage of Love is very confusing that speech I made just now was not only to the family but to our future dear fny swell me Bill fenny’s going to marry me Cy I

Am please that beastly flounce he’s not going to tell this one no wait not yet my dear you’ll never muzzle him listen listen everyone Nicholas and F you’re engaged are you ready come On in dear octopus by Dodie Smith Michael Dennison played Charles Dy gray Dora Charlotte atenor fenny Nicholas gex Nicholas Penny Downey Cynthia Mary wimbush Bell Joanna David Hilder Annette Badland marjerie Francis Jeter edner Trevon McDow was Laurel Joshua tab Hugh Michael Tuda Barnes Kenneth Mark Bar’s Bill Sara Jane Derek scrap Windsor

Flouncy Becky hindley Gertrude and Dora Brian Nanny the piano was played by Terrence Albright dear octopus was adapted for radio and directed by Glen Deerman