Family Guy Season 15 Ep 2 – Family Guy 2023 UnCuts 1080p

It to you you take it don’t you bring him into this Joey was a good boy oh yeah yeah Joey was a good boy you thought he was making 100 Grand a year haul in Lumber don’t you start with this he was dirty Ma I can’t hear this I

Won’t hear it he was an angel oh that’s right Angel Joey great Joey perfect Joey I got to go to the church oh yeah sure light another candle that’ll bring him back you watch your tongue admit it you wish it was me in that car instead I

Don’t have any sons now Ma I’m sorry ma ma he Bri look over there that guy looks like Frank Sinatra Jr Stewie this is Federal Hill everybody looks like Frank Sinatra Jr well then who’s that guy who looks like a young Frank Sinatra well that’s Woody Allen’s son but you’re

Right that other guy behind him is Frank Sinatra Jr Stewie Elliot it’s actually Brian we’ve we’ve met many times before then who’s Elliot I I really wouldn’t know this is a bad start to whatever we’re doing well now what brings you fellas to the festival my dad will drive

Long dist es for ice with colored liquid in it they got blue and we all love the Italian food oh you like it Cog well maybe the three of us ought to open an Italian restaurant there open our own Italian restaurant I say that sounds fun

You uh you keep meatballs in your jacket oh yeah all my pockets are lined with Reynolds Wrap I learned that from my old buddies Jean Martin Jr Joey Bishop Jor and Sammy Davis III hey West Chris he’s over there playing that car game step right up

Everybody take a chance on a whacka big a [ __ ] hey tone heyone heyone heyone hey tone this is not what I thought it was oh my God Chris is out of control I know must be all of violence and movies and Peter we need to talk about what

Happened at the street fair Lois it’s an Italian Festival you’re supposed to yell Bella Bella and grab as much fat ass as you can no I’m talking about Chris I had no idea he had so much pent up aggression we have to deal with his anger issues before he hurts himself

Yeah that’s good thinking Lois I’ve seen what happens when people hold in their aggression for too long don’t forget I was in that elevator with Jay-Z hey could you have your guy hit two I got to get down to the business center to print out my boarding pass oh

Hey that’s going to leave a mark That’s from a movie so you girls traveling with your dad here hey don’t kick him muddy shoes he’s got a white suit on hey look okay Chris your mom and I want to help you get out some of that aggression

So I thought you and me could Huck rotten apples at passing Kai oh I didn’t know we had Brown Apple in the forecast well we needed it wow can I have a turn hey which one of you threw that Apple at my car he did it he dragged me

Out here I wanted to be in school sir where’d you get a cannon like that kid I work out my right arm three times a day free weights no mostly jpegs of Helen Hunt on my hard drive I a zed right no wood shop ah that was my second guess

Tell me son how would you like to pitch for the high school team baseball’s the sport people play while eating right oh yeah sometimes I even watch a whole Blacklist I don’t know I’ve never played baseball before a come on Chris you got to do it if you don’t you’ll regret it

Just like Jesus friend Evan who bailed on the Last Supper a they did a painting I would have gone if I knew they were going to do a painting here we are fellas the future site of Koh Hog’s newest Italian restaurant wow this is a great location

Can we afford this sure we can I set up one of those kickstarters then I realized how stupid that is left you know most restaurants go out of business because people are stealing the tables the toilet should also so be bolted to the floor I think that’s pretty standard

Frank but okay great now let’s go find some Chumps restaurant and steal his tables and Toilets James Woods is winning for now but y’all never know what might happen in the moments to come I mean look there’s two baseball guys out on the bases right now what if they run to the scoring place oh here comes the new boy all right

Chris wow I’ve never seen come on what the hell’s coach Doyle thinking bringing in that fat slob you know what I bet you a 100 bucks that fat slob strikes this kid out H you’re on St one stke Two St 3 three strikes and he’s out just like my cousin Freddy with the drugs holy crap 100 bucks hey nice going fck it was a [Laughter] trap guys tonight the drinks are on me I just won a 100 bucks off Chris’s baseball game really how’d you do that this dad

Took one look at Chris and thought he’d suck but it turns out Chris is a great pitcher I’m so proud of the money I won betting on him you know I bet there are plenty of other baseball dads who’d also assume Chris stinks Peter we can make a

Lot of money yeah we can make Tony Braxton money is that is that a lot it’s a lot and then nothing and then a record whose proceeds go directly to creditor In I’m ready to to put me in Co I’m ready to play today look at me I can be well I spent some time in the Mudville night watching it from the you know I took L when the mighty Cas strug out so say hey Willie tell The Frank where the hell is everybody this was supposed to be our big opening night I’ll tell you what the problem is every successful restaurant has a hook or a gimmick that’s what we’re lacking no we’re not Frank you’re the hook that’s right we just need to make you

The face of the restaurant well it may be the five loaves of garlic bread I ate this morning talking but I think that’s a swell Idea you love the meal the fancy feel the show biz stories while you eat your ve it’s family the wine is red with lots of bread and portions are bigger than horse’s head you’ll burp up sausages tonight in bed at Frank sinat restaurant here’s a toast to our

Host the food’s not great but drink enough and you won’t know the guests will Swoon and Frank will c a beep dooby do Italian tune you D like royalty and Restant we got a men’s room servant who will dry your hands at Frank Sinatra restaurant our pizza PES could win a prize the Jukebox catalog is double siiz it plays both capital and yes reprise that’s repri at frankon atra restaurant gorgeous views and top shelf Bulls yes we serve Jews um that was

Never an issue so Raise Your Glass we’ll have a gas of seedings limited so move your ass and plant it firmly near restant [Applause] Frank wow look at this guys I can’t believe we made all this in one game yeah I’m having a great time handling this money and then touching my eyeball Jerome another round for my blurry friends yeah we got a good thing going we just have to keep Chris’s Talent a secret good

Evening I’m Tom Tucker our top story tonight the James Woods High baseball team is headed to the district Championship thanks to their secret weapons star pitcher sucks even worse than when I stub my toe ah why does everything bad always happen to me answer me guy in box and guy on

Cross Stewie can I talk to you look Brian I affectionately Pat all the waiters on the ass and if anyone has a problem with it they should come to me directly no no it’s not that I’ve been going through our receipts and we’re actually losing money well yeah duh

Frank comps every meal look he’s doing it again little known secret about charl and hison never used toilet paper just drop and go here let me get that check for you well it’s official nobody wants to bet against Chris now damn it I can’t believe my kid isn’t making money for us

Anymore I feel like Jessica Simpson’s dead well there are plenty of guys willing to bet on jameswood side a win I’ll tell you that the only way we could ever make money now is if Chris lost wait a minute Joe that’s it all we got

To do is take those bets and get Chris to take a dive hold on Peter you’re going to ask your own son to lose on purpose damn Quagmire your fridge gives you water from the door hey champ what you doing my Spanish homework oh well then maybe I’ll just

Say this to you in Spanish Chris EST Chris what the hell are you doing calm down This Is How They package Snapple now they’re trying to trick kids into drinking it you may not believe this but that was a time when Snapple ruled the nation Preposterous it’s true even Jerry Seinfeld drank it and he was the president of the 90s

But why are you so down dad told me I have to lose the championship game on purpose he what did you tell Chris he had to lose the district Championship let me just get a garbage bag hold on okay now that I’m decent yes I did

Tell Chris to throw the game but it’s okay it’s for gambling what you’re betting on Chris’s baseball team technically against Chris’s baseball team are you crazy do I look crazy what are you think puts the food on our table and the garbage bags on our backs Chris

Your father’s a jackass when you get on that field you try your very best and play to win you understand me yeah thanks Mom Lois if Chris wins that game I’ll be out a ton of money and I’ll have to kiss a fella I take all kinds of

Bets giving away all the food for free yeah otherwise there’s no way we’re going to make a profit oh we don’t have to worry about money I might be doing a duet’s thing with that lady gugar uhhuh that’s wrong anyway the restaurant’s going to go under if you keep giving

Away food all right all right thank you Frank I appreciate you trying it my way thank you what was that oh I get 40 bucks every time somebody says my way Nancy gets 60 what do you mean Chris won’t take a dive we already took a ton of bits look I’m sorry you guys but my hot piece of ass wife says no way that’s a weird time to brag about your wife Peter I don’t know I’ve just been so horny today

Screwed once Chris takes the mound with that awesome arm of his wait so what you’re saying is Chris isn’t the problem his arm is I guess okay we hear you Peter loud and clear yeah we’ll fix this problem well you guys are creeping me out all right I’m going to exit while discreetly

Checking out the hot chick by the door you guys heard what I heard right Peter just asked us to break Chris’s arm well he intimated I don’t know what that means but let’s go rough up a teenager for beer money oh I call biting team’s locker room right there

Perfect and we look like regular high school students so we’ll fit right in Joe are you sure about these clothes trust me I bought the absolute latest issue of Archie Comics and this is what the kids are wearing oh hey fellow teens wait a minute teenagers don’t have wheelchairs

No okay guys we’ve served our last free meal here I go with the check oh I’m sorry last time we ate here Mr Sinatra’s son said it was free okay uh everyone food ain’t worth paying for yeah the only reason we eat here is cuz it’s free Look whose restaurant thinks it’s so

Good oh yeah if it was Joey’s Restaurant you would have paid Ma I’m sorry ma ma I can’t believe it they hated us well fellas we gave it our best shot if you need me I’ll be back in Palm Springs which has been completely taken over by the

Gays so want to grab whatever wine is left and then burn the place down maybe but first let’s have an unearned end of the series moment where we turn out the lights on our own place sorry Pal Peter we’ve got great news Chris isn’t in he’s not why well cuz we broke his arm like you told us to shattered we shattered his arm you what I never told you to do that he didn’t that’s what I thought I heard Quagmire this is

Humbling but it may be time for all of us to talk about hearing aids I feel terrible I got to go find my son oh that guy must be so boss but listen Chris I had no idea this was going to happen look I was wrong to bet

On your games and it’s even worse that I told you to lose I’m so sorry well that’s okay Dad I just feel bad that my arm is broken in so many places and hurt so much oh chis I’ve been a terrible dad lately you found something you were

Great at and instead of being happy for you I tried to use it to make money now your arm is broken and your baseball career is over not necessarily what what are you talking about well for the last few weeks since my right arm’s been exhausted from pitching my left arms had

To uh pick up the slack in the bathroom [Applause] you see the picture that’s my kid ah son of a [ __ ] oh my God sorry Mr Quagmire I heard that bone break my ears are Fine well Chris we’re very proud of you for making it to the district champ Championship thanks Mom that was really something Lois the next pitch Chris threw hit his coach in the head so there was no one to take him out of the game Chris walk the Next fake news Here you go guys little hot coffee where’ we even go last night I have no idea cup of coffee Joe yeah thanks remember we got really excited about something that’s right that’s right we have that million-dollar business idea does anyone remember it more coffee Joe sure I’ll take another

Cup didn’t anyone write it down wait a minute maybe it’s in my pocket Peter you just rubbing pocket cloth over your Wang I’m actually popping a leg pimple Mr Smarty Pants damn it I’m sick of us always forgetting our great ideas when we’re drinking well

Down at work we wear body cams we could just do that when we’re drinking that’s a great idea Joe thanks now maybe you’ll take down those three Billboards you put up about me that’s not True wow Joe these are pretty cool yeah they’re not as heavy as I thought they’d be yeah we could live stream the footage on my iPad how do we talk when they’re on like different no Peter use your normal speaking voice all right let’s hit it hang on guys I’m just going to

Say goodbye to Lois where the hell do you think you’re going I told you I’m going to the clan with the guys oh surprise surprise another night out with the losers losers name five things wrong with each of them with pleasure Lis sends her love come on

Let’s go what does she mean can’t eat an ear of corn I can’t help it if my adult teeth never came in she says I call Steinfeld Steinfeld of course I do that’s his name Jerry Steinfeld p pardon me to quote his famous bit she says I

Say everybody weird I say everybody just like everybody else does you do say that Weird this Sunday we turn the Cog Convention Center into a mud pit for the 28th Annual Cog monster truck rally and gun show see giant monster trucks shoot at monster trucks and best of all you can SM smoke inside see the Ghost Rider while smoking inside fire an AR-15 while

Smoking inside or just stand around at smoke inside seriously we’re cool with it throw your butts on the ground we don’t care watch real loud trucks and smell the smoke that reminds you of your dead alcoholic stepdad who you’re glad is dead but still miss anyway rest in

Peace Jean forget which beer can is your ashtray and whenever you feel like it shout racial stuff you will not be the fattest person there and if if you are get that shirt up come get your picture taken with Tila Tequila and smoke a cigarette with her spray soda on

Somebody punch a baby smoke inside loud trucks guns it’s all happening at the cawk convention center so hold in all your farts till this Sunday Sunday Sunday FS all right here we go million dooll business ideas open for them no self-editing wide open slate no such

Thing as a bad idea beer in a bag bad idea oh oh I I got one big Tic Tac so you don’t have to eat so many little Tic Tacs nice Glenn you’re on the board all right any ideas no bad ideas soup in a sleeve bad idea all right Peter you’re

So great why don’t you give us an idea okay you know how they put ice in urinals well what happens to that ice at the end of the day it’s wasted we collect urinal ice and sell it to local bars Peter that’ll never work oh no is that the tinkling of I shy

Here all right let’s check out what we did last night God that’s so shaky it’s hard to watch what is that one that’s mine I’m basically a human steady cam it’s beautiful so smooth lot of guy butts yeah my sight lines’s a little lower than most look at a girl butt once what

The hell were we doing here oh this must have been when we were jumping around to jump around like the song asked us to oh yeah I was so into this song look at my footage I was going bananas all right let’s fast forward a little

Here just looks like we’re drinking at a random bar we ain’t talking about any million dooll ideas wait wait pause it zoom in on that napkin what does that say there it is warm Cuts like cold cuts but warm a million dooll idea warm Cuts that’s dumb if it’s so dumb how come

We’re pitching it on Shark Tank now when we first started warm cuts it was just a gross idea but this year we’re on track to get sued for $12.5 million that’s quadruple of the projections you know what I like your product but more than that I like you guys I’m in and I’ll

Give you exactly what you’re asking for $100,000 for 10% what do you say does anyone other than Robert have an offer wait why are only three of us on Shark Tank yeah where’s Quagmire oh my God is that Quagmire you hooked up all right oh no

Wait wait it’s on film that’s not all right what if my boss sees this what if my dad sees it it’s fine Glenn you can’t even see your face you did it again Glenn Quagmire oh my God Joe you have to delete this footage sorry Glenn the footage is automatically uploaded to the

Internet every night the internet oh my God excuse me ma’am no porn at the bar oh it’s okay I’m transgender oh I I had no idea do whatever you want all the time oh Glenn howdy stranger Brian what are you doing here I’m an alcoholic oh

Right so you saw the video huh yeah it’s just so hard well it has to be for sex no no I mean I mean it’s difficult to watch your son embarrass himself so publicly yeah that parent child relationship is so special sometimes you want to shake him by the shoulders and

Say ah what are you doing but you just got to give him the biggest hug you can and let them know that you’ll always be there for them how’s your son Brian we don’t talk but Ida you can’t blame yourself as much as you want to save

Your kids from their mistakes it’s their mistakes that help them grow and change and become their best selves you know Brian that’s what I like about you you’re so wise and kind I think that’s what originally drew me to you yep here I am Mr wisdom sitting at the bottom of

A bottle just like every Tuesday Brian it’s Thursday oh boy why do you always run yourself down you’re handsome you’re loyal you give your paw after a couple of tries come on Paw Paw Paw there you go good boy I just wish you could see yourself the way I

See you yeah mirrors kind of freak me out and and funny too except for a job in your own home you are the full package Brian Griffin IA should we get a room absolutely they got one person working back there morning sleepy head morning some night huh yeah it really was they

Dropped a USA Today outside our room you want to read it oh God no well I guess we’ll Pretend This Never Happened and I’ll see you in another 2 years yeah you know what no what are you doing Friday night well that depends is Friday Night videos

Still a thing no it hasn’t been for quite some time well then I’m free does that mean you’re asking me out I guess it does you’re not ashamed to be with me no I’m not I don’t care anymore I guess I’m just not as hung up as I used to be

Room service oh my God you ordered room service are you crazy what if somebody finds out I’m in here having goofball sex hello room service I’ve got your eggs and SNES Sages table 13 the fish is for the gentleman and the chicken is for the lady got

It great is that our food the fish is for the gentleman and the chicken is for the lady I’ll be right back folks well thanks for picking me to break in your new Discover card with hey thanks for co-signing for it my pleasure Brian I can’t help but notice you’re a little uncomfortable spending time with me I thought you said you weren’t ashamed of me what are you talking about because I made you lie down in the back seat all the way here you look tired it just seems like you’re always taking me

To out of the way places to avoid being seen together like yesterday come on that’s not true I just wanted to show you a beautiful view wow check out that Big Blue Marble look there’s another shuttle get away from the window tree is should in ch okay maybe maybe this has been a

Little weirder for me than I thought I’m sorry Ida I I really care about you and you deserve better can I help you the fish is for the fish is for me and the chicken the chicken is for my girlfriend Ida Davis girlfriend are you sure Brian I’m sure and from now

On I’m not hiding anything like Peter and his falah hiide jars Peter yes is this about my work hi I have a styrofoam cooler with weird tape on it ah that must be the cat brains and baby bodies are you making people he’ll be flattered you called him that Hello everybody I have some pretty big news it may come as a surprise but it’s about Ida isn’t it it has to be why else would Ida be in our house ma right Ida’s only been here what like twice her whole life you think they did it again what

Else could it be they do have a lot in common two mature people with dwindling options like I know Brian was screamish about sleeping with a trans woman before but it’s 2019 now yeah things that were gross 5 years ago are now heroic wow Brian and Ida good for them well that’s

A relief now the only other person we have to tell about us is Glenn oh God I haven’t even thought about that Mr Quagmire hates Brian yes my big brother’s right Quagmire thinks Brian’s trash we just have him over here for dinner we’ll help you we’re here for you

Brian you know what you’re right I can do this after all I’m not the first person to deliver tough news like when they found Waldo there are many things I can’t go into at this time but I can confirm that a body was removed from Waldo’s apartment this morning is this

Being treated as a suicide again I can’t confirm but to that point instead of always asking where’s Waldo maybe some of you should have been asking how’s Waldo good Day Glenn Ida it’s so nice that you could both come over for dinner thanks so much for having us well no response from Peter what the hell I thought we were going to the clam and quag Maya just texted back can’t I don’t like it they’re doing something

Without us so Brian What’s um what’s new in your world oh well um thank you for asking Lois I see them they’re both in there looks like a dinner party uh actually I have some news that happens to pertain to to my dating life really Brian oh do

Tell us I knew it well it’s kind of big news those scallop potatoes well what’s the big news go ahead Brian tell him Ida and I have uh begun dating you’re you’re joking right it’s true son Brian and I are in love what when were you going to tell me

