Hazel 1961–1966 🍓Champagne Tony 🍓 Hazel 1961–1966 Full Episodes

Now Lio will try for his birdie a beautiful P so at the end of the 17 did you see Tony s that he’s going to win I just got one of my Sensational ideas why don’t you and some of the other big shots in town organize a professional golf tournament don’t be

Silly oh Mr be think of all the prestige and publicity it would bring to the town and all the expense it would bring to the town but you could get some of the big business firms to underwrite it now we s you to the 18 hi hi honey

Hazel I said don’t be silly there’s enough tournaments in the country already and even if the professional golfers association would okay it how are you going to line up enough big name Pros oh you could do it don’t be silly George has he called you yet who mayor

Dixon no why well he’ll be calling you any minute I just met his wife downtown and guess what the mayor is all steamed up about organizing a professional golf tournament he thinks it’ll bring publicity and Prestige to the town and he thinks you’re the very man to handle It Hazel is brought to you by [Applause] darling I’m home George I didn’t expect you home so early in the afternoon I didn’t go back to the office I had lunch at the city hall with the mayor and a few members of the Chamber of Commerce oh another meeting about the golf tournament there’s been a change of

Plans previously we had agreed that a committee should meet the various golfers at the airport but now we’ve de decided to meet them individually each man will be host to one golfer where are you Whispering we drew names out of a fish bowl and I drew Tony liba one of

The really great men of the game I have to meet him at the airport in about an hour I’ll take him out to the club and introduce him around and darling I want you to go with me so you better get dressed George why are you Whispering I

Don’t want Hazel to know she want to come along with us she isn’t even home what and why shouldn’t she go along George you know how excited she is about this golf tournament how well I know for 12 years she’s been trying to tell me

How to play golf now now she wants to take on the professionals Dorothy I want the newspaper account to read Tony Lima met by attorney George Baxter and his Charming wife not Tony Lima was met by some housekeeper named Hazel who thinks she can get Tony’s game in shape for the

Tournament oh boy oh boy have I had a day first I had to get dress you know and then I had to hot fo it down to get the bottle of champagne cuz I thought it’d be nice to present it to Mr Lio when it got off the plane and I even

Wrote a little poem to put on it wait how did you know no no what about the champagne oh everybody calls him champagne Tony how did you know I was to meet him at the airport oh well you see when you had lunch at City Hall today

The waiter that waited on you was a friend of mine so as soon as you drew Tony Lima’s name out of the Fishbowl he called me and told me that meeting was private and confidential he could be fired for that oh no Mr B he was just

Being considerate he knew I need time to get dressed up to go to the airport well for your information Hazel you are not going Hazel why do they call him champagne Tony oh that’s very interesting you are not going you know most people think it’s because he drinks

It but that ain’t the reason at all you are not going I read all about it in this book you see when a professional golfer wins a tournament he usually stands the sports Riders around a beer Hazel are you listening to me oh oh yes

Just a minute I want to explain this to Missy so this day uh before the tournament he said that that if he won he was going to treat them to Champagne instead of beer and he won and he did and now he thinks his good luck so he’s

Been doing it ever since that’s why they call him champagne Tony now what was it you want the same as to be who knows it’s been so long ago I can’t Remember Excuse me this is a reserve parking lot do you have a pass just leave the keys in the car and I’ll park it for you come on Mr be we better get crack in the planes Landed Hello there I’m sorry this is a reserve parking lot do you have a pass yes I have I’m meeting my husband he’s with one of the airlines I just make sure the keys are in the car I may have to move it hey how about that what oh

Look same car same color same model twins if that other one has less mileage we’ll take It Baby I love got a cup did you miss me you know I did come on let’s go get my bag huh say you know who just came in on the plane with me look over there may I have your autograph Mr LMA where were you born how old are you Tony

Who is it Tony Lima well I was born in open California considering the size of lunch I had on the airplane I’d say at when did you get married well let me see is she with you what matter he doesn’t like you to be standing on the

Edge of the crowd why aren’t you in the middle of that whole melee well I was going to bodge in and give him the champagne and I saw all them people shoving they Shake all the bubbles up have your autograph when did you win your first big tournament do you think

You’re try for the Grand Slam this year now wait a second with you guys firing questions at me how do you expect me to think we’re not asking you to think Tony just answer the questions anyway he’s going to be all eyes for 5 days so let’s not be selfish let the

Reporters ask that question hey so you’re a born hero worshipper oh sure otherwise I wouldn’t have put up with Mr be for so long take Mr Lima’s clubs to the car and wait for us there oh sure can I quote you on certainly I think that’s the way

The golf tournament ought to be run how do you feel Tony are you in I got to find some way to get him out of that m Oh officer would you do me a favor what well uh would you watch our car and see that nobody comes near it why I got Tony lius golf clubs in the back Tony lius say he’s a real great golfer isn’t he oh he’s just the greatest in the world well

There are one or two others I wouldn’t exactly say he’s the greatest oh but you don’t have to say it I said it was Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicha but Tony Lima is the greatest since when since lunch since he’s ours we got him out of a [Applause] [Applause] Fishbowl What did you uh do while I was away baby oh just the usual played some golf golf you know golf isn’t my cup of tea I didn’t know anything about it I thought you might have taken it up nope I I just did what I always do while

You’re away I just stayed home and read lots of darn dull [Applause] Books you shot a 30 on the last nine no the last six Hazel Mr I told you to wait for us at the car where is Golf Club oh don’t worry that’s sa Mr to be I got them locked in the trunk compartment but anyone can take them the keys are in the

Car that’s I got a policeman standing God over Them well it’s not true I know one of the sports magazines suggested that I was a Playboy they hinted that I threw champagne parties where my friends drove golf balls out of Hotel windows but it’s not true well if I known it was going to be like this I’d have brought along some

Rocking chairs maybe I ought to be putting his back drag in the car well I hope we’re having champagne at the end of the week really think you’re going to win then huh Tony well I’m playing pretty good George can’t you talk to those reporters arrange a regular press

Conference they should at least let Mr Lima leave the airport our car where’s our car what do you mean where’s your car it’s right here oh you moved it no I haven’t moved it it’s exactly where I parked it in the first place and I’ve been looking after Tony

Lima’s golf club just like you asked me to but it it was right here right next to this truck well that was a car that looked exactly like yours exactly well where is it where is it they left where did where did they go how do I know whose car was

It but they don’t put names on these passes it’s just a permit from the airport to allow them to park on a private lot hey wash my back for me will you all right Mr back if you’ll set up the time for the press conference I’ll set up the time place and the

Refreshments great great see you Tony thank you bye Tony thanks for handling them so diplomatically Mr Baxter I can do without any enemies in the Press well let’s skip the mystery show me my name is George okay first name’s all around huh Tony Dorothy hey oh what Hazel is our

Housekeeper and one of your most Ardent admirers Mr be could I speak to you for a minute please well not now Hazel we have to get to the club speaking of clubs where am I oh uh Hazel put them in the back of the car she has a policeman

Standing guard over them oh good I got to speak to you for a minute Mr be I said not now Hazel generally speaking I never let those clubs out of my sight well I don’t blame you they’re your livelihood more than that they’re like part of the family you know it takes

Years and years to find a putter you can really trust in a big money tournament guys look after their clubs like they were looking after a sick baby if anything happened to one of them you’d be like well like a little kid has just

Seen his dog run over by a car you just sit down and Cry George George I’m sure that Mr Lima Tony is in a hurry to get to the club yes I’d like to get out to the practice team of course you would I developed a bad hook in the last game and I’d like to try to straighten it out where is she

You’re ready to go Tony’s ready to go I’m ready to go but where is Hazel I just told you I don’t know but but miss I thought I know what you thought you keep telling me what you thought and I keep telling you I don’t know well this is an information booth

Ain’t it I don’t know I mean I don’t know what you want to know Hazel what the devil are you doing are you Mr Baxter yes well we have no way of knowing who has a car identical to yours I’m I beg your pardon well never mind

The policeman in the parking lot may have told her the owner works for one of the airlines but which airline what is she talking about oh never mind Mr B if she put those golf clubs in the wrong car I’m sure the owner will get in touch

With us as soon as he discovers them yes I I’m certain Hazel come along with me what did you say well it’s unfortunate if she placed those clubs in a car identical to yours Tony lius wrong Car Hazel will you please stop crying I ain’t crying I’m just emotionally disturbed that’s only feminine ain’t it I wouldn’t know when I first started working this information booth I used to get upset and cry but nowadays I just feel like belting people hael I’m not not mad at you you understand you

Forgive me now I didn’t say I forgive you I just said I’m not mad at you I don’t have time to be mad I’ve got to get those golf clubs back but if the policeman at the parking lot don’t know whose car it was and and she don’t Hazel

There’s only one thing to do I want you to call every car dealer and tell them what happened get the name of every person who bought a car identical to mine then bring the list back here and find out which one works for an airline oh that’s a swell idea meanwhile I’ll

Take Tony Lima out to the club I’ll stall in there until I hear from you and uh Hazel yeah there better be a phone call waiting for me when I reach the club or else or [Applause] Else well Tony this is our club beautiful layout I hear it’s pretty tough oh it is tough that last hole for instance is a bar four 463 yd the green is small and surrounded by trees Mr Baxter I’ve been calling you for the phone oh thank you

Uh will you excuse me dth will show you around till I get back George before you go why don’t you get Tony’s clubs out of the car oh yeah glad you reminded me I’d like to turn him over to the caddy Master oh no that’s a very good idea you

Can do that while I’m on the phone I can’t get them out of the car without the keys yeah you can’t very well get them out without the keys can you well I can’t seem to find the keys they’re right here in your Hand how do you like that I’ve been looking all over for the keys and all the time they’re right there in my hand that other goes to show you how absentminded I am I’ll be right back um Mr Lima Tony what what do you find the most

Difficult thing in golf until today I’d have said putting was the most difficult until today now I’d say the most difficult thing in golf is getting my clubs from your husband hello Mr B uh this is Hazel never mind introducing yourself do you have the clubs well I did just like you

Said Mr be I called the car dealers and I got a list of people who bought cars exactly like ours do you have the clubs well I showed the list to the lady at the information desk who incidentally don’t seem to be too fond of me and and

And she pointed out the name of the man who works for the airline then you have the clubs well his wife drove to the airport this afternoon to meet him and that’s how I made the mistake just answer yes or no do you have the clubs

Well that’s what I’m getting at you see he’s older than her and and she’s awful pretty so he’s in kind of inclined to be jealous you can say that again well especially him being out of town so much and and since she don’t play golf she couldn’t explain what the clubs was

Doing in the back of their car well the golf clubs weren’t as bad as a bottle of champagne she says it wasn’t the golf club so much as the bottle of champagne Hazel will you get to the point well that is the point I put little note on

The champagne and you know a cute little poem telling Tony Lio what terrific form he has I was referring to go for you know but I can understand how the lady’s husband might have misunderstood he so whatever happened between the lady and her husband will try to straighten out

But right now I want those golf clubs get them over here as fast as you can Mr B that’s the point I’m getting to she said when her husband banged out of the house she said he was going to bust those clubs and throw them in the river hello Mr B

Hello I don’t think he heard me hazel did what she put them in the wrong car but fortunately she was able to trace them oh well thank heaven may take her about 15 minutes to get here with him but I never want Tony Lima to know they got away from us George he

Keeps telling me he wants to turn the over to the caddy Master well he can’t open the back of the car without a key now I’ll stay out of sight and you tell him you can’t find me George I’m not going to lie well then stall him how

Here I use every ounce of charm you have persuade him to show you how to make pars and cut a few Strokes off your game my G George I have never played a game of golf in my life I know it that’s why it’s good it’ll stall him and keep him

Busy for a few minutes longer in the meantime I’ll be in the parking lot with waiting for hazel Tony Lima you heard her Buttercup those clubs belong to Tony Lima and how could he be making a pass at me when he came in on the same plane you did yes

You ought to be ashamed of yourself that champagne was for him too they call him champagne Tona you know and and I wrote that little poem for him oh Buttercup if you could see the sick look on your face and you have every right to look that

Way Mr Lima loved them clubs like they was his own kids they was his livelihood and now you busted them no no I didn’t break them huh but I uh might as well have I threw them out of the car where well I don’t remember exactly somebody

Will have found them by now it was when I was passing through the [Applause] park Oh they must be somewhere around here I seem to remember bushes well I ain’t [Applause] here Dorothy you just put your left hand right there where it sits in and you put this one right on top of it and it makes them both work as one see that now you

Try there it looks simple oh it’s very simple I put my thumb here there you go that’s perect oh wonderful I put the other thumb over that oh that’s lovely just so there now doesn’t it oh that looks marvelous yes a girlfri oh baby I’ll never be jealous of

You again oh pardon my yawn but I’ve heard that before I mean it you’re always out of town and you’re always wondering what I’m doing when you’re gone well no more travel for me I’m going to get a job transfer I’m sticking right here in town with you oh Buttercup you mean it

Convinced Hazel I have you to thank for this well I ain’t no mood to take a bow them golf clubs just Ain’t hey kids them clubs ain’t yours hey wait I’ll pay you For Oh that’s Beautiful he’s teaching him more than I was counting on this [Applause] Mar uh Tony oh George I’d like to have a little man-to-man talk with you Tony now now wait a minute George I was just trying to show your wife how to uh Tony I won’t get mad if you won’t get mad if I won’t get mad mad about what well you

Remember at the airport Hazel took your clubes and put them in the trunk compartment of the car yeah I know well uh what you don’t know Is What I don’t know is what well she put them in the car and now she’s taking them out of the car and here they are see I guess you want to hand these over to the cadd master yes I would I never take any chances with these clubs like I

Told you they’re like part of my family except for the caddy master I never let them out on my sight never oh you’re very smart Mr Lon very smart very smart very Smart oh hi Hazel hi hey I smell cookies yeah I thought you would I just baked them you heard of a Blood Hound well you’re a cookie Hound that’s some Oh no you’re spoil your dinner what no not until after you had your dessert a half

Of one no not a bite better wash up before Dinner Soap like I said was up for dinner Hazel A Hazel is brought to you By I just can’t believe it well that’s true I can hardly believe it myself what are the world of the back is going to do in the Middle East oh well you see Mr Griffin has a big oil deal going he wants Mr be handle it Farm I just can’t

