To learn more about the Laws of Human Nature, check out the other videos in this series:
Subscribe here:
Get Robert Greene’s book – Laws of Human Nature, here:
This video is a summary of Chapter 7 from Laws of Human Nature. The Law of Defensiveness
Soften People’s Resistance by Confirming Their Self Opinion
As social creatures, being able to persuade and influence is one of the most important things we need to do. It is at the heart of everything.
It has a negative connotation because people think about the slimy salesman in the mall trying to sell you hand cream or time shares. But it doesn’t have to be.
We need persuasion skills to get our kids to choose healthy foods over junk. If you need a raise at work, you’re going to need to convince your boss. If you want to go out with that girl, some influence will make that pursuit a whole lot less awkward.
If you agree that persuasion and influence are important skills to have in the society we live in, then it makes sense to be skilled at it.
However, most people go about this in the wrong way.
As much as Donald Trump boasts about strong arming people in negotiations, the goal is to have a collaborative effort. You need the people you are persuading to like you and want to work with you.
People are rigid and resistant to change. In order to influence, First, you have to drop their defenses.
You can start by validating their self opinions. Of which there are 3 universal qualities:
I am autonomous, acting of my own free will
I am intelligent in my own way
I am basically good and decent
Overall, the task is simple. To influence others: confirm people’s self opinion. instill in them a feeling of inner security. Mirror their values, show that you like and respect them, generate an atmosphere of mutual warmth. You’re on their team.
Here are 5 quick strategies to becoming a master persuader:
The first and most important one: Transform yourself into a deep listener. Stop waiting for your chance to talk. Become absorbed in what others have to say.
Infect people with the proper mood. We are susceptible to the moods of others. By feeling excited when you’re meeting someone you’ll communicate to them in a positive way.
Confirm their self opinion. Recall the universal opinions of people and confirm with them that they are autonomous, intelligent, and basically good.
Allay their insecurities – everyone has particular insecurities – whether it be looks, creativity, masculinity, status, uniqueness etc. get a bead on these through the various conversations you have. Use some strategic flattery to praise those qualities that people are most insecure about. It is always better to praise people for their effort, not their talent.
Use people’s resistance and stubbornness. – My mom doesn’t want to go to the gym because after work she has to take care of her dogs. Instead of explaining how important it is that she be healthy, which I’ve done a lot, it’s a better approach to have her agree to take the dogs for an hour long walk every day after work. Then she gets exercise, and she’s still taking care of the dogs.
It’s a little shocking that none of these involve hard negotiation flexes isn’t it. That’s because people conduct business with people they like. Business deals are done on golf courses and at dinners, not in meeting rooms. Collaboration is more effective than strong arming to get what you want.