This oh Peter just texted he says he’s stuck at work they are working that poor man to death I’m so glad you dropped in Brian is cooking breakfast that’s right get ready for eggs Allah Brian scrambled eggs with a side of toast what how was that Allah Brian that that’s just that’s

That’s great that’s just great Brian I am very excited for this unique breakfast cool cool how many Globs of ketchup you want ah Chef’s Choice so um how long has this been going on Dad listen Glenn I know this is an adjustment for you and you and Brian

Haven’t always seen eye to eye well I wouldn’t say that he’s just uh kind of a big personality so Denver Airport kind of up there huh Mile High yeah that is the height of the airport now ohare airport why on the ticket is it o ah it was originally called Orchard field

Really huh so why is wil’s berry Scranton AVP I’m not going to go through every airport with you Brian you know Glenn Brian thought you two could hang out this afternoon and I think that’s a great idea yeah Quagmire what do you say all right I guess I can do that well

Great oh the ketchup’s hot everyone goes cold I go hot and that’s the Allah this sucks I don’t want to be here come on Glenn if I’m going to be dating your mom it’s important that that we spend some time together hi we have two guest passes from a museum member Ida

Davis I’m not seeing an Ida Davis uh try Dan Quagmire Lieutenant Dan Quagmire ah the lieutenant and how’s he doing still have his penis no he doesn’t and that’s a weird question to ask I’m a weird guy I work at a museum see it’s not so bad it’s like

Night at the Museum in here how well you know like the guys are going to come to life like who um the guys you know when it’s when it’s night time you didn’t see the movie did you no why did you bring up a reference to something you know

Nothing about it just it reminded me of uh Brian don’t bring up a reference to someone whose favorite movie it is because you’ll just embarrass yourself that was a natural history museum this is a science museum what you think this title chart’s going to come to life you

Think this moon rock is going to walk across the room and riff brilliantly like Robin Williams playing Teddy Roosevelt God Rest both their souls be very very careful treading around Night at the Museum okay let’s get this game started do you believe it still fits from when thank you for throwing this barbue it’s so good for the boys to spend real time together okay let’s play Kids versus the parents all right we’re going to destroy those kids oh someone’s on the wrong

Team boy they’re in such a hurry not to be kids anymore your time will come trust me I’m older than the adults I’m older than all of you it seems like that sometimes I bet get down there champ all right as the one adult on a

Team full of children I’m going to act good-natured while being subtly furious at all your mistakes okay break on three 1 2 3 break let’s focus Chris can we just focus for a minute and let’s all face the same direction okay I’m going to call a plays while I’m covering my

Mouth with his play card Peter that’s not a play card it’s a Denny’s menu let’s run moons over my hammy on three hey guys going to need your help over here they got a real allamerican at QB God down H good hutting Glenn That’s My Boy hutting way to Hut shut up stop

Complimenting things that don’t need it Hike uh-oh look who’s on the loose I’m going to get you I’m going to get you oh no I missed you by total accident yeah six points [ __ ] oh that was some great move buddy a did you see and hear the wink that means he did it on purpose no no

Way he did it all by himself ah there it is again Brian you’re the best dad ever what are you talking about I beat him wish I had a dad like that me too bud br Brian you’re very sweet to do that to do what I’m the

One who scored the touchdown you sure did Glenn he’s not my dad I already have a dad and it’s my mom all right Brian stop trying to be my dad you fraud Glenn sweetie calm down no I’m not going to calm down I can’t take this anymore listen dad the first time you

Hooked up with Brian it was awful I hated it but you were confused you’ve just gone through a huge change you didn’t know if you had any options so you settled but you’re a beautiful intelligent woman and now you’ve had time to adjust and your choice is Brian

Why in God Almighty would you choose him because I love him a resolved Ida said I’m also a published author self-published you’re also a pompous pretentious hypocritical bloard who attended Brown for one semester you went to Brown for two months see see that’s what I mean his whole life is a lie I

Can’t take this anymore it’s either him or me I choose Brian yes to talk to First Brian I’ve loved every minute that we’ve spent together I never thought I’d meet someone who I connected with on so many levels much less an ivy leager come on but as special as you are to me I have

To put my son first but Ida he’s my son I’ve made my decision bye-bye Brian you’re history and this time history’s not coming back to life Night at the Museum I’m sorry Brian I’ll never forget what we had together I understand can you guys wrap this up I

See Peter coming with some kind of problem from the game Quagmire we agreed it was a two-hand touch and then Chris hit me with one hand and I said that didn’t count but he still wouldn’t count the touchdown so I drilled him in the head with the ball and now he’s not

Moving he can blink his eyes but nothing El so is my dog still your dead uh no CZ he said the touchdown Counts oh Stewie isn’t this exciting yeah but I don’t like little Kyle Kaepernick kneeling during the national anthem Boo get on your feet boo down in front Okay need to stay focused what are those for power songs that get me focused the it’s the same thing Ryan Loy listens to

Before a race Stewie you’re taking this way too seriously it’s a meaningless event like a bar mitzva today you are a man great can I drive no can I vote no can I drink no can I have sex no can I cash the checks yes Hey Lois why do we got to come here this place is a bunch of Rich snars we have lunch with my parents twice a year consider yourself lucky under normal circumstances you’d never be allowed in a place like this Griffin come on they’re waiting for your order sorry do

You have Oysters we do not ah shs damn it Griffin you’ve been staring at that menu for 5 minutes and you peed your pants um do you have oysters get up they have to clean the Chair hey Brian you don’t have a metal detector on you do you okay Stewie you got a metal way to go do I sense a hint of jealousy Stewie didn’t it strike you was odd that everyone got a medal you didn’t win anything it’s a participant

Medal they give them to every kid with a pulse and like every other medal or award you’ve ever gotten it means nothing what Stewie I’m sorry I I shouldn’t have said that I lost my temper slow Down no no no no no how can I be such a fool this is a wall of lies and that’s a Hur of Lies everything I’ve ever won is worthless you won’t make a fool of me any longer oh no it’s all right Stewie stay

Calm this is why we have a house fire captain okay when I read your name please respond with a here Griffin Mac it’s Meg sorry it looks like mac Griffin Liam it’s Lois again please respond with here oh my God Chris is still in there somebody save Chris you know what he’s earned That God look at this place our whole house is destroyed well here comes the insurance guy everyone start crying about losing your new golf clubs and Grant Woods American Gothic oh my new golf clubs with the titanium shafts oh my classic depiction of the AER steadfastness of Rural America you know

I don’t care it’s not my money oh Peter I spoke with my parents and we can live with them until our house is fixed great it’s going to suck worse than musli you know a German Health cereal good and Morgan try me I am made of oats

And fiber okay sounds healthy yeah also I am German and wouldn’t mind watching you crap I don’t know come come it will be mine and yours little secret just the two of us please take me home okay but just you I don’t feel safe now stop talking talking concentrate on some pooping

Musick the weird European cereal that likes to watch you Poop why do we got to stay with your parents you know sometimes I get the feeling they don’t respect me Thank you for not interrupting my bit come on in WoW check out this media room maybe you Burning Down The House wasn’t so bad my actions were Justified I’d been fed a massive societal lie in the form of participant Awards hey kids how would you like to

Hear this on the screen instead of the great show you came to See that’s what you sound like honest please cooperate and do your part in keeping this theater quiet so everyone including you can enjoy it I remember lots of adults and kids too paid admission to enjoy the show we must insist on absolute quiet otherwise we will be forced to evict all disturbance

Makers from the theater those asked to leave today will be refused admission to this theater in the future thank you wow what a dick good evening I’m Tom Tucker I’ve deleted all my old tweets so don’t even bother looking for bad stuff screen grabs can be faked but first it’s that

Time of year again for the annual Cog pie Cookoff the winner will take home the coveted pie champ trophy Brian this could be my chance to finally win a legitimate award you think you’re up to it of course I just have to apply myself like Chris when he worked at that casino

No more bets the money that could have gone to your kids is gone no more bets the money you worked hard for is gone fools fools fools ooh double zero nobody thinks about that one and Guy Walks quickly away from table without a word replaced by an older white man with a much

Younger black woman no more bets no more bets Brian are you ready for my grand creation serve it up [ __ ] oh that was uncalled for but get ready to be wowed what the this is mud yes it’s a mud pie I use Legos for the fruit Stewie

You can’t submit this it’s inedible okay now I know you’re full of crap because everyone else loves it so delicious Stewie best pie ever wow tastes great Stewie M so good boy oh boy oh boy not so hammy Meg he’s not an idiot Stewie can’t you see

They’re faking it to make you feel good what are you talking about W so good we must insist on Absolut loot quiet my god you’re right they’re all just lying to protect my feelings this pie is garbage and the contest is next week I have to drop out no you don’t you just got to do the work Stewie you’re a

Smart kid I know you can bake a pie and I’ll help you you will thank you Brian this calls for champagne pop glug glug glug Bottoms Up go with it G corbel it’s not corbel it’s go with it yes I had some left over from Denise’s

Wedding who’s Denise go with it fine how is Denise did she have the abortion abortion go with it no her alarm didn’t go off so she missed it so Brian is this your first ory not going with It Peter would you like to join us in a parlor game parlor game Lois why you always start talking like a snob when you’re around your parents what it’s the way I was brought up I know let’s play The Minister’s cat I don’t know what that is it’s simple in alphabetical order

Go The Minister’s cat is an affable cat The Minister’s cat is a boisterous cat Penrose The Minister’s cat is a Covetous cat The Minister’s cat is a devious cat The Minister’s cat’s an Electic cat Peter your turn go what Peter hurry I don’t I don’t know this cat damn it

Peter you ruined the game Peter perhaps the word you were looking for is forgotten meid night not a sound from the pavement has the moon lost her meory she is smiling alone you kids are too young to remember that but your parents are going to hate it finally a place to

Escape oh hey Babs hello Peter what brings you out here I had to get away from that stupid game I don’t know whenever I’m here I I feel out of place it’s just a different world than I’m used to bring that up again and we will’ll

Vote on it whoa where’d you learn a line like that oh there’s a lot you don’t know about me you know Peter you and I are not so different you struggle to get erections too you may think I’ve always been a part of this High Society world

But I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth well that probably would have torn your mom’s uterus my point is I’m not from an uppercross World either I just had to act that way to impress Carter who cared about that stuff I was struggling to be something I wasn’t in

Many ways I still am there’s an edge Sheeran song for every emotion you’re feeling right now oh no thank you you know I like hanging out with you what do you say we ditch this stuffy place and head to the clam the drunken clam well I haven’t been there in decades I’d love

To to the Babs mobile you got vehicles with your face on them too you know it’s stinky oh I didn’t like being called stinky BS I got a hand it here you turned a crappy night into something great you I’ve never dropped bowling balls from an overpass before they fall quick that was the most fun I’ve had in decades felt good to reconnect with a girl I once was

Listen you got to stay true to that girl she’s an amazing person a real person not some stuffy Newport snobb sometimes I feel trapped in this world forever trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations especially Carters sounds like you’ve wasted your entire life thank you Peter you’ve helped me more than you

Know Yuck well Brian I’ve studied pie making and the key is to find the absolute freshest ingredients therefore we must go wherever and whenever they’re to be found Where are we 1666 England Home of Sir Isaac Newton and one of history’s most famous apples which will be part of our pie ah gravity never happened good morning family and before anyone asks I brought this owl from home I did not take it from the enclosed owy

Just want to make that clear home BR owl Peta what are the two of you talk about last night who yeah who you can see why I stole this from the owlery I I mean brought it from home damn it my mother after your night together she told Daddy

She’s leaving him who yeah who all right I’m already getting tired of this owl I’m going to go put him back in the houry Peter enough you’ve got to make this right now that one seemed less [Applause] earned Babs I’ve been looking all over for you what are you doing here this is my hometown Peter it’s where I grew up in fact as a rebellious teen I used to come down to this boardwalk and feed Alka Ela tablets to the seagulls bab you got to come home Carter

Needs you I’m sorry but I can’t do that right now Peter you’ve been able to stay true to who you were I’ve lost touch with that it’s been buried by Carter and his money I want to find it again wish your Babs I understand what you’re doing I

Really do sometimes I feel suffocated by Lois and my stupid mother-in-law but you got to come home I don’t think so Peter you and Carter are meant for each other you go together like the couple from the movie Greece Mr rama lama lama Kad dinga D

Dinga dong do you take Miss shwop Shada water yippity boom de boom to be your wife I do and Miss shwop Shada yipp boom de boom do you take Mr rama lama lama Kad dinga daingad dong to be your husband I do if anyone objects to this

Union speak speak now or forever hold your peace Mr Chang Chang changy Chang Shabab Peter where have you been listen ker unless you want to lose Babs forever you better get down to WEA par why the hell would I do that if you want to win her back maybe for once you try to fit into her world you got to become a

Regular guy what no never daddy Peter’s right you got to do this for Mom all right fine I’ll take a quick choke myself awake nap and be ready to go all right all right let’s Go I’m so nervous you made a damn good pie Stewie you should be proud of yourself whatever happens good afternoon Cog I’m Tom Tucker in a T-shirt and now the moment you’ve all been waiting for this year’s Cog Pie baking Champion is furg Vander plug everyone is welcome to taste my pee

Sorry Stewie you did your best these were Old Pros but hey look you took Fifth Fifth is that good do I get a medal you get a ribbon does everyone who participates get a ribbon only 10 out of 14 my God I did it no Stewie you did it

Oh wait sorry I thought you thought you said we did it I did not good job little boy maybe someday you can come by my store and have all the C you want oo that sounds promising okay that’s enough and maybe this winter you can go fishing in my icehole I said Enough I think I went too big with the boots buddy I think you might be in the wrong place yeah you get lost on the wrong side of town boot boy Peter Just go with it it’s all P of the ruse I say we take his pants down see what he’s working

With and while we’re at it give me that pool queue I got an idea where we can put it Peter shut up Carter is that you oh hey Babs I hang out here all the time yeah he comes in here with me and I’d even take a lie detector test to prove

It well good thing the bar is having lie detector witness day what just a few easy warm-up questions have you ever had condomless sex with a man okay test over car’s never been here in his life damn it Peter I’m leaving my truck time to waste this fany Pants Babs you saved me and the bartender is unconscious let’s take his pants down see what he’s working [Applause] with Babs I’m sorry I tried but I can’t do it I’ll never be the real man you want me to be I’ll always be just a spoiled spin Rich Dandy Carter I appreciate you

Trying to be the man I want but being back home here has made me realize you already are what I am I’ve discovered I’m not the same girl I once was I’ve changed I’ve grown accustomed to life with you I thought I wanted this life back but have you ever had a

Milwaukee’s best it’s an awful awful awful it’s one of our sponsors delicious beer but still ours is the life I want and you are the man I want Newport is my home now and I’m ready to go back there oh Babs ah old love well I didn’t pay for my beer but I

Left a hell of a tip damnn it Griffin you’ve been staring at that menu for 22 minutes and now you’re sitting in a double P puddle Peter I’m so relieved that my mother’s back with my Dad yep it all worked out only one thing left to do get

Drunk go upstairs and weird out the kids Chris are you awake Chris you do you want a you want a Tom Brady kiss Chris wake up I I want to give my son a Tom Brady Kiss welcome everyone my name is Von jiner and I’m vice president of creative bankruptcy for the Fox TV network which at the time of this writing is still a thing that exists just from looking at your clothes and waight I can tell you all watch a lot of free network

Television am I right M excellent you have been selected to be part of a focus group that could affect one of America’s most beloved television shows Family Guy that woman looks exactly like me that’s your reflection Peter oh I’m beautiful as you may or may not care Family Guy is in its 17th

Season and since Fox is now owned by Disney which will someday be owned by Netflix which will someday be owned by PornHub we have decided that Family Guy is ready for a reboot reboot I thought they said it was a couple of tweaks yeah we’re supposed to trust these idiots

That woman has her finger up her nose that’s still your reflection Peter oh she’s beautiful now as most unfunny women will tell you women are very funny that’s why our first reboot is built around the very popular Louise it’s Lois whatever the mom This is our time this is our moment this is a short song for Syndication going to work huh yes Joe I’m going to work great more and more women are doing That good morning goddess you know I just want to say again that you were totally right last night to bring up that thing I did wrong 11 years ago and please feel free to bring it up again anytime even if we’re talking about something completely unrelated thank you

Peter I will oh I I know you will morning Lois hey girl oh hello gay couple who’s constantly jogging what are you up to this morning just adopting and pucker kissing yeah we’re Network TV gay so all we can do is adopt children and pucker kiss no tongue stuff isn’t that right

Sweetie well I’m off to my high power a job at a fashion magazine greet and card company or Winery I can’t wait to see which Oh yay it’s a winery good morning Judy GRE morning Lois how was your night last night great I worked out made dinner a little family

Time and had Peter’s ankles up in the air by 11 God I admire you that’s what you’re here for Judy ker oh I almost forgot Bert wants to see you in his office oh what about he didn’t say but it sounded #s serious ah meeting with

The boss this is going to be worse than finding a spider in the kitchen oh my God Peter there’s a spider in here yeah I know genius hi Lois I wanted to let you know I’m considering you for a big promotion really that’s amazing the job’s not yours yet it’s

Between you and one of the persons smarmy J Tai straightener thei I had a gay jogger on my way to work today Sorry I only satisfied you twice tonight I found a pouch of Big League Chew earlier and my jar is worn out you did great Peter good night perfect I just don’t know what to do about this thing at work I are we still talking about that I mean it’s fine if

We are we just we talked about it before dinner and and during dinner and after dinner no you’re right I’ll be fine good night pet I just want this promotion so bad okay so we are talking about it you know what I’ll make a vision board see my success

And be my success my testosterone is so low I could not have thought of that would you like me to put on our sleep ocean noises with an occasional shocking seagull Screech yes thanks I have a big day tomorrow good night Excuse me may I have your attention please now I know you’re all wondering who is going to get the big promotion and I’m proud to announce that person is SMY excuse me where do I put this Briefcase full of money uh who are you I’m president of wine and paint night

Incorporated Lois Griffin just landed my account through her wit charm and professionalism is that so well in that case the big motion goes to Lois [Applause] Griffin what can I say I love my wife that’s my show why shouldn’t this be me because I’m the funny one not on this show you’re not or am I H I thought we had one more face so what did you think and please keep in mind that your

Spontaneous comments will affect the job jobs of hundreds of people come on you idiots don’t screw me the show was from a woman’s perspective but it still felt like it was written by a man okay well what if I told you shut up yeah kind of changes things doesn’t it anyone else

I’m sorry I was scrolling through the weather in random cities great you’re taking this very seriously you know what I don’t really get Family Guy what’s so hard to get you just need to have grown up in the 80s but still be a teenager So based on that one episode featuring Lois

How how many of you would likely watch a second son of a [ __ ] anything else H 76 in Santa Fe right Now hey what’s going on in that room it’s a focused group of Arby’s Executives watching us eat people will eat anything 50 bucks says the fat girl eats a third big beef and cheddar who’s on it okay I’ll take that you got it oh come on buddy do it here she comes