Believe it how long will they be gone well I don’t know exactly but a couple of months at Least back the residence oh hi Gracie yep it’s true well the boxes left last night they ought to be in Baghdad tonight I just can’t believe it well I’m going to be staying with Mr be’s brother yeah I’ll call you just as soon as I get settled bye

Gracie well I locked the garage is there anything else I can do for you Hazel no I’m all set I’m just waiting for Harold to come down we’re going to miss you Hazel the Sunshine Girls just won’t seem the same oh for peace sake Mur I ain’t

Leaving the country as a matter of fact I’ve been wondering about that after all the years of service that you’ve given to Mr and Mrs bter I’m rather surprised that they’ve just tossed you aside like this don’t worry Rosie I could have gone if I wanted to but I I wanted to stay

Here with Harold and that’s another thing why didn’t they take Harold with them well he couldn’t miss any of his school and he would have missed a whole semester hi Hazel hi hey Harry you’re supposed to be on duty what are you doing here I’m here representing the fellas from the hook

And ladder company the chief gave me special permission because you’ve done so much for us oh I ain’t done nothing ain’t done nothing you think we forgot the turkey you cooked for us last Christmas or the Checker tournament you set up for us or the way you coached our

Handball team to Victory Hazel on behalf of the fellas at the firehouse and the chief I want to present you with this helmet making you an honorary member of hook and ladder company number nine oh thanks Harry I don’t know what to say except well thanks very much that’s okay

Okay Hazel it’s just that we’re really going to miss you I’m going to miss you too Hazel this has been the high spot on my route for 12 years oh thanks Bonnie I wish I could make you an honorary mailman that’s okay would you like my

Mailbag oh no Bonnie they’d make you buy a new one yeah I guess so won’t it seem funny working for a stranger a stranger Mr Bee’s brother oh he’s like one of the family is he married oh yeah he’s got the sweetest wife Barbara and the cutest little girl hi

Everybody I’m all ready to go Hazel did you remember your toothbrush yes good boy and a common brush yes and last night’s pajamas good boy can I hold the fireman’s hat I knew you were going to get it well I guess we’re all set I just

Can’t believe it oh Bonnie Pete like we ain’t going to the Moon I guess we better call your uncle Steve and tell him we’re on our way Honey what are you doing you don’t have to clean up Hazel’s coming I don’t want her to see the house looking like this I’ll get It hello oh hi Hazel I put some flowers in your room yes he is just a minute daddy ha wants to speak to you oh she probably wants to know what time I’m going to pick them up tell her late this afternoon I want to wash the

Windows hi Hazel are you getting packed huh uh Mr Baxter oh well we’re all packed we’re all ready to leave oh well I plan to pick you up later this afternoon oh no you don’t have to do that a friend of mine’s giving us a lift we’ll be there in about an hour

Bye um hazel hello hello she’ll be here in an hour oh no oh swell I haven’t scrubbed the kitchen yet hell and I’ll be able to play before lunch Susie or clean the refrigerator now now simmer down both of you Susie you go outside and play I want to talk with

Your mother a secret not exactly honey but it doesn’t concern you I’ll sure be glad when Harold gets here we’re going to have secrets and we’re never going to tell anybody Barbara Hazel’s coming not the the Inspector General oh but she’s such a fabulous relax now look I’ve known

Hazel since I was a kid she’s a maid that’s all she’s just the best maid in the whole world now who told you that well you did the last time we had dinner with George and Dorothy all right she’s a fantastic cook and housekeeper but that doesn’t mean you have to change

Your way of doing things honey it only means you’re going to have some help with this big old house okay that’s true all right Steve promise me you won’t change after Hazel gets here me change now why should I change well you remember what you said about George you said you’d never seen

Such a change in a man after Hazel started working for him he didn’t know how to handle Hazel I do how well I intend to be firm with her patient but very firm the minute she steps out of line I clamp down it may come as a shock to Hazel but she’ll

Adjust when she discovers who boss suppose hello oh hi Millie yes he’s right here hi Millie what’s cooking good morning Mr Baxter yes a man and his wife came in looking for a house to buy oh sure they’re right here I’m Mr and Mrs Robert dlap Robert Dunlap the millionaire the

Millionaire oh Millie you didn’t say that right out loud to him did you she did say it right out loud to him he walked out right he’s still there Millie I’ll be right over tell him to sit on and make themselves comfortable oh bless that Millie if I get away I’ll kill

Her you’re making fantastic time Hazel what was the reckon nobody ever tried for one before well we’re going to make it in no Hi Millie hi Mr Baxter this is Mr and Mrs DL oh I’m uh I’m sorry about that oh don’t be that’s one of the happier words in the language now ex-millionaire there’s the sad one well I don’t think I have to be concerned for myself either

Way please sit down thank you well what can I do for you this morning well we’re looking for a house with a nice garden and room for a pool table and extra bedrooms in case the grandchildren decide to stay over you know we’ve seen our grandchildren for the first time in

2 years we’ve been living in Europe it was nice but it’ll never take the place of grandchildren do you have any listings in the Evergreen Heights area uh well as a matter of fact I have the houses are quite large in that section but I we

Know the area yes we raised our family there we loved it we should never have sold the place well all about it you want to show us what you have oh fine fine my car is right out front the houses are both empty so we can go right

In oh that’s a bad sign been on the market for a long time well uh a little while white elephants huh oh I wouldn’t say that it’s just that they’re quite large and expensive yes well we’ll take a look good I suppose I shouldn’t expect to buy a white elephant with

Peanuts don’t come in yet us on dry lady you’re speaking to the greatest elephant salesman of all time they leave the worst tracks of anybody I may have sold the Bundy house you’re kidding nope Mr and Mrs Robert Dunlap seem to think it’s just what they want well come in oh

Great elephant salesman of the north what price have you been discussing for this rare white Packer 60,000 oh Steve the commission on that would be 3,000 bucks we buy a piano wait a minute the dunlapslk Susie lessons I wanted to play the piano all my life honey honey

Somewhere your logic breaks down if we get a hunk of cash like that it’s going right back into this house we managed to uh trade our way into it but we still have a Bea of a mortgage what’s that noise what is It hi hey bar Uncle Steve hi Susie it’s ha and Harold it sure is talk about making an Entrance well I told her where is she she said she’d be in soon as she puts on her uniform okay now you you understand what we’re going to do we’re going to lay down the law we’ll establish right from the beginning just who’s boss and what we expect from her yes

Dear you know I really have to laugh at George and the way he let her dominate him it’ll never happen here now look one more thing I want to establish here she comes well I just took a look in the refrigerator I didn’t have time to clean

It oh for Pete’s sake it looked perfect to me but I noticed you had some baked ham I thought maybe you’d like some an omelet for lunch oh oh that’d be fine uh did you get all settled Hazel yes pretty well I wondered if I could sto my uh scuba

Diving gear in the garage oh well that’ll be all right well of course I’ll put my spear way up where the kids can’t get it good good uh do your room going to be all right Hazel oh perfect terrific I even got a gorgeous view of the garden who put in the

Delphiniums I did oh you put them on the wrong side of the house you know delphiniums need a lot of sun thank you he’s probably like Mr B don’t know anything about gardening I certainly do huh who pruned the Roses I did well you picked the

Wrong season to do it you should wait till the end of the dman period I’ll remember next year well like I said to Mr B all the time when it came to handing out green thumbs the backers was all at the movies who who does your hair

I do oh you do a terrific job I’ll help you next time if you want me to like I did Missy oh I noticed there was a fresh bottle of vitamin pills over the sink who takes them uh Steve uh Mr Steve uh Mr Baxter is going to start taking them

You got a condition what do you mean have I got a condition well I mean is that why you have to take the pills and do I have to watch your diet certainly not I’m just run down a little that’s all I now Hazel we we we asked you in

The living room so we could establish some ground rules for our relationship oh that’s a good idea Mr be and I did that right after we married missy good good yeah well of course Thursday’s in my day off and then I like enough time off on Sunday to go to church oh well

That’s fine fine I was thinking more in terms of a daily schedule oh well breakfast is at 7:00 and I like everybody to be at the table on time cuz there ain’t nothing worse than a cold breakfast fine now now for lunch well lunch is 12:15 on the dot and that’ll

Give Susie and Harold time to get home from school you take your lunch home well sometimes I I U my office is just in the next block so I oh what about customers well you have to give me at least a half an hour’s notice if you’re going to bring customers home to

Lunch dinner’s at 6:30 and you can have as many guests as you like cuz I like Snappy conversation while I’m serving what time do you have oh it’s uh 11:45 oh for Pete sake I’m slow got to start lunch oh uh Mr Baxter if I think of any more rules I’ll let you

Know well what do you think I think I know why George and Dorothy left the Country this omelette is delicious dad says Hazel’s the best cook in the whole world I wonder how he likes the food in Baghdad we’ll have to to ask him when he calls tonight I brought you vitamin pills Mr Baxter thank you Hazel Hazel this omelet is delicious how do you get

It to rise so oh well I just beat up the whites you know good and stiff and then I just ease in the yolks there’s your vitamin pills thank you Hazel you can just uh wash them down with this water thank you very much it

Says on the label you should take two a day yes I’ll just uh take them out of the box for you Susie you ain’t drinking your milk I will Hazel now there’s your pills Mr Ste Hazel I am not a child I will take my pills when I’m good and

Ready to take them now I would like a little more coffee please yes sir thank you I’ll get the pot that is the most infuriating woman that’s what Dad always says That’ll wor from Anybody all gone all gone I like a little more coffee now please yeah what about you miss baa no thank you [Applause] Hazel Steve that was a silly thing to do it’s a matter of principal I will not be pushed around by that woman but those vitamins are for your own health now what difference can it make if I start taking them tomorrow instead of today his will find out Uncle

Steve Harold she can’t possibly find out now let’s change that subject all right yes sir the DLS when are they going to let you know about the house well they said sometime oh they said some time this afternoon I have to go back to the

Office as soon as I finish my coffee you know I really think this deal is going through through I’m practically counting my commission 41 42 43 44 45 hi Millie any calls oh hi Mr Baxter yes Freddy Mills called he wants me to go to the movies with him tonight fine

Anyone else Harvey Pierce I wouldn’t go out with him if he were the last man on Earth then Don Peters called Milly Millie I’m glad you have a full social life but were there any calls for me not thing Mr Baxter 942 943 so we called her in the living room

And I U well I explained exactly what was expected of her meal schedules things like that as long as we keep a tight rain owner Hazel will work out fine I remember when you told me what my duties were on this job you look so serious boy I was scared I’ll bet Hazel

Was too well I didn’t mean to scare you or Hazel either but I do believe an employee should know exactly what’s expected of her oh sure otherwise a person won’t know what she can get away with that isn’t what I had in mind Milly back St realy who’s calling please

Just a moment it is it DL it’s Hazel hey ask her what she wants could I take a message this is Millie Ballard I work here after school and on Saturdays nice meeting you too Hazel will you ask her what she wants please she wants to know

What you want she wants you to come home and take your vitamin pills what makes you think I uh I didn’t take them why do you think you didn’t take them counted the whole bottle she says it’s a new bottle and it still has exactly 1,000 pills in it oh I

I won’t tolerate this tell her I forbid her to call me at the office hi Hazel he says he forbids you to call him at the office uh-huh mhm oh that was sneaky right back in the bottle please now Mr Mrs Dunlap come in look well we talked it over during lunch

Hazel I’ll tell him Hazel says milie please don’t interrupt but Hazel says I don’t care what Hazel says I’m sorry Mr Dunlap you were saying well uh we like the house Steve the high ceilings remind me of our old place so roomy oh good good yeah the grounds are beautiful that

Uh La isn’t that lovely a gorgeous this la oh fantastic What a fine putting grein huh but say if you play golf there’s a course less than 15 minutes away it was finished about 6 months ago oh excuse me uh here you votam pills s you must be Millie would you

Mind getting him a glass of cold water sure Hazel glad to Hazel I’m in the middle of a business deal oh you must be the dlps I was hearing all about you at lunch and about the the wonderful old house you’re buying in your old neighborhood uh well

We were thinking about it but Steve you didn’t give me a chance to finish we have decided against it against it but you said that yes I know it’s a great house it’s a lovely house reminds me of our old house well then why here’s your water ha oh thanks

Milie now come on take your pills not now go on and take them Mr Baxter he’s got a condition ha take them Steve health comes first you see boy the house was a little too much money for you huh oh no but where would we get servants in this day and age well

If that ain’t a coincidence I’m the head of an organization called the Sunshine Girls and I could get you a cook and a housekeeper and nothing flat did you take them both yes I did you ain’t hiding one under your tongue no you know um come to think of it maybe you folks

Would be happier in an apartment house Hazel what are you say dear that’s what I’ve been thinking but we’ve never lived in an apartment house oh it’s terrific no lawn to worry about I’m being stabbed but we both like to Garden oh well you can always get flowers in a flower shop

And another thing in an apartment house you’ll always have somebody to talk to sometimes a voice comes right through the walls but the best thing is that you never have relatives moving in on you what do you mean you don’t have enough room not even enough room for someone to

Spend the night well what would we do about the grandchildren at Christmas time or Thanksgiving for that matter oh we go out of our minds in an apartment house Hazel are you sure you could get us some help oh I guarantee it we could even have it written up in the deal

Couldn’t we Mr back well I U okay Mr Dunlap okay Steve that was the smartest sales trick I ever heard but I give you a credit the house is the right place for Us you know where we could put the spin it right over by the window Barbara we still have bills and a mortgage now thanks to Hazel we’ll be able to pay off a big hung of than b even a secondhand spin it would be nice I’ll check the

Papers well I put Harold to bed and I looked in on Susie she’s sleeping like a top I can’t understand why the folks call ain’t come through well there’s a time difference in Baghdad Hazel and they may have had some difficulty getting a line yeah I suppose so darling

What time is it almost 10 yeah that’s right shall we turn in I think so how about you Hazel oh no I think I’ll stay up for a little while okay good night n Nel [Applause] N have they called yet oh no no not yet are you going to stay up any later yes I think I’ll stay up for a little while SP well then I’m going to stay up too all right come on and snuggle up here with [Applause] Me I think we better waake them up don’t you think it’s after 3 oh yes I think we’d better that’s you oh oh yes operator yes I’ll hold on is it them yeah it’s B dad my god oh hi Missy geus it’s so good to hear your