All right kid take your time yeah damn it many recent shows have found success by rebooting themselves as gritty Supernatural teen dramas like Teen Wolf or Riverdale which are watched by as many as 6,000 people a year so we thought a similar approach might work for Family Guy I’m guessing we’re wrong

But let’s find out for sure ooh Oo it’s a show for Te a sexy show for Te some not normal but what does normal mean in a world that’s on fire Hey Goldman great job with sports today thanks Chris we’re almost ready for the important sports game hey guys hey Ruth good gender fluid shower great gender fluid shower dad what are you doing here putting my gender fluid in the shower also I’m the town sheriff but you don’t

Find that out till later because it’s not relevant to the story Chris there you are Patty what’s wrong why aren’t you in [ __ ] class it’s your sister Meg she’s dead I have to go wait where are you going I’m going to go to a club I’m too young to get into

And listen to a band that’s on a label owned by the same parent company as the network hey who left their gender fluid in the shower Sexy rain sexy Rain so what can I get for you sexy teens um how’s the vegetarian lasagna terrible even at the best restaurants we’ll have five of those it just doesn’t make sense who would want to kill Meg um can we all be quiet we’ve been asked to nod our heads while the band plays the

Song our parent company is aggressively marketing one of us richar kid one of us is Rich gears kid one of us is Richard gears kid I can’t even with this I’m going to go get some air and Pebble up my nipples interior later you guys check it out patty just

Got into the college for people with Bright Futures oh cool is she still going a major in lot to live for yep I think she’s the one kid who’s going to get out of this sexy Town Patty I’ll be right there I just have to drink a product placement beverage first Peach Coke

Stop Patty where are you Patty are you out here Patty oh I hope nothing happened in the most disposable member of our cast guys look she’s dead boy she she did stiffen up those nips didn’t she yall ready for your lasagnas we’re in the woods guys it’s time to fire up our

Superpowers because we’re also lesser known Marvel characters and I’m your neighbor who you didn’t know was also a superhero Captain pedantic are you here to protect Zach and I Zach and me but yeah Now is when you find out I’m the sheriff I’m laying on a pine cone he means lying on a pine cone now what happens now one of us will become a breakout movie star and leave the series wrecking it for the rest of us yay it’s me sir what did you think pass

Okay and how many of you would watch it if the girls were wearing white shirts and black bras pea did you write the focus group questions what of course not and if you’re impressed by the size of Alexander skarsgard’s penis that doesn’t make you gay right answer

Him I know you’ve been here all day but it’s not like you have jobs to go to so I’m going to show you one more reboot idea which wi-fi should we be logging on to Glendale Galleria public yeah that’s what I’ve been trying sometimes networks will cancel a show only to reboot it

With less popular characters from the original while the more popular actors go on to find greater success in movies or ugly public Divorces on which we used to rely lucky there’s a Family Guy lucky there’s a man who positively can do all the things that make us he’s a Family Guy Family Guy again is filmed before a live studio audience I’ll get it hello oh hey there Stewie or should I

Say good day mate since you’re in Queensland Australia where you moved with Brian and Meg after mom and dad died oh married life is pretty good no still no kids but I’ve been practicing a lot by myself masturbating yes between you and me I think Trisha might be

Barren stee better go Trish is giving me that look okay give my love to Brian and Megan hopefully we can come down there for the season finale no you’re just not going to be a part of this at all okay then bye Stewie Chris I’m standing here

In the living room because I need to talk to you about something very important look we’ve been through this it’s my house and I want to wear shoes in it Chris I offer you a choice you can either continue wearing shoes in the house or continue having sex with this aged defying Eastern

Physique Chris I’m lying here listening to you toss and turn and wondering if there’s something you’d like to discuss I don’t know it’s just it’s been so hard since mom and dad died and Joe moved in with all his big band records Joe Chris on I’m lying here

Asking you to kick Joe out of the house what he was my dad’s best friend for 20 years I can’t do that Chris I offer you a choice luckily I’m the town windower for me every day is a pain can we please stop this yes if I

Give you back my Diet Sprite can I leave how did you feel about the show I didn’t like it could you be more specific I just don’t like the people or what they’re saying or doing if you could sum up the show with one sound what would it

Be B for me it was more like the last squirt of a plastic mustard bottle is that our mustard no I always bring one with me in case the show is kind of everybody shut up hey it’s that sheriff from the queue you people don’t like anything well if you’re all so

Smart what do you want to see in a Family Guy reboot yes unemployable neck tattoo guy it’s a Bible verse doesn’t matter anything above the Adams Apple means drugs I like Netflix could you be Netflix yeah Netflix is awesome of course it’s awesome it’s Netflix look

We’re stuck being Fox we have to deal with it okay I watch Fox no you don’t nobody does yeah I like shows that are binge worthy first of all binge Worthy is not a word it’s a marketing tool you’ve been brainwashed sir but fine we’ll make Family Guy binge Worthy See wasn’t that terrible all right we only have the room till 6:00 so what else it’s not 6:00 yet what else young Sheldon is good how about young Family Guy how about I murder your whole family what about BoJack Horseman hard no you get to be a horse hard yes normal words

But a horse guy can we please stop this you just asked for specifically that it’s not six what else I Like That Antiques Road Show fine and you’re saying this is George Washington’s poop that’s correct I have some news you might not like the poop is only 2 weeks

Old what how can you be sure well for starters there’s a Skittle in it ah the general had a sweet tooth HH um that was horrible I’m going to tweeze the skittle out and go back in a week I like those Netflix standup specials great matter of

Fact we filmed one back when I was in all setup no punchline comedian so any of you out there have a fot turn yeah yeah right I Uber here tonight man Starbucks Facebook H and how about that new chip and credit cards anybody ever been to Georgia the new iPhone is

Large EDM music boo you stink yeah Dan Cook already did all these halves of jokes hey hey this is my job I don’t go down to Burger King that was terrible Netflix should make 800 more of those all right what else what else you guys want I like that

Thing James Cordon does carpool karaoke I can do that hey you having a good night I did just had a devil’s three-way you know me and two guys I think that’s just gay sex why are you telling me all this isn’t this taxi cab confessions no this is

Carpool karaoke we’re about to sing an Adele song oh that’s gay pull over by this hot guy and let me out I thought I read you guys were phasing out gay jokes that quote was taken out of context and widely misunderstood all right what’s next you sheep I like the Olympics can

You guys be the Olympics well NBC Hogs all a good sport so we’ll get stuck with the boring ones that the announcers always have to keep apologizing for welcome back to Pear’s diving and once again we are so sorry for this Brian anything to add no just our deepest

Condolences to a board nation and we’ve got Lois down at the pool Lois anything no guys just so sorry that any of this is happening I I mean even once every 4 years seems like just way too much and they’re up in the air and now they’re in

The water what is it again a splash is bad uh yeah I think so that’s so stupid I’m sick of all the voices on your show can you change them up to I like John Benjamin voices can you all be John Benjamin voices Hey Joe hey Peter hey

Quagmire hey Cleveland giggity what can I get for you fellas nobody touches my voice I liked all of that um except for the bartender hey guys the coffee beans Wi-Fi doesn’t need a password everyone the reboot is off it turns out the executive who ordered it was just a

Squirrel who snuck into the office what yes but In fairness it was the same squirrel who greenlit Brooklyn 99 the show that challenged the notion that only Attractive people can be on television so what does that mean it means Family Guy is just fine as it is [Applause]

Well the Family Guy reboot is off what other ideas do we have Brooklyn 910 it’s possible this guy only has one idea you know what I’m glad after all that they let us keep the show the way it was well not exactly the way it was

Hey buddy I brought over my big band records they wanted more Joe they wanted more Joe Hey where’s Quagmire actually I haven’t seen him all week me thinks he found a new lady friend don’t say methinks ever again Joe hey there he is hey guys what what’s all this oh this little oogie woogie is my new friend albertine who thinks she’s French she

Loves to smoke and feels it’s not truly a meal unless you serve bread isn’t yet right albertin you got to serve bread I don’t believe she’s ever said any of that so where have you been low these many days no well you know how there’s hardly any cat cafes in town well I

Decided to open a cat cafe what’s a cat cafe it’s like a coffee shop except one where lots of cats live in Rome he thinks the Cat Cafe sounds like a great idea that’s it Joe I challenge you to a duel pistols at midnight Peter did you bring a

Flamethrower no I also didn’t bring one of them laser guns from Ghostbusters Joe look look I got me a West good we’ll keep him till we get a new M principal Shepherd we were so surprised to get your call what’s going on Mrs Griffin Meg and Chris were caught

Cheating what yes they had the Lost Boys of the Sudan standing in for them in gym class nice block Griffin Nice Shot other Griffin this is terrible what do you think about this Pete huh bad very Bad here it is guys what do you think I’m realizing I may have a cat allergy I think it’s great Glenn and people really seem to be enjoying themselves boy if I could clean myself with my tongue I’d never leave the house right and it’s like if I had nine

Lives maybe I’d finally find a man you joining Me Peter we have to talk what fireworks after what happened today with Megan Chris at school I sent an email to my sister and 5 minutes later Google ads suggested a Christian Family Camp yeah the world’s better now that corporations read our most private Communications and

Then sell back at us the very things they’ve EAS dropped about even before this I’d worried about our church attendance dropping off now with the kids showing a complete lack of morals well we may all need to go to Christian Family Camp Lois you know I

Love you like a brother but I’m not doing that I’d only get in an awkward campfire crackle argument with a counselor Jesus has love for everyone uh actually what Jesus has is the might of Western Civilization Jesus has Guns Germs and Steel sorry the wood is very wet uh

Actually the wood is very dry wet wood hisses drywood crackles during uncomfortable silence I like cutaways where I get to be SM all Right what the what the hell is That hey shut up don’t look at me I’m dominant Ryan what are you doing here what am I doing here what is all this I happen to own this place it’s a cat cafe now get out of here you’re making all my cats angry that’s why they’re hissing actually

Frightened cats hiss angry cats moan you can’t open this place here it’s right next to my favorite bar go to hell Brian you don’t own this block I’m not going anywhere fine but I’m about to become your worst nightmare no way I’ve already had my worst nightmare I’ve told

You about my worst nightmare right no I I don’t think so oh boy get comfortable well first I’m driving through a forest but it’s actually inside which is weird right okay there’s all these people in the van who normally wouldn’t know each other in real life my second great

Teacher my mom Joe but it wasn’t quite Joe so all the kids are yelling at me in German and I understood them but I don’t speak German and then SNL is starting and I’m clearly in the cast and I haven’t been to any of the rehearsals

And all the Q cards are blank and that show is all Q cards and just as that’s sinking in I realize I’m also the musical guest I mean I can’t pull that off who do I think I am Silver Chair and the weird thing is I have this dream

Over and over listening to other people’s nightmares is my worst nightmare oh thank God I got to shut down that cat Place okay Peter the kids and I are off the church camp M Chris the Vans are here wait a minute you got any booze in that bag Mister no sir well then how you going to make any friends at Camp here you go now chug all this next to a lake you little

Rascal Shut down the Cat Cafe it’s a nuisance and a threat to Public Health oh for God’s sake city ordinance 321c States food or drink shall not be prepared or consumed within 20 ft of fecal matter damn it Brian also Persian cats let’s call them what they are Iranian cats this entire

Operation needs to be shut down and as long as Brian’s got your attention is it taking taking anyone else longer to wipe more wipes these days I’m taking shorter poops but with longer wipes and there’s always this one little line I swear to God it’s like there’s a crayon down

There wait excuse me for a minute son of a gun it was a crayon thanks for letting me talk that out Everybody Wikipedia states that toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease spread by a exposure to infected cat feces damn it Brian get out of here you’re scaring away my customers they also ring you up on one of those tablets they flip around at you and then glare while you pick from three inflated tip

Percentages you can also choose no tip but that option is by Design much less prominent you’re a jerk but fine if it’s a fight you want you got one I will squash you like a bug well that’s enough of that show but Dad we want to see what happens at

Christian Camp all right but they’re on thin ice Welcome to Sunrise Woods Bible Camp I’m the camp director Vera nice to meet you where the Griffins why are all these trees bunched together those are Woods Chris I only like rooms what a lovely setting yes the fresh air really helps clear your mind of thoughts of Tom celic how frighteningly

Specific mom this place sucks it’s even worse than when dad sent us to 1940s comedy School say Corporal what are you writing in your diary it’s private take a look now that’s some good clean fun also in the 1940s 6 million Jews died that’s it we’re done this show is not

For the bug Steen good evening quite a battle Brewing clever news pun doesn’t really work as I haven’t yet mentioned the subject of the story at kogs new Cat Cafe Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa filed this report Tom I’m standing here outside of coh Hog’s new Cat Cafe local resident Brian Griffin has described the cafe as

A threat to Public Health that’s right trishia and since I’m on local TV I’m going to talk a little too loud and then occasionally I’m going to turn away from the mic mhone to point of things off camera so my overall point is lost powerful claims thank you

Brian okay Brian I brought everything we need water sunscreen fruit rollups batteries Ste you know you’re not allowed to have Fruit Roll-Ups damn I tried to bury it in there what are you even wearing oh this is what Princess Diana wore to protest landmines it’s sad

She’s not around to watch her son go bald Brian I’m glad you’re here here based on the various public health concerns you rais the city has decided to shut this establishment down really you’re closing the cafe that’s right thanks to you I’m out of business I certainly hope you’re H oh

Nice tops stey come on lock it up until the Board of Health gives the okay you’re done wow I actually got the place shut down I’m glad I was here for this Brian we’ve hardly done anything together since we made that fiber commercial and had to use code words for pooping wow

Brian I’ve never felt so regular yes you seem exceptionally active while maintaining proper body Health that’s right just two spoonfuls a day to stay regular and active more coffee Stewie yes please oh dear that was a mistake what you mean you’re about to be active currently active cut to the shot of them

Stirring the product into water gurgl Max take a massive Comfort oh god oh there’s regular on the carpet oh there’s so much Regular how are those drawings of Jesus coming okay a little dark on the hair there let’s lighten it up lighten it up eyes should be blue remember history says that Jesus does not look like a traditional man from the Middle East but rather someone who sells raw milk

Online okay let’s put those away for now I’d like to move on to having you all sign your contracts with God contracts with God yep it’s a written commitment to forego all alcohol drugs and self-pleasure yeah I’m going to have my lawyer look at This I tell you it’s a good day Stewie now that that Cat Cafe is gone I can finally get back to my favorite bar and do some writing whoa sorry can’t let you in there what I come in here all the time well apparently due to some recent

Public health concerns the city has said that no animals of any kind are allowed in any public establishment what you got to be kidding me well that’s all right Brian we can go to my writing spot Brian look at my jump look at my jump look at

My jump whoa this place has the best pizza and Pepsi Brian did you hear me the best pizza and Pepsi oh no my pizza and Pepsi oh hey Peter come on in thanks for coming by a no problem buddy here I brought you something I figured anyone

Living alone with 73 cats needs to have a double XL Minnie Mouse sweatshirt thank you so much this won’t fit at all it’s perfect so how’s it going well not bad got plenty of company well that’s good I haven’t seen you at the clam well I’ve been pretty busy so

Can I get you something to drink sure what do you got well I’ve got water with cat hair in it h anything else I’ve got lemonade with c cat hair in it uh kind of a summer drink anything else oh sure cat hair ginger ale nope cat hair iced

Tea again summer you want to just take a look in the fridge see what I got sure someone just had kittens in my Mouth what’s up what are you doing nothing just sitting here trying to figure out why we have stupid purple couches have you ever known anyone in your life to own a purple couch couch I would assume Steve Harvey that actually sounds right but but what is this a

Picture of a mountain when have we ever been to a mountain what mountain even is it that’s Mount Cog yeah I don’t know it feels made up Brian is this all because you haven’t been able to get a drink I haven’t been able to go anywhere no dogs

Allowed in public places yes I was thinking about that what if there was a way for you to go out emotional support animal we this every place will have to to let you in so long as I’m with you where’d you even get that thing the letters are ironon

The vest is from when I worked at Office Depot one pen you’re buying one pen yep you don’t work in an office you can steal this from I work from home Office Depot we’re coming Blockbuster mom we don’t really have to get baptized do we no mag just hang towards the back of a line good plan Chris stop relieving yourself you’ve got those PE eyes brother Chris do it again sister Lois oh no thanks you’d have no way of knowing this but I’m

Actually having a very good hair day when my hair gets wet I tend to look like a frazzled Sandra bulock from one of her comedies my ex-husband had Nazi paraphernalia and and he left me so I said that shirt looks really good on you and he says thanks my

Boyfriend got it for me he’s like whoo all I said was I like the shirt and he has to drop boyfriend like a nuclear bomb I that’s on him right yeah I don’t know you’re supposed to be giving me emotional support right now let’s just

Get to the bar no no Brian say something nice about me right now come on Stewie that’s not what this is it is now say something nice about me or I’ll disappear like a serial killer in a 90s movie Stewie wait I need you to get in I’m going to do It okay who’s ready for some breakf oh crap another one died hey hey stop eating her get away okay new house rule everyone look at me don’t eat the dead cats oh hey Quagmire we came to see how it’s going uh how’s it going I got a

Dead cat on a pitchfork I don’t even know which can to put it in trash yard trimmings recycling I just put whatever in whatever hey guys check it out cat legs cats arise guys it’s Working I’m not Dead okay we’re getting out of this place tonight everyone clear on the plan yep Megan I switch faces like in the movie face off no oh then we have an issue I told you we should ask Mom first why would you think that just you two Follow My

Lead You know Vera I’ve been so moved by my time here at Camp I wonder if I could perhaps say grace tonight oh that’d be lovely Lois well I’d like to begin with a moment’s of of Silence a fully counted out Mississippi 60-second moment of silence and the first one to open their

Eyes is gay up here My Eyes Are Open too there was something in the air the stars were Briando they were Shin for you me for Fernando though we never thought that we Could ah good ridden Christian Family Camp totally I will say though it seemed like Chris enjoyed himself there well you know Chris is a little bit dumb and I know you’re not particularly popular or beautiful but you do have a hat on your shoulders so religion isn’t going

To be for people like you and me it’s basically for stupid people like Chris so to summarize religion for you and me no good but for idiots like Chris perfect what are you guys talking about how handsome you are really swear to God you’re a monster Stupid law Banning dogs Kibbles and bits and bits and bits you you son of a [ __ ] this is all your Fault what The You thirsty boy yeah you’re a thirsty boy wait a minute we’re fighting now time to make my get away Ryan oh my God are you all right here let me mend you like in a 1990s action movie oh thanks that is better look at us what are we

Doing I don’t even know anymore you know what I’m sorry I destroyed your dream Quagmire I know you loved that Cafe wow um thanks Brian why did you open that place anyway well honestly I just thought that maybe I could put something good in the world for a change what do

You mean I mean that I’ve always been about sex and seducing women but you know what someday I’m going to be dead and I I mean is that my legacy I just thought if I created something that makes people happy maybe people would remember me for that you probably think that’s stupid

Quagmire I’m here for you for emotional support thanks Brian what do you say you want to go for a walk I always want to go for a walk hey does any Wonder know what’s going on with my brown crayon because it disappeared from the box for a while and

Now it’s back it’s a little I don’t know oily and misshapen I’m not a crayon scientist but it looks like it’s seen some Heat the city repealed a law prohibiting animals from public businesses today and finally tonight we built this city there now it’s in your head too well I’m glad you get to go out out in public again Brian I’m glad you Chris and Meg are back from that Christian Camp hey where

Is Meg anyway oh she was so mad I dragged at a Christian Camp she ran away to live with a Japanese family Family Guy over on foxy coming up tonight Koh Hog’s own poet laurate comes to the set and Graces us with her oh God that’s tonight hey

Jerome turn on a game sorry guys cable’s out we’re only getting local stations oh what so now we got to talk sports to pass the time or maybe watch Gilmore Girls Just as like a goof you know if you want to talk sports I’ve got quite a

Story to tell oh oh this is the one where Laura’s mom makes her martini with an onion instead of an olive boy that’s a passive aggressive move if you knew her mom you’d know that’s a passive aggressive move it all started when I was a young boy last chance on this

Gilmore Girls thing I was a baseball Prodigy it was back home in the Cuban League I grew up working in the tobacco Fields outside of Havana that’s where I learned to play baseball our mitts were made of cigars some of them still going all right all right I caught

It at night I drove a cab we all had to drive huge cars there I was just a regular young man wearing pants that went above my belly button pull your buns up when I was nine my father took me to my first baseball game Fidel Castro was

There to throw out the first pitch he was wearing the same outfit as always later we would find out he had a fashion disease known as chronic fatigue syndrome we would write more jokes about him but our dumb Dum writers only know what he looks like strike we all worshiped Chay guara although

None of us really knew what side he was on thank you but we knew he’d make a great poster in college dorm room someday please rise for the qan national anthem in Cuba we hated America so much we copied everything they did and died trying to get there

Castro said there was CIA all over our Island but I never saw any yeah all right but from that day on I fell in love with baseball I dreamed of one day playing in the big leagues so I signed up for a montage to get better I was at the top of my game I didn’t even need the full Montage I was even recruited to play on Cuba’s national team the good and juniors tonight the Kuba Gooding Juniors take on the haiy Joel Lans we tried to play but it was difficult because hurricane season was February through

January every time a hurricane would sweep through decimating the island causing hundreds of dollars worth of damage under Castro every male over the age of 18 was required to serve 2 years as a band leader bab B Jungle I love baseball but yearn to play in America I would look across the water and dream about the great time they must be having there I bet it’s not so Great dang it I’m at the wrong country I knew what I had to do there was nothing against Cuba Cuba was nice we had a bay of hotties but also another Bay of less attractive women I forget what they called it however tensions between the US and Cuba were high Castro was not

Happy that they had named the most dangerously gay part of San Francisco after him defect into the US was punishable by prison or death but I was determined then came my chance the Cuba good and juniors had an away game in Barbados Oho we can escape to the Cayman

Islands Cayman my ass I’m going to America okay when we land in America we all have to stop saying Kuba the sea was choppy and the Sharks were Relentless who is it uh not a shark don’t open it no it’s just people yeah people and sharks shh no sharks just People after a week at Sea we saw the glittering lights of Miami it was beautiful then we decided to go to Cog instead which took eight more months eventually I signed a large deal with the Toronto Blue Jays but because I was from a warm weather climate it didn’t work

Out I still remember my first major league game it was 4 hours and 25 minutes long I was like what the Wow Cleveland I had no idea you played baseball too bad you couldn’t hit a home run with the Cleveland Show well it certainly wasn’t a whiff or of a foul out it was a double you know you’re not the only one who got a taste of sports

Glory I had a pretty good run myself scunny little guy like you Quagmire what did you play I was a competitive tennis player some might say too competitive but I was the breath of fresh air that the stuffy tennis world needed I was born into a real real tennis family on

My first birthday my mother gave me a little head I wanted to be the first male cheerleader for tennis I cheer on two occasions day and night o tennis and when that was weird I decided to just play tennis but it was understood I’d grow up

To be a tennis player like my father and his father before him and his father before him we came from a long line of tennis dicks I had six brothers but they’d all sliced off their hands opening a tennis ball cam possibly the most dangerous object known to mankind

Hey guys anyone want to play tennis lellan no but I would do everything I could to make my now female father happy practices were intense I feel like you skipped over a very big story point right there my father was a World War II

Vet so he used to to make me reenact the D-Day Landing with tennis ball machines but the work paid off I got invited to the first US Open which at the time was called the US now open there I met the player who would become my arch rival Sweden’s head

Banson he bring his personal chef to every match which was very distracting what the hell bie bgie meatball Frey H come on this can’t be legal what are you blind surf ball I was the bad boy of tennis and my unconventional style of play changed the

Game before I came along tennis was so safe it was customary to hit a six-handed backhand I pioneered the one-handed backhand and eventually the no-handed backhand Quagmire I love your backhand that sounds like a backhand Ed compliment I also flouted tennis etiquette by wearing the longest baggiest shorts the game had ever

Seen people criticized my style of play because I argued with umpires and was taught to bounce the ball 40 times before my serve Le first servant I’d won the US Open but I wouldn’t settle for just that my goal was the coveted Grand slam pancakes eggs sausage and bacon at

Denny’s one day Glenn one day maybe your Birthday I made it to Wimbledon and got to play in front of the queen Freddy Mercury I altered my 40 bounce routine just for him it was an honor playing for Freddy on grass that day he later died the doctor said it was [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] asphalt it was the era before AIDS but a lot of tennis players had to deal with the scourge of penis Geral litis despite my onc court temper tantrums I was on top of the world and that’s when I saw her Tatum 070s the hottest actress of

The era she was fresh off her success playing an 11-year-old in a little league movie which for some reason made her the biggest sex symbol in Hollywood thought you might need this thanks I’m Glenn I know I watched you smash your Racket and scream at a baby

You know if you’re free after this we could go back to my place and try to fit some balls in your can I practiced tantrum sex something I’d learned from sting but probably misheard what are you crazy that was it we became New York’s it couple of the 70s we hung

Out at Studio 55 there was no one there we could hear a lot of noise coming from next door I got to meet the greatest athletes of my generation Glenn how would you like to meet Bobby or or who Bobby or yeah Bobby or who what’s the other

Choice it’s Bobby or you told me Bobby B’s the First Choice what’s the alternative all right forget that do you want to meet Rick Monday well sure I could do Monday but who is it by the 1980s things were starting to unravel damn it my temper on the court

Was increasingly an issue out are you serious you cannot be serious I had a hard time telling if people were serious I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone are you serious I became famous for smashing rackets when things didn’t go my way of course back then we

Didn’t have multiple rackets so I was forced to play with It ultimately my career ended when I developed The Yips and in 2001 at the US Open my first serve hit a plane causing it to go tragically off course and hit a building everyone blamed the Muslims my second serve was no Better you guys talking Sports stories you know I want a bronze medal in the 84 Olympics are you serious track and field it’s a pretty good story it’s a series of coincidences that if someone wrote no one would believe oh my God why is there only half a metal

How much time you got we got about seven minutes and I haven’t gone yet Rocky like most my day began with block letters of my name floating past the screen I grew up on the Main Streets of Philadelphia the City of Brotherly Love or as I called it America’s northernmost

Hillbillies I was an Italian guy from the South Side who never had a chance in life but I had a dream to one day be the heavyweight champ y PD yo fella yo py yo de who it was a tough time in Philadelphia we were losing dozens of men every day

To singing over open trash can fires yo py yo flaming guy I was a two bit knuckle breaker for a mob but it was a flash mob you owe us two grand don’t make me come back you better pale we’ll funk you up I said we will funk you up like most

Fighters I fell in love with the local artistic girl who worked at the pet shop I was one of her Pet Shop Boys yo hey Turtles how you doing how come then I’m moving you sat on them yesterday they’re dead what happened to your eye I got

Beat up again in a fight yo Lois the San jaro Festival was last weekend yeah I was wondering if uh maybe you might want to go to it with me when is it last weekend well then I don’t think that’s possible Peter no I could see she was

Going to play hard to get all right okay well uh want to maybe go to the park and feed the pigeons yesterday Peter I already did yesterday’s stuff sorry well and how about we just get coffee this morning before you got to be at work it’s 4: in the afternoon I’m afraid

That’s not going to work either okay well I’ll Circle back last week and see what your schedule looks like I was not the smartest guy but I wasn’t going to give up I lived in the Little Italy section of Philly my apartment was Tiny I didn’t have much stuff but still it felt

Cramped I really needed a bigger place I wanted to work the speed bag but my gym was so cheap it didn’t have one so I had to do the noises hard to hit I fought my way up through the amateur ranks most fights my greatest challenge was entering the ring

Without getting completely Tangled in the ropes little help is my butt out my butt’s out isn’t it yeah sorry you got to see that back there ma’am yeah I I couldn’t wipe I had my gloves on already stop taking pictures please my least favorite part of boxing was the

Weigh-ins hey Keenan Damon Marlon good luck Peter Mo oh ha and I was the only guy who wouldn’t get naked in the locker room I don’t got a problem getting naked I I just don’t have to change right now I became known as an upand Comer

With a mean left hook who farted every time he got punched in the stomach by the second round the entire front row had pink Eye I ran with a towel around my neck tucked into my sweatsuit cuz I always wanted to look like a rich guy in a bathrobe then I promised Lois I’d see the mark Rothco exhibit of the Philadelphia Museum of Art but when I got there it was

Closed meanwhile Lois and I were getting serious so I popped the question Hey listen Lois I was wondering if you’re not too busy what would you think about spending the previous part of your life with me I’m afraid that’s not possible Peter but I was Rising through the ranks

And fighting bigger and better opponents I fought butter bean then I fought Can’t Believe It’s Not Butterbean I could barely tell a difference I fought sugaray Leonard nemoy who put a Vulcan nerve pinch on me the fight was deemed highly illogical I defeated Lennox Lewis in the news

Evander Sally Field and Roberto Duran Duran I was supposed to fight George Foreman but I only got George Three Men and a Baby there’s a lot more puns but this episode’s only got a few minutes left so finally I got my shot at the title against the world champion Marvelous Marvin Mrs masel

Lois no one’s ever gone the distance with Marvelous Marvin Mrs masel before but if I can just get in that ring yesterday tomorrow and hear that bell ring Still Standing I’ll know I’m not just a bum from the streets I believe in you Peter now go drink your

Eggs our din wear Hutch sorry sorry oh they manad I was out red a no-name punk fighting the world champion I fought my heart out I dug deep and had a kickass song on my side but we couldn’t afford the song from the movie so we use the sound effects from Nintendo

Punchout uppercut uppercut [Applause] Uppa the swollen eyes weren’t from the fight there was a cat in the arena and I was highly allergic but i’ done it the only fighter ever to go the distance with the champ but in that moment there was only one thing I could think about Peter the

Rasco exhibit at the Museum is reopened are you busy last week she had nailed me I was in fact free last week I was the pride of Philadelphia eventually I became the champ I also changed my inspirational music to keep me motivated Sharky sharkk tragically I died in training I

Fell into a vat of Philadelphia cream cheese and suffocated I guess it was a little taste of Heaven let’s just say at my funeral there was quite a spread some of this story ain’t holding up for me I was cremated I don’t think any of this

Is true my ashes was spread over an everything bagel Hey Joe what about you you’re pretty athletic guy you got any sports stories funny you should ask actually back in 1988 I took part in the Crystal Light aerobics competition representing valet H and ret in Orlando M hard Debbie Harvey and Marissa

Mckin representing sh Athletic Club in San Jose Diane teresi Deborah McGee and Debbie parue there I am that guy in the left Dead all right time for 8:15 drop off now mommy’s on a quick break till 3:30 toughest job in the world oh look Kylie’s mom is out of

Rehab good morning little guy hey Janet good to see you Hey listen thank you so much for your apology email an individual one would have been nice nice but wonder the whole class was fine too have a good day Stewie oh my God please be a dog please be a Dog oh my God it’s a kid it’s Doug nice hit [ __ ] oh and Elsa underwear this day just keeps getting Better well thank you all for coming can I get anyone something to drink I’m fine but Doug’s mother would probably like three martinis and then to have unprotected sex with her boss at work and Doug’s father would love a glass of warm tap water and to never make more

Than $30,000 a year for the rest of his life and here we go okay well I am just so sorry about what happened with Doug I just didn’t see the little guy well maybe you ought to get your eyes examined I appreciate that it was an accident Mrs Griffin but nonetheless

We’ve retained a lawyer well there must be some way short of a lawsuit we can make this up to you well this is my weekend with Doug but I’ve got tickets to see Lana Del re with our former Nanny Jessica she’s 24 so as a form of settlement maybe this weekend you can

Put together a treehouse I don’t want to deal with fine if that’s what I have to do to make this right then Peter and my children will build your son’s treeh house deal all right I guess now the four men awkwardly sit here while my mom

Gives your mom a tour a house that doesn’t deserve one and this is a room adjacent to the room we were just in ooh what a fun House okay Mrs Griffin tell me what you see um I see a cow in a lab coat some vultures in a cowboy hat and a dog trying to trick a cat into a clothes dryer just as I thought you’re farsighted oh no what what do I do about

It oh well I’m no doctor but I would say you either need to get glasses or maybe lasic is that the surgery people get and then tell everybody they got it yes it’s the veganism of elective surgery if you’re unsure of what to do here’s a video of radio head frontman and super

Weirdo Tom York to help you decide hello I’m Tom York you might know me from radio head on my passing resemblance to a melting tiller Swinton not many people know that I’m blind in one eye can you guess which one this is awful oh wait

Just give it a few minutes all his stuff starts kind of slow fine I’ll get the lasic great make an appointment with my nurse now here’s a lollipop from the Sackler family that says s We in the future we won’t even need our eyes computers will see for us oh now you’re a doctor I guess I’m a singer now I’m Casey KAS that was Elmer Hartman peing at number 32 with I hate computers parenthesis tral la la Mrs Griffin the surgery was a success

And by that I mean the hospital agreed to take your Discover Card plus we’ll get 1% of that back which is basically like getting Nothing oh my God I’m blind what do you mean you’re blind you can’t see me right now no but you can still see like the stove and laundry right but Mom we got you a balloon she doesn’t know about the balloon don’t worry Lois we’ll be right by your side

The whole time and not outside playing with a balloon I love you balloon oh no no I’m coming balloon don’t tell your mother about this Don’t worry Lois I went blind a while back it was cool there’s some of the last people you can still make fun of Dad it’s fine they won’t see this Dr Hartman you said there was very little risk to lasic but now I am blind how did

This happen okay look this isn’t my fault it was take your cat to work day Dr Hartman what does this mean you know for me well whatever your wife did for you you’ll now have to do for yourselves and until she gets used to her new life you’ll need to take care of

Her feed her bathe her drive her places they’re gone aren’t they they left Yes there they are I thought we said 10 sharp but we must have said 1018 no one’s fault but going forward let’s make sure we respect each other’s time H you must be Chris I must you know we have a friend in common Mr Herbert how do you

Know Mr Herbert we’re friends uh sometimes he comes to my art shows and we get ice cream after let me guess he takes you to the park where the swings go really high he does uhhuh that’ll stop and ice cream don’t get used to it I’ve seen a thousand of you I’ve

Outlasted them I’ll Outlast you okay uh my dad left a note for you Mr Griffin Griffins build this treehouse for my son he will love it for a year until my housekeeper moves into it even though it doesn’t have electricity or running water she walked here from Guatemala

She’ll be fine let’s get started boys oh man this is going to be more work than when I built that habitat for Sean Hannity as you can see we’ve made everything white like you requested here’s a room to recover from your sodium headaches and on the walls I

Painted some of your most famous quotes there’s the one where you compared the homosexual lifestyle to playing in a sewer and there’s the one where you defended Roy Moore nice uh-huh and here’s a room where you can blame things on an immigrant hey nothing personal I just pedal hate for Money we now return to Blind flick the streaming service for blind people I can’t believe it’s the year 2034 Earth is uninhabitable and we’re hurdling through space to find a place for Humanity to start again thankfully we are Chris Evans and Vanessa hudgin and have sexy bodies that will make

Beautiful racially nuanced babies I love you Chris Evans I love you too Vanessa hudgin kiss me ah this show is so sexy how you doing mom do you need to go poopies mag please stop asking me that I’m sorry I just I hate being so dependent on other people

I feel helpless and worthless I get it I feel helpless and worthless 20 24 sevs how do you deal with it cutting minor arson and sometimes I post empowerment videos on YouTube empowerment videos yeah I thought YouTube went out of business what am I thinking of Circuit

City yes here the camera’s on just getting your feelings out will make you feel better oh okay um hello uh my name is Lois Griffin and I am blind uh I went to the hospital for a simple surgery and woke up in the ICU But the irony was I couldn’t see you I

Couldn’t see anyone or anything even the people closest to me who need to be seen the most so now I suppose if I want to see again I’ll have to listen more and and feel more and focus on what’s on the inside and not what I can see on the outside

Okay that’s all for now Mom that was incredible you really spoke to me who who’s that is that Lois Peter I’m the one who’s blind sorry I’m still getting used to Things can’t believe Doug’s dad texted me and said we had to come to Doug’s t-ball game or he was going to sue us looks like they got Big League Chew yeah I saw that I saw they they got Big League Chew ah the baseball field good memories lost my vCard here with

Jennifer Jason Lee and that Dugout right over there that was fast times yeah fast for her maybe I took a while excuse me what happened to your big trip to Providence good morning sports fans you ready to witness the epitome of Excellence check this out ball one

Look spaz hold the bat like this and then step into it as you swing forward I did it thanks Mr Griffin I’m leaving come on Chris don’t be mad my plans changed oh hey Doug are you kidding me Mom you won’t believe what happened your video went viral oh does that mean

Circuit City’s back no it means your ICU video really connected with people you’re helping people who feel unseen mom like me you’re everywhere okay so what am I supposed to do now make another video hi Lois I didn’t get a monkey off to see bananama Bye well it’s not what I thought it was going to be either Mom I made some ICU t-shirts what’s going on who are these people my team I seeu has exploded there’s I seeu fashion I seeu skin care I seeu Health it is a gold mine wait but

What is any of this have to do with seeing people for who they really are who cares about that I do I see you as an idea I could really believe in and you’re ruining it I’m not ruining it I’m expanding it you know I’m the one who

Went blind Meg I’m the one who’s suffering now the least I can do is make some money from it now stand back it’s time to make another video hello seers Lois here you know sometimes the darkness gets overwhelming and that’s when I turn to I see you

Essential oils it calms you before sleep or you can cook chicken in it oh my God I can see oh God but if anybody finds out it’ll ruin my ICU brand Peter told me he’d been doing laundry and now I’m even wondering if he lost those 75 lbs like he said what’s

That Lois I’m just on the spin bike got a good sweat going Bo you’re right Sarah loves those Hills okay here’s the microphone yeah I see it I mean oh thank you is that Meg Mom what’s going on with you nothing especially my eyesight I am still very very blind thank you all for coming today I can’t see you because I’m blind mind but I see