Voice again oh we’re all fine yeah how’s Mr B is he remembering to change his socks every day well give him my love fine well here’s Harold you better make it fast cuz we got to get everybody in in 3 minutes hi Mom how’s bad dad guess what we came open a fire Engine of a broken heart and now in answer to innumerable requests I will sing song of higher Water by the shores of gy by The Shining bixie wolf Yeah So from now on I’ll be in special classes for everything oh Jeff that’s marvelous isn’t it wonderful friended I don’t know what kind of special classes are you talking about all the kids are strictly a students all advanced oh jef I’ve always known that I had an

Exceptional son this will prove it to the whole world what about your regular classes Oh They’ll continue same as before but without me I won’t be held back by the slow students anymore oh darling I can’t tell you how proud I am Mona he hasn’t won the Nobel Prize yet

Oh but he might he might right darling well what about Harold Baxter was he moved up with you no he stays where he is well just because you were put into special classes there certainly no reason for you to drop a good friend like Harold oh well I’m not exactly

Dropping him it’s just that we’ll be studying different things now and I won’t see much of him I’ll be associating more with kids of my own IQ you know h i see well if you’ll excuse me I have some reading to do I have to sharpen up on my ecology on what

Ecology the branch of biology that deals with the relations between living organisms and their environment that’s good because it already sounds to me like that may be one of your weak Points oh what kind of a row did you kids have no row Jeff was transferred into a special class yes that’s all yeah how special pretty special I guess only all a students are pig for they don’t want any dumbbells like me hey wait a minute you ain’t no dumbbell well I’m no

Whis kid either I tell you what why don’t you and me have a game of catch I can help you with your slider you know before I have to start dinner huh no thanks Asel guess i’ better get started with my homework without Jeff’s help

It’ll take me three times as long as I used To Mr Steve I’m worried about Harold Harold what’s the matter with him well he ain’t himself since Jeff don’t have time for him anymore oh that well I I I wouldn’t worry about it Hazel he’ll snap out of it in a day or so oh I don’t know

About that a’t you noticed how much time he spends up in his room oh I I thought he was doing his homework it’s about half and half half studying and half moping about losing his friend oh kids don’t fret about things like that these days Hazel there’s there’s too much

Going on around them you mark my word Harold will have a new friend or or some new hobby to occupy a spare time before the week’s over all your you’re a genius Mr Steve you just gave me a doozy of an Idea hi hi I got a I got a big surprise for you hey a gas powered model airplane yeah looks like the real thing don’t it I say it’s got a touchdown controller and the lines to fly it by and the batteries the whole works this is great

But how do you fly her oh I’ve been reading instructions it’s a CCH I’ve seen some of the guys at school flying them but I don’t know much about it well why don’t we take it out and try it out I just get my coat wait a [Applause] Minute oh boy I must be doing something wrong well let me try It engine needs a little more Prime okay contact contact you did it okay she’s ready to go Rocky Arm oh oh G I’m sorry oh boy yeah it looks all right oh that’s good you went into a spin well I’m supposed to be the ground crew you’re supposed to supposed to be the pilot okay let’s try it again all right now I’m Hazel Burke you know not a milia air Hot okay Go well even the R Brothers had to Practice this isn’t as good as your last report car I know well he got an A in attendance and a b in conduct so he shows up and behaves himself big deal Matt D you’re failing in math last time you had a you had a C+ what happened

Jeff Williams used to help me with my lessons but Harold you can’t go through life depending on other people to help you I suppose not I I know he he’s just not concentrating enough on his studies since Hazel bought him that that model airplane oh now Steve that’s not true he

Spends almost every evening on his homework I just don’t understand that new math mle Steve what’s new about it she everything oh come on the multiplication table is still the multiplication table I mean all you have to do is memorize it why are you shaking your head you

Don’t use the multiplication tables in the new math why not sure it’s me what do you use uh don’t tell me they’ve done away with numbers no but well numbers have neighbors and sometimes when they’re odd you add five and then you take half away or something

Like that um do you do you know anything about it honey oh not me I still haven’t learned the old math uh how are the other kids doing with it some them are beginning to catch on I guess well then you can catch on too I’ll tell you what pal next time you

Have a math problem I’ll help you out okay she thanks Uncle Steve I’ll go get one Harold what’s the difference between the label number and the multiple number no I’m not sure well didn’t your teacher explain it to you well she got kind of confused herself oh boy Harold how many

Kids in your class 22 that’s just about how many different answers your teacher’s going to get this is ridiculous I darling you’re looking for something mother have you seen my copy of the atomic theory of lucrecias oh I’m sorry dear I just picked it up to see what you were studying now and I got so absorbed in it that I couldn’t put it down great the

Way you expounded the doctrine of the atoms in the void wouldn’t you say fascinating and so many centuries ago the important thing one must remember of course is the extreme difficulty of this task Lucius had to set forth a philosophical argument in a language which had not yet developed a

Philosophic vocabulary and moreover had to expound it in hexameter verse yes well you can have this back as soon as I’m finished with it I just have to look up a couple of things well fine but but don’t let me hold you up with your studies anything wrong Dad no no I’ve

Just got a little book workk to finish you’ve been working on it all evening darling you said it would only take a little while well I ran into a little trouble adding up this last column of figures as soon as I get the same answer twice I will be

Finished here let me take a look at it that’s it that’s it $622 here yeah that’s the same answer I got the first time but not quite that fast I use new math it’s much faster and more accurate new math you know Dad I think it’d be a good

Idea if you went to night school to learn it you’re not too old yet he’s right friended why you should try to improve yourself if only for Jeff’s sake now wait a minute you two well Dad I think it’d be a much better use of your

Time than going over the backers to play pool every chance you Get w darn it it’s all his fault I mean Jeff he’s got me feeling guilty about being over here why well he said I should be a night school improving my mind instead of here wasting my time playing pool Jeff said that to you oh since he’s been

Proclaimed a genius he shoots his mouth off about everything well he’s still not too old to be spanked yeah but Mona is she’s his 24-hour a day press agent well I know she’s terribly proud of I tell you you know things are getting so bad at my house that next I I expect

Jeff will criticize my table manners there’s no doubt it’s very important for gifted children to have every opportunity to develop their talents please Barb I hear that all the time at home no now Fred let me finish but it’s no good if they begin to believe they’re

Superior to everyone else I agree I suppose it’s all this emphasis on trying to get to the moon the need to to develop scientists that conquer space seems to me the only real space that needs conquering is between people as far as I’m concerned Jeff can be the

Greatest s since apple pie as long as he realizes that smart people have got to live in the same world with people that ain’t so smart boy if the kids today don’t start helping each other we won’t have much of a world to look forward to 15 in the

Corner well that’ll be a buck a piece Gentlemen thank you very much we getting pretty good at this ain’t we SP you really think so I mean I know you can do your part okay but if I thought I was good enough I’d like to try out for the next AMA contest AMA you mean the doctors are sponsoring flying contest

No Academy of model Aeronautics oh that’s well what are the rules well for control line planes like ours there’s three classes junior senior and open but I need a lot more practice on my outside Loops well what are we waiting for let’s keep Practicing [Applause] Oh hi Jeff oh hi he’s pretty good at that don’t you think fair fair well boy do you think you could do any better I’ve never tried but it looks simple enough Oh you have to be real expert you know to pull off a stunt like that har was practicing so and go to the AMA contest playing with a toy on a string not it’s oh it’s nothing Oh Mr Williams thanks for coming right over Hazel what’s happened it’s so important you you couldn’t tell me on the phone well can you get home from work early tomorrow yeah I guess but why well I got an idea I don’t know whether it’s going to work or not but it’s worth

Trying and how are your knees my what well you’re going to have to do a lot of kneeling for what I have in mind oh they’re okay I guess well now this is my plan okay this Better [Applause] [Applause] la [Applause] A Harold you’re terrific let’s try another one okay Hill her Up Dad can I talk to you what about I don’t know about anything can’t we just talk I don’t know it seems that there hasn’t been much for you and me to discuss lately I I guess I’ve been pretty busy but well would you buy one of those gas

Powered model planes for me well do you think you’re going to have time for one of those things hey it’s not just a toy you know I mean I could learn a lot about the way design and and manipulation affect the responses of air foils oh I

See well how about it Dad it’s a good idea don’t you think well maybe but you know it takes two people to off operate those things do you think Harold would give you a hand I was sort of counting on you well actually I don’t see how I’d have

Time for it Jeff but why not I saw you helping Herold fly his sure but that was just for today you see I’ve been thinking about that advice you gave me what advice about going to night school oh that I’m sorry I was such a smart alec

Oh you were right about one thing a person shouldn’t stop learning just because he’s graduated from college no but I was all wrong about suggesting you should learn a new math oh I talked it over with my teacher today he said that besides being a smart alec I gave you

The wrong advice he did he said that it’s tough enough on teachers and other adults who have to learn the new math because they have to use it in their professions but that he certainly wouldn’t advise it as a course for the average parent well in that case I guess I’ll

Have a little time for flying after All may I have your attention please junior class elimination trails in the stunt category begin in approximately 3 minutes all junior class stunt competitors please be ready thank you that juice board be ready as soon as I finish Garing her Up oh look there’s Jeff and his dad maybe I should enter in the combat competition too then I can knock his wings off oh that ain’t a nice way to talk well that’s what you’re supposed to do in combat why the other guy riding into the

Ground way it looks to me he might not even get off the ground Your attention please junior class stunt competition trials will now begin the first pilot is Anderson Andrew Anderson what why don’t you go over and see if you can’t help Jeff they’ve been flying that plane for weeks besides Jeff’s so smart he never has any problems but he ain’t smart about Motors the way you are when is it going to be your turn as soon

As they call me we go alphabetically well you could still help him if you hurry Well hi Harold hello Mr William yeah hi we can’t get the motor start maybe I can Go no wonder your battery CLI isn’t making good Contact there that should do It how about that we never even thought about checking the battery CP Baxter Harold backer hey that’s me I’m next thank you and good Luck [Applause] La Oh hi there come on in they’re in the living room hello hazel hi there Ace I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you for qualifying for the finals oh thank you Hazel I couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for Harold where is he he’s upstairs in his

Room studying I told him I’d come over and help him with his homework you did that’s great you bet he did I want to apologize for the ridiculous way I’ve been acting lately but well Jeff is just so bright now Mona remember what his teacher said about giving him too much

Praise oh all right I was coming to that anyway forgive me well of course I hear Jeff really put on a show at that me today yeah seems he never loses you know that kind of scares me a little oh why would wouldn’t worry too much about it Mr Williams something more important

Than women happened today them kids became friends again I guess they’ll be flying their Planes together from now on I certainly hope so to tell you the truth my knees gave out a week ago hey how about a few games of rotation good say two bits a game well

You better make it easy on yourself Mr Williams on second thought 10 cents a game yeah that makes more sense Hazel Hazel oh yeah Mr B have you been using my typewriter in the den yeah I was typing out my cookbook I’m going to get it published it’s called Hazel’s handy

Recipes this is a contract I’m submitting for Superior Court approval listen to this it is agreed and understood between the said parties that the interest of any beneficiary ha under shall consist solely of two eggs one cup of sour cream and a teaspoon of chili sauce why Mr B my mystery salad dress

And I’ve been looking everywhere for that missing page and you found it ain’t that wonderful what do you mean wonderful suppose I had presented that to the court how would you have liked that I wouldn’t have liked it at all I don’t want these recipes to leak out before I get them Published [Applause] [Applause] la oh hi Bonnie how you feeling I hate to wipe that beautiful smile off your face Hazel but I got bad news bad news yep my book yep again yep the publisher sent it back in the last 6 months I must have brought this back to you six or eight

Times well I ain’t discouraged I got a list of Publishers a mile long I’m going to keep sending that cookbook back until it gets published I ain’t going to take this line down you know I wish I could that’s the heaviest darn thing I ever carried well that’s cuz it’s type double

Space it ain’t as big as it looks once it’s printed it’ll only be about 300 Pages once it’s printed I won’t have to keep bringing it back to you here’s a letter that came with [Applause] it uh what’ they say no same old stuff

Well I’m sorry to be the one to have to bring it back to you Hazel I sure here am oh wait a minute Bonnie are you going back to the Post Office Hazel you’re not going to ask me to Lug that thing all the way back to the post office well I

Can get it off quicker that way yeah yeah hold on to it all I have to do is address a new sticker to another publisher yeah come on in I’ll give you some coffee and cookies while you wait no thanks cookie be just that much more

I have to carry I’ll wait here all right well I’ll only be a minute I send it off myself only it don’t fit in the mailbox good morning hey oh hi Rosie be with you in a minute well I want to talk to you the mister is

Giving a dinner party you know one of those dinners where if he loses a deal that I’ve never heard about it’s all my fault because the lettuce wasn’t crisp oh sometimes a cook can be the most important part of the deal we entertain a lot of Mr be clients and I don’t know

Which gets the most settlements for him his brains in my baked Alaska that’s why I came over Hazel I want to get your recipe for baked ham the one with the apricot sauce oh well that ought to close the deal even before the dessert I think that’s the most delicious recipe

I’ve ever tasted I certainly wish I had your Genius for cooking everyone says you’re the greatest it ain’t completely Anonymous well there may be a couple of girls in the neighborhood that don’t think so but they don’t happen to have any relatives in the publishing business

Do they I don’t know why I can’t wait around out there all day in a minute you know I hate to be the one that’s always bringing Hazel the bad news bad news never mind B yeah didn’t she tell you no tell me what about her cookbook being

Rejected hazo wrote a cookbook yeah Bonnie have a mouth full of cookies here it is right here I just can’t figure it out she’s the greatest cook in the world but at least eight Publishers have turned it down I simply can’t believe it why did they turn it down oh they get

The flimsiest excuses Bonnie shouldn’t you be someplace delivering the mail you asked me to wait until you made out a new stick I’m waiting as I recall the first publisher gave it to a doctor to read now the doctor said that there was enough fat and starch and sugar in that