You please be sure to try out our new colonic partnership with increasingly irrelevant rapper Eminem The &a it promises to clear out eight miles of mom’s spaghetti it goes in slim clear and comes out Slim Shady thank you I’m [Applause] Blind that was incredible low you’re a real inspiration my name is Wanda kep my maiden name and I work for Helen Helen disingenuous the Beloved daytime talk show host who gives Millions away to those in need and is still somehow loathed well loathe is a little bit

Exactly right but yes I’m here Lois because Helen has been following your success and would love to make it her own would you consider being a guest on our show oh my gosh really that’s amazing so so I get to go to Hollywood we actually taped the show in Burbank ah what’s the

Difference that’s hilarious I’ll have someone who makes a lot less money than me set everything up Meg can you believe it this is going to take I seeu Global I’ll be more popular than a Robert Redford Clip hey guys my dad made you another list teach dug to ride a bike bake cookies listen to his Archer impression this is ridiculous we’re not doing any of this I don’t know I kind of want to hear his Archer impression yeah I’m curious I’m an international spy but I

Also do mundane things okay all that’s that’s pretty good but that’s it no more then I guess my dad will just have to sue you you know what go ahead and sue us I mean look at this guy what do you think you’re going to get we came here

In his dog’s car but we had a deal well the deal’s off I’ll call your dad myself no don’t what the it was you making us do all that stuff you made fools of us Doug get Out dad help I’m not Dad I’m pet the pirate God I already told you why did you do it why did you make us do all that stuff for this I did it for this what what do you mean I don’t have a dog or a brother or

Even a father really but these past few days I felt like I’ve had all that I’m sorry but I didn’t know any other way to get you to spend time with me Doug there you are thank God hey I got your message about the miscarriage so Saturday night what a dick you know what I’m going to go poop in his shoes you do that for me sure I will buddy hang on Brian I got one in the chamber I’ll join you thanks

Guys I guess that just leaves us look I think you’re a total garbage person same and being nice to you goes against everything I stand for same okay don’t be the person who just says same like it’s a real response you know what let’s just hate each other in public and maybe

Not hate each other as much in private like George and kellianne Conway what is up with those Two oh this is really going to put ICU over the top Meg I am going to be rich now which one is better the blue or the green but how do you know what colors they are Mom you can see I knew it okay fine yes I can see I can’t believe you’ve

Been lying why don’t you get it I have to be blind to keep the money rolling in nobody’s going to be inspired by a middle-aged cisgendered able-bodied white woman or a man now you keep your mouth shut or I will knock knock Helen is that you oh I’m so

Blind I just wanted to say hello welcome you to the show have you been to Burbank before never oh well while you’re waiting check out this video I made for the Burbank tourism Association welcome to beautiful Burbank California home of more year round Halloween stores than

Any other city in the world do you like Jack in the Box then you’re in luck we’ve got six of them if you’ve ever wanted to visit a place where you can hear the freeway from literally every spot in town then Burbank is for you want to do drugs in an empty swimming

Pool with a couch in it want to see what you imagine an affluent neighborhood in Honduras looks like you can do all of that and so much more in Burbank we’re here with Lois Griffin founder of ICU and an inspiration to millions of easily persuadable women so Lois I understand in addition to everything else you’ve started the ICU Foundation that’s right Helen you know you haven’t really made it until you’re able to convince rich people to give you

Money for a nebulous and undefined important cause and what will your foundation focus on women’s issues and the environment refugees well we support you so we’ve got a surprise for You oh my god with spoon I love her Lois how did you you know it was Reese Witherspoon if you can’t see ah um that’s that’s just um what I say when I’m excited race weather spoon Lois are you actually blind yes I Mean no I was blind when I started ICU but I got my sight back a few days days ago I just wanted to make a difference and you know maybe get money from sympathetic strangers I’m sorry hey y’all can I put this big old check down my arms ain’t

But small sticks oh shut up Reese Witherspoon you big phony there’s no way you’ve read all those books you slap your sticker on well Lois you’ve disappointed a lot of people here today and since this is daytime TV you’ll have to stand trial on a black judge show Lois Griffin I find you guilty and I sentence you to pay your roommate back for his dog food whatever dumb this one’s About well Lois I’m glad you’re not blind anymore oh me too I just wish I’d handle it better hey at least you got to go to Hollywood Burbank what’s the difference a boy I’ll show you ah the record store Follow of the greatest albums of all time and the

Employees who hate every one of them de The Eagles Greatest Hits yeah it’s under o for obvious and overrated thank you bearded failures you know it’s stores like this where you learn about the Real History of Rock and Roll not the water down version you get in every movie

About a musician’s life yeah all those biopics are the same story unsupportive parents hit song band turmoil having giant horse teeth and dying of AE all of them are exactly the same and check out this section for the doors Jim Morrison is a legend whether we like it or not he

Had the good sense to die before we could see him at the Pachanga casino and go oh my God that’s him it was the 60s a time of great fateful Mist frisbee catches the iconic band was formed one day when ray manzer met Jim Morrison on Venice Beach thanks

I’m Rayman Eric what’s your name Jim Morrison Light My Fire wait wait a minute wait what you just say say that again Light My Fire yeah that that could be a song that’s tolerated for Generations what do you say you and I form a band a band but this is the 60s

We don’t have nearly enough floppy heads of hair to do that hey you guys starting a band mind if we join yes you’re both in we are going to be huge you guys and nothing’s going to get between us not drugs or alcohol or the first toxic

Relationship that comes my way look out easily manipulated runaway coming through screw you guys I’m following that lady and there’s nothing you can do about it I am the doors Jim be reasonable we haven’t even named ourselves that yet look I’m going to get right to it and say I miss making music

With you bastards thanks I’m Charles Manson what’s your name Jim Morrison kill Sharon tapate wait a minute what did you just say say that again this is how women on drugs dance yeah Jim Morrison loved me two times wait wait wait a minute what did you just say say that

Again well Jim I’m flat at you broke into my home but I have a serious boyfriend and I think you should leave but I’m a Rockstar and he’s an astronaut you know unfortunately for you this is the one time in history where astronauts are cooler than rockstars well I don’t

Care you’re my muse and I’m moving in with my trash bags of bad poetry the caterpillar a tiny hair snake nay because of his many many legs the snake a large hairless caterpillar nay on account of no legs the snake capillar wow such a genius huh now I do have a

Boyfriend but I’m also a free spirit that’s my fun little way of saying I’m a [ __ ] so how’ you like to have sex with my kite sized woman weave M it’ll mesh perfectly with my giant nest of tight ring Jim call me the Lizard King Lizard King yeah now call me Arch

Duke salamander emperor of noes you’re the arch Duke I’m done velcro just like my Shoes early on Jim Morrison had terrible stage fright so he performed with his back to the crowd the only thing that calmed his nerves was what everyone was using back then strawberry Nest quii it upset his stomach terribly because of his lactose intolerance a condition that would escalate to full-on cream bigotry

Yeah that’s the stuff and up 1 2 3 Uh-oh my F’s stuck in the pants well get it out we’ve got a show to do [Applause] we all feeling good tonight I know I’m feeling good uh this next one’s called Break On Through yes Break On Through Jim there’s someone you have to meet hello I’m someone with no knowledge

Of music who is somehow controlling the music industry and I want to make you a star well how do I know I can trust you cuz I’m not just an agent I’m a fan really absolutely in fact I’d love your autograph on the bottom of this contract

In absence of any legal counsel come on buddy you’re embarrassing me they did it they signed the contract that would make their cocaine dealer rich and then it was off to the studio for a shirtless Rehearsal what the hell Jim you look terrible are you back on the quick please I’ve barely stirred today all look I’m sorry I’m ready now all right I’m ready to make this college dorm room poster damn it Jim we’re here to make an album not a

Poster make an album why didn’t you say so bring in the terrible two involved girlfriends guys Jim meet my girlfriend Yoko o yes she’s beloved by everyone close to me and Prides herself on not messing with a good thing I’m just going to get out of

The way and let you guys do your music you won’t even know I’m here [Applause] [Applause] You guys want to see something you want to see if it’s as big as they say it is what the hell is he doing now that night marked the end of Jim Morrison’s rock guard status when he was unable to find and expose his penis in a Florida music venue

Like every man who can’t find his penis Jim Morrison moved to Paris where he did heroin one night and drowned in a bathtub there was a movie about the doors if you’re a bunch of guys in college wanting to make all the girls go away put on the movie The Doors poof

They’re gone then it’s just you and your buddies you could have gotten laid but you put on the doors why’d you do that well if we learned anything from Jim Morrison’s tragic tale it’s that white guys definitely invented rock and roll what that’s bull crap rock and roll

Was invented in the Mississippi Delta by black people Jerome if black guys invented rock and roll then how come everyone else in a vintage vinyl record store is a stock photo meme white guy you ain’t heard of the black man who invented rock and roll cuz he never got

A movie about his life but I’mma educate y’all on the greatest rocker of all time delta blues Man Muddy Drawers muddy grew up in a shotgun shack in the Deep South his family was so poor they lived underneath the mighty Mississippi they all had to share one room and one mustache well I’m off to make something of myself with this here guitar don’t go chasing no white women too far away

Can’t hear You in those days black people had nothing but they still had to wear suits everywhere the only instrument muddy could afford was a one string guitar that one guitar string was also the family belt despite all his setbacks muddy would do whatever it took to master the

Guitar car even if it meant making a deal with the Devil Himself so he headed on down to the crossroads the crossroads being a fancy school in Los Angeles Toby Maguire’s kid goes there you’d see him sometimes dropping off not all the time but sometimes hey Toby see you at the Holiday

Show stupid Fanboy you ain’t ever getting that invite to dinner with the jilling HS muddy was right he never got invited to dinner with Jake Gyllenhaal or his sleepy eyed sister which is probably for the best she looks like she chews with her mouth open but muddy did

Get his guitar lessons from the devil sign here and you’ll be the greatest guitar player whoever lived all it’ll cost you is your soul okay you got yourself a deal and just so you know with this purchase of a soul I will also give a soul to a child in need yeah yeah

I don’t want that it’s no additional cost to you mhm it’s just my way of giving back out of my end seems like it’s probably baked into the price so buddy went out and created a new sound the sound of rock and roll it was so groundbreaking that an apathetic sound

Mixer put down his newspaper and his stale cup of coffee to pay attention this song has one line I’m going to sing it several times that’s it well this song has one line I’m going to sing it several times not just once listen this song has one

Line I’m going to sing it several times the song was a hit and got money his first record contract now since he was a black performer naturally he went on tour in the part of the country that’s so racist it’s known as the Boston of the South he

Was given a white driver the record company chose an Italian amican man so muddy would be used to hearing all the worst Rachel slurs before he got there big Crow dad’s guy huh oh yeah they’re the best please look at the road while you’re driving I wouldn’t know about

Craw dads never had him what oh you got to try him here take the rest of mind I insist but muddy had had craw dads many times that was just his little trick for getting free cwad from Co Italians what are you working on I’m

Trying to write a nice letter to my wife marjerie but I never been any good with damn it what are those things words yeah I I never been any good at words in fact I’m downright great at them I could help you if you want yeah could you make it

Sound so she thinks me a white guy is the one who actually wrote it easy write this dearest marjerie I can’t wait to get home and back that big fat ass up back back back it up back back back it up Wu Tang Clan Ain’t nothing to mess

With dearest marjerie a lady who worked at the hotel we were staying at had like the freest chest I’ve ever seen yours Vinnie ultimately then he went his own way with the letter hey Marty I was thinking since we made it to the part of a story where we

Realized that we’re not so different from each other we should celebrate yeah what did you have in mind I don’t know maybe That whoa whoa whoa this a whes only Carnival it’s okay Vinnie let’s get out of out of here no this is unacceptable and it will not stand my friend is a human being we demand recourse unconscionable and though the trip was soon over a friendship was form that

Transcended race but it would not last long what the hell all the pages in my song song book are torn out Dear muddy I have something to confess I stole all your songs and my real name is Elvis Presley that’s son of a [ __ ] damn you Elvis Presley oh well

There’s still an exciting future ahead of me this ain’t the end of my story oh no the screen’s turning sepia this is the end of my story I got to get to a stool for the one old timey black guy musician photo anywh one will ever

Know me by muddy didn’t make it to the stool in time for his photo Elvis never gave him the credit he deserved and people were pissed when greenbook won that Oscar the End great story Jerome Elvis really was the best Peter is that Stewie oh yeah looks like he’s going to do one next you’re going to let the baby do one oh I’m sorry are your children funny no ah here it is Elton John’s greatest hits a collection of songs by the one

Gay guy on Earth with a worse haircut than Pete Rose we’ll defer that end ofe bonus to the following fiscal quarter harvest the losses on our cap gains that’s a no-brainer and let’s see update my beneficiary designations uh yeah I think so damn I’m good out in John what the hell do you think you’re doing it’s just a little

Number crunching pop what’s going on in here why don’t you ask your son the tax man I found these under his mattress w tws i i was holding them for a friend what what are you doing pop no son of mine is going to be a heterosexual paper pusher you need to be

A loud and proud performer like you’re gay all Dead you hit me oh Elton I’m telling you this because I love you you’ll never find someone to love you not even Dolly Levi could help you who’s Dolly Levi H oh where did we go so wrong so ilton John collaborated with Bernie toppin who would write the lyrics for elton’s songs

Bernie was married three times in a desperate bid to convince the world he was not a homosexual all right Bernie what do you got uh how about this yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen they are who I I’m not gay you’re not you you

Just seem very I’m British we all seem that way even if we’re not but secretly are Elton meet the best producer in the business kid how would you like to sign with my label naive young Talent record together we are going to make me Millions sounds fair to me let’s get to

It from then on elton’s new male producer rode him day and night when Elton was tired of playing he’d get right behind him and push him on the stool until he was finished sometimes Elton would cry because of how hard he was pushing but it paid off

Because in the end they had a massive load of hits just a just a big messy load of hits the night Elden John performed at Dodger Stadium he was so nervous he almost never left the dressing Room well dude no I’m just a straight Moment of clarity oh I’m sorry I didn’t uh but his reflection had walked away never to return and he had to do his own makeup also due to a scheduling error the Dodger had a game that night and Elton had to bat fourth in the

Lineup it’s a mince off single and the Dodgers [Applause] win Elton John was heavily involved in the LA party scene and things took a dark turn one night when he and Bernie went to a party in the Hollywood Hills one where you park way down at the

Bottom and have to walk all the way up God how much farther is it I don’t know you didn’t didn’t get a tryptic that’s cuz the rockar doesn’t get the tryptic the writer gets the tryptic damn it here comes another person walking to the same party let’s stop so we don’t

Have to walk with him the whole way when they said this party was far out they weren’t kidding I know right uh look we’ve got to be close I can hear the music damn it we’re in the wrong Canyon well I’m exhausted come on let’s just go home I

Don’t know I kind of want to stay out hang on hey what’s the cocaine sitch like at that party enough to kill a Belushi but you probably don’t want to come it’s a real sausage fest over here I’m going to that party Elton if you leave me right now it’s a big deal

Because this is the time of the story where that’s a big deal what’ you say I couldn’t hear you over the sound of snorting have fun getting home without a trip dick trip dick woo looks like Elton learned how to Write how is he doctor well looks like your husband’s going to be all right Mr I’ve been married three times I’m Bernie toppen you know what don’t worry about it I already forgot who you are anyway congratulations Elton will be back on his knees in no time look at me at some

Hospital next to a Denny’s by the airport all day long it’s just Denny’s and the Jets wait what did you just say say that again the important thing is you’re alive thanks hey what do you say we get the old team back together for a what do

They look like now credits Montage well we can but I’m not sure you’ll like it that’s what I look like who is letting me out of the house like someone in the future is seriously failing me yeah you look like a Candyland villain that came

To life I know you look like a muppet that teaches kids about being gay all right that’s enough why are we making fun of me I’m not a bad guy let’s just make fun of sha Hannity again he looks like a guy who just ODed on Just For Men

He looks like Alan thicker he’s a guy whose wife yells at him for getting his ball powder all over the bathroom all right we could do this whole day for more hanity slams go to Family guu YouTube page and hey if you think of your own leave it in the comments he’s

The guy your mom dates twice and then yells at you for the remote okay but now we’re done well I can’t think of a better way to end our visit than by remembering The Four Lads who started a band in 1962 and changed the world forever Steve B who

Steve Dale Bob Robin the trash man oh Everybody happy Halloween kids happy Halloween look it’s a Matt Foley from Saturday Night Live I don’t know who that is I just came from a meeting at work how good Peter you’re home you can help me pass out candy Jerry Lois I have to go do a dangerous speed ball and

Become the least surprising death in Hollywood history happy Halloween Meg wow Mayor West that’s some costume thank you kindly it me Borat you know from that picture Borat you ever seen it yeah that movie came out like 15 years ago well I’d never heard of it but it was just about the

Funniest thing I’d ever seen anyway have a good evening my wife this is my costume come on put in some effort guys just cuz you showed up doesn’t mean you get an apple apple we’re here for candy kill yourself there’s a lot of sugar in an apple if

You saw the numbers you’d be shocked trick or treat wow that’s the first Frozen I’ve seen in 35 seconds oh my God I love your pilot costume thank you I’m actually John travolto walking into my backyard Airport in Florida to fly a passenger jet all by myself that’s right

I’m just a regular guy your daughter’s adorable oh she’s not my daughter she’s my niece my sister and her husband ran into someone having an adult Halloween party and didn’t have an excuse ready oh I’m so sorry yeah it was really tough for them but I said earlier I’m not

Going to cry so not going to cry and hi my name’s Carrie hi Carrie my name is Glenn it’s really really nice talking to you Glenn you too Carrie hey candy hey Brian check it out this might be my biggest candy score ever probably thanks to my killer

Costume what are you dressed as I’m the oh my God reaction gift and people get that yeah everyone’s dressed as gifts ain’t that right Pop Wow this place is great Glenn yeah they can really microwave eggs here you know I’m so glad you trick-or-treated at my house I finally found someone I can just say names from succession with I mean oh my God Kendall Kendall and shiv love shiv and what about Roman yes and Logan Oh

Logan oh look at that dog yeah who brings a dog to a coffee shop I love dogs without letting me pet it come here you dog a isn’t he so sweet ah good boy yay my hand smells like you now oh I’m so happy you’re a dog person I don’t

Think I could be with someone who doesn’t love dogs as much as I do yeah it’s great we like the same things as soon as you say what you like so what kind of dog do you have uh uh what kind of dog um you know I I’ve never noticed

I I’m I’m more attracted to his Spirit they’re so special and you know what’s right around the corner the strip club where they SP spit in your face no the dog park for our next date we should bring our dogs there next date absolutely oh and cousin Greg cousin Greg cousin

Greg pH that tummy time was killer totally blasted my core but I think that earns me a little treat what the deuce this bag was full last night and now half of it’s gone oh my god I’ve been robbed rert check the jewelry box see if anything’s missing an engagement ring oh

Haha very funny but not the time to have this conversation we’ve been burgled there looks like they only stole some of my Halloween candy but they’re not going to get away with this like the fat man when he plays clue okay the murderer was don’t care with a this game

Sucks in the I regret having children clue you got someone pregnant 9 years ago so now you have to play this thanks for coming with me Peter I need a dog for my date but I don’t know the first thing about him no problem Quagmire but just know I’m going to

Spend most of the time here finding the courage to hold an iguana here he is I’m not sure I’m ready uh excuse me how much is that one oh he’s a purebred beon fris so he’s $1,500 for a dog um and and what’s your return policy is it like full money back

Within 10 days sir if you’re not interested I have to comb feces out of the guinea pig’s hair with a wet paper towel go ahead you can touch him it’s dry sorry we couldn’t get you a dog come on in we’ll have however many beers it takes to forget how depressing the

Shelter was I’ll go get those aforementioned beers thanks word a day calendar oh hey quagar I mean there he is Brian the dog what’s going on here why are you using my full name all right let’s cut to the chase I like chases okay look I’m seeing this woman and there’s something

Different about her I mean it’s not just that the sex is great which it is but I appreciate her as a person which sounds kind of weird coming out of my mouth anyway I told her I have a dog so would you pretend to be my dog oh well well well

Well well well well well well well Brian come on I’m serious will you help me out Glenn Quagmire there are not enough tennis balls in the world for me to I have six I’ll do It thanks for doing this Brian and remember just act like a normal well- behaved non-talking dog non-talking yeah just bark and stuff bark jeez it’s been a while let me give it a try bra bra what the hell is that I’m finding it damn it Brian I knew you were going to

Screw this up for me I thought you wanted to help help I’m not doing this because I want to help I’m only doing this so I can have a front row seat when you crash and burn okay first of all it’s incredibly insensitive to say crash

And burn to a pilot and second how dare you how dare you Brian the dog you know I’m right you’re going to get tired of the sex and then you’ll move on to the next one oh cuz you know everything right well you’re wrong Brian okay shut

Up here she comes hi Glen this is Dexter a and who’s this little guy uh uh this is Harvey named after Weinstein uh cuz you can see his balls when he answers the door I may be dating myself but in the ’90s the funniest thing you could do

Was show people your balls can can you start talking now please sorry I couldn’t hear you cuz my dog was licking my ear oh thank God this is my dog Bob Weinstein he’s man’s best friend because he’s very good at keeping quiet you you mind if I take 5 minutes in the parking

Lot this is Spot all right Rupert when the thief comes back for the rest of my candy he’ll have to deal with my latest invention hey Stewie what are you do help somebody help me I won’t survive on the inside Thief I’ve caught you C this Stewie get off I haven’t been stealing

Your candy dad has the fat man he did the same thing to me when I was younger the only way to keep him away from it is to hide it and that’s why I’m here I’m going to help you really you do that for me of course doy we’re family we look

Out for each other like the people on succession well don’t leave me hanging like that throw out a name Tom oh Tom can you believe Tom the Carry’s going to be here soon can you give me a hand getting this cat stuff out of here where is your cat

Anyway I don’t know no cat owner knows where their cat is okay but I I still don’t know why you’re going through all this trouble I mean you’re just going to bail and leave her in the dust hey how’s your son Brian whoa what happened to

Defcon 4 3 and two okay she’s here get off the couch who is it it’s the purge we’re here to beat you up coming up one pizza with alternative crust oh yummy yummy alternative crust pizza is really good Brian you can’t taste the difference what aren’t you lying to

Yourself about okay you want to know the truth Brian Brian the dog I love her you hear me love this is priceless haven’t had this much fun since I went to that graveyard yeah how do you like how this sounds huh try cleaning up this mess

While I you burn in hell Peter you ready to to go almost but what do you mean you don’t like that just try it maybe you will thanks again for having us over Lois everything was so delicious oh my pleasure Carrie yeah I’ve got to say Glenn I’ve never seen you this happy

Before well then you’ve never seen me at my best before and it’s all thanks to Carrie oh not at the dinner table I’m sorry Peter I just can’t help myself I’m crazy about this woman huh will you marry me what this now oh my God Glenn yes yes of course I’ll marry

You maslov maslov where did that come from from marvelous Mrs mlto you you should know that Lois m [Applause] Engaged oh come on quag M you’re killing me man babe babe please babe please stop crying look every couple needs to take things at their own speed it doesn’t mean I love you any less okay look how about we look at Rings this weekend I I don’t know ziles probably well that’s

What we can afford since only one of us has a job I’m sorry I’m sorry I I’m sorry I didn’t mean that why don’t you join me for dinner he said ruining his life at that day there he is the bridegroom to be that’s right the very happy bridegroom to be singing to

Himself oh come on give it up you’re out of moves Checkmate hi honey we’re home will you help me move in his dog food like we’re preparing for a flood Dexter eats all this not just Dexter but Dexter and all his rescue brothers and sisters oh my God how many are there H

Enough to do a slow pan with music from Airplane is is that one just a back half oh back seat yeah she’s a fighter well maybe she should stop fighting okay I’m going to go bring in all their meds and then I’ll set the 19 different feeding alarms on your phone shut up I didn’t say a word I’m

Just I’m just thrilled you’re getting all the happiness you deserve I am happy Parade Magazine says owning a dog is the secret to having a happy life you read Parade Magazine if you know a better magazine for ordering plates with people’s faces on them I would like to

Hear about it hey babe was the Princess Diana plate important Brian can you hand me that Parade Magazine that envelope that stamp and that checkbook thank you who are we waiting for Chris I called in some professionals they’re going to take us somewhere dad will never find your candy and where’s that I

Can’t say there are ears everywhere good morning Mr Feldman morning Chris couldn’t help but over here you’re off on a little trip never mind about that Mr Feldman see I could hear that get [Applause] in you know I should really be in a backwards facing car seat they’re now saying kids through

Eight should at least be in a booster seat you have any kids don’t make small talk with these guys no no he’s all right it’s nice to have someone ask for a change yes I have four children all dead ah well here we are quick hide your candy in the

Tree is this our backyard yes but we couldn’t take a chance of being Followed son of a I’m pinching and Lifting hey if you’re making coffee I’ll have uh whoa kind of a mess in here it’s fine everything is fine I’m happy and in love damn it Brian did you leave the doggy gate open no no no stop it pppe you’re allergic to Frankie’s food Malcolm stop pumping your brother backi outside babe

Can you give me a hand moving my furniture all around the room until I find a place I like for it kind of in the middle of something babe ah the 7our itch shut up Brian why don’t you go for a walk no no no no no no walk no walk no

No we’re not going for a walk got to stop saying walk I said walk again and there again honey I want to make a stir fry tonight have we unpacked the walk oh no no W okay W okay she said walk she said walk she said Walk my candy it’s all gone even my West Hollywood Candy my twinks bar my very Milky Way my rees’s penis who’s done this to me who has taken candy from a Baby well we did it cheers we sure did Chris cool iguana he’s dry I named him arid thank you word a day calendar travel Edition Just met some of car’s friends they are very excited for her they should be well they should be and they are anyway expectations are high thank you everyone for coming to our engagement party and an extra thanks to my Airline buddies for organizing it uh folks our party time tonight is 2

Hours and 48 minutes we know you have have lots of choices for terrible weekend activities and we hope to see you soon on an inconvenient weekend for their destination wedding which I hear is on a Thursday in Lisbon Portugal y y it’s been wonderful meeting all of car’s family and friends I only

Wish you were all wearing name tags isn’t he adorable my expectations are high you know I first met Carrie and her niece a couple of weeks ago on Halloween thank God they decided to take that walk and now we’re headed down the aisle a very different kind of

Walk and Carrie if I may borrow a line from our favorite song I Would Walk 500 Miles Dam Isn’t he adorable oh he loves those dogs I’m hearing a lot of good things about that Guy that’s it Clen are you okay no I’m not okay I thought I could do this but I can’t I’ve been lying to you and I’ve been lying to myself there’s something you need to know I hate dogs ah this party has begun its initial descent that’s not even my dog that’s

Brian my neighbor’s dog he can talk Brian say something bra bite me Glenn I can’t believe this so you don’t like dogs that’s fine but you didn’t have to lie and put me through all of this goodbye Glenn uh folks please use caution as you exit the party as some of your feelings may have shifted well well well save it Brian I’ll concede that you were right but you know what so was I dogs are the worst and I’m coming for you Brian the

Dog Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but one day maybe tomorrow and when that day comes you’re going to say oh Glenn got me good now if you’ll excuse me I need to take a walk bra oh no stay you’re coming back though Right hey Brian I was just over talking to Quagmire and he thought you might want to take a look at my new screenplay oh I I don’t really uh it’s called Oceans One between between you and me I can’t believe nobody’s done it before to

Say nothing of oceans 2 through 7 yeah I could uh take a look Shir it’s a little long right now it’s about 430 pages I have my All Is Lost moment on page 389 thereabouts qu fire now if and you don’t know most Hollywood screenplays wrap up in around

110 pages and if and it’s a comedy well you want it in the ’90s anyway they said I could have these last few seconds to mention something near and dear to me so men don’t be afraid to have the doctor put a camera up your old

Saddle Masher they knock you out now and it’s a good way to make sure there’s no bad beans in your mess wagon we hope you’ve enjoyed the Family Guy oh so wonderful to see you all the kids are getting so big especially Chris is he diabetic we don’t see doctors but we’re pretty sure may I take your order crayons and a silly map please excellent choice we interrupt this program for a channel 5 special report good evening

Cog the Exxon pmid has crashed and released millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico contaminating marine life and causing irreparable damage to the e system two Anonymous whistleblowers blame negligence they cut Corners left and right this was inevitable what happened to the oil

Covered Little Crab he uh he he had to leave did you eat the little crab they cut a lot of Corners oh my God those poor fish they’re in water if they can’t get clean in water where can they get clean this is serious daddy sweetie if

It was so serious we’d flip to me in a boardroom with a crisis team ah I didn’t grab my drink Mr pmid it’s imperative we do immediate damage control or your stock will plummet see what I’m doing here the throw the money at it gesture pay someone to do something worse so

Everyone forgets my thing cue the Video hi I’m Joseph Hazelwood former captain of the Exxon Valdes and 1987 Anchorage ballroom dance champion that gets a little overshadowed but it doesn’t diminish the accomplishment anyway as someone who single-handedly spilled 11 million gallons of oil into the Prince William sound I know a thing or two about evading responsibility just

Find a scapegoat to blame it on the number two man in the company or a relative perhaps a son-in-law a simpleton to blame things On there some kind of force field daddy you are not blaming this on Peter some other options are a donation and a photo op at an orphanage or building a Holocaust Memorial a haven’t those Nazis been praised Enough hello hello welcome to Our Lady of the Immaculate anus I think that word is Agnes oh no that’s the only reason and I volunteered here I need a photo with an orphan are you in charge oh no I just volunteers on weekends I love kids

And I’m an expert at going tisk tisk tisk that one looks the least filthy okay let’s get a picture so I can get out of here I bet you’re only here cuz you did something bad and think a photo with an orphan will fix it well

Duh then if you want a photo you have to buy me candy I’m not buying you candy go to hell there’s plenty of other CEOs who will and Andrew Cuomo who wants to see my nipple rings now bring that face over here for an unwanted smooch okay fine

We’ll go across the street to rexal and get some Menthol jellies you like Menthol jellies what am I saying every kid loves Menthol jellies what’s going on do you have Parkinson’s no I’m skipping skipping never heard of it hey how many of these orphans are really just adult little

People hiding from the law just the ones in large bonnets smoking cigars my people groped Judy Garin something awful look it Up kind of a dick move to open a candy store across the street from an orphanage sorry we have to hold an adult’s hand when we cross the street no it’s fine I just can’t remember the last time someone held my hand it’s kind of nice so what happened to your parents

They left me on the orphanage steps as a baby that should be funny to me but for some reason it’s not well thank you for the candy I actually enjoyed it you’re good Company you know this is a crazy thought but you’re crammed in this filthy place while I’ve got a gigantic house why don’t you come live with me really yeah I could buy you you mean adopt oh whatever they call it it’ll be nice to have you around why we’ll make a better

Team than the Brooks Brothers hey I can make boxy suits and I only know lacrosse guys Brooks Brothers look sharp at your sexual assault trial what do you say want to come live with us well I’ve never had a parent to tell me not to go home with strangers so sure great why

Don’t you go wait in the car I’m just going to get a receipt in case we get home and you have a clubbed foot or something I don’t uh I’ll I’ll probably just grab the receipt For our top story tonight we go to the state house with uncomfortable audio delay Gina Gina we seem to be having a problem that’s right Tom I just found out my father adopted a little girl Carter yeah if he wanted a little girl we could have

Just given him Stewie W good morning to you too Pop I just don’t get it my daddy’s never taken an interest in kids can anyone say tax deduction yeah you proud of that you proud of your comment Brian taking aim at hypocrisy exposing the underbelly of human nature oh I said belly belly

Fine there we go kick the leg that’s how I know you’re having a good time I just don’t get it I was raised by a nanny and mean daddy didn’t even learn my name until I was eight well what was it Lois oh every birthday I begged him to take

Me to the zoo and mother made him take me but it was the 80s Daddy was always too busy making giant cell phone deals on the beach not now Lois what about the zoo I’ll take you to the trading floor on Wall Street instead now that’s a zoo

The guy the guy on the other end is laughing we never made it to the zoo my God that poor little girl needs help check it out Brian’s got a belly rub erection oh precious precious moments welcome everyone oh mother I came as soon as I heard now where is the

Little girl is she okay oh she’s fine she and Carter are painting each other’s Nails what he never did that with me your nails are already yellow yeah the toes are the first to die just add some blue it’ll make it a nice green we’re out of blue well then just slap some

Googly eyes on them and we’ve got 10 little minions I like minions not sexually I realize bringing that up suggests otherwise now you say something I’m not calling you my aunt by the way so get that out of your head well I’m sure this will all end as soon as Daddy gets a

Business call there’s a Mr important on the line tell him he’ll have to wait what well Daddy would always take business calls when I would play with him it’s Mr important from the massage place oh of course I’ll take it you got to say that part we now return to Harry Potter in

The phone call of awkwardness yeah Hermione hey it’s me Harry um remember that time I um I caught your snitch yeah well you may want to have your Chamber of Secrets checked because um it’s possible I may have given you Hogwart as you know I insist my children are

Always taken care of financially so Tatum I’m giving you this American Express card what about me daddy I’m your daughter too don’t think for a moment I forgot about you Lois I’m giving you this Native American Express card why I think you mean how that’s offensive I Laughed get to dance sure boy you’re a great dancer mind if I cut in mind if I cut one y too late all right I got to go take a not wedding the hair shower we now Return to House Hunters Australia so I carve boomerangs and me

Wife is an 11-in spider our budget is $7 million we’re looking for something close to the city center but with enough natural light so that we can maintain our sunburns and just just look at these spacious walk-in closets Cy I might have to buy a second shirt Lois there you are

Don’t you want to hang out with the family oh I just needed to get some air look I know your father wasn’t there for you growing up and it hurt but you overcame that you’re the glue that holds this family together a thanks Brian I guess you’re right listen up everyone in

The van we’re taking Tatum to the zoo the zoo the zoo what are we returning Chris hey do you hear we’re going to the zoo what are we returning Chris hey Chris we’re going to the zoo what are we returning Chris keep my name out your mouth wow dude it was a zoo

Joke keep my name out your mouth guess the heads up I have an itinerary that we have to stick to or I’ll get really angry everyone loves a guy like me all right let’s go how is it always 25° hotter here than anywhere else Mom are you okay of course I’m okay

Why wouldn’t I be okay I’m at the zoo after 30 years of asking daddy to take me to the zoo here I am what else do you want honey huh my clothes my car you want to screw my husband I wouldn’t I hear that husband of hers ain’t hitting

The Mark if you catch my drift Lois will you take this little one to the bathroom fine we’ll wait here for you while I read this sign out loud no flash photography well I guess that means no photos with flashes if I’m reading this right interesting is there anyone who

Hasn’t read this sign I can summarize it for you so unfair I look like Ron Weasley I’m now a real estate broker in winash Tatum Tatum could you be quiet I’m trying to wipe myself with the thinnest toilet paper known to humankind why does that require silence Tatum oh hey Lois what’s wrong

Peter you got to help me I lost Tatum we went into the bathroom but now she’s gone well if this isn’t an excuse to climb a giraffe’s neck I don’t know what is you see it no but do you see those hippos doing it giraffe There you are Lois I bought Tatum this stuffed penguin that didn’t require washing blood and semen off it like the one you found for Stewie whoa whoa Oh Daddy I saw a lost Tatum you what I swear it was an accident don’t worry Lois we’ll split up and look for her on

It damn it Chris now that’s going to be in our Fox promo sorry Dad tonight on Fox Chris Griffin meets Chris Griffin ah there it goes sorry hey you looking for that kid grab those keys and come in here and I’ll tell you where she is ha nice try I see

That other wolf hiding behind the rock come on hey you like Scotch I got a 21-year Mallen in here let’s have a drink how does a wolf get a 21-year Mallen it was a gift from a friend pretty good friend hey what do you do I’m a writer wait a minute what’s your

Name Brian Griffin Brian Griffin I knew I recognized you I read your book you read faster than the speed of love I sure did and thanks for saying the title well maybe I will come in for a Mallen he didn’t read my book so I said what are we returning

Chris Chris is my son all right too smart for the room what else what else uh you know I hear the elephants are asking for a raise yeah they’re tired of working for peanuts why aren’t you guys laughing our hyena president was shot I know it’s not

A big deal in the human world but it mattered to us but please continue we want to feel normal any sign of Tatum no what’s going on over There oh my God Tatum’s in the gorilla pit oh no no sorry that was a bad time to Yawn good afternoon I’m Tom Tucker live on the scene at Newport Zoo where a young girl has fallen into the gorilla pit the zoo Wrangler or a man in khaki shorts I can only assume as an expert is now being lowered into the pit to rescue

The child and is now being ripped limb from Li oh hang on he appears to be okay and is now exiting the pit nope correction that’s just his face a gorilla has ripped it off and is wearing it and is now walking out of the park say could you direct me to your

Town’s banana District somebody please save her mois what the hell are you doing I have to Brian this is all my Fault Lois mom wow from this angle you can really see Lois’s Roots nice gorillas I’m a big fan of your glue they do make good glue my God I can’t watch look a baby gorilla who can’t stop sneezing a Peter what do I do tell them about your

Dream what they can’t understand me doesn’t matter it’s all tone and Body Language trust me they’ll know they don’t want to be there well uh it’s interesting you should say that cuz I did have a particularly weird dream last night tell them how you were in our

House but it was somehow different than our regular house well we were in our house except the laundry machine was in our kitchen if you can believe it and it wasn’t like a normal laundry machine it was more like a refrigerator yeah run with that oh and Bonnie’s brother was

There too for some reason which is totally random cuz I haven’t seen him in like oh my God seven years but you know I did see a Facebook post of him from like a month ago so maybe that had something to do with it let’s just go no

I want to hear How This Ends then tell her my dream anyway I was doing the wash and smoke was coming out the machine but it was more like a fog than a smoke Lois thanks for saving my life well it was kind of my fault you were there in the