Cookbook to give the whole country a heart attack there you are Bonnie goodbye you forgot the stamps oh what else did the publisher say well another publisher gave it to a home economist to read the home economist said that Hazel’s recipes were too oldfashioned said they’re too hard to cook people

Don’t want to spend that much time in the kitchen these days the home economist said that people’s taste isn’t the same as it used to be frozen foods have changed the entire dietetic picture and I think that eight Publishers turned that book down there you are Bonnie I

Put a special delivery stamp on it so you’ll have to hurry oh hold on you’ve already sent it to this publisher I did well sure he turned it down several months ago oh yeah I didn’t see the check mark well I’ll have to do it myself then I’m sorry Hazel better luck

Next time oh wait a minute Barney I’ll walk part way with you oh goodbye Hazel I thought you wanted the recipe for my baked ham you know with the apricot sauce oh yes well I just remembered that my boss’s guest is a doctor and he might

Not like all that sugar and fat I’ll take for this afternoon Barney wait a [Applause] Minute [Applause] Hazel are you all right sure I’m all right you’re not sick or anything no I only ask because it isn’t like you to be lying down during the day well I don’t feel like me right now I don’t even want to be like me I saw your manuscript of your

Cookbook out there in the kitchen I sent it back huh um is that what’s upsetting you oh I ain’t upset lots of famous books have been turned down over and over and over until finally they found the right publisher oh Missy I’m not as dumb as I

Look I’m smart enough to learn a lesson when I’ve been taught and boy have I ever been taught today well at least it knocked the ego out of me your recipes are the best I can’t even take credit for that I got them from my mother no I’m oldfashioned that’s me look the

Quite don’t we forget all about housework and cooking today why don’t you come downtown shopping with me and we’ll take in a matina somewhere and then I’ll call Mr Baxter and have him meet us and we’ll all have dinner out the best restaurant in town can’t even

Take another night of my cooking huh no Hazel I didn’t mean that I’m going to burn that cook no Hazel no No George am I interrupting anything I should say not I’m just checking through some contracts besides supposing I were busy beautiful girl like you walked into my office georgees is no time to get romantic speak for yourself say as long as you’re in town why don’t we have dinner together we’ll

Give Hazel a rest for heaven sakes George that’s the last thing on earth we can do we absolutely positively have to have dinner at home tonight well all right I don’t mind I hear it’s a nice place George you like hazel don’t you you you like her very very much well I

Mean you’re really fond of her aren’t you well of course I am if I weren’t I’d have fired her for kei’s years ago not that firing Hazel is that easy I think you’d have to practice first on something much easier like an atom bomb what’s the problem darling here’s her cookbook uh-oh they

Send it back you know I think this is about the eighth publisher that’s turned her down she’s terribly depressed George yes I can understand that she’s kept her chin up a lot longer than I would have she’s threatened to burn it oh I certainly can’t let her do that these

Recipes are Priceless I’ll keep this down here till she’s feeling better so she’s lost faith in her own cooking that’s why we have to have dinner at home tonight George we’ve got to encourage Hazel we’ve got to to Rave about everything she cooks we have to build up her

Ego build up Hazel’s ego well I never thought that day would Come Hazel what are you doing well what does it look like I’m doing I ain’t standing on my head in the corner I’m reading a recipe out of this cookbook it cost me five bucks gee Hazel I thought you didn’t need a cookbook I thought you knew everything there was to know about

Cooking you’re talking just like my baser instincts they agree with you 100% what are baser instincts baser instincts is pride and conceit and big headedness but I’m putting all that behind me tonight I’m fixing somebody else’s recipe are they good well it ain’t bad still you think a cookbook that you paid

Five bucks for would know the right way to cook a kidney bean casserole it don’t say a word in here about baking soda well who am I to say this book probably sold 2 million copies mine ain’t even been published well Dad home when are we

Going to have dinner well it may be a little while while cuz I ain’t slapping things in the way I usually do I’m going right by this recipe step by step don’t you tell your dad whose recipe this is because we’re going to find out tonight who knows most about being cero this

Book or my baser Instincts Now George don’t forget don’t worry darling I’ll say the right thing how do you like it Dad like what dinner well between the three of us I think Hazel has done better A lot better but I suppose this is what happens when she’s feeling in the dumps oh I’m not

Supposed to tell you Dad but you know what Hazel did she please don’t talk I’m trying to think of something complimentary to say to Hazel and I find it harder than I expected being casserole was a little like getting out of the oven Hazel without a doubt this is the most

Delicious dinner I’ve ever tasted what do you think darling it is it absolutely is you like it it’s Sensational Hazel you’ve never cooked so well in your whole life have some means I don’t think it’s so great I like the way he Harolds Harold your immature taste buds are

Unqualified to pass judgment upon this culinary Masterpiece this epicur delight has beans Ambrosia Hazel you’ve surpassed yourself where have these beans been all my life after she rolls those compliments around in her mind she’ll be floating on a cloud Hazel Hazel what’s you tell me what was so good about that dinner I didn’t think it was so great well that’s only because of your innate modesty I give you my word Hazel you’ve never cooked a dinner that good as long as You’ worked for us she’s locked the door Dad look what

Is it son I’m busy it’s a cookbook that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you he will cook somebody else’s recipe for dinner oh fine no wonder she Hazel Hazel believe me I was only trying to give your spirits a lift I don’t care about the dinner believe me ask Mrs

Baxter I told her it wasn’t nearly as good as you usually cook oh you don’t have to soft soap me Mr be I know when I’m licked if you like that cooking so much from now on I won’t cook nothing that ain’t out of that Book I’m sorry Mr Baxter I haven’t the slightest interest in publishing a cookbook I leave that to the publishing houses that specialize in such things but even if I were interested I’d change my mind seeing you swallow all those pills well this isn’t Hazel’s fault she’s been using somebody else’s

Cookbook well if she doesn’t use her own recipes why should anybody else because if somebody else did she would let’s drop the whole thing Mr Baxter your logic is entirely Beyond look Mr Fenton what if I offer to help Finance the publication you’re willing to risk your

Own money well it’s not really a risk I know how good those recipes are that book will sell well now that’s a different matter they say that in church the pocketbook is the last thing to be converted and you have faith enough in this book to put up your own money how

Much put your checkbook away Mr Baxter let me read this over I’ll have my cook try out a couple of the recipes and I’ll give you my decision in a few days fine I’ll see you at the office or at my home or at the Hospital I’ll get it keep your shirt on busted Baxter isn’t no Mr Baxter ain’t here Mr Baxter isn’t here the Mrs just confirmed it he ain’t here what well uh to tell you the truth he’s usually home by this time but this week he ain’t been feeling so chirpy he’s

Been coming home kind of dragging his tail feathers so oh I’m sorry I I wasn’t listening to what I was saying I I kind of got mixed up what I meant to say was that uh of late he ain’t as punctual as of your oh uh wait a minute he just stuck

His head in the door it’s for you Mr be who is it uh Mr Fenton Fenton well let me have that hello yes you do she does she did oh that’s wonderful we’ll be expecting you Hazel that was Mr Fenton the publisher he’s decided to publish your cookbook

No his cook has prepared some of your recipes and he says they the most delicious meals he’s ever tasted and his cook agreed with him no he’s going to put the full power of His publishing house behind it the deluxe treatment National exploitation ads in all the

National magazines no well can’t you say anything else besides no let’s have a cocktail oh we haven’t got time he’s do over here in an hour with a contract we have to get dinner over with so we can discuss business I’ll fix ve chops for

You just like I used to fix when you was first married no or my stuffed pork chops no or maybe my famous sweet potatoes with marshmallows no you just leave it to me m to be I’m going to fix your favorite dinner just everything the way you love It stuffed pork chops oh how I’ve waited for this moment where are the sweet potato pie he here we are sweet for toties for melted marshmallows on top dig in Mr be ain’t here Prince I tell you where else would you find a boss that to knock himself out to get his

Maid’s book published I tell you he’s a 14 karat Angel oh that’s him that’s Mr Fenton my Public you’re Hazel and you’re Mr Fenton my publisher sweet potato pie I had it for dinner did you cook put enough nutmeg in it it was Heaven Sheer Heaven Let Me Show take the hand that created this paradise oh well actually I got the recipe from my mother oh good evening Mr

Baxter good evening Mr Fen oh I’d like to have you meet my wife how do you do Mr Fen how do you do Mrs Baxter oh I uh I brought your contract oh a it nice and fat this is the first contract I ever had that didn’t say I

Owed monthly payments I’m going to have Mr be look it over if you don’t mind I’ll go through it tonight after dinner Mr phanton oh oh uh this is Fred hathway one of our photographers Hathaway This is Hazel well how do you do how do you do and Mr Baxter I do and

Uh Mrs B how do you do you do uh Mr fanton always likes to get a photograph of the author signing the contract for good luck it’s a kind of uh Superstition in the book trade oh well if you’re going to take pictures I got to get into my new black uniform

Mr Fenton we were just about to have dinner won’t you join us no thank you we’ve had dinner but we’ll have a cup of coffee with you this is quite an occasion for us this is my son Harold hello Harold hi Harold hi what’s the matter George where

Are the sweet potatoes well maybe Haz H never mind I’ll get them excuse me Mr Fenton it might be a good idea if I got a few pictures of the backers having dinner with hazel serving them excellent that is if you have no objections Mrs

Baxter oh not at all we we’d be more than happy to cooperate aha George they’re going to take pictures in here they want a picture of Hazel serving dinner for the back cover Mrs baxard do you have me yellow flowers for the Canta piece this picture’s in color you know in color oh

Dear I didn’t know I’ll have to change clothes why well darling this outfit doesn’t go with the background especially with yellow flowers in front of me what yellow flower oh George go eat your pork Chop how do you like it terrific pretty snazzy huh never in my life have I seen anything so snazzy I want you to wear that when we take a picture of your signing the contract contract oh for pizza never mind never mind have it right here in my

Pocket and I’ll go through it after dinner it’s uh just the standard contract and Hazel after you sign it we need to discuss how much money you’ll want in advance money already oh yes you’ll need it for clothes Transportation Hotel Hotel expenses and so forth what Transportation what hotel

Expenses why to promote the cookbook of course visiting the country’s bookstores appearing before various women’s clubs meeting everybody who can push up the sales of your book well uh how long will she be gone it generally takes about 6 months to tour the country sometimes longer it all

Depends on whether or not the sales are sluggish you better say sit down Mr be and have your dinner you ain’t been feeling so hot lately you got to keep your strength up you’re [Applause] [Applause] right delicious cold as a stone it’s the irony of it that gets me well I try to get her book published to pull her out of the dumps and I push her right out of town Geor isn’t there some way you can arrange for her to stay here

Dorothy don’t even suggest such a thing well this is a tremendous break for hazel well you it could make her famous could make her financially independent why only a greedy self-centered dog in the manger would try to keep her here besides I couldn’t think of anywh to do

It dad going to get a new maid I guess he will couldn’t wait 6 months to get the house dusted and if I came back she wouldn’t want to give up a good family like this without a fight and even if I do get back in it won’t be the

Same I’ll have so much more D than your dad that he’d be embarrassed to raise cane with me and I’d miss that oh no Harold you’re too big a boy to cry it’s different with me I’m a girl it may not be too late you know

Maybe I’ll be able to talk your dad into talking me into staying George I don’t care what you say I’m going to talk her into stay [Applause] now I’ll get it well hisel won’t be long now you all packed yeah but I was just thinking if you really needed me here well we’ll get along just fine but I know how hard it is to get a maid to fill my place well I

Got three or four already lined up oh Hazel I want to tell you how happy I am you’re doing this you’ll be a great success and you deserve it so don’t give us a thought just uh send us a postcard now and then oh no but surely oh yes I I understand Hazel George that was Mr Fenton he’s on his way over oh is he bringing the plane tickets it’s terrible Hazel those recipes for your cookbook where’d you get them from my mother why well Mr Fenton’s staff was making a routine copyright check and and what well apparently Hazel’s mother got those

Recipes from an old cookbook called culinary Echoes from Yonder oh yeah I remember seeing a book like that around the house when I was a kid now brace yourself Hazel Mr Fenton will explain it more when he gets here he can’t publish your book the other book still has a

Copyright the whole deal is off a ain’t that awful G ha I don’t know what to say well there’s nothing to say I guess I just got to go and unpack my Duts hook chops and sweet potato [Applause] Pie uh let me speak to the president of the company please well my name don’t matter I’m a consumer I got a complaint to make no no I’m not about the product I think you put up a very nice pickle now if you just switch me over to the president I’ll

All right my name’s Hazel Burke yeah I’m calling again I call him every day this week and I’m going to keep calling him oh he won’t huh well give him this message his noon whistle still a minute Late La School Bus son finish your milk Harold come on Harold I got your lunch box and your book wipe off your mouth no on your napkin oh dear I know sleeves was made before a napkin oh Mr B you got egg on your tie you better change it

Before you go to work hey boy Bye Mom bye dad you know I’m getting a little tired of her ordering me around she does get pretty bossy sometimes as if I didn’t know enough to change my own tie I want you to do me a big favor now it’s

Very important what is it well you know Ernie’s Truck when you see it don’t you sure you can see the Lorn back well this is his day but I don’t want him to get here till after your dad leaves because dad likes a quiet in the morning yeah

Yeah something like that so if you see him on the way to school you be sure and tell him now it’s very important how can I tell him I’ll be in the school bus well just put down the window and yell they’re calling for you here you are

Honey now hurry up and and and be sure and yell when you see them it’s very important okay bye better Shake A Leg Mr be you’ll be late mhm well I’m going to have another cup of coffee but you had three well today I’m going to have four three your

Usual today I’m going to have an unusual I’m having four what time you you have Miss B um 8:45 oh you won’t have time Mr be I’ll get your Cod Hazel I said I’m having another cup of coffee and be late yes okay A little C A BBY y this morning

Ain’t he Hazel are you under the impression I don’t know how to spell sure I know you can spell but I just didn’t want to call you crabby right to your face well that’s a limit I’ll speak to her George have you noticed how she hustles me out of here every time The

Gardener’s coming well no I can’t say that I have Hazel always tries to keep us on schedule aha but this is different she does it because she knows I want to talk to him it’s been happening for a month you’re going to have to get this