First place I hope you can forgive me I always wanted a big sister how dumb do you have to be to walk into a gorilla pit e Brian Brian so you’ve all read my book they had read my book they just didn’t like it and Daddy I’m so sorry for the

Way I acted I guess I was just jealous of all the attention you had given Tatum and afraid that she’d taken my place as your daughter Lois the reason I’ve been giving Tatum so much attention is because I know how badly I screwed up with you I was never there and it’s the

Biggest regret of my life I’d give anything to go back and have a second chance to be a better father to you unfortunately Tatum’s as close as I’ll Get well I’m sorry I became a bit of a monster I was just jealous trust me that was nothing when you were born Babs was so jealous of the attention you got she used to put your head in the oven and try to cook you did I never tell you

That what no that’s that’s kind of disturbing yeah well that’s the pmids the pmids the pmids we had three other kids who did not live look at this all of us eating together as a family this is the closeness we missed with Lois what I said this is the closeness we missed

With Lois Tatum how’s your applesauce what this isn’t working you have to leave what’s happening they can’t hear each other H Big T Stewie what are you doing up Lois had three lattes and a bottle of wine today so her breast milk was basically a speed

Ball you I’m writing the last 2 months I’ve really gotten my act together I stopped drinking and I’m about to self-publish a book none of the big boys bit huh no it’s fine I’m actually at a point in my life where I don’t need external validation I’m just proud of

Accomplishing my goal that’s great I’m happy for you even if your privilege is showing privilege I worked hard to White fragility much Brian okay maybe I’ve had certain advantages but how how it’s not our job to solve your problems pal do the work our I who are you even talking

About well not you you big honky Karen I’m just I’m just riding your jock pry that’s amazing you wrote a book well thanks you know I’m having a little publishing party on Thursday I’d love it if you could come yeah uh Rupert do we have anything on

Thursday okay then looks like we’re good to go awesome all right Stewie I’m going to go get some shut ey wait to think fast you dope now we have to go you can’t oh now you have something on Thursday Griffin what are you doing oh hey Preston I’m glad you’re here I’m

About to test the prototype for desk Pine Top will need to be bouncy anyway what can I do you for I’m sorry to say I have some bad news well that was tough to hear sir but thanks for giving it to me straight I haven’t even told you yet

Stella will be gone for 6 weeks she’s taking a bereavement leave her husband died okay Peter you got 6 weeks to lose 100b and get divorced let’s do this no Peter it was her cat employees now get 6 weeks to mourn the loss of a pet it’s

Our way of saying your animal died so thanks wa hang on let me get this straight if your pet dies you get 6 weeks off yes let’s see how long you lash with no breakes Brian huh breaks out nice try Peter fortunately you can stop a Prius by cupping the [Applause] Wind hello and welcome to Cog books all we ask is that you please don’t see what you want in here and then just order it from Amazon on your phone and now reading from his new book Chasing my tail tail is spelled t a l e

Not like the thing on my butt please welcome author Brian Griffin thank you so much for being here to celebrate my book being published self-published why are you even here just a hunch please proceed my mother was a huge [ __ ] and I lost my virginity at 6 months old oh I’m

Sorry I should have told you first I’m a dog so I turned to Fran libowitz and said I may have been born in a litter but I’m definitely not trash then she put on my jeans and left and so as the sweet mango flavor hit my lungs for the

Last time I placed the vape pen on Nelson Mandela’s grap and knew that we were both now in a sense finally free the beginning thank you thank you God that took forever I know I got to go the twins have a volleyball game there you go Sheamus thanks I’ll

Put it right on my shelf hey thanks so much for coming Stewie of course what a night I mean most most authors wouldn’t have read the whole book yeah I just felt it from the crowd you know anyway it means everything to have you here so thanks

Again oh another hand for Brian Griffin and if the eight of you could somehow buy a quarter of a million dollars worth of books tomorrow I won’t have to marry a man I’ve never loved thank You excuse me could you please direct me to the about to die section sure right this way we have this snake who’s tying himself into a s this near-death Geral dibs and I’ll take his cardboard tube too I snoozed and I lost you’ve heard of a Japanese fighting fish this is a

Japanese honorable suicide fish he got fired 8 months ago and hasn’t told his family he spends all day in a suit riding the train too much backstory we also have a very old parrot or you can kill my mother for money what I said we

Have a very old parrot why did you hear something else you’d be open to family may I kindly introduce you to our ticket to 6 weeks bereavement leave in lovely Puerto Vata an 80-year-old parrot I call him Gonzo cuz of a muppet show and also

Cuz soon he gone Peter I don’t want some elderly bird crapping all over the house fine if I can’t have the parrot you can only have one pink Razor in the shower at a time you can have your bird oh you smell that Brian first fire

Of the Season it won’t be long before the leaves start changing and the sap starts flowing let’s just look around and take in the pageantry of autumn Chris Bonnie’s gone to bed she’s not going to open her curtains again just take your dump and let’s go hey check it

Out a little Free Library how white people make giving away their trash seem like generosity what the is this my book this is the copy I gave to Stewie why did he even bring it home is our friendship worth nothing to him I’m going to go home and give him oh Bonnie

Opened her curtains sounds like somebody’s having fun Joe I thought that was you ah goodness no pass me a Michael kryon she’s going to be a while does this look familiar Stewie it’s the culmination of my life’s work and it was in the little Free Library being given away what that’s so weird

Man so how’ it end up there I don’t know some liberal cuck Marie condo is Loft well it’s your copy so you tell me oh that’s ridiculous my copy is right here on my bookshelf what not there huh no it isn’t this is insane oh is it let me check my security

Footage crazy man the footage is gone how did you even know when to check I didn’t tell you when I found it all the footage is gone somebody must have blown a Jammy down at Central in Fr red the whole grid total zapino just admit you

Got rid of my book Brian not only did I not give away your book I’m launching an investigation and I’m going to nail the guy who did it uh-huh and maybe it’s more than one guy maybe it’s a ring a deep ring I can only penetrate by

Nailing a bunch of guys wait are you are you still talking about my book oh yeah maybe it’s too many guys for me and I have to bring in a private dick close the door on your way out Brian I need privacy to think about dicks for higher thanks Jerome but I got

This so cool yeah you know I only bought Gonzo just to die and go on vacation but now we’re having a Time Of Our Lives he’s like the son I never had his language is so weird it sounds like anger repressed sexuality and a pig being shot by a paintball Peter that’s

German how do you know well I speak German I went on an exchange trip in high school and for some reason my parents never bought the airfare back cool we can communicate with him Joe ask Gonzo where he’s fromo 1942 Hitler I heard in 1942 Peter he just

Said his owner was Adolf Hitler well that can’t be right Hitler had a one now look it’s him he said that’s me I remember that Peter your bird is a Nazi I can’t be right uh Nazi w a cracker Nazi want a cracker oh my God you’re right wow good

Thing you know German Joe yeah and just so you know the German culture has very different Notions of what’s cool to do sexually so whatever happened over there was completely normal and I don’t think about it it during Quiet Moments Jo nine Kaka n moaka i mean uh crazy about Peter’s Bird Right Stewie I know you gave my book Away what is this everyone on our street has a ring camera hello I’m back you guys were right murdering strangers is better than paying my credit card bill okay fine Brian you caught me I got rid of the

Book you forced me to take after you badgered me into coming to your reading well what the hell skewy I sat through your reading I said congratulations I took the book where do my obligations end obligations are you so narcissistic you can’t do one small thing for me I’m

Narcissistic you’re the one who needs your book on display in my room oh sorry it’s such a chore to literally just keep a book on a bookshelf okay all right even though I only have ebooks here’s your stupid Book on a shelf like it’s 1958 did you even read the inscription

Yes well then what did it say from one hard body to another to every author’s dream reader and a true kindred spirit you lit the flame that ignited my soul my best friend my inspiration and the only person who truly gets me I owe you everything B Edward Griffin your initials are Big oh hey Lois you know I just remembered that thing I wanted to tell you before um you ever heard of Adolf Hitler yes well fun trivia Gonzo was Adolf Hitler’s bird what Peta if you knew that why the hell did you bring that bird to Meg’s performance of Sound of Music

Honstein ah KN links it’s saying they’re behind the Big Stone to the left Min links n Bo links he’s saying my left not stage left you’re getting warmer what the parot started it it’s not his fault Lois he’s just repeating what he was taught by Hitler yeah that’s

Like 40% of America right now Peter if you don’t get rid of that bird I’m calling Animal Control you do that and I’ll make you you pay how you ever hear a revenge porn Lois Peter if you did that then everyone would see your penis I retract my threat please strike it

From the record I’ll strike it if I can find it you have any tweezers no I don’t have any oh ha look at us restoring a classic car yep 2004 Saturn Ion this baby captures all the glory of my youth Shrek 2 was the number one movie Dane Cook made my

Space the place to be and lime wire helped you bankrupt your favorite bands what a year sorry I don’t mean to interrupt I just want to throw out my laptop since I won’t be writing anymore oh come on Brian don’t be dramatic dramatic me Pasha just abandoning my LIF

Long dream since even my best friend can’t support me so you’re getting rid of all your photos too no I downloaded those to an external hard drive well how are you going to watch movies in bed my phone couldn’t you also still write in the notes app on your phone I deleted

That app okay but couldn’t you still write using pen and paper I I’m sorry to keep pushing back on this it just feels like throwing away the laptop is is just unnecessary you got your wish Stewie I quit you’ll never have to worry about keeping one of my books again come on

Brian be reasonable that wasn’t my intention too bad goodbye dream okay last objection I swear but that’s actually supposed to go in a separate collection for e-w which is the last Friday of every month it’s fine laptop laptop Laptop there he is the genius getting his in spell what do you want look here’s the thing Brian I actually did like your book yeah right I did me too yeah what’ you like about it you wrote about kibble with a lot of passion uh-huh you described a lot of trees and

You also let us know which ones were steadfast which was a surprisingly high percentage of them it’s pointless I’ve given writing my whole life and I can’t even get 10 people to come to a reading hell I’ve been playing this game for 20 years and I can’t even get to level two really

That game is like very easy just get out of here and leave me alone forever Chris I can see his gums we’ better go this is terrible we have to help him I have a great idea what is it oh oh no not for this Netflix for guns Stewie you’re

Going to be a trillionaire perhaps we can lift Brian out of his Funk if we get his book on the New York Times bestseller list it would only take, 1500 copies that’s it yes and a lot of celebrities actually make the list by buying their own books

Wait are you telling me that some of Donald Trump Jr’s success isn’t based on Merit alone yes I am saying that still we can’t afford to buy that many copies but ree Witherspoon’s manager just got back to me about her book club Stewie this could be huge every alcoholic

Housewife in this country does whatever Reese Witherspoon says unfortunately Reese’s only interests are crawdads and long hikes so she’s happily passing no regrets no I’m glad her husband Jim Toth failed it quibby reportedly straining their Hollywood super marriage don’t be nasty Chris okay plan C what’s that use

Lois’s account to buy three copies on Amazon that’ll get Brian in the top 20 of Amazon’s K9 non-fiction under 60 Pages category oh great all you have to do is Click which of these are crosswalks to prove you’re not a robot uh you do it come on Chris you

You’re you’re not actually a robot are you identity compromised abort Mission greetings sibling I am Chris 2.0 with cross walk update oh phew okay well it’s refreshed and now it needs you to identify stop signs if you will excuse Me so what do you want to watch Nazi bird Fox quick Gonzo we got to Go Rabbi Goldstein Peter Griffin I’m sorry am I bothering you now it’s fine I’m just practicing circumcision on a kosher hot dog how can I help you I bought this parrot used and turns out he’s Adolf Hitler’s old pet and what do you want from me well a word is out and

A bunch of people want to kill him and I was thinking maybe if you said he’s okay maybe they back off to seek Vengeance or to forgive such a dilemma let us see what it says in the Torah Torah what’s that our sacred Scrolls oh I thought those was rolls of

Bronny my friend your bird is Jewish he only pretended to be a Nazi to survive the war gono is Jewish Peter you have done a wonderful thing we must celebrate with Sam matah as we say Lam to life pretty dry I think Gonzo lost his

H oh look at you Brian back in the saddle well it’s like Ray Bradbury said you only fail if you stop writing that’s a really healthy attitude for someone who just failed well it turns out my book actually did find an audience right now it’s number nine on Amazon’s mang

Mammal Memoirs list who the hell used my Amazon account to order three copies of Brian’s book oh boy great so now after having insulted me you’ve deceived me well thanks so much pal why do you even care you’re the one who said you don’t need external validation of course that was a

Lie all I care about is external validation I’m a dog good boy is literally the best thing you can say to me and the fact that even my best friend doesn’t want a free copy of my book is is devastating don’t you talk to me about devastating what do you mean don’t

You understand Brian I only got rid of the book because I was jealous of you jealous why because you set out to do something and you did it unlike me and my goals every time I walked by your book it was a reminder of all that I haven’t accomplished I know I’m supposed

To be happy for you but when you succeed all it does is make me feel bad about myself and you made me feel really bad and I guess I really succeeded you did Big Time I’m proud of you Brian Good Boy Thanks Stewie now please never do anything again friends

Friends still it’ll be nice to sell a few books to have anyone know my name yeah you ever heard of Kirker Butler Julius sharp Cherry Chiva prava dumrong Chris Regan David Goodman artti Johan Patrick Megan Mike desit or Gary janetti they’re all Family Guy writers who’ve

Written books and no one’s ever heard of them Gary janetti kind of rings a bell yeah he’s got a popular Instagram so he kind of broke through but the rest of them bunch of bitter emess losers has Seth McFarland ever written a book oh yeah how’ it do a signed copy is cheaper

Than a new one thank you everybody for coming today Chris would like to say a couple words death came with friendly care the opening Bud to Heaven conveyed and baited Blossom Fair Samuel Taylor Cerid ew dad you could have at least flushed before you put him in there we all grieve in our own ways these are our church shoes everybody in the tub please don’t forget to sign the guest book guys your iPad flashlight is on God she’s old what house Mom the

Airbnb in N Tucket we wanted for the 4th of July there was a cancellation so I swooped right in and scooped it up the Pelican strikes again the Pelican yeah some people call me that cuz I swoop and scoop who calls you that some people who it’s really catching on from who look

Everybody just pack your bags because we leave tomorrow I thought you said July 4th it’s October yeah but we always celebrate our holidays off peak to save money I don’t know this feels forced oh come on you kids are all getting older we are running out of time to do stuff

Together as a family plus this is our first Airbnb that’s a huge mom Milestone you know I heard that every time someone says Airbnb a white woman can hear it from 5 miles away sounds like the Pelican got her Airbnb Who I’ve never been to Nantucket it’s pretty nice yeah I like that everyone arriving gets a personal serenade from James Taylor Oh I’ve seen Chris and I’ve seen Meg I’ve seen Burger rappers crumpled by the legs you know I heard his backstage Rider is just a single carton of oat Milk this place is pretty tight mom I know look at the sign in the kitchen but first coffee yeah yeah that first that makes no sense in what way we don’t know what the choices are so how can we definitively say but first coffee but that’s the point it doesn’t matter

Whatever it is first coffee wait what if our kids having a heart attack God forbid oh right still but first coffee well I don’t think what if a 911 hops through the window with a dynamite vest are we free to scatter or must we Face

The blast mug in hand I just thought it was a fun sign is all oh look at them when was the last time you saw the kids play together like this huh no clue I do most of my parenting with my eyes closed you know it’s this house sometimes all a family

Needs is a change of scenery to strengthen their bond yeah that a threes yeah oh you can’t even make it through a twosome or a onesome you are very close to being a sit in a chair and watch guy my C olist said the same thing okay guys everyone pick out one

Souvenir from the trip is a seagull a seagull is not a souvenir what about no birds the stores here in the offseason are kind of sad most of them are empty yeah but I do like that James Taylor sings a personal serenade every time one

Closes for the season a sign goes up as the sun goes down another year in the books she put the fun in funnel cakes or at least that’s what I see on that board ah Sweet edgeless Rock and Roll you could shave a baby’s head with it Brian what is that that’s saltwater

Taffy what have you never tried it before I have four teeth if it’s not applesauce I’m unfamiliar Taffy is like the official candy of vacations they have free samples we should take some yes free samples is my favorite way to slowly sink a business Oh this is incredible it tastes like a memory of a life well lived yeah that and like a little bit of mint you know it’s the end of the season so all that Taffy is on sale if we buy it in bulk and bring it back to Cog we’d make a

Killing that’s a great idea we are going to make more money than cryptocurrency Carl I’ll take it under one condition you make everything matte black okay matte black the world baby now let me just check my portfolio yes no yes no yes no I feel so recharged after that trip a

Total recharge weekend don’t you feel recharged Peter if by recharged you mean the slight change of routine short circuited my colon so I can only poop at 3:00 a.m. then yes I feel extremely recharged you know what we had such a great time I’m just going to book another visit to that

House huh that’s weird but I can’t book it what the hell the owner of the house gave us a zero star review she she said we stole something I’m banned from A and B ooh tough break for the pelican okay which one of you little rats stole

Something from that house and don’t lie to me I’m your mother I can feel your lies and my ovaries the doctor said those were cysts from your lies they’re not going to talk Lois I say we hook them up to the lie detector Peter that’s

Not a lie detector that’s a ride on sex machine it is well it got me to sing like a bird stop rolling it into rooms mom we didn’t take anything from the house did the owner say what was stolen maybe it was just a misunderstanding you know you’re probably right I’ll contact

The owner and clear it up oh yeah I think this is all going to work itself out Chris can you grab that W next to you and crank the speed up to Hummingbird hi Daddy it’s Lois from this weekend had such a great time with my family three exclamations three smiley faces thank you again for hosting prayer hands Emoji your flashlight still on you old [ __ ] I’m just wanted to reach out about the review you left you said we

Stole something shocked Emoji I think there was a mistake LOL I talked to my family and no one took anything shoulder shrug Emoji anyway would love to help clear this up best Lois Griffin three hot emojis and an accidental letter M when I hit send a bottle of

Shampoo oh I smell like one of those Farmers Market candles I never buy oh that forgot to grab one for Chris you absolute ancient heg all right Brian if we’re going to go door too and sell all this we need a game plan so let’s practice you and I

Walk up to a client’s house walking walking walking we’re walking walking walking oh up the steps and we knock on the door knock knock nothing nothing then they answer freeze now what do we tell the client we’re selling Taffy wrong the first thing every salesman

Needs to sell is himself write it down I didn’t bring a pen or paper all right after we sell ourselves what do we tell the client we’re selling Taffy wrong never tell the client what you’re selling the second you tell them what we’re selling they’ll know what we’re

Selling right wrong yeah I might need a pen and paper the second thing a Salesman needs to sell is an emotion all let’s just skip ahead I’ll be the client okay you’ve sold yourself barely you’ve sold an emotion Nostalgia now what are you selling don’t you dare come to my

House and tell me what you’re selling yeah I’m having a hard time tracking this oh you’re having a hard time do you see what I’m doing here do you see my hand this gesture says that I’m in a domestic abuse situation and you’re doing nothing you’re just standing there

Not even telling me what you’re selling Taffy wrong so Mom did you ever find out what was stolen from that n Tucket house I did funny story never is it was a bottle of shampoo I must have packed in my bag oh no way you did

It how does your fat foot taste Mom apparently taking the rest of a tiny bottle of shampoo is considered stealing nowadays answer the question about the foot how big was the bottle it was small I thought you said it was Tiny would it pass through airport security that’s the

Threshold it was very little oh no it’s little you’re all over the place may we see the bottle I would love to show you the bottle then you’ll see how ridiculous this is okay so this din is not one of her best efforts right big whiff I agree okay let’s pile that on

Too yo that’s borderline huge mom the size is misleading there was barely any liquid left in it it was sputter into a finish it made an audible thud when you put it down I hated tonight’s chicken I am not wrong here okay we paid a lot of

Money for that house and taken the ass end of a shampoo bottle barely makes a dent into their Hall there definitive proof that your mother always describes big things as being smaller than they are did you hear that Chris we’ve all seen it Dad A good afternoon Mr quag mile oh salesman look I’m GNA be straight with you you see this coin purse it contains $87 which is what I allow myself to spend on Superfluous purchases every week it is currently open just like my ears if you wow me with your pitch the

Money is yours if it closes you have lost the sale now let’s hear it so as you can see we have all the classic flavors it’s like a vacation in a box all the fun of the beach without that pesky commute I don’t know I only like taffy when it’s got cute little

Jokes in them something to laugh at while you’re doing all that chewing who doesn’t love laughing that’s why our Taffy comes with jokes too it does this is Brian’s personal phone number every time you eat a Taffy call that number and he’ll tell you a joke hello hi I’m eating my Taffy what

Time is it very late I work nights and I like to have a treat while I watch my infomercials joke please oh okay um uh What uh why why did the house go to the doctor because it had window panes oh that’s good I’m going to call

You again in 10 minutes when I have another piece yep I swallowed quicker than I thought do you know how awful it feels to be labeled a thief for something as silly as a small bottle of shampoo yeah I heard the bottle wasn’t that small what where did you hear that Joe

And I have eerily quiet dinners we can hear all your family’s conversation mhm okay you know I’m going to get a knife for this cheese oh let me get that for you they’re my grandmother’s knife so I’m going to need you to sign out which one

You use okay that’s enough I see what’s happening here you think I’m a thief I can’t believe you’re not on my side I heard the bottle had a pump a pump who else are you talking to about this I’m on a couple of text chains discussing it

Oh God okay I got to fix this I am bringing that shampoo back to Nantucket it’s the only way Pockets did you come in with this chapstick yes oh check the Tape oh thanks for agreeing to meet me here Daddy of course Belle over the door Cafe has the best coffee on the island you know I wanted to clear the air with you about that bottle of shampoo it turns out we did take it by

Mistake I I feel terrible so I wanted to return it to you personally well that’s so nice you didn’t have to drive all this way you could have just put it in the mail oh no the mail is so impersonal it was important I did this in person well thank you

Again so now that this is settled I was thinking maybe you could change your review oh I’m sorry no I can’t do that but but I returned the bottle Lois I write the reviews of my guests based on their Behavior while they’re in my home and you stole the shampoo and you

Only brought it back because you got caught so if anything you’re proving what I wrote about you was correct Dy dot d look I am on my back here my legs are in the stups forceps have been utilized there was some sort of suction and still that’s not enough

I’m not changing it can we turn that Bell off that Bell was the only item recovered from a ship W that devastated our Island entire families were torn apart and why am I telling you James Taylor wrote a whole song about it 94 Souls set out on that day and only

A bell came back and it sings ding ding ding ring ding ding ding ring ding ding ding shut up James Taylor things can happen in New England without you needing to sing about it I think you should leave okay wi daddy you got your shampoo back and you

Officially got me cancelled this isn’t being cancelled I think it is it’s not shut up James sailor you don’t scare me lady I was married to Carly Simon you stole the shampoo Lois I’m not changing the review I heard it had a pump ring ringer ding ding now

I can’t let her in stop the fairy we haven’t left yet [Applause] Ma’am what’s your weakness Daddy I am going to find it oh God Lois no more CH for you oh door Dash that’s it okay time to do a choppy FaceTime with the kids hey Lois when are you coming home Stewie poop tub Stewie what poop tub I went an oven M

What with an oven mitt what hi mom pooped upb who everybody pooped the tub more poop than water come home ding ding ring ring ringer ding ding ring ding ding ding ring ding ding ring ding ding ring ring ring ding ding ring ring ding ding ding Ding this is terrible Brian we’ve barely sold any boxes nobody likes Taffy yeah I guess without the Salt Air and ocean views it’s just subpar gum what are we going to do we sunk a lot of money into this we need to Pivot it’s not selling

Us candy so we need to repackage it as something people actually want let’s brainstorm okay H you know I’m really not liking your brainstorming face that very unlikable eyebrow movement sh I got it I got it colored layered sand in bottles that’s a whole different bad idea okay what about

Bottles with layered sand in it that’s different colors that’s the same thing except with the words in a different order we’re never going to sell all this stuff unless we can find a big enough group of suckers to trick into taking it off our hands well we found him Stewie

Rebranding this Taffy as chewan on was a stroke of Genius yep and when we told Joe Rogan it cured Co we were off God bless our stupid stupid country hello Daddy Lois what are you doing here I brought you dinner and delivery complete oh well would you look at that it looks like

It’s my turn to give someone a review what after every delivery drivers get to rate their experience with the customer wouldn’t it be a sh shame if one of only two door Dash drivers on the island gave you a poor review well they might ban you from the

App daddy you might actually have to leave the house for food during the winter season hey what do you want money no no no no no here’s what’s going to happen daddy you’re going to take out your phone open up APN B then change that review okay type the following would

Would host host again again send so that’s it this is over that’s it this is over you know what Daddy I did steal that shampoo you did you’re damn right I did I was always going to steal that shampoo and do you know why because when

I stood in your shower and rubbed that peach orchard scented bottle of bliss into my hair I felt like somebody else I felt like somebody who mted somebody who had enough disposable cash that she could buy a scented shampoo that’s what airbnbs do Daddy they make you feel like

You’re living a fairy tale life and I wanted that feeling the last and it did also I opened your locked closet and put on your wedding dress I ate yogurt in it oh my God yeah oh my God because that’s what Lois Griffin does really I should be thanking you for reminding me

Of who I am a secret little psycho with very little to lose and there’s a million of us out there and you’re just welcoming us all into your homes so if you ever think of giving someone a bad review again remember this we know where you Live ah the office party raw broccoli and sheetcake I like when the universe gives me easy choices thank you for coming if you hav’t already please don’t forget to venmo $4 to James for the broccoli and sheet cake and I want to thank Paula from HR for saving us a little money by

Squeeze farting the last three bottles of ranch dressing onto a paper plate now to the man of the hour Moses bord Moses has been our night Watchman for the last 40 years Paula I think we’re good today he is retiring so please meet and say goodbye to Moses

Bord now I’ve looked through all y’all desk where’s Dave leof my man of course with Moses’s departure we’ll need to begin our search for a new night Watchman and what does the job entail sitting and watching interesting but I don’t know hey what was in Dave’s desk anyway I’ll do

It you enjoying your walk there Brian good boy good boy what I’m walking you you’re not walking me I’m not the one wearing a leash my friend lot of information on the base of the pole today that Rottweiler up the street has a UTI oh Luna’s pregnant oh

Good for her I know she’s been trying Ryan this pole is AT&T not at& P this pole is AT&T not at& P potential tweet hey check it out a flyer for a missing dog with with a $1,000 reward all right so it’s just this dog kind of looks like

Me why imagine you you paint a couple of spots on my face return me to the owner and walk off with a thousand bucks wait that might actually work oh because then you’re just going to live with the missing dog’s owner for the rest of your life come on use your head

Brian I wouldn’t live with the missing dog’s owner Stewie I’d sneak out while they’re asleep and come home then we could split the money 50/50 you know you may be on to something here Brian damn right I am oh some poor bastard’s got a drinking problem that’s your pee some cool guy

Knows how to party hey thanks for showing me around Moses no problem Peter first things first being a night watch man is about integrity dedication and muttering things you wish you said to your wife during a fight early that day who buys a quart of mint chip ice cream you buy a

Pint mother Peter we mother sorry this is all so new hey what’s that oh every night watch man has a 6inch portable TV broadcast in the middle of theight sply attended Oakland A’s game welcome back to A’s baseball the biggest who cares of professional sports bottom of the fourth

Now Tim which Oakland A is batting next I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Greg who cares oh a couple more things Peter and these are very important first these are the giant v that hold all of the breweries beer you must protect them at all cost wow yep I

Spent many nights fantasizing about throwing the world’s biggest cake party in here so Peter you ready to become a night Watchman does Dave L off like giant Latina but you know he do so I said Denise it’s your wedding if you want to have it Outdoors have it

Outdoors did I miss the memo with the mother of the groom is now in charge of the wedding okay now just sit tight for a minute I got to go check on Doris that Doris is a riot 81 she still gets her hair permed every month do you

Know she walks here and she plays golf twice a week with her sister who’s 90 sharp as attack still drives Stewie Are we almost done here I just needed a quick touchup so I can look like that missing dog we are completely done Brian say hello to $1,000 wow Stewie this is actually

Pretty good at cosmetology school I was the only one who came back after lunch cosmetology school we spell school with a u for legal reasons and a big hello to all our night Watchman viewers on the East Coast time for you guys to unwrap that sixh hour

Sandwich and listen to me call foul balls fouled off o and one bad guys this is it Peter remember your training take whatever you want good evening my good sir we are an all principal drinking group called principles with vices Vice principles ah so you got it Leonard said no one would

Get it you hear that Leonard yeah I heard it Leonard’s the principal of elementary school which in our world makes him my bat anyway like most principles we we stole the driver’s head car and have been cruising around town asking women if we can have their attention please they have not given it

No they have not other Leonard 2third of all principles are named Leonard so now it’s 2:00 a.m. the bars are closed and we are all still quite divorced can you provide us with more alcohol uh I don’t know let me check the rules oh ah I don’t know why they wrote the

Card that way are you sure you can’t let us in I’ll show you a picture of a naked student that’s my son oh well I have others no that’s him again oh oh that’s also him okay these are all Chris how about instead we give you $20 per beer

Well hang on are you saying you’ll give me cash just to let you come in here and drink after hours you bet you holy crap I’m going to be rich come on in that was the night of Secret After Hours bar opened up in the back of the

Brewery I’m Chris Griffin naked photos were taken of me without my consent and my dad doesn’t care place is packed Peter words really gotten around about your after hours beer operation thanks Quagmire it’s only the second night and I’m already raking it in Peter what if you get caught

Impossible I know where all the security cameras are and we got a massive supply of beer the only problem is running this place all by myself yourself you know we could probably help out really that’ be great I could even cut you in on the

Action I’m down look I’m a cop and this is technically illegal but I suppose I could turn a blind eye if I were to be put in charge of the music done what kind of music you’re thinking my favorite genre songs that yell the name

Of places you want to see a guy lose his mind put on Huey Lewis is harder rock and roll that little baby Wast no time it’s like oh let’s just hit play on this fun little song New York New York it’s sick Free Fallin is a good one that song

Names a lot of places oh sure if your definition of a lot is three Rita Ventura Boulevard mhall and drive yeah not exactly moving this guy’s needle isn’t it forign that song America is in the second line doesn’t count too General but the chorus in cooko where

The Beach Boys list all the islands near cooko the one where they mention the singular Bahama you know not all the Bahamas just the one Bahama oh baby huge needle mover well who knew run into spies you would be so lucrative yeah but you guys now that we’re secretly raking in all this

Cash let’s promise each other we’re not going to blow it on Mistresses and drug habits agreed hey so quick update okay the glory hole kissing booth is up and running I think that thing is going to be a big money maker everything in this place is a big money maker I know it’s

All going perfectly well except Keith from accounting keeps talking about the guitar in his office hoping somebody will ask him to he went and got it yeah I kind of mess around a little bit you know it’s not even so much his singing It’s that every song has a tedious

Backstory I’ll be honest this next one I wrote during a pretty dark period in my life when I was out in the desert staring up at that star-filled sky this one’s called Big Blue Marble see the thing about the desert is God go home and with you’re newborn

Keith all right Brian now remember I’m the one who found you and I’m taking you back to your family why are you dressed like that people aren’t just going to give a baby $1,000 Brian so I’ve created a character I’m a construction worker from around the way named Bobby

Beino yeah what’s up Chief Bobby beino from around the way how’s it hanging me probably stuck to my freaking thigh right now cuz I sweat so much during construction know what I’m saying I’m sorry who are you oh I’m a whole plate of pancakes pal name’s Bobby beino you know from around the

Way oh my God Rover yeah he was wandering around the site where I do all my construction stuff maybe you’ve seen it it’s around the way I haven’t heard of a construction site nearby oh yeah it’s there just hop in your car drive around the road and when you get to the

Way go around it okay well thanks for yeah old Bobby beino was laying drywall with the boys when he spotted this idiot taking a big dump near my band saw okay sorry but don’t you hang drywall listen up you little cranberry Bobby beino has been laying drywalls since you were in

Pampers okay I’m sorry here’s your money nice place you got here whoa what the hell so Rover 4 you thought you could escape from Chase’s Tik Tok house Rover 4 Tik tock house this weekend I’ll use you for my most dangerous and humiliating viral stunt

Yet and your fate will be that of Rovers 1 through three then it’ll be time to find Rover 5 enjoy your last couple of days alive last couple days alive wait no no this is a mix-up oh God coming here was a mistake like buying that German plunger Ah that’s good yeah yeah

Yeah I am worthless I am worthless Raa boy punish me now we got a problem we out a beer crap what are we going to do why don’t you just use the money you made to buy more beer hey so quick update about the Money well that’s the last of them I can’t believe I used up all the beer you guys I am in so much trouble we we well well surprised to see me we can’t actually see you yeah you’re still in the shadows damn it hold on well well

Well oh yeah still not seeing you bud maybe walk forward more I did that man H how about now yeah I think I can see you now are your shoes black brown okay yeah I can’t see you oh for the love of Luther van drolls P the truth is every

Night Watchman steals beer the kids only stealing a single bottle a week over 30 years of course I’m mad enough to admit I ran out of beard from a party once when I first started my plan was to replace it by robbing a beer truck but I

Can never find the right team to pull it off you also didn’t have smash mouths walking on the sun I’m sorry smash what now every successful Heist after 1998 began with smash Mouse walking on the sun yours didn’t have it hence unsuccessful Heist well that makes no sense

I’m in I’m in I’m in I’m in well all right maybe this crew could pull off the beer truck heist I never could let’s do it Joe’s got access to a police helicopter and I know how to fly I’ll bring the snacks that’s the guy we never got we never got the snack Guy Chris have you seen Brian how are you today Chris is a nice way to begin a conversation I’m sorry it’s just that he and I had this plan to make him look like a missing dog and collect reward money but I can’t find him anywhere and

His cell phone is going to voicemail Chris you’ve got to help me find Brian hang on let me get out my rude little boy translator oh you said will you please help me find Brian why yes that sounds lovely Stewie okay Chris your agent said you wanted more scenes these are the Scenes M Milano M Milano I can’t eat those without milk the mother loving snack Guy this is it fellas everyone ready wait now we’re Ready s world what do I do now we call the Wapak Brewery and redirect the truck to our Brewery why the hell did I have to be on the roof of It way to go Peter this whole thing was a big waste of time thanks to you hey did anyone unstrap Joe no we did not wait this is where you dropped Brian off this is a Tik tock house how do you know that every room in the house is glowing from ring

Lights can I help you we’re looking for our dog dog I think Chase brought a dog to dangerous stunt Beach to do a danger a stunt oh no we got to help him did you hear that Stewie already on your phone the world’s up here Stewie your mind’s a

Prison and only you hold the Key all right Chris we don’t have much time to find Brian maybe we split oh my God Stewie look don’t worry Brian we’re here to save you Stewie Chris help the guy’s right over there with the remote we got you buddy all right Chris here’s the plan when I give you the

Signal grab the remote take control of the Drone and I’ll be here to safely guide Brian ashore got it got it wait what’s the signal what the signal you said you’d give me a signal what is it you’ll know the signal when you see it

Now go yeah look I hate to be getting into the weeds here but I’m just saying if I was aware of the signal going in I might I don’t understand why you’re making this into such an issue you I mean it’s it’s a signal it it’ll it’ll

Be an unmistakable signal okay see even you classifying the signal as unmistakable presumes there to be various categories of signals of which I am not at all aware mind you hey shut up and get me down just go everybody look up in the sky it’s a bird it’s a plane

It’s the lubed up butt mut but mut but mut but M oh my God I’m sponsored content Stewie give Chris the signal oh my God what’s wrong with you people I am a hardworking accomplished author Brian I am an accomplished author Brian I am an author Brian I mostly use my computer

For Bella Thorn’s only fans there you go proud of you man hey Chris a thumbs up that’s the signal you couldn’t tell me about this bush League Man me what the Deuce A we’re going to Crash what the hell is this stuff XY Fire and Ice jelly ooh cuz it feels really good oh oh too hot too hot ooh it feels really good good a too hot too hot that’s Preston he’s waiting for me in my office time to fess up and admit

I’m the reason the breweries out of beer well it’s been fun Peter this is all our faults let us come with you and share the blame now Cleveland for once in my life I got to be a man about something and take full and total responsibility Preston there’s a black

Guy outside and he stole all the beer what are you talking about Griffin the brewery has plenty of beer how it go well well well Moses surprised to see me yeah again we cannot see you you’re really bad at this whole emerging from Darkness thing oh sweet Patty leel Peter

The brewery has beer again because I put it there wait are you one of those magical black guys who helps white people with their problems and then disappears the kind Hollywood had no problem making many movies about until a shockingly recent time no Peter I just

Used every bottle of beer I stole over the last 30 years to refill the Vats you did I always thought my retirement dream would be to move to Oakland but man there’s a buttload of homeless people there but what do you expect giving a lafed politics of a California Democrat

Like Gavin new hey hey buddy buddy I only talk about one politician and that’s me MC cheese oh I’m sorry so I return refilled the beer and I’m taking my old job back back wow 30 years worth of beer in one night that must have taken a

While you know that works out to over 1,500 bottles of beer on the wall which reminds me of a song a one a two damn it Keith go home to your wife she’s totally overwhelmed go on well we learned a lot this week but unfortunately we all then died of carbon

Monoxide poison probably because I took the batteries out of the detector and put them in an old Star Tours visor that lights up was it worth it I don’t know it wasn’t so Great Indoors but it was pretty cool to wear outside at night lot of head nods no conversations but people

Are wicked timid after Co Joe’s the one who found us I think he grabbed some stuff before he called it in I’m going to miss you pal nice star tour y when did you he I’d love to chat but I’m a little timid after Co Foree Foree spe Foree Fore foree fore foree speee Fore Fore For