Down in an awful hurry Mr be Hazel I’m waiting for the gardener to get here now why would you want to do a thing like that for because I’m going to fire him oh George he’s such a nice man the salt of the earth Harold loves him they play

Catch together and maybe that explains why Ernie doesn’t do the gardening Ernie’s a terrific Gardener He’s got a green thumb clear up to his elbow oh I must admit that things grow for him I can see that our yard looks like a jungle now George he mows the lawn every

Week yes but he doesn’t trim the edges the flower beds are full of weeds the shrubber is a mess why I asked him to trim the edges separates our yard from the Johnson’s over two months ago and he hasn’t done it yet well you can’t just

Rush into a thing like that well I wouldn’t say 2 months is exactly rushing believe me I like him too and he used to do a good job for us but he’s not doing a good job now and I won’t stand for it I’m going to have to let him go I think

You ought to know Mr be a couple of months ago Ernie had a shattering experience what happened to him he got spurned spurned he’d been gone with this girl nearly 5 years oh she was gorgeous she worked down at the laundry as a Mangler and then one day right out of

The blue she up and eloped with one of the drivers oh that’s too bad oh it was awful hard on Ernie it just about staggered him now Hazel if you’re trying to talk me out of firing Ernie you’re doing a bad job of it because I’m going

To have to let him go oh but you can’t do that Mr B everybody’s been letting him go where about the only customers he’s got left there he is Now I’m going to get this settled Ernie would you come in here for a moment I’d like to talk with you ah please Mr be yes sir morning Hazel Mrs Baxter I I saw Harold on on the school bus he he he screamed something but but I

Couldn’t make out what it was he probably wanted to ask you if you were still teaching Sunday school class are you still teaching Ernie oh yes uh every Sunday Building Up character in young people fine fine now Ernie what is it the good book says Ernie the quality of

Mercy is not strain it droppeth as the gentle rain from Heaven that’s Shakespeare you don’t think Shakespeare is a good book he’s out standon do you mind if I talk with Ernie no go right ahead Mr be but remember the quality of Mercy Hazel that is

Enough now Ernie couple of months ago I asked you to trim our hedge yes sir you did and you didn’t do it no no I didn’t our flower beds are full of weeds yes I I guess they are generally speaking would you say it’s fair to say that our

Place is going to pot yes I I guess that’s pretty fair of course you must realize that I can’t continue to put up with this no I I guess you can’t so you leave me no alternative but to inform you that I must find another Gardener unless your work shows immediate Improvement well I better get the office hey need doozy boy if you don’t give him a big smack goodbye I will I’ll take care of it I don’t know what got into me I didn’t mean to give him another chance I

Intended to fire him right on the spot glad you didn’t I bet you are too I don’t know about that remember I first warned him that his work was slipping over two months ago you’re an old softy well I’m not a sof at the office down there when I speak people jump yes

Darling and if they don’t I let them go well an office is different an office is not different an employee is an employee no matter where he works and Ernie is simply an employee oh I don’t know what got into me wait a minute that Hazel gets away with murder yes darling and

She told me to give you this just as I said she gets away with murder I’ll tell you one thing and I mean this if Ernie doesn’t get on the ball he’s out and I don’t mean next month or next week I mean this week today now I’m going to be checking up

For him I’m going to call from the office you might tell him then yes George but daring don’t try to change my mind I mean it no darling but you haven’t changed your tie Hazel I was trimming the head the other day and when I was through it

Looked like a roller coaster I I’ve lost my touch oh Ernie everybody lose their touch but they get it back again you see it all the time in the movies it’s always happening to doctors they end up someplace in the tropics needing a shave drinking out a dirty bottle

And then one day somebody needs an operation and nobody needs me you’re thinking of Betty again ain’t you I never stop thinking about her oh she’s just a gorgeous face with nothing behind it you got to forget about her sure but but how do I do that well you just lose

Yourself in your work now finish your coffee and then go out and mow that lawn like the old Ernie no ridges I’ll try and trim the edges you know like you used to clean as a whistle I’ll try Hazel and you’ll do it I know you will

You we going to make this the show place in the neighborhood I know it thank you H hello hi darling I just walked in the door oh I don’t know I suppose she’s out shopping well how’s Ernie doing or perhaps I should say is Ernie doing anything yes yes I can hear the lawnmower uhuh oh don’t worry darling I’m sure you made that clear this morning like a hawk

[Applause] bye-bye Arie who’s running the lawnmower Hazel Hazel oh Ernie you ought to be ashamed of your self Hazel yeah Miss would you turn off the lawnmower please and come over here oh Ernie it’s bad enough not doing your own work but to to let a woman do

It for you you it’s terrible where’s your pride your sense of manhood oh you should have seen him 10 minutes ago he was going like a house of fire but I finished the laundry in the cleaning and I said to myself well I’d like a little

Exercise so I come down and talked Ernie into to let me take the lawn m more over for a while now Hazel that isn’t the way it was Ernie stop button in and now I got my exercise I’m going to give him the lawnmower back again oh I should

Hope so all right Ernie go on go to it cuz my work ain’t up to your standard I hope you don’t have to do it over again he’s just a perfectionist Hazel you’re talking to me Dorothy he hasn’t done one thing this morning has he oh well he

Hasn’t gotten a stride yet he sort of close himself in you know he just wants to sit and feel sorry for himself exactly sounds kind of familiar don’t it familiar yeah you know Mr be George has never done such a thing in his life you

Know that time 3 months ago when he came home after he’d lost that case he’ worked so hard on oh came home that night and didn’t want dinner didn’t want to be disturbed just went in the den and shut the door yes I remember you went in

Right after him and in about 10 minutes I heard you laughing and giggling carrying on you weren’t carrying on well whatever you was doing you cheered him up Mr Beast got somebody to do that for him see but Ernie ain’t got nobody and that’s a terrible thing yes it is cuz he

Ain’t my type I ain’t interested in him romantically but I think I ought to try to cheer him up and get him on his feet again cuz if a human being can’t do that for another human being then no was just wasting space on that Ark you should

Have handed over ticket to one of those Doners oh boy you’re working like a house of fire today Ernie thanks ha I bet a good-looking fellow like you has women chasing him all the time huh oh come on Hazel no I mean it how come you haven’t started dating somebody new you know Ernie that’s what you need who

Go out with me lots of women I ain’t the type to push myself forward but I’d be hon it you would sure anytime well could we go out tonight boy you’re a fast worker well just give me a chance to do the dishes and Gussy myself up a little well could

We uh go out bowling oh no no bowling no no that’s out I I thought you love bowling oh I do but I’m just not in the mood for it tonight how about roller skating I don’t I don’t skate well the playground’s open tonight you want to play some

Badminton I don’t play you just think of something it’ll be okay with Me you mean Hazel’s going out with him that’s right oh she’s making a big thing of it she’s going to wear a coat with a mint collar oh no that coat always WS of mothballs it’s been airing in the backyard all afternoon I I’d pity any butterfly that

Flooded into our yard he’d be a dead duck by now now Hazel wants to build Ernie’s morale give him confidence and interest in life well I must admit his work did look better today at least I knew he had been there oh I noticed a change right

After she made the date with him he didn’t stop for a minute oh Hazel suor is right on time would somebody get that door I ain’t quite presentable yet I’ll get it Hazel well good evening Ernie good evening Mrs Baxter Hazel isn’t quite ready yet won’t

You come in I I’ll just uh stay on the porch oh don’t be silly come on in I’ll see how Hazel’s coming along and you can go in the living room and sit down well I’ll just uh stay in the hall come on in Hy oh good evening Mr Baxter go on

Ernie well I just want you to to know that I think you did a very good job today oh well thank you Mr Baxter come on sit down well I understand oh come on Ernie sit down well all I know is we ain’t going bowling I put my foot down on that would

You love to bowl isn’t this your regular night for it no not tonight Ernie ain’t such a good bowler and if I was to run up a terrific score you know like I usually do it wouldn’t be good for his morale well a lady can always manage to

Lose to a gentleman oh no Missy I couldn’t do a thing like that if the gang down to the bowling alley was to see me throw a game it would be like the black sock Scandal all over again don’t ever buy any of these five and dime pearls they’re always peeling on

You and besides I don’t know whether I could force myself to lose and whenever I play a game I always think of nothing but winning and tonight I want Ernie to win well it would certainly be good for his morale all right oh sure that’s why I I suggested bedminton imagine me winning

At that I I haven’t had a racket in my hand in 6 months it’s still too strong well there’s a trace oh would would you hand me that atomizer I’ll give it a few squirts of my best cologne oh really so was I what branch the Infantry I was a staff sergeant H

Europe right from dday fought in the Battle of the Bulge oh boy that was rough yes it was pretty rough opportun was held down 3 days and nights a lot of casualties but we held them off all set Arnie all said Hazel well good night Mr Baxter good night

Ernie gee Hazel you look SW oh thanks Ernie I got to do right by my escort good night missy good night hazel good night Mrs bter be sure and get Mr be to bed early he’s getting those circles under his eyes again he gets that from that close work and law books

You know I get the same thing from Don and socks what was that nonsense about circles oh darling you do have a little bit you know oh don’t be silly all right George shall we watch some television no I don’t think so my eyes a little there’s nothing actually I want to see

Tonight what do you suppose those two are going to do oh I don’t know go to a movie I guess or no wait a minute there’s a flower show at the Civic Auditorium now with Ernie’s interest in gardening that’s where they’ll be you got much pool Ernie oh quite a

Lot I learned when I was in the Army and it’s been my hobby ever since oh well I’ll show you how to hold the cube oh I know how to hold it but I ain’t play in years you’ll probably skunk me oh well no woman is expected to be

Too good at pool you know yeah that’s right well what should we play Rotation we yes okay go ahead and break all right boy you hit that just perfect now let’s see you get the one ball you handle that stick Like A Champion now let’s see you go after the t [Applause]

Bow boy I’m glad we’re not playing for money well nobody could have made that one now hezo let me see what you can do just take it easy uh don’t press okay Ernie [Laughter] Oh [Applause] you ain’t tried this shot in years probably won’t workc Me Hael I thought you hardly knew how to play Oh for peace sake I’m going to take you right home oh that that that was just begin’s lock Ernie oh sure sure oh I couldn’t have done that in a million years not even in a trillion hazer you

Could beat me at po using a broom handle and you know it come on I’m taking you home wait a minute Ernie there’s another place I want to [Applause] go how about for lady huh this way you say you’re pitching arm as bad sir I tell you what I’m going to do how about it Mis want a nice little dog for the lady oh yeah that little one was a was a long

Ha you don’t belong to any uh Rifle Club do you oh for pet sake no well do you hold any Sharpshooters medals or I couldn’t hit the broadside of a bottom of the shovel then you shoot first I’m not going to stick my neck out like I

Did in that pool game all right you hold my bag for me will you are what I don’t know about guns here you go honey just line up Bes night into the bullseye that’ll be twoo bit please I hit it honey you missed it so far I almost

Stck when you hit the bullseye the gong rings I was so busy listening for the sound of the bang it’s enough to give you gray Hair I miss her yes Hazel you can’t close your eyes like that honey you never hit anything that way Hazel let me show you boy am I glad to get rid of that [Applause] thing wow say you can really shoot thank you uh Miss Florence you ought to give

Your wife a few lessons oh we ain’t married oh you care to try again thank you uh Florence okay this one down here’s already loaded pretty girl ain’t she Annie beautiful where’d you learn to shoot like that well I I was an expert Rifleman in the in the Army oh so was my

Husband oh my late husband oh I’m scared of guns maybe that’s one reason why Ernie and me his name is Ernie talber why we ain’t going steady or anything well would you care to try it again ern’s on the house oh thank you uh Florence what did you say your last name was

Florence gurnie gurnie G you are r n e y d u r n e y kondik 5 2367 thank you you want to go now Ernie oh no let’s let’s stay around for for a while well I have to give you credit Ernie over these last few months you’ve

Turned out yard into a show place oh thank you Mr Baxter I’m glad you’re pleased you know I’m going to get married in two weeks no I didn’t know well congratulations yeah to Florence gurnie a gorgeous girl she’s still working down the shooting gallery Ernie yes but she’s

Quitting as soon as we get married that’s really why I’m here Mr Baxter oh yes I’m afraid you’re going to have to find another Gardener what well I’ve got all my old accounts back and and some new ones besides uh Florence thinks I ought to concentrate on Estates from now

On and your place is pretty small sake well don’t feel too bad Mr back a heck you and me can knock it off on the weekends boy will you see what I got for you hot fudge Sunday all right Hazel what do you want I don’t want nothing oh come on now I

Can’t even get a cracker out of you between meals unless you want something oh this is different today is the anniversary of the first time I ever laid eyes on you I made this to celebrate well that’s very sweet of you Hazel they’ve been terrific years I never been happier and Missy couldn’t

Have made a better choice well thank you yes had been wonderful years for me too you know I’m amazed that you remembered oh like it was yesterday it was your first date with Missy you come to take her out to a dance yeah it was a spring

Prom the school star athlete boy was she excited but to tell you the truth I didn’t like the idea of her going out with you I thought you’d probably turn out to be swell-headed you oh no you couldn’t have been nicer such a good-look kid so tall and slim

Boy you didn’t have no hips at all well with all those Athletics you know Mr be you sure gone to pot I have not you put on 40 lbs since them days say I must have been crazy making you a hot fudge Sunday well you’re out of lot wait a

This made you can’t just throw it away oh I ain’t going to throw it away I’m going to eat it Myself [Applause] w [Applause] darling what’s happening with lunch I’m starved oh it’ll be a few minutes George I’m just starting it now you’re starting it where’s Hazel well she’s busy someplace you know Hazel she’s always is she next door again oh no I don’t think she’s at the Johnson’s George I mean the

Blakes and you know I mean the Blakes well uh she might be at the Blakes yes this is ridiculous now George those children haven’t mother and the housekeeper didn’t work out somebody had to fix lunch for them what’s the matter with Stan he’s their father this is

Saturday he’s home Stan is as helpless in the kitchen as you are oh I’m not so helpless in the kitchen before we were married you ate out not all the times sometimes I used to make peanut butter sandwiches I see I told you well all right she’s spending

So much time over there Stan ought to pay for half her salary oh she’s not over there that much she’s just being neighbor neighborly my foot she’s adopted the family hello Mr Mrs Baxter is Hazel here hi Don no she’s she’s at your place making lunch oh swell say Mr

Baxter have you finished that detective book you’re reading yes I have well Hazel said you’d probably lend it to me when you’re through oh she did did she you’ll be sure to return it won’t you Don oh yes ma’am and I’ll be very careful with it well it’s in the den

I’ll get it for you oh I’ll get it Mr Baxter gosh I know this house as well as I know my own Le U he spends enough time here well it’s true all four children practically live here and Hazel’s responsible little Stevie comes to play with Harold but the

Other children come to see Hazel she’s a pi Piper where children are concerned hi hi hi who’s this I don’t know you mean to tell me the total strangers are now coming in for cookies well at least it wasn’t one of the Blake children oh fine now the whole

Neighborhood is going to Mr Baxter have you seen my hockey puck any place your hockey puck no Don I haven’t well I think I left it in your Den yesterday well if I find it I’ll give it to Hazel you two seem to see each other occasionally oh sure but but it’d be

Better if you put it in your hall closet with the rest of my stuff Hazel gets awful mad if I leave things around oh Hazel told me to help myself anytime of course D bye bye oh this is just great why doesn’t she put a sign out in front that reads free

Lunch what do you think if I wear my hair this way looks real snazzy do you think the boys will like it sure I don’t want you to think I’m one of those girls that just thinks about boys cuz I’m not no of course not they’ve hardly been mentioned in the

Past hour except just in passing boys just drive me crazy they’re they’re always showing off and then if you happen to look their way they they pretend like they don’t even know you’re alive oh they know all right that Gordon fry sits in back of me

In study hall oh he thinks he’s so cute and well he is kind of kind of cute but do you know what he does just to try to make me mad he pretends he’s ignoring me no kiding he does he’s never even spoken to me oh he thinks he’s so

Cute well why don’t you just ignore him back I do I’ve never spoken to him either you should see the way some of the girls chase after him it’s terrible they ought to be ashamed of themselves they’re just boy crazy that’s all hi Hazel hi Mr Baxter loan me his book I

Knew he would and don’t get it dirty look at your hands they’re grubby well I’ve been playing baseball for God’s sake oh who else was playing oh just some of the guys is lunch ready pretty soon another 5 minutes I suppose that show off Gordon fry was there I’ll go

Wash up I said was Gordon fry there yes Gordon was there oh he’s such a show off I can’t stand it oh sure every time she gets around Gordon she gives him the hairy eyeball I do not the hairy eyeball you know like this I do not I do not oh you’re awful

He says in study house she’s always turning around looking at him for your information I turn around to look at the clock oh well never mind you two that’s enough now Don you go get washed up and Linda you better round up Stevie and Mavis Mavis will be a mess she always is

Well a six-year-old’s got a right to be she’s probably had a busy morning making mud pies you better clean her up okay Blake residence Blake residence is it I hope I’m not disturbing you no you ain’t disturbing me who is this this happens to be George Baxter your

Employer oh oh excuse me Mr be I didn’t expect to hear you your voice it’s sort of like having the hot water come out of the wrong faucet you want to speak to Mr Blake no I want to speak to you I can’t chitchat with you now Mr B I’m fixing lunch I

Don’t want to chitchat either I want you back home here where you belong oh I’ll be home in two shakes of a lamb’s tail wellow that’s better just as soon as I finish lunch and make the [Applause] Beds [Applause] Hazel slow down you’ll wear yourself out well I got to catch up on my work Mr be was all upset about it relax a minute you haven’t stopped for 3 hours now sit down oh it does feel kind of good to get get off my feet at

That George isn’t so upset at you Hazel as he is that you’re letting people take advantage of you oh nobody’s taking advantage of me you can’t take care of two families and two different houses at the same time nobody could oh Missy you know how I love kids I just love to be

Around them they’re so full of life and energy it just kind of splashes all over the place makes me remember when you was Linda’s age didn’t we have a mad house though there was never a quiet moment sure it’s just like that at the Blakes with Linda with her friends and Don with

His coming and going all the time but all that work Hazel oh I’d almost pay them to let me hang around it’s a riot Linda’s got a crush on a boy and don’t even know it oh come on so help me Hannah she keeps talking about him all

The time his name’s Gordon fry Don says she’s always giv him the hairy eyeball the hairy eyeball oh you got to get up to date Missy like this that’s a hairy eyeball ain’t that a scream that sounds like the title to a horror movie The hairy eyeball of the deep

Lagoon oh I guess when I was 14 I used slang just as silly oh sure you did I did too but you know something my 14 never really happened I was going to high school then and well Mama died so I was the oldest and I had to bring up the

Rest of the family you’ve been doing that ever since oh I had it ball didn’t we have fun together oh yes Hazel we had a wonderful time remember the pajama party and we sleep on the floor sure and me right in the middle in my sleeping bag eating chocolate brownies yeah

Playing wets talking about boys yeah oh dear I wonder if Linda’s ever had a pajama party well if she hasn’t she’s missing something you know a room this size could hold about 15 or 20 girls yes I suppose it would what do you mean oh well you know

She couldn’t have it over at her house with her sister and brother’s button in all the time now oh Don’s an awful tease he just ruined everything now wait a minute you wouldn’t mind would you well no I guess not course I’d clear it with Mr be first naturally if it’s all right

With George it’s all right with me swell I’ll call Lindon and see how she likes the idea oh say I better get out my old sleeping bag are you going to sleep on the floor with them well sure ain’t you no I think I’ll pass it up this time oh I wouldn’t

Miss it for anything oh John the phone’s busy I’ll run next door and ask [Applause] her what’s he saying he he keeps saying hello let me listen he said it now let’s hang up that’ll show him that Gordon fry is such a show off oh he’s terrible let’s call him back all right shall we say anything thing let’s see what he says first what’s he

Saying he keeps saying hello oh he’s such a show off let’s say something what do we say say hello you say it you say it it’s your phone hello what’s the matter he hung up well that’s pretty rude that’s very rude just goes to show what kind of boy he

Is oh kids have I got an idea how would you like to have a pajama party next Friday night but George you should have heard her yes darling but a bunch of giggling girls I’ll be out of my mind Hazel does so much for us and so much for everybody

Else and can’t we put up with it but just one night it would give her so much pleasure no of course we can tell her it’s all right oh no I want her to asked you herself and I don’t want her to know I’ve said anything sometimes you’re a little Gruff

And I want her to see that you love her as I do okay I’ll be so understanding she’ll think she’s in the wrong house oh oh there she is now Hazel Oh Linda is crazy about the idea oh good now all I have to do is

Find Mr be and get his permission he’s in the den oh I feel kind of like Daniel going in the Lion’s Den so don’t be silly I’m going to treat this like one of them diplomats first I’m going to chitchat him into a good mood I might even give him a couple

Of hairy eyeballs wish me luck I do hazel always come in Hazel I ain’t disturbing you no not a bit well how you been Mr be fine just fine I was writing my cousin last week I told her what a terrific shape you keep yourself in for a man

Your age you mean a man my age well you’re nearly 40 Hazel I’m past 40 but Pete’s sake so you are you look so young I keep forgetting thank you like I wrote my cousin you got such a young mind you know just like a college boy it’s hard to realize sometimes

That you’re an important successful lawyer thank you Hazel not that that’s a ballpoint pen that’s how dumb I am I never even noticed it oh but boy them eyes are yours don’t miss a thing thank you Asel like I wrote my cousin it’s going to be a cold day in July before

Anybody puts anything over on Mr B right say what about this modern education you know flashcards and all that what what effect do you think it’s going to have on our young people well Hazel you know my views on education oh sure but I was just wondering you know

Say a a 14-year-old girl you know or a bunch of them it ought to be very interesting for a man with an inquiring mind like you to hear what they talk about ain’t that right Mr B oh I think that might be very interesting I don’t know how a person would get them

Together unless we was to have a pajama party or something like that now I wonder how something like that could be arranged I could do it what about next Friday night perfect oh you’re a doozy Mr be Hazel how did it go he said yes oh he’s the nicest man he’s so trusting

That made me feel ashamed of myself for having tricked him like that that way oh well I can’t help it you know me in my glib tongue he didn’t have a chance I think I’ll call Linda and tell her about it oh Hazel you’ll have to make some

Brownies sure got to start shelling them walnuts Oh Linda I got terrific news for you the Baxter says it’s okay to have your PJ party over here ain’t that something well I don’t know Hazel why would we want to have it over there well over over at your house you’d have Mavis

And Stevie around and Don Pest and over here we just got little Harold and Mrs be take care of him well I I don’t know Hazel I’m going to make brownies oh that’s super but just a minute while I talked to Mary Hazel wants us to have the party over

There what for well so don won’t be pestering us and oh I think he’s cute don’t be silly and Stevie and mayus will be hanging around uh I forgot them of course they go to bed pretty early could we use the phone at the backers Hazel could we use the phone

Over there oh sure of course you could they could use the phone couldn’t they Missy oh sure sure you could use the phone just a minute she says we can use the phone but nobody know where we were what if somebody tried to call us a boy oh gosh what if Gordon fry

Tried he we think we better have it over here oh they think they ought to have it over there you want me to bring the brownies over oh sure and could you bring some of your old Jazz records oh sure is it okay if I bring my sleeping

Bag she wants to bring her sleeping bag sure Hazel sure oh boy I can’t wait on Friday night talk to you later oh boy are we going to have fun oh no they ain’t done enough are you going to be gone all night Hazel oh sure

Us girls is having a pajama party Hazel will be right next door at the Blakes heral sure I’ll be sleeping in my sleeping bag over there I’ll get it Hazel you watch your brownies okay Missy can I go too oh no this is for girls maybe your dad will sleep on the floor

Over there he could use his air mattress yeah are you going to take this well I ain’t no Arthur Godfrey but I thought I’d take it along in case some of the girls wanted to do a little harmonizing oh hello hi Mr Baxter I was

Hoping you’d open the door can I talk to you of course come on in is Hazel around she’s in the kitchen I’ll call her oh no I don’t want her to hear me oh well come on in the living room then thank you good evening Linda tonight the big night yes sir that’s

What I came to talk to you about I just feel terrible but what is it well the other girls don’t want Hazel there oh Linda they don’t think she’ll fit in she’ll make them feel funny you know they won’t be able to talk would you tell her not to come make some kind

Of excuse I can’t tell her that I can’t Linda why did you wait till the last minute oh well I just kept putting it off I don’t want to hurt her oh but don’t you see she she’s too old she’s not too old she’s not Linda I’ll speak with her thanks Mr

Baxter I just feel terrible good night good night Mrs paxter good night Linda good night oh George Dorothy I know that’s a hateful little girl no no no she she’s just 14 but she’s right yes it’s sad but it’s true Hazel has no place at a pajama

Party for 14 year olds George when Hazel was 14 years old she was busy taking care of her brothers and sister and she missed all the fun we can’t let those girls push her away now they’re not pushing her away time has done that

It’s doing it to all of us just as one day it will do it to Linda George what are you going to say to her I don’t know sour woo boy my dog has fleas perfect I knew a man named Mr finegan he had whiskers on his chin again Along

Came a wind and BW their again poor mran again I knew a man Nam Mr he had whiskers on hisel Hazel I sorry to interrupt you but I would like to speak with you oh sure Mr be hey Dad can we sleep on the floor tonight son you run along but can we

Have a pajama party Harold will discuss it later yes sir you look so serious Mr be anything the matter yes uh there’s something very much the matter is Missy all right she’s fine Hazel I uh I have some bad news for you uh Linda came over to uh talk with

Us yeah uh Linda and her friends will want to keep the pajama party for uh 14-year-olds what do you mean Mr B they don’t want me to come that’s right um but Mr B I was counting on it I know they don’t want me not at the

Pajama party but that doesn’t mean they don’t want you they do want you but they uh they want you as you are a mature grown woman someone they can always bring the troubles too someone who will always keep the Cookie Jar full uh-oh out of my way Mr be I got to look

At my [Applause] brownies hey let’s do it again oh no let’s do another one would you like to hear the number I used when I tried out on major Bose’s Amateur hour you tried it out for Major Bose oh sure I did a combination played the uke and sang and danced all

At the same time oh I thought I was terrific but they gave me the gang half the way through they was very nice about it though they said that radio wasn’t quite ready for me yet I wonder who that could be I can’t imagine it’s almost midnight maybe it’s

A burglar oh more likely it’s the police tell us we’re making too much noise oh hi Mr bter we heard you’re singing we were hoping we could come over and join you for a while well uh how about it Hazel can you use a few more voices oh sure the more of the

Marrier come on in how’d you like the brownies I didn’t think they were up to my usual you always say that this time I think you’ve surpassed yourself for Pete sake Mr B you’d eat anything that didn’t have skull and crossbones on it what are we sing girls let’s sing working on the

Railroad oh sure beening on the Rail Road all the live long day I’ve been working on the ra just to pass the time away you hear the whistle blow rise up so early in the morning hear the captain Shou speak to you for a minute what is it Hazel oh not to you I wanted to talk to Missy you just go right ahead with your book enjoy yourself all right don’t let me disturb you he’s had a hard day at the office you know he deserves to

Have some rest but like they say Woman’s work is never done I’m pooped well you’ve had a full day Hazel you better just rest tonight well I’ve been ironing for almost 2 hours them shirts your shirts Mr be don’t let me disturb you go right ahead enjoy your book all right I

Never saw a man could use up as many clean shirts in a week as he can Hazel I’m sorry but I intend to wear a clean shirt every morning and another if we entertain or go out in the evening okay Mr V I guess it ain’t the number of

Shirt so much as that old iron I’ve been using it for8 years it isn’t it working properly about as as good as it ever did good but you know it’s an antique they made a lot of improvements in irons in the last eight years Mr be with a new

Iron a person could probably Hazel we’ll buy you a new Iron oh thanks Mr be I didn’t want to come right out blunt and ask you know thanks you don’t get a new Iron every week well enjoy your mystery it’s got a terrific ending you never guess it was that pretty girl don’t

It La Oh Mr be you look handsome boy you’re the best looking man in the tuxedo I ever seen well thank you Hazel going to be dancing and everything huh oh sure they’ve hired a small Orchestra oh gee I’d you like to go to an affair like

That oh Mr be now don’t don’t you hang around the punch bowl you get out there and dance all right Hazel I will I’ll be dancing a fox toot all evening no matter what they’re playing oh I bet you’re a terrific dancer fat men is always lying

On their feet thanks oh Missy do you look gorgeous thank you Hazel do you like the dress terrific she looks like a princess and a fairy tale don’t you Mr be she looks lovely oh and you’re wearing your mother’s diamond earrings M I had George get them out of the safe

Deposit box aren’t they beautiful oh yeah but it’s is shamed to hide them on your ears if it was me I’d want to wear them on my fingers so I could look at them now you two stay here I want to get my camera Hazel we have to leave we

Hav’t got time for pictures oh just a couple Mr be not even one we’ll be late well you got to say good night to Harold anyway Harold your Bo is leaving I wonder if the Crowders will be there oh I’m sure they will brother she always

Traps me in a tango and I can’t dance the tango are you leaving that’s right it’s time for you to go to bed you sure looks SW well thank you sir well what about me you look SW too you look like a waiter well thank you sir I

Think everybody smile oh for Pete sake hael you Blinded Me oh well it’ll it’s over in a sec this will be a terrific picture now you just all get over there we don’t have time for pictures give me a kiss good night Harold smile hezel oh that didn’t hold you up

Long no I want to get one more there will not be any more pictures you be a good boy Harold and go to bed I will night Harold good night night night hazel good night missy good night Mr be oh boy i’ sure like to go to an

Affair like that why don’t we watch some television oh no you got to get to bed you want to take some more pictures no you got to hit the Hast board oh won’t you just let me stay for a little while now come on you don’t want to keep your

Dreams waiting do you my dreams oh sure you got a lot of dreams they can’t star till you get there I’ll bet that horse of yours is waiting you mean star sure the fastest horse in the west boy can’t you just see yourself riding him in that

Cowboy suit yeah shooting the bad guys with my Six Guns oh sure you got some swell dreams coming up good night hazel good night sport boy a dance like that must be something announcing the arrival of Lady Hazel Burke how’ you do how’ you do oh your lordship leave

Off kissing my hand them cameraman is taking our pictures oh my diamonds they was mam sure they’ve been in the family so long they’re practically wore out what’s that you do ship oh my dress oh yeah gorgeous I got it in Paris France it wasn’t even on

Sale it sets off my figet something terrific shall we Dance oh a p Safe Smile hey doing don’t you move a muscle move how can I you practically paralyze me that was only a bunch you start acting funny I’ll make it a home run this is the perfect ending of a perfect day well let’s call the police let’s get it over with I’m going to call

Them don’t you worry where’s where’s the phone it’s right in here well then do it you sit down there and don’t start acting funny well just hurry up and call the police after this town jail will be a relief there ain’t nothing wrong with this town they’re putting a few of you

Burglars in jail won’t kill her I’m not a burglar you broke into the house I’m hungry I was going to take some food sure but that doesn’t make me a burglar well you’re holding a ball bat that doesn’t make you Mickey mandle funny kind of fella well just call the police at least

I’ll get something to eat in jail you mean you ain’t had no dinner I haven’t had a bite to eat since yesterday well for Pete’s sake Hazel that’s the best meal I ever had oh I don’t know I didn’t think my biscuits was up to usual you want another piece of pie no thanks I couldn’t oh we’ll have some more coffee anyway so you was a mechanic over in cille huh darn good

One too saved up $1,200 because open a shop of my own figured this would be the town for for it what a laugh what do you mean yesterday I drew all my money out of the bank said goodbye to my friends piled the stuff in the car and started out for

Here biggest mistake I ever made well for Pete’s sake what happened well I had to drive all night I was happy as a bird got here at 7:00 this morning just when I came into town I picked up a hitchhiker he held me up and stole my

$1,200 the whole 12200 didn’t even leave me the wallet knocked me Co and left me with 40 cents to my name boy by now your poor head must be getting pretty lumpy oh it’ll be all right when I came to I I started to drive to Police Headquarters

And guess what I ran out of gas oh no so I had to walk a mile to a gas station I got 40 cents worth of gas in a can and walked back to the car Hazel the car was gone gone stolen everything clothes tools equipment everything gone oh I

Could bll well I did almost I threw the can of gas in a ditch and started to walk to a house to ask to use the phone I I still wanted to call the police by then I was kind of grimy looking and when I stepped in this man’s yard he he

Sicked the dog on me oh no look at my pants leg Hazel that was the last straw this town was just too much for me all I could think of is I wanted to get back to Centerville well then did you call the police oh I tried once more I

Flagged down a police car oh good cuz them boys in blue will always help not these boys in blue took one look at me and asked for identification which I didn’t have said to get out of town they’d arrest me for vagrancy well I’m going to write a letter to the editor

Spent the rest of the afternoon trying to earn bus Fair home I offered to carry trash cut lawns wash windows anything I couldn’t even get a job as a dishwasher Hazel I’ve been pushed and shoved until well I broke in here well I I got to call the police

Pet I know you do well you know I got it the folks is away and I’m responsible I understand I don’t want to just got to so I said to her sh it’s 2:00 a.m. so I said let’s have another glass of punch what I really should have said was let’s

Sit this one out your feet are killing me but if you think she was bad you should have danced with him he whispers in your ear all the time 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 it’s like dancing with a Metro though what’s this well it’s a note from Hazel you

Better wake me before you go upstairs I got some news for you and Mr B keep away from the pie she watches me like a hawk shall we wake her oh no I don’t think so it’s too late besides any new she has can keep I agree let’s go to

Bed remind me to put these earrings in the safety deposit box in the morning all right but I’m sure they’d be safe here no maybe so but I don’t want to take any chances well insured you know I know they have a sentimental value of insurance what I hear somebody snoring

He’s coming from the guest room oh that must be why Hazel let that know I wonder who it is I haven’t de ftest idea some relative I suppose let’s take a peek George you can’t just barge into somebody’s bedroom this is our bedroom in our house and I want to know who’s

Sleeping in there we won’t wake him Up well I can’t find the switch do you know him no do you no he’s wearing my pajamas all George I gave them to you for your birthday how about I know who it is that cousin of mine from California the one I’ve never seen you remember his letter

He said he was coming east and I wrote to him to be sure and stay with us Arnold Arnold are you Uncle Frank’s boy Arnold no go away it’s the middle of the night sorry excuse us come on I knew we shouldn’t have gone in there

But who is he I don’t know but Hazel wouldn’t take in some stranger off the street I’m not so sure about that I’m going downstairs and ask her you wake up barel what’s he doing is he sick no he’s not sick I got him down you’re on account of that fell in the

Guest room who is that man well uh if you just wait outside until I slip into my rapper I can explain everything it’s kind of complicated Hazel I just want to know who he is well he’s a burglar Burg you wake Harold you mean to tell me that’s a burglar sleeping in the

Guest room well actually he’s a mechanic this is his first burgle wake up H you come on out in the kitchen well if you just wait until I slip into my R them is to be I can explain everything there’s nothing to worry about messy I got all your

Valuables right here in bed with me Harold and your good silver and I got the family album and oh Mr B I got your golf trophy that you won for third place but believe me that golf trophy ain’t no cushion you know how the little fell has

His hands up like this yes well I rolled over on it and boy I almost hit the ceiling and while he was eating we got to chatting and he turned out to be one of the nicest Fells you’d want to meet he was even on the track team when he

Was a boy Hazel that doesn’t have anything to do with it the man’s a burglar oh no Mr be he’s more what you call a victim of circumstances he broke into a house he’s a burglar but he won’t do it again I made him promise you mean

You take him at his word oh sure if you knew what that poor man’s been through today in the first place Hazel you’ve told us well there you see I only hope that when he gets back to cille he don’t give this town a bad name in a way I was

Only helping out the Chamber of Commerce how do you talk to a woman like that and what’s more what do you mean by letting him sleep in my pajamas well being as how he was a guest I didn’t think you want him sleeping in his underwear I

Give I’m calling the police and turning that man in oh no Mr B you wouldn’t do a thing like that just because he made one little mistake Hazel breaking into a house is not a little mistake operator Now give me the police Mr B didn’t you ever make a mistake yes

But I’ve never broken into a house now will you get your hand off the phone didn’t you ever do anything you was ashamed of yes but yes you’re done toot and everybody has if we was all caught we’d have to line up to be arrested but

Most people is decent Mr be and if they do something they’re ashamed of they don’t do it again now that man upstairs is a shame don’t you want to give him another chance chance to what to burglarize again oh he won’t do it again

Mr it B don’t you think I’m a good judge of people well yes but you want to turn in a man you never even talk to well he’s down and out if you was to arrest him it’d be kind of like kicking him Dorothy what do you think I don’t

Know George I’d hate to ruin a man’s life just because of one mistake all right Hazel but I want him out of here tomorrow and I never want to see him around here again is that clear Mr B you’re the nicest man I ever met you got a good heart and a generous

Nature all right that’s enough Hazel I can’t imagine you doing nothing you’d ever be ashamed what did you do none of your business I know you never stole nothing thanks you wasn’t flirting with one of them secretaries of course not come on dthy let’s go to bed night H Night George George what what everything all right well everything’s fine I just wanted to ask you something what what did you do that you’re ashamed of oh for Pete’s sake it’s the middle of the night well I can’t sleep and you can tell me I’m your wife Dorothy after all

These years it doesn’t matter you’ll sleep better if you tell me I was asleep sound asleep we’ve all done things we’re ashamed of I have too so why don’t you just tell me all right all right I’ll tell you it happened in college and a girl

No it was it was during a chemistry test the professor trusted me I broke that trust I cheated I got the answers from the fellow next to me you mean that’s all there is to it yes now will you please go to sleep all right good night George Night Dorothy what did you do you’re ashamed Of is there anything I can do hey oh sure you can squeeze these oranges while I start the coffee when will that man be down well he ought to be down any minute now his name is Peter Warren now you be nice to Him holy smoke diamonds Dorothy you know something I must have been soft-headed last night you mean softhearted soft headed I should have called the police immediately do you realize that he could have cleaned us out during the night George my earrings you what M my diamond earrings

Where are they oh that crook where did you put them last night I don’t remember well think think I I took them off just before we came up the stairs yes yes and and then we heard the snoring I had them in my hand and then we went into the

Guest room oh well he couldn’t have taken him because he was sound asleep oh wait a minute wait a minute uh you told me to turn on the lamp and I couldn’t find the switch and I put my earrings on the dresser I’m going to take a look George they’re gone

What and there they were on the dresser oh they was Missy’s mother she sure Treasures them oh the backst will never be able to thank you enough what a fool I was he’s probably headed for the nearest pawn shop oh I hope we get them back operator give me the police this

Never would have happened if Hazel hadn’t I would like to report a burglary thank you and I’m going to hold her strictly responsible because yes Sergeant uh this is Mr George Baxter speaking my house has been burglarized by a man named Peter Warren Hazel Hazel now you’ve done it you’ve

Really done it this time your friend has disappeared and he ain’t disappeared disappeared and he’s taking Dorothy’s diamond earrings with him he ain’t disappeared he’s out in the garden working for his breakfast and here’s Missy’s Diamond errands right there Peter found them on the bureau Missy shouldn’t leave her errands around like

That suppose he was a crook Missy you shouldn’t leave your mama’s errands around like that you found them he uh turned them into Hast he’s out in the yard well I uh guess I owe him an apology well as long as he don’t know you suspected him I guess

It’s all right what’s this siren well I uh call the police oh Mr B you’re going to give our town an awful reputation in cerville well can’t you just take off the handcuffs it’ll give people the wrong idea I can’t help it Hazel the Cuffs stay on I’m sorry Peter

Well like I told you Hazel this just isn’t my lucky town but thanks for the night’s rest and the food do you have to take him in he didn’t steal anything breaking and entering with the intent to commit burglar is a felony he came in to

Steal food he’s admitted it what if we refuse to sign a complaint well I refuse I ain’t going to sign nothing and what’s more I ain’t never gone bowling with you two ever again so we’re just doing our duty now Mr Baxter if you don’t sign the complaint the district attorney doesn’t

Have a case he just wouldn’t prosecute oh all right we’re not signing the complaint so you can just let him go sorry Mr bter we’ll have to take him in if he’s tried burglary we have to check him out probably got to wreck it a mile long come on you let’s

Go well Mr be I hope you’re happy no no Mel I’m not I’m very sorry this thing happened you just sent an innocent man to The Gallows so he’s not going to The Gallows they’re just taking him down to jail so they can check on him well I

Hate to think of the kind of people he’s going to have to associate with down there you know what they got in that jail just a bunch of crooks well if he hasn’t a record they’ll let him go when well when they check on him George isn’t

There something we can do well Missy maybe a lawyer could speed things up but where’s a poor man who ain’t got a sent to his name going to get one you being a lawyer Mr B do you know where he could get one all right Hazel All right I’ll see

What I can do oh a here doozy oh and Mr be after you get him out be sure and tell him that he can use our guest room until he finds a place of his own oh for peach all right and Mr B tell him I’m

Letting out a pair of your old slack so he’ll have something decent to wear so it proves the first impressions can be wrong cuz I thought this was the unfriendliest town in the whole world and I met Hazel and you folks have you’ve been just wonderful to me that’s

All right pet we’re glad to do it everybody have enough to eat oh I can hardly move oh I was going to ask you to take out the trash for me oh sure I no sit down Peter you can do that later I was just figuring how you could pay back

The backers what you owe them what’s that well Mr B you don’t want her to be a free loader well certainly not and if he ain’t the one to pay for the broken window I don’t know who is I want to pay for it any nice now uh let’s see room

And board will cost you $2 a day day that okay well that’s more than fair now then them pants of Mr bees wait a minute Hazel I don’t want anything for those pants just what I was going to say Mr be they ain’t worth nothing I let them out

Oftener than I do the dog you see he has this terrific weight problem well if he’s going to be around for a few days he sure have find out I notice you ain’t much on vegetables either well no you never touched your beans and you just pecked at the salad

Salad and beans is full of vitamins you know they give you strong bones and teeth when was you at your dentist last a year or so I guess oh for Peace’s sake I got to put that down in my list you need a check up Peter welcome to the

Backers when you broke in here you didn’t know what you were letting yourself in for hael going to bed yet I think so can I get you something darling mm-m I’ll get you something little surprise chocolate oh why all the secrecy I just don’t want Hazel to know

About it that’s why George it’s not like you to be selfish she could have what’s left over when I get through I don’t mind sharing but I just don’t want to be rationed when I eat candy I want to eat as much candy as I want to

Eat caramel is my favorite I just don’t want somebody telling me how many pieces of candy I can have I was kind of hungry and I wondered if you folks would care to join me in a little midnight snack uh no thanks Hazel oh you could

Have a cup of tea Mr Bee that wouldn’t be fattening we don’t need a thing Hazel oh well I just thought I’d ask night missy good night Hazel night Mr be sweet dreams thank you Hazel and the same to you yeah and be sure and give your teeth

A good brushing Mr be when you finish that can [Applause] An Okay now there it all depends on whether that’s a nine or a four it’s a four yeah that’s what it is a four I guess I better ride it over H mhm Mr B would you give me some advice on one of my investments well I certainly Hazel what’s your problem well

I’ve been investing in some stock in the Davidson vacuum cleaner Corporation good company blue chip that’s the kind of vacuum cleaning we have p Hazel yes the best your dad only buys the best always pays in the long run that’s how come I started investing in that company I

Figured if Mr B thinks well enough of this product to buy it then it’s a good company for me to invest in so I’ve been buying one share of that stock every year for 11 years is our vacuum cleaner really that old oh sure they’ll be collecting that Year’s model as an

Antique soon all right Hazel you wanted to talk to me about your stock oh oh yeah well uh I got this letter from a Mr Gerald starky he’s the general manager of of the company and he wants to know if I’d send in my proxy so they could

Have it before the annual meeting do you think I ought to Mr be well Hazel I own a few shares but I really don’t feel I know enough about the management of the company to advise you properly I can ask around uh come to think of it uh Mr

Griffin owns a large block of that stock well this Mr stocky must be a real live wire because he said us stockholders can expect an extra dividend next year due to the potential sales of their new model and and look at this ad Mr be oh

Rosie says it’s a doozy it it waxes floors and dust and brush your clothes and cleans drapes right on the window it’s the same model that use in Office Buildings Mr be well our old cleaner won’t clean the drapes oh sure it don’t cuz it’s got too much suction this new

Model’s got four different kinds of suction and Rosie says it’s light as a feather it’s made of plastic you know the thing they make these nose cones out of oh boy a nose cone and it doesn’t need no oil in hold it hold it son we’re

Not going into orbit and we can at least afford three drops of oil a year oh besides I’m a reasonable man of course you are darling why isn’t we always have to go through this kind of rigoll before you get to the point Hazel oh gee if we

We need a new vacuum cleaner why don’t you just come out and tell me so all right we need a new vacuum cleaner a Davidson all right we’ll get one how much do they cost well counting the allowance that Mr Zimmerman’s going to give me for the old model $137.50

$137.50 well that’s ridiculous better go back to the rigoll Hazel why I’ve seen vacuum cleaners advertise for one/ third that price not a Davidson oh a Davidson can’t be that much better well I wouldn’t use nothing else it wouldn’t be loyal to my company well then you can

Just get along with the old one I’m not about to pay $137 for a new vacuum cleaner and that’s that boy and of the dooy darthy I’m leaving oh Mr B come and see the new vacuum cleaner you bought me and when you finished you just pull a plug out of

The wall give a tug on the cord there you are isn’t that marvelous Joy you can’t beat it Davidson well I’ll be getting back to the store and if anything goes wrong you just give me a ring nothing better go wrong with it $137 come on Smiley come on boy now sit

Sit Smiley sit Smiley that’s a good dog can we try it now Hazel Bo you waiting until you see this Dad all right okay you put the plugin for Smiley will you get to this attachment takes the Lo ha off the dog before they get on the furniture down Smiley even takes the

Fleas off the dog down Smiley sit Smiley it isn’t going to hurt it’ll feel good here we go okay smile of course you got to catch the dog first just look at my clothes oh let me get them hairs off with a vacuum Mr B he you

Want shut that thing up you know it takes a little while to to get the hang of it stand still Mr be you’re as bad as smiley heel listen there there now look at that ain’t that something oh this machine’s a doozy how’s that a tent

Brush at the dime store was done as well goodbye darling you have a nice day now yes I will oo listen to that just Purge like a kitten maybe the plug pulled out of the wall let let me see here it says push on button yeah and then press lever a I did

That and then uh select section buttons one four I did all that that’s all that needed just a little nudge no Me well now what do we do well all we got to do is to just call Mr Zimmerman and hope he gets it fixed before Mr B gets home Is it a loose connection oh that’s hardly likely Hazel I’m sorry I couldn’t get here any earlier Mrs Baxter is it going to take very long I hate Mr be to come in and discover that something was wrong with his brand new Davidson well it seems all right to me now let’s try

It well it it’s working again what did you do to it I’m not a thing you must have kicked the off lever by mistake no I didn’t it was working along fine and then all of a sudden it went and then it just went off you’re sure it ain’t a loose connection no

We’re sorry to have bothered you Mr Zimmerman oh that’s quite all right I don’t think you’ll have any more trouble with it but if you do you just give me a ring I still think it’s a loose connection ladies there’s something wrong with that Machine is it going to take very long Mr Zimmerman uhoh there he is oh boy I’m in for it now darling how nice to have you home early oh is there something the matter with our $137.50 Davidson vacuum cleaner oh no Mr be there ain’t nothing to worry about it

Ain’t going to cost nothing right Mr Zoom ah did you find the TR uhhuh just what I thought a loose connection well as long as it’s guaranteed oh well that’s the beauty of a Davidson Mr be if anything goes wrong they just fix it without no argument

Well it should work fine now well thank you for coming so promptly Mr Zimmerman oh not at all the Davidson company likes to keep its customers happy goodbye by know he’s a lot this oh thanks Mr be GE it’s real nice of you not to rub it in

What do you mean rub it in well I mean me hounding you to get a Davidson and then going wrong the very first thing well as long as they back up their guarantee Yoo Mr s come Back stay Smiley d boy Hazel come quick bring the vacuum Hazel get that dog out of here how just look at the mud on this carpet I didn’t mean to that’s okay boy I’ll have it cleaned up in a minute I’ll help you come on boy the wheels came off This is Hazel Burke at the boxer residence is Mr Zimmerman there [Applause] there now that ought to do it well we’re certainly grateful to you for coming so promptly Mr Zimmerman oh that’s my job the Davidson company likes to keep its customers happy well goodbye again bye [Applause] Byebye Missy [Applause] Missy Missy is this the general manager’s office well my name is Hazel Burke and I’d like to talk to him what about about a no good vacuum cleaner that’s what about well I already talked to your complaint department what do you mean Mr stalky can’t help

Me oh he’s holding sales meeting huh well what about tomorrow he’s holding him then too well I should think he’d be just as interested in making his machines work as he isn’t selling them oh boy well do this for me will you miss save me a seat at your stockholders

Meeting yeah I’m a stockholder the name is Hazel Burke Mr Griffin has to fly to the coast for a few days and he wants me to vote his Davidson stock for him oh do you have to go to the stockholders meeting yes there’s some kind of a shakeup being

Planned a few of the board members want to put Gerald starky the new general manager in as president but old man Davidson is not going to retire unless he’s forced into it I want to find out what both sides have to say George why don’t you tell Hazel and maybe she’ll

Let you vote her proes to no no I don’t even want to mention the fact I’m going to the meeting no matter how I voted Hazel would think I should have done the opposite but suppose she does the wrong thing believe me her 11 shares won’t make any difference in the

Outcome bye Hazel I’ll see you tonight bye Mr be have a nice day I’ll walk you to the hi darling glad to see it’s working all right again oh sure everything’s fine since the last time and to you too thank you very much George Baxter 200 shares and my proxy for Mr Harvey

Griffin 2,000 shares thank you Mr Bon thank you very much hi how do you do I’m Gerald starky the general manager how do you do oh and this is Mr Merryweather who’s running for the Board of Governors how do you sir have you been through the factory Mr

Baxter we like our family to know everything about our product well uh perhaps after the meeting good I’ll show you around myself thank you hello Anthony hello Mrs M please uh go right inside thank you dear thank you very much Mrs Mt how nice it is to see you

You look Charming as always oh Charlie please you don’t have to butter me up I’m going to vote for you anyway maybe she will and maybe she won’t but don’t worry about it Jerry it’s in the bag it’s never in the bag till the vot’s in thank You your name please Burke Miss Hazel BKE and how many shares are you voting 11 thank you Mr B oh thank you uh how do you do I I’m Gerald starky and this is Mr Merryweather who’s running for election to the board of directors how do you do we’re awfully

Glad you could come yes uh wouldn’t you like to uh leave the vacuum cleaner outside and have somebody walk off with it oh no thanks oh there’s Mr be YooHoo Mr be hi Mr B imagine seeing you here I didn’t know you was going to be at this

Meeting why didn’t you tell of you were coming we could have driven down together would you mind moving over one please thanks a million and you better move over to Mr be so I can get this thing out of the aisle so it won’t trip people up Hazel there we

Are why in the world would you bring this here oh well Mr be it got busted again and I thought I’d I’d bring it here so maybe somebody at the factory could fix it so it would stay fixed may I oh oh sure good I Hazel I I’ll get that would you move

Please thank you oh you’re welcome I’m sure certainly is a lot of reading matter would you explain this to me Mr be certainly Hazel I’m so glad we ran into each other ain’t you glad Mr be Gentlemen please come to order and what I’m sure most of you are interested in hire

Dividends thank you thank Mr Davidson would you like to say a few words ladies and gentlemen the founder of our company and since its Inception our president Mr Ralph Davidson he looks kind of sad don’t he nobody likes to step down thank you very much ladies and gentlemen there isn’t much I

Can say to you you know what this company means to me we’ve always tried to manufacture the best product possible to make the name Davidson synonymous with quality I hope that no matter what decisions are reached here today that that policy will continue two members of our board are for reelection Mr Summers

And Mr ail I intend to vote for them and I hope that you will too thank you well you all have copies of our financial report and our plans for the coming year if there are no questions we will proceed directly to the voting Mr chairman Hazel I got a question oh

Certainly will you state your name please Burke Miss Hazel Burke and what I want to know is what are we voting for well I thought that was quite simple Miss Burke Mr Summers and Mr ail are running for re-election to the board opposing them are Mr Mayweather and Mr

Drum oh yeah I know all that Mr Baxter explained that to me this is Mr baxon Take a Bow Mr baon please sit down he’s kind of bful what is your question well uh the way Mr Baxter explained it to me is that if the members of the board Mr Summers

And and Mr ail get reelected then U Mr Davidson will go on as President right I am sure that each member of the board will vote according to his decision as to the best interests of the future of the company oh I haven’t any doubt about

That but Hazel will you please sit down but just this will only take a second but but if the other two here uh Mr Merryweather and Mr drum get uh elected well then they’ll retire Mr Davidson and and put Mr stocky in this President right Mr chairman may we get to the

Business at hand here here unless your question relates directly to the voting I’m afraid I’ll have to rule you out of order Miss Burke it sure does relate what we’re really voting for is who’s going to be president right well uh yes you might put it that way just

What is your question I want to know who’s responsible for this lemon of a vacuum cleaner just wait you just wait will this meeting come to order Miss Berke will you kindly take your seat let her talk I ain’t saying they’re all like ours but I know my friend

Rosie’s got one that works perfect but I can’t be the only one that got a lemon I know I’d never get another Davidson cleaner and what’s more I’m thinking of selling my stock before the word gets around Mr chairman may I please have the floor Mr starky naturally there are a few

Defective cleaners that get by our inspection well now this is to be expected especially because of a new model but all any customer has to do is to call the store where he bought his machine and a specially trained repair man will be glad to come to and how much

Does that cost our stockholders I can’t tell you how many times the repair man been to our house and it still don’t work look at this comes right off in your hand seem to me it’ be cheaper in the first place to make him right come this machine is a disgrace to the

Name of Davidson Mr chairman ladies and gentlemen may we please have ORD let’s get on with the Vault here here Mr chairman yes Mrs mut May we please hear what Mr Davidson has to say thank you Mrs Mutt and I second the motion and I thank you also Mr chairman Mr

Davidson as president of the company I take entire responsibility for any errors in management that have been made and I give full credit to our young general manager Gerald starky for convincing us that it was time the Davidson company came out with a new model however if I continue as president

I promise all of you that although I shall continue to rely on Mr starky’s talents in sales and advertising I shall resume full control of manufacturing I intend to put the emphasis of the company back where it belongs the making of satisfied customers henceforth our primary concern will be a quality product thoroughly

Inspected and fully guaranteed thank you now that answers my question no hard feelings but I’m voting for Mr ail and Mr Summers because I think the Davidson company should be run by a Davidson thank you congratulations congratulations Mr congratulations Mr David Mr Baxter thank you and me too thank you thank you very

Very much Miss BKE and to think I told Dorothy your 11 votes wouldn’t make any difference another piece Missy no Hazel I couldn’t possibly one for me I’ll see if Harold wants another piece it ain’t as if I’d begrudge it to you Mr be okay I didn’t want another piece anyway

What’s the matter with it oh Mr Davidson what are you doing here may I come in oh jeez surpris me so I forgot my manage sure come right in Oh Mr Davidson let me take your hat Dorothy this is Mr Davidson president of the Davidson vacuum cleaner company well how

Do you do Mr DAV won’t you come in and sit down I just stopped by to to deliver This oh did you see what I see it’s got my name on it it’s guaranteed to last a lifetime oh boy oh you get a new and free of charge Mr David is Simply Beautiful terrific oh it’s a dooy let’s let’s see how it works all right wait till Rosie sees

This boy ain’t the motor quiet though you’d hardly know it Was hez where are you ha Hazel this is my son Harold Mr Davidson oh hi you Harold fine Hazel my electric train stopped working just like it did the last time it did oh Harold’s electric train is always blowing the fuse this wall plug and the one in the den is on

The same circuit no wonder the vacuum cleaner work no listen to that it’s just turn like a kitten imagine me with my own personalized vacuum cleaner